All comics by edoggydog

 

by edoggydog
10-11-06
Hey, Jesus...
Oh, why do you TORTURE me so, Captain Obvious?
What's your HANG up, dude?
SIGH!!!!
Jesus, what a little BITCH!
I heard that, fuckface!

 

by edoggydog
10-11-06
Tonight, our heroes sing their version of Alan Parsons I Wouldn't Want to Be Like You...
♫ If, I had a mind to... ♫
♫ ...I wouldn't wanna think like JEWS! ♫
♫ If, I had time to... ♫
♫ ...I woulddn't wanna talk to JEWS! ♫
(Apparently, they don't like JEWS!)
♫ I don't care what they do... ♫
♫ ...I wouldn't wanna be like JEWS! ♫

 

by edoggydog
10-12-06
Where are you, Captain Obvious?
I'm at the supermarket, Jesus...
Great! Do me a favor and see if they have any ripe avocados. I want to make some guacamole for tonight's party...
Sure. HANG on a minute, and I'll go find out...
SIGH!!!!!!!!!!
What?

 

by edoggydog
10-12-06
We're all set for tonight's party, Jesus!
Cool.... What activities do you have planned, Captain Obvious?
Well... I thought about starting with a rousing game of HANGman, and then we could go outside and and play la CROSSe!
THAT'S FUCKING IT!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Forgive me father, for I have sinned...

 

by edoggydog
10-13-06
I'm almost finished writing my first movie script...
Groovy!
The story is about a young woman...
...who happens to be on the "rag".
Oh, cool... It's a PERIOD piece!

 

by edoggydog
10-13-06
...and, then they crucified me, which was pure TORTURE!
Y'know what I mean, mang?
Actually, I do...
How so?
I was drawn and quatered once!

 

by edoggydog
10-17-06
Oh, look... Mrs. Pennynipple is washing her cat again! I just love the smell of wet PUSSY!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I was at the driving range today, and there was this guy hitting balls kind of awk-wardly . I asked him if he thought about taking lessons, and he said he already is...
So..?
So, I then asked him if his teacher actually let's him swing the club like THAT! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA [*snort*]
Were you BORN an asshole, or did you have to work at it?

 

by edoggydog
10-18-06
♫ Happy days are [*hic* ] BEER again... ♫
♫ The shkies above are [*burp* ] BEER again... ♫
♫ Let ush shing a shong of [*hic* ] BEER again... ♫
♫ Happy days are BEER again! ♫ BRAAAAAAAAPP!!
Sho..? What do you think of my [*hic* ]SHONG??
Groo-*hic*-VEE!

 

by edoggydog
10-23-06
Wetbacks- er, ILLEGAL ALIENS are doing the jobs Americans won't do...
Finish the sentence, dude!
...at those WAGES.
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-23-06
How did THAT asshole get in?
I thought I told you to nail the door shut, STICKBOY!
I DID!!
What the FUCK??
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-23-06
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was a WHORE like me? ♫
Groovy!
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was [*hic* ] DRUNK like me? ♫ BRAAAAAAPPP!!
Groovy!
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend had an ASS like me? ♫
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-23-06
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT like me? ♫
Groovy!
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was COOL like me? ♫
Groovy!
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was DUMB like me? ♫
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-24-06
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was FLY like me? ♫
Groovy!
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was THIN like me? ♫
?
♫ Don't you wish your girlfriend was THE BOMB like- ♫
Ahhh... FUCK THIS!!

 

by edoggydog
10-26-06
...then, I says, "Boards don't hit back!"
Groovy!
But, you know what REALLY chaps my ass? When I was de-clawed, I got calls from the ASPCA and PETA asking me if I wanted to press charges against my owner for such cruelty to animals...
Wow.
However, when I got my nuts sawed off, not one PEEP from those so-called, animal-loving assholes!
I had mine removed voluntarily... Claws, that is...

 

by edoggydog
10-26-06
...and that's why I started to putting humus, instead of cheese, on my saltines!
Groovy!
Riddle me this... I saw an ad for "dental implants". I mean, who the hell would want to attach fake titties to their teeth? STOOOOOOPID!!
Dental implants are permanent false teeth, feather-face!
Oh. Never mind.
Hmmm.... Just imagine if they COULD attach fake titties to teeth! Hubba, hubba!!

 

by edoggydog
10-29-06
Well... I'm off to the bachelorette party, honey. Be back in a few hours...
Groovy!
(Later that evening...)
Okay... Who wantsh to try and throw [*hic* ] ringsh around my COCK? BUUUURRRRRPP!!
Oh my!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
Oh...YESSSSSS!SHOVE THAT BIG AMERICAN COCK UP ASS, BIG BOY!!
I just loves me Asian ladyboy porn! [*FWAP* *FWAP* *FWAP* *FWAP* ]

 

by edoggydog
10-29-06
I needed to pee earlier...
So, I had a choice between the litter-box next to me, or my owner's basket of clean laundry in his bedroom...
I opted for what makes the most logical sense to me...
[*sniff* *sniff* ] What the hell? Why do my clothes smell like urine? Ah, FUCKING CAT!!

 

by edoggydog
10-29-06
Today, I wanted to lick my nuts...
...but, then I remembered my owner had them sawed off two years ago!
So, I took a MAJOR dump on his new duvet cover!
HEY!!

 

by edoggydog
10-29-06
Some people say we cats suffer from narcolepsy...
Well, I say those people (*yawn* ) are full of shi-ZZZ...
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

by edoggydog
10-30-06
Some people say we cats are easily distracted...
Nothing could be farther from the- Oh, look... A FLY!
(Two hours later...)

 

by edoggydog
10-30-06
My owner thought it would be a good idea to leave the TV on while he was at work, tuned to that cable channel that shows nothing but butterflies and birds flying around...
I wish he wouldn't do that.
Today, alone, I smashed my face thirteen times leaping head-first at the screen!

 

by edoggydog
10-31-06
Hmmm... It's three in the morning. I better get ready...
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
[*ahem* ]
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!!
ZZZZZZZZ-*snort* What the FUCK?? SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT!!

 

by edoggydog
10-31-06
Hmmm... It sounds like my owner is walking around his bedroom in the dark.
What the fu -AAAAAAAAAAAA!!
[CRASH!! ]
My work's done here...
WHY DON'T WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT??

 

by edoggydog
10-31-06
♫ Here, kitty-kitty ♫
Here, KITTY-KITTY!
P'shaw! As IF!
COME HERE, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT!!

 

by edoggydog
11-01-06
People say we cats are stupid because we don't come when called. The fact of the matter is we don't answer to anyone because we are completely INDEPENDENT!! And, um... Hold on...
MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!!
OKAY! OKAYY!! I'LL HAVE YOUR DINNER READY IN A MINUTE, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT!!
Anywayz... Where was I? Oh, yeah... We cats are very independent, and...

 

by edoggydog
11-01-06
You know what really chaps my ass?
When other cats lick my bung-hole, making it wet, and leaving it air-dry and crack!
Not that I'm complaining, mind you...

 

by edoggydog
11-01-06
You know what else chaps my ass?
Extra-absorbant kitty-litter!
Oh, and people who think Pink Floyd is a gay redneck...

 

by edoggydog
11-02-06
Last week, I flew on one of those 747 airplanes- y'know, the ones with blinky lights, and rockets for engines... Well, Kevin Sorbo was sitting there...
*sniff*
...next to a bearded lady with tattoos, looking like he just sucked on a whole bag of sour balls. He was about to open up a can of whoop-ass, when in walks Al Pacino!
What the HELL..?
I realize none of this is funny, but I'm trying to win that stoopid-ass CC: 336!
Why does it smell like farting unicorns in here? YOU'VE DRUNK FROM THE TOILET AGAIN, HAVEN'T YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT??

 

by edoggydog
11-04-06
Whenever I do something my owner deems "bad", he squirts me in the face with water...
...which really has no effect at all...
...because I'm into (ahem ) "watersports"!

 

by edoggydog
11-04-06
My owner has been trying to get me to take my hairball medicine, but I won't have any-thing to to with it! He's even tried mixing it in with my food to no avail...
Today, he had the idiotic idea of smearing the medicine all over my asshole... Imagine that!
Unfortunately, however, it worked...

 

by edoggydog
11-06-06
Since, squirting me with water wasn't working as a punishment, my owner decided to try using compressed air! It didn't work, of course, because I'm into...
...wait for it...
(Thanks to ivytheplant for the inspiration...)
..."blowjobs"!

 

by edoggydog
11-06-06
Last night, the cute, little Persian next door asked me to kiss her in a "smelly spot"...
So, I took her to my litterbox and kissed her!
Yeah, I know... But, I don't write this shit. I just show up and read my lines!

 

by edoggydog
11-06-06
Oh, yeah! YEAH!! That feel so fucking GOOD!!!
?
That's it! Keep it going! Don't STOP!! DON'T STO- what the FUCK?? GET THE FUCK OUT!!!
CAN'T A GUY JACK OFF WITHOUT HIS STUPID FUCKING CAT LICKING HIS ASSHOLE??
You just can't please some people!

 

by edoggydog
11-07-06
Oh, God... [*urp* ] I think I ate WAY too much Meow Mix! I think I'm going to be SICK...
[ YAAAACCCKKK!! ]
*Whew!* I feel much better!
WHAT'S THIS? AH, FOR THE LOVE OF... IF YOU HAD TO BARF, DID YOU HAVE DO IT ON MY BRAND NEW $500 TREO, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT??

 

by edoggydog
11-09-06
Today, I heard someone say the Republicans lost the election because they're a bunch of "pussies"...
I find that very OFFENSIVE!
I mean... Who wants to be compared to those weak-ass dickheads?

 

by edoggydog
11-13-06
I just don't "get" Garfield...

 

by edoggydog
11-18-06
♫ Felix the cat / The wonderful, wonderful cat / Whenever he gets in a fix / He reaches into his bag of tricks... ♫
♫ Felix the cat / The wonderful, wonderful cat / You'll laugh so much your sides will ache / Your heart will go pit-a-pat / Watching Felix the cat! ♫
Damn! I can't get that fucking song out of my head...

 

by edoggydog
11-18-06
...then, I says, "Try lubing it up first."
Groovy!
HURRY, MAJOR I-DON'T-GIVE-A-SHIT! THE ORPHANAGE IS ON FIRE AND THERE ARE CHILDREN TRAPPED INSIDE!!
Yeah..? And..?
Where was I? Oh, yeah... Then, she says to me...
?

 

by edoggydog
11-18-06
Dad, I'm home...
Yeah..? And..?
I aced my final in biology!
Really? I'll alert the fucking media!
You're such a an ASSHOLE, dad!
Oh, are you gonna cry, you big pussy?

 

by edoggydog
11-29-06
I kept scratching my owner's leather couch...
...so he had me declawed.
Thank god he didn't have me "de-teethed"!
Why are there bite marks all over my new pair of Kenneth Cole shoe- AHHHH, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU STUPID, FUCKING CAT!!

 

by edoggydog
11-29-06
So, this is what it's like OUTSIDE!
GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THE HOUSE, YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT!!

 

by edoggydog
11-30-06
...and, that's why I can no longer sit down when I pee!
Groovy!
Anyways... I'm off to go play "skins" with my golf buddies... Wish me LUCK!
Good LUCK!
(The next day at the bar...)
How'd you do?
Not well.

 

by edoggydog
11-30-06
...and that's why I can no longer sit down when I shit!
Groovy!
Well... I'm off to play "skins" with my buddies!
Good LUCK!
(Next day at the bar...)
Looks like you didn't do so well playing GOLF yesterday...
Golf???

 

by edoggydog
12-05-06
Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
Praise Allah?!?
Groovy!
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
12-14-06
So... What do you think of some of the new backgrounds I've added?

 

by edoggydog
12-14-06

 

by edoggydog
12-14-06
W-w-w-w-well?
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
12-14-06
...and, then she said, "One final thrust and that outta do it!"
Groovy!
Anyhoo... Did you here about all these people that contracted E. coli from eating Taco Bell. They know this because right after eating, they immediately had a MAJOR case of the "shits"!
You know what that means, right?
What?
I've been contracting e. coli from Taco Bell for YEARS!

 

by edoggydog
12-20-06
Santa! What in the blue-balled dickens are you doing on the set of a gay "scat" porno film?
Same as you, Captain Chimp... Or, should I say, "Captain Spanker"? I need a hernia operation...
Groovy!
What the FUCK?
What the hell are you doing here? Can't you see we're in the middle of a comic?
Sorry! I was just trying to figure out how biped comes up with his warped ideas...

 

by edoggydog
12-29-06
My girlfriend says I have a "potty mouth"...
Not, because I swear a lot...
...but, because I let her pee in it!

Showing page 18.

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