All comics by Ranger77

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by Ranger77
10-21-06
Wow. He's quick.
Yeah.
That Pimp is pretty fast too.
They usually are, especially in all those 70's cop shows.
Just of out curiousity where exactly does one get a giant amphibious killer squid?
Ah, that would be telling....

 

by Ranger77
10-22-06
Thanks for helping me out with "The Pimp." We probably won't see him for awhile. I'm thinking we're a pretty good team. Want to stick around and cause trouble?
Sounds interesting. You've got a deal. Let's shake on it.
Um....did you....?
*sigh* Yes, I washed it after I got done with your pimp friend. I may be a bit disgusting but I'm not nasty....

 

by Ranger77
10-26-06
The Kid actually got a giant killer squid to go after "The Pimp." *sigh* It gets more and more surreal around here everyday. But I guess, in the long run, it's ok.
After all this isn't a prison, (or rather an asylum). I shouldn't think of myself as somekind of strict disciplinarian. It's more like a family around here. I love these guys.
Ivy just got married.
Oh CRAP! LOCKDOWN! LOCKDOWN! ALL SECTORS GO TO CONDITION MAGENTA! THIS IS NOT A DRILL....

 

by Ranger77
10-26-06
Don't you think B is overracting to my marriage announcement by implementing a "lockdown."
Your history of celebrating life events is a bit questionable.
I don't think that's entirely true.
On your last birthday you created an army of little metal "death bots" that turned an entire vacant city block in Detroit into a burned out wasteland.
Yes, and no one noticed did they?
That's besides the point.

 

by Ranger77
10-27-06
You know you guys are really focusing on the wrong person. Where's Chuck?
I know where you're going with this. It's my understanding that Chuck is no longer in love with you.
Which is why when I told him I was married he was last seen heading up to the roof with a fifth of Jack Daniels, a bag of Cheetos and the May 2005 issue of Juggs.
Oh, crap.....
Chuck don't do anything stupid, ok?
I already, like, did. I forgot the damn Wet Naps....

 

by Ranger77
10-27-06
Wet Naps?? Well I guess it's encouraging that the only thing that you're really concerned about right now is wiping the 'Cheetos dust' off your hands.
Well, I guess I could use them for that too.
Ew.
Exactly.

 

by Ranger77
10-27-06
Ivy, I'm the last one to give you advice about love an marriage but don't you think you're doing things a bit....weird.
Not weird. Unconventional. I just sent out my registry info and our wishlist after the wedding that's all.
Yeah, I was going to ask about that. You won't be offended if I just give you cash right?
Not at all. Why would I be?
Oh I don't know. I thought that you might be a bit disapointed if no one got you that Predator unmanned attack drone. They're backordered because of the whole 'war' thing.
Actually as long as we get that pickaxe and the His and Her Chainsaw set I'm cool....

 

by Ranger77
10-28-06
I think you should be able to call off this lockdown. Ivy is not doing anything strange. Well, abnormally strange anyway.
And Chuck?
Evidently, that was a misunderstanding. Everyone took his going to the roof with liquor, porn and cheese puffs as a suicide attempt instead of what it was: Lunch.
Disturbing, but I can live with that.
I did see a few of Ivy's DeathBots running around but evidently they were ringbearers from the ceremony.
And you wanted me to call off the lockdown, right?

 

by Ranger77
10-28-06
....SECURE FROM LOCKDOWN....
Hey...I, um, didn't know you were just going to lunch. And thanks for the Model 19 revolver. I'm surprised you remembered.
I'm like cool that way. We settled things a long time ago. You didn't hear me "eep" once.
....SECURE FROM LOCKDOWN....
No, I guess I didn't. So.... I'll see you around, then.
Yep. Either here or on the roof. Just knock first. I might have a real girl up there next time.....
....SECURE FROM LOCKDOWN....
But she probably won't be as special as you.

 

by Ranger77
10-30-06
*sigh*
"Chuck, there's some girl at the front desk here to pick you up. Something about a topless apple bobbing competition."

 

by Ranger77
11-01-06
Hello, fellow Americans! That wise cracking kid isn't here so I thought I would take this moment to talk to you about the upcoming elections.
Things will get better....trust me! I'm sure with your help we can take take back Congress and put this country on the right track!!
Gotcha. You're Republican.
Dammit, not so loud! I'm up for re-election....

 

by Ranger77
11-01-06
We've asked the Democratic candidate after Republican Senator Fecknozzle's seat in Congress to join us today. You may remember that the good Senator was arrested recently for illegal lapdancing.
I'm right here, son and I'm more than happy to talk to you young people today! Change is in the air! We will fix this country!
Heh.
You look like the Republican guy.
And this surprises you....?

 

by Ranger77
11-02-06
I invited that guy who is going after Senator Fecknozzle's seat in Congress to speak for the Dems. He arrived in a pink bunny suit.
That's because the Democrats are perverts son! Didn't you realize this before. Perverts and degenerates!
But Senator, he was dressed like Senator Fecknozzle when he was arrested. Actually he looks like Fecknozzle.
The Democrats are obviously trying to mirror our message to the people! Lord knows they don't have a message of their own.
And that message involves pink bunny suits?
Shit....hold on a moment. I'm getting a bit dizzy.

 

by Ranger77
11-02-06
Meanwhile....
I want you all to know that John Kerry supports you and the American people support you in your pursuit of a college education!
After all of you could be totally fucked and be stationed in Iraq with all the stupid kids who couldn't afford to come here to this fine institution.
Come on....that was a joke about the President and his policies! Don't be so sensitive! How about this: Two Jews and a black guy a walk into a bar....

 

by Ranger77
11-03-06
Boom! Boom! Pow! Pow! Ka-TING! Whoosh! Pow-Pow! Bang! Argh! Bang....!
Things look bad I know. We can fix this with your support next week. Watch....
Wait for it....
Boom! Boom! Pow! Pow! Ka-TING! Whoosh! Pow-Pow! Bang! Argh! Bang....!
See?! GWB is in the hizzie and I approve this message!

 

by Ranger77
11-04-06
I just wanted to check on you. It being an election year I didn't want you to be consumed by cynicism.
No worries I've got it handled. I've got other hobbies besides making fun of politicians. I'm creating a video game.
Now that's interesting.
Yeah. It traces a day in the life of Christian Right Evangelical leader Ted Haggard as he cruises the streets of Denver looking for drugs and gay sex. I call it....
Please, dont say it....
...."GRAND METH BOOTY". I've got to finish it quickly though. Xmas buying season is almost here.

 

by Ranger77
11-04-06
You can't be serious.
Nope. I think it's kinda funny.
You'll be labled a homophobe from the Left and a leftist agitator from the Right. A game like that will NOT sell. So you know what you have to do, right?
Forget the whole thing?
Uh....no. Take out the gay guys, add a bunch of lesbians and set the whole thing in a women's prison.
You know, I feel stupid for not thinking of that myself.

 

by Ranger77
11-04-06
What's wrong?
Well if I change the game, it'll lose it's edge. No social commentary, no cynicism..... It'll just be money making eye candy full of sex and titillation. Is that truly art?
You realize everything you just said was utter and complete bullshit, right?
Of course. I just had to get that out of my head. Lesbians are more cool anyway....

 

by Ranger77
11-04-06
So you want me to make the scenario with the big breasted redhead a bit more intense.
I think so. Have her showing alot of clevage before the player fights her. Her clothing should rip off if the player grapples with her properly.
Also place some mirrors in the cellblock. You know so that the player can see glimpses of "her" own hot sweaty form.
I feel dirty.
Keep thinking of that Escalade you want with the chrome "spinny" wheels and it'll pass...

 

by Ranger77
11-07-06
Nov 7, 2006 2:47pm
Excuse me, I just voted on one of those new electronic touch screen machines.
And you have a question?
Well, more of a comment actually. Before I had even voted, a message appeared on the screen that said "Touch me and despair."
Yes?
Nice touch.
It's one of the little things we do to make the electoral experience more pleasant.

 

by Ranger77
11-07-06
Nov 7, 2006 5:07pm
The complaints are already coming in about the new voting methods in the State of Michigan. Many political groups are worried.
Having a voter fill in a circle and feed it through a device might be too complicated. There is a fear that voters might just circle the selection leading to inaccurate results.
Nov 7, 2006 8:37pm
Son, you realize that despite all the attempts you make in making us seem like idiots, we are only a reflection of the general public.
No argument here....

 

by Ranger77
11-07-06
Nov 7, 2006 10:49pm
The Democrats have captured 9 seats and are over halfway to the point of controlling the House.
It's apparent that the policies of this administration was to blame in some of these losses. One has to wonder what the President is actually thinking right now.
That "Dancin' With The Stars" is a damn good show! Go Joey, go!
I'm sure he's re-thinking his strategy and his legacy surely....

 

by Ranger77
11-07-06
Nov 7, 2006 11:15pm.
This is serious. I need up to the moment reports. I'm really troubled by what I'm hearing.
But Mr. President....accurate news can be hard to obtain on Election Night.
I don't want to hear it. Do you realize what this news means??
Mr. President, people get a divorce all the time.
But I thought she loved K-Fed!! And she's got two little ones. That means she's a single mom!! This is a tragedy!!
I hear the Green Party is hiring. I just gotta learn to like GrapeNuts....

 

by Ranger77
11-08-06
Nov 8, 9:47am
We're not talking about actual seats are we?
Yes we are. And we can't go looking for the ones we lost or buy new ones like you suggested.

 

by Ranger77
11-08-06
Dec 8, 2006 1:45pm
Rummy, you're probably wondering why I called you in here....
Way ahead of you, Boss. I found two chicks: a blonde and an Asian. Totally wild and open minded if you know what I mean. These two can do things with KY Jelly and fresh produce that....
Don, I actually called you in here to ask for your resignation.
But tell me about the jelly again....

 

by Ranger77
11-08-06
Nov 8, 2006 10:47pm
Damn Democrats. Well, at least that election thing is over. What a crappy day.
I just bet those smug bastards are planning their agenda right now....
Ok so it's a plan. Anyone asks about getting out of Iraq I do two flips and you light a sparkler.
That should be enough time to come up with some bullshit about families, the elderly or children. Genius Nancy....PURE genius.

 

by Ranger77
11-09-06
Any particular reason why you're late today.
Hell, yes. It's that guy you've got at the front door....that security guard guy. What a jerk!
I know we got all kinds of threats because those political comics, but is an anal cavity search really necessary??
Um....we don't have anyone doing cavity searches at the front door.

 

by Ranger77
11-09-06

 

by Ranger77
11-09-06
I'm serious. We don't have anyone doing anal cavity searches at the....
I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!

 

by Ranger77
11-15-06
The Logic of OJ Simpson in three panels!
I'm so FREAKING tired of this! Who ate my Filet-O-Fish?
Not me. Wasn't there. The tartar sauce on my shirt is purely circumstantial as is any crumbs you may find as well. I will, however, do everything I can to find the person who DID take it.
I can also tell you how I would go about stealing your sandwich from the break room IF I did do it. Which I didn't.
Ok. Go ahead. Enlighten me.
Let me wash my hands first. I got fish grease all over them.....

 

by Ranger77
11-17-06
We gave up on the women's prison video game. We couldn't get Heidi Fleiss' endorsement.
That's unfortunate. You do have alot of creativity. Are there any other projects you want to do?
I've been wanting to do a badly written adventure show that plays upon the paranoid insecurity of a post 9/11 America and features convoluted plots, dopey mysteries....
.....pseudo science fiction elements and perhaps a main character getting killed off every few episodes.
You saw where I was going with this.
Nice try. But I do think you're getting better at hiding your saracasm.

 

by Ranger77
11-19-06
Ok, let's have it.
You actually made fun of "LOST"??! Are you crazy!?!
Yes. We are.
Fine. If that's the way you want it, I'm putting you on notice. I will file a formal complaint with the Castaway Appreciation Society on Monday. You're in big trouble now.
I don't suppose that club has anything to do with Gilligan's Island does it? I'm only asking because THAT show rocks, unlike that "Lost" bullshit.
You are so hurtful.

 

by Ranger77
11-20-06
I would like to propose that the Castaway Appreciation Society launch a protest against the so called "comic" Ranger's World.
Their cynical comments regarding "Lost" the BEST show ever, has caused me to enter a deep depression.
This morning for example I only logged into five message boards and I haven't updated my fan site since Friday.
Wow, this IS serious....

 

by Ranger77
11-20-06
We cannot stand by and let quality television like "Lost" be trashed by a bunch of insensitive fools. They even said "Gilligan's Island" was a better show.
**COLLECTIVE GASP!!**
Now you realize how serious this has....
But dude, the women on Gilligan's Island were less sweaty and dirty. And they didn't get shot or anything either.
I am alone. Truly alone.
Think about it. Maryann and Ginger versus dirty, sweaty dead chicks.....

 

by Ranger77
11-21-06
Something has to be done. This entire situation is wrong. "Lost" just isn't a show, its a way of life. I will always be devoted to it. I'm sure all of you will be too.
They think us to be 'fanboys.' And yes, I may get a bit passionate about things on internet forums but this is DIFFERENT!
Guys...?
Will you please shut the hell up?? "Galactica" is on.

 

by Ranger77
11-21-06
Meanwhile....
Ok we've got to get our stories straight. Even though the patient was the bastard who was shtupping my wife I didn't try to kill him.
Ok....
After all IF I DID try to kill him I would have just started hacking on him instead of removing his tonsils. I can make money saying that after I get acquitted.
Sorry, Doc. It didn't work for OJ it probably won't work for you either. His book and TV special just got cancelled.
How about: "I was molested by a priest at a young age."
How about: "We used that punchline in a comic about a month ago...."

 

by Ranger77
11-21-06
....so when I took out his tonsils I removed his heart, kidneys and part of his spine. They're calling it "murder" I guess. What are you in here for?
I gave an old man a lap dance. They're calling it "sexual assault." I lost my seat in Congress over this nonsense.
Well...everyone has a story, even if they are a twisted freak.
I agree, you sick sociopathic bastard.

 

by Ranger77
11-21-06
Look, if we're going to be cellmates we're going to have to learn to trust each other. We may be a little warped, but we're still humans.
You're right. I'm going to take a nap. I guess it's silly to be reluctant to close my eyes around you.
Great. I'm not tired myself. I think I'm going to stay up awhile and whack off to these breast reduction surgery photos I smuggled in here. I actually had them up my ass. Funny, huh?

 

by Ranger77
11-22-06
You've got to get me out of here. I'm just a pervert. This guy they put in here is INSANE.
I'm working on it. Your case is pretty serious....that old man is still in therapy.
I don't care. I haven't slept in 26 hours. How can I close my eyes with this guy around??
I see.....um, does he always sing Broadway show tunes when pleasuring himself like that?
Yes.
Wow.

 

by Ranger77
11-22-06
Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain, And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet When the wind comes right behind the rain. Oklahoma, Ev'ry night my honey laAAAHHH!
*hee hee* Wow, that was a good one.
We know we belong to the land And the land we belong to is grand! And when we say Yeeow! Ayipioeeay! We're only sayin' You're doin' fine, Oklahoma! Oklahoma O.K!!!

 

by Ranger77
11-24-06
Nice day out, huh?
Yep.
I hear that after Micheal Richards screamed "nigger" at some hecklers the first thing he did was he call Al Sharpton to apologize and hire a crisis manangement company.
I heard that too.
In contrast when fanboys call someone "nigger" online (safely behind their computer screens), the first thing they do is ask their mom if there's any more Mountain Dew left.
The rich are different than you and I.....

 

by Ranger77
11-24-06
It's funny. Micheal Richards aside, to be edgy and controversial alot of people like using the word "nigger". Even in comics.
I've noticed that. I guess some folks feel using it makes things, um, "spicy."
You know like a bean burrito with Scotch Bonnet/Habernero salsa.
That would give me the shits.
Exactly.

 

by Ranger77
11-25-06
Yes Micheal, we're very effective at taking a "crisis" and turning it around. Damage control, if you will.
Good. Because this is bad. Really bad.
So you got mad during a stand up routine used the "n-word" at some hecklers.
Yes. Several times. And they have it on tape. I need to fix that and get my career back on track.
Dude you're fucked. See ya!
Hey come back here! We can forget about that "career" part.....

 

by Ranger77
11-25-06
I just wanted to say that I'm a n00b, and I'm here tonight to stand up for the rights of other n00bs. I mean uh, all our lives we've been laughed at and made to feel inferior.
Hi, Gilbert. I'm a n00b too. I just found that out tonight. We have news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us then there are of you.
Ready? No one's gonna really be free until n00b persecution ends.
Yeah. Let's do this. "Clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands. We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. We come here online tonight to do our show for you...."
Chaingun?
Chaingun.

 

by Ranger77
11-26-06
What's wrong?
I was just thinking that attacking some folks because they are n00bs with big mouths isn't right. I mean everyone was a newbie at some time.
I see....
If I just stop my assault right now I will be doing the right thing. I can make a difference and stop the madness. Ultimately it may benefit society.
Sure. Keep in mind this is the same society that will probably call those idiots who heckled Micheal Richards heroes and give them a talk show.
You're right. Fuck it. Die N00B, DIE-DIE-DIE!!!

 

by Ranger77
11-27-06
So you're saying I need to ensure a postive legacy by building a library and starting a "think tank."
Yes Mr. President. It will be an expensive undertaking. We have to concentrate on fundraising to woo "major" donors. "Major" means $20 million dollars or more.
20 Million dollars?!? Who has that type of money to donate??
Well, most American donations will be under that amount. "Minor" ones, if you will. "Major" donors will comes from a solid source. Trust me....
I told you people not to call me at dinner time!
But Ahmed, if we can take a pledge from you right now we'll send you a OFFICIAL "Bush Buddy" tote bag absolutely FREE!

 

by Ranger77
11-28-06
These A-rabs are causing me alot of trouble Condi.
It is a difficult situation Mr. President.
Tell those "sons a bitches" to stabilize that damn country and stop fighting. I am the leader of the most powerful nation in the free world. They have to respect that....
Well...
You can tell 'Bushie' to STFU and that he can kiss my ass and make me a fish sandwich.
Um....okay. Grouper or Cod?

 

by Ranger77
11-29-06
I swear those A-rabs aren't takin' me seriously. It's like they think I'm an idiot or something.
Take that delegation from Saudi Arabia today. They just kept laughing and whispering to themselves.
And they never did give me that "hertz donut" they kept talking about. They just kept hitting me in my arm. What the hell was THAT all about??
Yo, Bushie. You got Limbaugh's cell number? I feel like some ass kissin' dittos today....

 

by Ranger77
12-01-06
It's down the hall and to the left.
Ok. Thanks. Any chance that....
I'm afraid not. We don't have any openings.
Ok...
And before you ask, I have no idea how Rosie O'Donnell ended up in our offices.
Actually I was going to ask you why she's went into the Men's room.

 

by Ranger77
12-01-06
900!
This "thing" you have against "The View" is getting a bit silly.
I haven't even started yet....

Showing page 18.

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