All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

Profile

 

So, what are YOU drinking, Frank?
A freshly-brewed, HOT cup of my world-famous coffee...
Isn't it a little WARM down here to be drinking that?
What else can I do? I can't live without a good cup of joe!
Have you ever heard of ICED coffee?
Where in-the-flying-FUCK am I going to find ice cubes in HELL, dumbass?

 

Ready when you are, sir....
Dear Young Scot...
When fuckity-fuck are you going to judge CC: 311? It's been more than a week now! You're holding up the show!! WAKE UP!!!
Love, Crabby!

 

I use my arms to push the wheels on my wheelchair...
So? I don't HAVE arms!
...because my legs don't work!
Who gives a rat's ass! I don't even have LEGS!
Why don't you go FUCK yourself!
Nope ! Ain't got THAT, either!

 

The paramedics are on their way, Gumby!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAA...
But, as far as HOW Pokey got his dick caught in the pencil sharpener...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAA...
How the fuck would I know?
...AAAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

...so, then I says, "Blah blah turbines blah blah gravitons blah blah blah blah themselves!"
Blah!
Okay... Now you're just going through the motions!

 

Hi... My name is Gabe.
Every time I show up in this strip, I get nailed in the NUTS!
I never know when or how it will happen, but I know it's going to happen! I'm surprised it hasn't ALREADY happened! Maybe, just maybe, this'll be the one comic where I DON't get nailed in the nuts..
Don't count on it! (Heh, heh, heh!)

 

Hey, Smelty...
Yo! Wazzup?
We need you for tonight's hockey match...
Well, I'd like to help you, but I can't hold a hockey stick 'cuz I HAVE NO ARMS!
We don't need another player. Fred forgot to bring the pucks, and I was hoping you'd lend us one of your eyeballs...
*sigh*

 

So, who are we on the lookout for this time, Captain Obvious?
The one terrorist who poses the BIGGEST threat for blowing up the world in the next thirty days!
Osama Bin Laden?
No, Finkleberry! CINDY SHEEHAN!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Gee... From this vantage point, the Washington Memorial looks like a huge [gulp] DICK!

 

CRACK!!
CRACK!!
CRACK!!
You can whip me 'til I'm WHITE in the face, Madame Penguin, but I'm STILL going to blow up the world in the next 30 days!
BUTT FUCK!!

 

Damn!
I know it may be redundant saying this...
...but, staring at your tits is giving me a major BONER!
I can see that!

 

Wow! I just let go one, stinky-ass FART!!
I....can't....
.....BREATHE!!
I guess I should lay off roasted peanuts for awhile...
*gasp*

 

You buried ALL 10,000 nuclear weapons evenly throughout the world?
Check!
And, you set the timers so the bombs will explode EXACTLY thirty days from today?
Check!
And, you DID remember to turn the safety switches on EVERY bomb to the "off" position so they will, in fact, EXPLODE?
SHIT!!

 

TOBOR and Shaq teach rape prevention at the local high school...
...but, if all your efforts to escape your attacker fail, then you move on to the next step to prevent a rape...
...and form your hands in a big "O" like so. Then, when the rapist moves his penis towards your crotch, you grab it, and give it a tremendous YANK!!
We will now demonstrate this technique for you... Go ahead and make your move, Shaq!
Okay... But, take it EASY this time!

 

EEEEEEEEEK!!
What's wrong, Vicky?
YOU SPILLED COFFEE GROUNDS ALL OVER MY NEW CARPET!!
Those aren't coffee grounds, if you know what I mean!
AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

 

Hey, Marvin... Did you remember to check the graviton output on those rotor turbines, like I asked you to?
Uhhhh... [hic] Whoopshie! [burrrrrp!]
Listen, you drunken bastard... Remember what I told you if you let the output levels reach critical mass?
Shomething about the world [burp] blowing up [hic] in thirty daysh... Yesh?[braaapppppp!]
Yes.
Well, I guesh we better [hic] bend WAY over and kish [burp] our ashes goodbye!! BRAAAAAAAAAPP!!

 

There's a small town five miles that way, choc full of horny eskimos...
...and, the best part is they'll pay you an extra $100 for anal!
Bitchin'! It's so cold here, their dicks will probably feel like popsicles in my ass!

 

What's this? An EMPTY CHAIR appearing in my front yard out of NOWHERE?
Oh my GOD! That must be the SEVENTH SIGN!! THE WORLD'S GONNA END IN THIRTY DAYS!!!
Uh... I simply fell off the back of a moving van, DIPSHIT!
AND, IT CAN TALK, TOO?? AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

 

Y'know.. Since the world's going to be coming to an end in 30 days, we're going to be down in this bunker for a LONG time...
Just the TWO of us... ALONE... SOLE survivors! What could we possibly DO to pass the time?
Well, for starters... We could re-upholster the couch. Then, paint these walls a much brighter, happier color. After that, we can work on your split-ends, 'cuz girlfriend...DAMN!
Oh, GREAT! I'm spending the rest of my days with the last man on Earth who turns out to be Pepe la FAGGOT!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
This is just a "fix it" ticket for your broken brakelight...
Once you get it replaced, then just go to your local P.D., and have an officer sign off on it... Okay, sir? Sir? Hello..?
Not again! FUCK! [scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch...]

 

This is AMAZING!
It's 800 degrees down here in hell, yet your rectal temperature is barely two degrees above FREEZING!
How is that possible?
I've been smuggling ice cubes up my ass!

 

Professor Snail discovers that the world is going to end in a month...
*pant, pant*
...so, he rushes out the door to warn everone to prepare for disaster!
Come on! Come on!
However, by day 30, he only makes it to the curb, and no one knows what hits them as Earth get nailed by a HUGE asteroid!
SHIT!!

 

Is this how you do it, Captain Obvious?
EGGS-zactly!
So, what does putting our hands on your hips and sticking out your chest have to do with fighting crime?
Absolutely NOTHING!
Well... It's now pretty OBVIOUS to me why crime has gone up 1000% in your sector over the last five years!
And, don't forget to SMILE, too!

 

Hiiiiiiiiii-YA!!
CRASH!!
Okay, Felty... I've kicked the door in. Now what?
Wait here while I go get a warrant...
Can you bring back a chiropractor, too? I think I'm fucking STUCK!

 

"I just cannot believe you are even alive. Your comics are the lamest. Please die and quit wasting my fucking time with your moronic, inane shit...
"You probably think you are really creative. Do you show this drivel to your friends? Are they pathetic like you?
The dialogue for the pile of shit in this comic is a word-for-word transcription of a real PM from a stripper by the name of "MrPersonality". Having a pile of shit play his part seemed appropriate.
Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?
"Woo-Hoo! Fuck off."

 

Hey, dude... Just what are you DOING down there?
I've always been curious to see if you guys wear underwear beneath your kilts...
Oh, god! I really shouldn't have eaten so many BEANS for lunch!
I can't see a damn thing! Have you got a flashlight?
[Braaaaaaaap!]
I...CAN'T......BREATHE!! *gasp*

 

*Bling*
Wow... It worked! I actually made Peter Pan disappear... I'd better re-wave my wand and make him reappear...
*Bling*
?
*Bling*.....*Bling*.....*Bling*....*BLING*.. *BLING*........*BLING*-*BLING*-*BLING*- *BLING*-BLING*-*BLING*-*BLIIIIIIING*...
Oh, SHIT!

 

Hey, boss... Remember about a month ago I told you the world would be ending in thirty days?
Yes.
Well, it's starting! We need to head to the bunker before it's too late!
Not now, Robo!
But...
Leave me alone, dude! I just made it to Level 31 on this new "Space Invaders: San Andreas" game! Oooh, take THAT up the ass, you alien-invader beotch!

 

You say you warned everyone a MONTH ago the world was ending?
Yes.
And, nobody took you SERIOUS?
Nope. They just LAUGHED at me!
Gee... I wonder fucking why!

 

What are you doing, grayface?
I'm killing all the peoples of the world (except the Natives Americans) and destroying all buildings to bring Earth back to the pristine condition it was when we left it a million years ago!
What about the Indian casinos?
Well... I WAS going to leave those intact until I dropped THREE GRAND in Pechanga last week!
Shit!
DIE, FUCKERS! DIE!! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA [glort]

 

Hmmm...
I'm really starting to look like SHIT!
I think I need to drink MORE coffee!

 

Stickboy recieves an anonymous letter in the mail...
...containing pictures of his fiance, Twiggy, having sex with a 300 pound Samoan sporting a twelve-inch dick...
...and reacts accordingly!

 

It's WABBIT season! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
That wascally wabbit is awound here somewhere...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
Oh... Sowwy for bwowing away Pokey by mistake, Gumby!
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

Damn, Jaycee! Did you just konk me on the back of mah head with the top of your crucefix?
Uh...no.
Are you sure?
Yes. I swear to me!
I tell ya... I haven't had a migrane this back since Bubba drove the tractor over mah face!
Ha, ha!

 

*frrrrrpt*
Holy SHIT!
What's that horrible SMELL?
I'm a STINK bug, you moron!
GODDAMN!!

 

*frrrrrpt*
Peeeee-YEW!!
Goddamn, dude! Whatever you just generated, sure don't smell like [*sniff, sniff*]GRAVITONS!
What the fuck are you talking about?
Maybe, I should re-think this whole "switch-grass-as-an-alternative-fuel" proposal...

 

Ow! Ow! Ow!
What's wrong?
You opened the door right into my NUTS, you [oomph]stupid bitch!
Sorry...
Tell that to my swollen 'NADS!

 

Meow?
ZZZZZZZZZZ-snort! What the FUCK?
Meow?
I'm trying to sleep, you stupid cat!
Meow?
GET THE FUCK OFF MY FACE, PUSSY!!

 

Oh my...
Wow... This does NOT look good for Mrs. Bacon!
...GOD!
She just jumped from the frying pan, right into the FIRE!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
That's gotta HURT!

 

Hey, A.C.! Did you here the latest about Brad?
No. Tell me!
Well... [whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper]
Really? I didn't know monkeys were GAY! That's fuggin' HILARIOUS!
I know! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [*snort*]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [*burp*]

 

...010100101010101 01010110111000101 01010101101010101 010101010111011...
...1001001010101110 01010101011111101 01010101011010101 010101010101010...
I've never heard such BULLSHIT in my life!
...110010101101010001 0101010010101110101 0101010101010101110 010101001101011110...

 

Oh...my...GOD!
The rotar turbines have mutated!
There's gravitons EVERYWHERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Will this nonsense ever END?

 

While window shopping at the local mall...
YAAAAAACCK!!
...Vicky walks into Nordstrom Rack and sees the same dress she paid $1000 for at the main store on sale for only $49.95...
YAAAAAACCK!!
...and reacts accordingly!
YAAAAAACCK!!

 

*rrrrr-rrr-rrrrr-rr-r*
*CLANK*
Damn! This giant remote-controlled, robotic bunny is a piece of SHIT!
*sputter*

 

Let's... MOVE OUT!
Where we going, sir?
Over to Walmart to "chop" prices!
Are you NUTS?
Nope.
Good! For a minute there, I thought you were...

 

...so, then I says, "Them rotor turbines won't generate gravitons all by themselves!"
Of course, they will!
No, they won't... I've tried EVERYTHING!
Have you tried reversing the proton induction conversion through semi-irregular pulsations by way of super-conductive vulcanization?
Are you some kind of extra-terrestrial engineer of astro-physics from a far off, advanced civilization?
No... But, I did stay at a "Holiday Inn Express" last night!

 

...so, then I says-
Ah, for fucksakes! Will you puh-LEEEZ give it a rest already!
Cunt.
Whore.
Dyke.
Bitch.

 

Phoebe, or not Phoebe?
That is the question...
Watch me pull a gremlin out of my ASS!

 

Goddamn, Rudolph! Not only is your nose "so bright", it's burning HOT!
So, why the fuckity-fuck did you just stick it in my [oomph] CROTCH?
Ha, ha!
Ow! Ow! Ow!

 

It's always the same...
I'm in a room full of people, yet everyone acts like I'm not even there!
You, too?

 

How do I love thee?
How the fuck would I know?

Showing page 18.

« Previous Next »