All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
4-10-07
I have always admired Hitler.
What the HELL?
I'm a SNAIL? A SNAIL?
I have been turned into a SNAIL? How am I supposed to be Nick The Hood and a SNAIL at the same TIME? I JUST WANNA KNOW THAT!
I been watching you.

 

by BobRogers
4-10-07
nick The Hood has suffered a small character alteration...
Listen, Jesus turned me into a Snail. I can't be a snail. Nobody will respect a Grim Reaper who is a snail.
What do you want me to do about it? I mean, dude, he's JESUS. Dude has super powers.
Jesus turned me into a SNAIL! There must be some Union rule that prohibits this.
I know it doesn't look like it, but actually, I am laughing my ass off.
Dave! Thank goodness you're here. Jesus turned me into a SNAIL! You seem to be able to persuade people to do stuff. Can you help me?
Who's Jesus?

 

by BobRogers
4-11-07
President Vincente Fox of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the next Summer Olympics .
He said that, "Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country."
What?
I'm waiting for Johnny Carson to stop spinning in his grave.

 

by BobRogers
4-12-07
I made a VIDEO of myself shaving. Then I made one of me washing my ass with a pink towel.
Then I made a video of me brushing my tooth. Tomorrow, I will make a video of me putting on my shirt. Watch out Quenton Tarentino...
What are you waiting for, God? Just kill me now.

 

by BobRogers
4-12-07
Nick The Hood, during a dangerous mission for The Prince Of Darkness, has been morphed into a snail by Jesus. Life as a snail is very different from that of a cool Grim Reaper...
???
Love!
Running away, albeit, not quickly...
Broken heart

 

by BobRogers
4-13-07
The Doc and Dave Connection...
Post personal information and you are gone forever.
Give me the information you have concerning who gave you forbidden information and I will forgive you for posting personal information.
Post personal information and you are gone forever.

 

by BobRogers
4-14-07
Nick The Hood (in snail form) engages an attorney to negotiate his reanimation to Reaperness...
... so basically, all you have to do is renounce your allegance to Satan and you're good to go.
You mean I have to give up being friends with Dave?
No, Dave is the Anitchrist. I am talking about Satan, you know, dude in Hell you signed up with to trick Muslims...
Can I still trick Republicans?
Sure. Why not? everyone else does.
Where do I sign?

 

by BobRogers
4-15-07
Feed me, Seymour!
You're not seymour.
Mmmmmmmmmm. Escargot is tasty.

 

by BobRogers
4-16-07
... so in order to finally return to being my old lovable self from being a snail, I had to be dressed in buttered garlic and eaten by a carniverous plant.
Wow. That's quite an adventure you had there. But you're safe now, right?
... from everything except falling sperm whales.

 

by BobRogers
4-16-07
You wanted to see me, Boss?
Yeah, Nick. I'm afraid there's some bad news. There have been some budget cutbacks and I have to lay some characters off.
WHAT? Why me? I took one for the team. I got changed into a snail, eaten by a mutated Venus Flytrap and squashed by a falling sperm whale...
Relax. Relax. I just need for you to deliver a message for me, that's all.
Listen, Monty... I got some bad news and it's nothing personal ...
I need a smoke

 

by BobRogers
4-16-07
Monty! What are you doing over here with the po' folks? Thought you were tearing it up with Nick The Hood.
Got laid off.
Really? Why is that?
I called IAC's family "Nappy Headed Ho's." Next thing I know, my bit is cut, my gig is toast and here I am with no smoke to toke
Not really, right?
Ask The Hood. He pinked me

 

by BobRogers
4-17-07
I thought about it and I've decided that I am not going to let you cut me from the strip.
But you just can't go around calling Canadians "Nappy Headed Ho's." It's undignified and politically incorrect.
It's a freedom of speech thing though. Can't you see that? Freedom of speech muct be protected at all cost!
I see your point. So who do we lay off in your place?
Listen, Duck... I've got some bad news...
Jump for duck HATES bad news.

 

by BobRogers
4-17-07
Liar, Liar PANTS on FIRE!
I SO have to find out how she does that.

 

by BobRogers
4-18-07
I haven't seen you around here before.
I used to be the Branch Manager at Enterprise Rent A Car until I hired Dave to wash and drive.
Now look at me. I'm just a shattered shadow of my former self after only a year of supervising the poster boy for the insane.
So what are you doing now?
I sell straight jackets for "Secure Straight Jackets, INC." out of Sarasota. And I moonlight as a cartoon character.

 

by BobRogers
4-18-07
I got a text message that you wanted to speak with me...
Yeah. I'm supposed to let you know that the cancellation of the toon series Nick the Hood has been cancled.
My cancellation has been cancled? That's pretty good news.
Not only has your cancellation been cancled, but the strip series has been made sticky as well.
Somebody left it in Dave's room, right?
You guessed it perfectly.

 

by BobRogers
4-19-07
Dave is expelled from Stern Shrine until the first of the month. Everybody is on vacation. This is boring.
I need to find a soul to steal.
God. Dave's former girlfriend. Just my luck...
You a scary man, you know that?

 

by BobRogers
4-24-07
Doc has completely lost his mind.
He runs a mesage board for Howard Stern Fans. You don't think that needing therapy is already a given?
It's just that he has had more chances to get rid of Dave than Walmart has dollars.
This world is not about Dave, NEVER about Dave. You worry too much about retards.
Meanwhile, at Happy Acres...
You know, when they take me out of this straightjacket, I am immediately going to log on to the Stern Shrine Message Board.
You don't get anally probed with cattle prods enough in here?

 

by BobRogers
4-24-07
The Stern Shrine is a racist message board.
What is thy point, English?
Every other post is "nigger" this and "nigger" that. It's offensive.
Remember, pilgrim, when thee first discovered thy penis, how new and fun to play with it was?
Ummm yeah.
Well, the word "nigger" is much the same to white people. Just think of them as playing with their penises and thou'll do fine.

 

by BobRogers
4-24-07
Uhhh, Dave, did you know that drinking 1 oz of penguin piss will add 3 inches to your penis size?
Naw, dude, it's for real. I read it on Wickipedia.com.
Outta here
"Boogie Nights," here comes Dave!
Now what?

 

by BobRogers
4-24-07
Jesus, you are a nigger.
That's true, my son.
You are a jew, a spic, a wop, a pollack, a catholic, a redneck, a wetback and a commie pinko spy.
Those are just words, my son. You think they give you power buy quite the opposite, they make yo look stupid.
Jesus, you are a Canadian.
Now hold up, bucko

 

by BobRogers
4-25-07
Nobody listens when Doc says, "Don't mess with the Gatekeeper...
So you are the asshole, screen name "I Am A Canadian," eh? You look like a clown to me.
J-J-Janet? I didn't know you even appeared in stupid comic strips.
For you, I made an exception. Now BURN IN HELL, Canadian
... and the next thing I know, I'm here in Hell. Are you listening, Hood? Uhhh, Hood? You are Nick The hood aren't you?

 

by BobRogers
4-26-07
So you're gonna send Doc $200 for your Stern Shrine membership?
I'm only doing that to piss off Dave.
You're gonna send Doc $200 to piss off Dave?
Bet it would REALLY piss off Dave if you gave me $300.
Nice theory, Albert. Now moving on to the REAL world.

 

by BobRogers
4-26-07
Meeting in the "blue Screen Room...
I am confused.
What are you confused about, my soon to be deceased friend?
Well, you LOOK like Nick the Hood, and yet there are subtle differences that I cannot quite put my finger on.
Penis is still the same size.
Not putting any fingers on that anyhow.
Wasn't going to allow you to.

 

by BobRogers
4-26-07
Uhhhhh. Wait a second. Did you say SOON TO BE DEAD?
Definitely. Sure. Dead. Soon.
Ok, I get that you are a badass and everything but what gives with the death sentence? You can't just say that and walk away.
Sure I can.
Sperm whales whistle when they fall, splatter when they hit the gtound and smush what they fall on. It's basic physics.

 

by BobRogers
5-01-07
Been to the movies I see, judging from the popcorn on your shirt.
Yeah. I went to see that Nicolas Cage Film, "Next." It was about a tinhorn magician in las Vegas who can see two minutes into the future.
Heck I can do that. Watch out for the sperm whale.
What sperm whale?
Two minutes later...
Ye unbelievers.

 

by BobRogers
5-02-07
You think it's too soon to compare Dave to that nut case that shot up Virginia Tech?
Depends. Are you going to make a lame joke out of it or warn everybody to stay away from Dave.
The second thing, because he displays the same psychotic and sadistic characteristics as a serial shooter?
So then if you do that, won't Dave immediately become enraged and find you and kill you?
How about that NASCAR race at Talladega
Dude, you SO spelled Talladega wrong.

 

by BobRogers
5-03-07
What happened to our web site?
Sperm whale fell on it.
A web site is an digital projection of a series of 0's and 1's and cannot be destroyed in that manner.
It was a digital sperm whale.
OK. I see your point.

 

by BobRogers
5-03-07
Sometimes it's fun to sit here on this side of the park and enjoy the trees, and birds, the peace and quiet .
No interruptions. Serenity...
Then again ...
I SOOO wanna be Spiderman. Why draw me like this? DRAW ME AS SPIDEY!

 

by BobRogers
5-06-07
I spent all day today watching ripped movies at Circuit City on High Def Wide screen TV.
I even watched Spiderman 3 after it was downloaded from the Internet to one of the computers out on the show room floor and the burnt to plastic.
Who's kidding who.? They keep makin 'em and we just keep stealing 'em. Take a guess who's going to win THIS arguement.

 

by BobRogers
5-09-07
My system crashed today.
I spent $1500 for a killer game machine with a radical graphics card and a 24 Inch Plasma Screen Monitor...
A $1.25 cooling fan locked up, motherboard overheated, CPU chip melted and the subsequent fire burned down the house. Life sucks.

 

by BobRogers
5-11-07
When did they put a bench in this part of the park?
I dunno. They kinda move them around a little. What can I say?
Been to see the new Spiderman yet?
Nah. It's got legs. Everybody and their granny is going. I hate standing in line.
Yeah. I know what you mean. I keep rolling over people's feet.
That's gotta hurt.

 

by BobRogers
5-13-07
Dave is giving all psychotics a bad name.
How do you figure?
He babbles mindlessly on the message board, obsessively going on and on about Nick The Hood and Mike H. until people just want to strangle him.
Isn't that what all psyochotics with narcissistic tendencies do?
Um... yeah.
Based on your assessment then, he is no worse than anyone else on The Shrine.

 

by BobRogers
5-21-07
Why are we inside the cave?
Because Jack Baur's father is dead and Hiro stabbed Syler.
Dude, that's TV, it's not real. It's "24" and "HEROS." Next you'll be telling me that The Ori are all dead and the galaxy is safe.
Wait for it ...
The distinctive sound of falling sperm whales and crashing Peterbilts waft through the entrance of the cave...
OK. I admit that a cool cave on a hot day can be a godsend.
It's just a question of timing.

 

by BobRogers
5-24-07
Have you seen the new film, "Pirates Of The Carribean - At World's End?"
Yarrgghh.
And did you find it to be enjoyable, exciting, entertaining and generally not bad?
Yarrgghh.
So you will see it again and again over the course of the summer?
Actually, 168 minutes of "pirate tomfoolery" is quite enough. But feel free to indulge, and try that new energy drink with popcorn!

 

by BobRogers
5-27-07
Have you ever seen an intelligent message on the Stern Shrine Message Board?
Couple of years ago I read something that almost made sense.
Really?
Yeah. But then I woke up and discovered it was all just a dream.
Yep.
Yep.

 

by BobRogers
7-11-07
Hi, Gargoyle.
Hi, Sister Mary. Why the long face? Church going out of business?
Nah, nothing so drastic. It's Dave. He's either on drugs or has lost his marbles completely.
I wouldn't be concerned, Sister. He's always been 20 cards shy of a deck.
I know. But if he posts my phone number on the message board, he'll be banned forever.
You say that as if it were a bad thing.

 

by BobRogers
7-12-07
Artie's Talking Gut... Haven't seen you in a coon's age! Wazzup?
Well, I was just reading # 20 in this series and wondered - if no one writes intelligent posts here on the shrine, why come back?
A lot of it has to do with drama. People return to see what outrageous new thing has happened.
So you characterize the Stern Shrine Forum as a haven for unintelligent drama?
Yeah. But mostly I like to mess with Dave's mind.
Thought so.

 

by BobRogers
7-12-07
Britmore says to tell you that you suck.
What? Why? And why does he need Kevin Costner dressed like Robin Hood to deliver this message?
He says to tell you that you suck because there is no character for him in your toon series and he is miffed.
Miffed?
Yeah. Miffed. Now would you make him a character? Because right now, he is attached to my spine and the tentacles hurt.
I'm on it, Kev...

 

by BobRogers
7-12-07
I AM NOT FAT, YOU ASSHOLE!
Cripes! Another one! Who are you again?
I am Artie's Talking Gut and I am trying to tell you that I am NOT FAT!
You're DRUNK!
Now you get it.

 

by BobRogers
7-13-07
Stuck in "The Hole" for one day so far, Dave sturggles to remain lucid...
I hate being stuck in this stupid room with no one to talk to.
I wouldn't exactly say no one. There's always me, Melvin the Midget.
THERE IS NO MIDGET!
Dave, I'm 50% shorter than you are and you are only five foot four. I think that makes me a midget.
There is no such thing as midgets.

 

by BobRogers
7-14-07
Dude, you look like some vietnamese guy just ate your cat. What's wrong?
It's Stern Shrine, man. Going there is like taking a bath in acid. Everybody hates everybody. Everybody attacks everybody. It's a f###ing war zone.
It's a message board. What do you expect, kindness and cookies?
Guess I shouldn't. It's just so venomous. That's the reason I stopped going there once before. Why do something that isn't fun?
I think your expectations are too high.
Yeah. You're probably right. After all, the place is a monument to vociferous hatred and racism. Wy worry?

 

by BobRogers
7-14-07
Nick The Hood. Back from the Middle East so soon? How ya been?
Yeah. Just got back from collecting the souls of Muslim Suicide Bombers. What a buncha maroons that lot are!
I see that you've been posting pretty regularly on the Shrine forum.
Yeah. They let me put an iPhone on my expense account. It actually helps me collect souls faster.
Really? You get good service on AT&T? Incredible!
Nah. A guy hacked the thing for me. I have it running boodteg on Sprint. Unlimited minutes and free texting. Sweet.

 

by BobRogers
7-15-07
Recruiters - everywhere there are recruiters...
You should join the Death Squad.
I don't think so. It's not really my thing. I'm not much of a joiner.
If you're not for us then you are against us.
I'm not really against anybody. I am a live and let live kinda guy.
You should join the Jihaad. Strapping a bomb vestto your chest and blowing up infidels is a fun way to spend the summer.
Sigh.

 

by BobRogers
7-16-07
Why do I always seem to find myself talking to you? I don't even know who you are.
I am J. Gargoyle, one of the great mysteries of Loretta's World.
What relevance do you have to The Death Squad, to me, Nick the Hood, and to The Shrine in general, where these toons are posted?
Remember that guy Basil Exposition in the Austin Powers movies?
Aw, HELL no!
Yep. That's me, the natural bridge between story lines, the yin to everybody's yang. I am important.

 

by BobRogers
7-17-07
I demand that you reinstate the Nick The Hood Strip and immediately start a new Nick The Hood thread on the forum!
Then you'll be wanting to speak with my Vice President In Charge Of "Gitter Done."
Damn skippy I do. Fetch him and be snappy about it.
I'll just go get him and send him over.
You bellowed?

 

by BobRogers
7-19-07
Before a sperm whales falls to ground from outer space down onto Loretta's World, there is a brief period of reflection and contemplation...
I was not and now, I am.
I float in deep space, not knowing the purpose of my existance...
...then suddenly I begin to move downward and I falllllllllllllll...
Gravity is not my friend.

 

by BobRogers
7-19-07
...and lo, God walked across the face of the land, which was dark because of it being at night...
I am forgetting something. I know I am forgetting something. But what?
Falllllllliiiinnnnggg!!!!!
Oh yeah. Illegally parked the sperm whale.

 

by BobRogers
7-22-07
You look like Lord Voldemort
What?
Voldemort. You look like Voldemort from the Harry Potter movie. Are you an evil wizard who wants to rule the world?
Wise acre kid.

 

by BobRogers
7-23-07
How do you like my goatee thing?
What? Are you talking to me, Dave?
Of course I am. I just finished posting the mesiest bedroom in America onto the Internet and I wanna know, how do you like my goatee thing?
I'll show you...
Burn, baby, BURN!

 

by BobRogers
7-23-07
Hi scary guy. I wanted to tell you that I didn't understand that last cartoon at all.
What are you telling me for? I don't write 'em.
Are you going to turn me into a piller of fire now?
I want to. I sooo want to
I'll take that as a no. Bu-bye scary guy.
How humiliating

Showing page 19.

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