All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
3-23-07
Your bro is running his game every saturday now. He's trying to steal your players because you got fed up with his bad DMing and letting his friend have broken characters.
He can have those jerks. They're rude, obnoxious, and incompetent. I'd rather have my Saturdays free than deal with them if they play into his pettiness.
I'M one of your saturday players.
Your point?

 

by HCRoyall
3-23-07
'ello?
Hi. Just wanted to say I'm not going to play into your game o' spite, what with trying to steal my players.
I just wanted to ask: How can you get to the Outpost when you don't drive and you have no money for gas for other people?
...
I mean, esecially since I refuse to play alongside Ryan anymore and I was the only person giving you a ride?

 

You'd think deer wouldn't be quick to file malpractice suits. You'd be wrong.
by HCRoyall, 3-23-07

 

by HCRoyall
3-23-07
Anything more on that Chinese baby you ordered off eBay?
The new little shit got here yesterday. So far the wife hasn't noticed, thanks to the tranquilizers I put in her food.
How're the two wee ones getting along?
Like oil and water really. You can't leave them alone together for any amount of time.
Well, you know how well communists and capitalists get along anyway.
I figure they'll both calm down after they're neutered.

 

by HCRoyall
3-24-07
So I hear the little tyke has learned how to walk.
Yeah, then he started running.
They grow up so fast, eh?
At least I found a way to get some use out of all his energy. I shackled the little shit to a treadmill powering my house.
How's that working out for you?
I have to stop what I'm doing and crack the whip whenever the lights start dimming, but so far pretty good.

 

... You come back from a long hiatus and the only thing the new people say is: "Hey! It's that guy who felches gorrilas!"
by HCRoyall, 3-25-07

 

by HCRoyall
3-25-07
So your wife is divorcing you to hook up with a younger guy?
It was a kick in the groin to find out.
Man, how does that sort of thing happen?
Thinking back, I should have seen it coming when she wanted customized wedding vows...
... and do you Susan, promise to love your husband, in health, wealth, and fitness, or until a better model comes along?
I Do.

 

by HCRoyall
3-25-07
Okay, that's your turn, Jeff. Next is the monster's turn.
::snatch:: ::grab::
Okay, I...
Where the hell did my dice go?!
We know nothing.
We know nothing.

 

The real Highway to Hell isn't nearly as fun as the song.
by HCRoyall, 3-26-07

 

Ralph never believed us about the man-eating prairie chicken. Poor Ralph.
by HCRoyall, 3-26-07

 

Dog-On-Ball's secret home life.
Now for a brandy and a relaxing sit with the paper. I do hope my stocks are doing well.
by HCRoyall, 3-26-07

 

"Just act cool," I told myself. "He'll never suspect a fireman would commit arson."
by HCRoyall, 3-26-07

 

"This ain't no town for a cowboy no more," he said, and walked off into the sunset. Two weeks later the Feds nabbed him in Scranton on drug trafficking and murder charges.
by HCRoyall, 3-26-07

 

Santa had a sweet deal going until Twinkle blew the cover on his cocaine smuggling operation.
by HCRoyall, 3-29-07

 

He just walked out the door, never to bee seen again, and all because I asked if he wanted his salad tossed.
by HCRoyall, 3-29-07

 

To be fair, the eighteen-car pileup in the middle of suburbia was pretty amazing, but I was a snowman living with a piece of bacon...
by HCRoyall, 3-29-07

 

by HCRoyall
3-30-07
Jeff, I need your and Chris's shares of the rent.
We're moving out the 1st.
And neither of you thought to maybe, oh, I don't know, let me know about this earlier?
I don't understand what you're getting at.

 

by HCRoyall
3-30-07
Hunter, you realize casting Earthquake underground will make the cavern collapse, don't you?
I'm a druid. The monsters are crimes against nature. Our lives are a worthy sacrifice to keep them from getting to the surface.
So much for me being the only original character left.

 

by HCRoyall
4-04-07
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE McRAPEY'S MATERIAL?
*bzzt* I am the SexBot-3000. I am a special model designed for S&M addicts and others who enjoy rough sex. I am programmed with eighty different rape scenarios.
*bzzt* I also feature the ability to program one's own preferences. I also vibrate at twelve different speeds.
You're hired.

 

by HCRoyall
4-06-07
For this campaign, you will start with no levels, as children, so the new people can get used to how this world works.
Hypothetically, if I were to kill someone, could I be tried as an adult in this world?
we're not even real characters yet and it looks like someone will be rolling up a new sheet.
Yup.

 

by HCRoyall
4-13-07
I'm trying something new with this campaign. You will start as orphan children, with no character levels. This will allow for more rolepay and get a good background nstead of the normal cliches.
Isn't the fact that we're orphans a little cliche?
I believe we've a volunteer to be te DM's favorite target.
Dibs on his stuff when his character dies.

 

by HCRoyall
4-13-07
Since Hunter's plan failed and the mindlfayers ate your brains, you will make new characters at level 4. State your classes and alignments, please.
Fighter, Chaotic Good.
Cleric, Neutral Good.
Dragon Adept, Chaotic Good.
Lawful Good, Knight. With two CG's in the party, I take ranks in Profession: Babysitter?

 

Pink Donkey Wrangling
RAAR!
by HCRoyall, 4-18-07

 

by HCRoyall
4-23-07
I hear the boss is at Corporate today for a meeting.
Really?
He never talks about those meetings, though.
I wonder why.
The board has decided to make some changes to your pitch when behind the register. Turn around so I can demonstrate them to you.
Yes sir.

 

I would have enjoyed Mr. Gripley's class on why we shouldn't drink gasoline a lot more if not for the burning and pain.
by HCRoyall, 4-23-07

 

by HCRoyall
4-23-07
Sancho, I have a task for you.
As our illeg-- I mean, intern, I am making it your duty to make weekly visits to one of our locations in disguise to make sure policies are properly enforced.
Si, senor.
I'm glad to see everything is as it should be! Good job, Sancho; I'm upping your pay from $3.25 to $3.28 an hour!

 

by HCRoyall
4-30-07
Luke, You've come across a wagon full of goods and a merchant in the middle of nowhere as you ride to catch up with your friends.
I'm going to kill him and take his wagon and wares.
And if your friends ask where the wagon came from?
I tell them the truth.
That you killed the merchant and took his stuff?
No, that I came across the wagon in the middle of nowhwere.

 

by HCRoyall
4-30-07
Jason, as the only person with ranks in Spellcraft, it falls upon you to identify the spell in effect here.
I get a -3 to any roll involving intelligence. Can we just say I failed and continue on?

 

by HCRoyall
4-30-07
Doctor, I'm a little nervous about my Mittens's upcoming surgery.
Ma'am, I assure you that every precaution has been taken. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Later...
Well ma'am, the good news is I've proven hemophilia is a genetic trait in cats as well as humans...

 

lol
by HCRoyall, 4-30-07

 

"And that, children, is how you make a proper pagan sacrifice to pagan gods. Any questions?"
by HCRoyall, 4-30-07

 

by HCRoyall
5-02-07
Hi Doc.
Jim! Good to see you! If you don't mind I'd like to start this session off by delving a little. Tell me about your father.
Son, there are two things you should learn from this: 1) Hookers aren't people; 2) You tell anyone about this and they'll never find your body.
I don't think that's a good idea.

 

by HCRoyall
5-02-07
Isn't this office great?
Yeah, you really got something here. Hey, what's that picture there?
Me at camp.

 

Phone pranks became less fun once the bunny guy realized only a squiggly line separated us from him...
by HCRoyall, 5-02-07

 

by HCRoyall
5-03-07
Now that your characters are all made, my last point is that everyone be nice to your companions in game, or your character may not live to regret it.
Why?
Because my character has an intimate knowledge of poison, can sneak and steal better than you breath, and lacks hindrances such as morals.
And mine is twice your size and would just as soon step on you as look at you.
Darksun is such an awesome setting.

 

Talk Radio Phone Topic: Favorite Superhero Costumes
Dud! Wonder Woman! She's dressed like a Super Stripper!
I've been fielding calls from men for the past half hour and you're the first caller to mention a woman. Thank you so much.
by HCRoyall, 5-05-07

 

by HCRoyall
5-06-07
Welcome to McRapey's! Can I take your order?
Five Triple Rapey's, a Junior Rapey Salad, Three Raperitos, and a Large strawberry Rapeshake.
Sir, that will be a while to fix; if you'll just park your car someone will be out with your order in a few minutes.
Sure thing!
Wow. What great service.

 

by HCRoyall
5-11-07
"The path you will travel is across the western mountains," he says. "You'll need to pass through the forest that sits on either side in order to--"
Whoa whoa whoa. Forest? As in, where the cannibalistic halflings live?
I'm sorry, but our fee just tripled.
"What?" he asks. "Why such a high price for such a simple task?"
We're allergic to being eaten by midgets. Or anyone, for that matter.
We break out in death.

 

by HCRoyall
5-14-07
So you feel that this new campaign is a little off.
I'm smarter than our wizard, more dextrous than our rogue, and more charismatic than our bard.
Well, it's not THAT bad. Monks are supposed to have ridiculous stats, what with not wearing armor and whatnot.
Ernie, I'm a fighter.
Oh.

 

by HCRoyall
5-14-07
Female character, okay. Any unusual skills?
Profession (Sailor) and Perform (Dance). Other than that no.
Ranks in Dance? And you're playing a female character?
Don't judge me.

 

by HCRoyall
5-22-07
My knight gets a surprise round, eh? I attack the rogue.
You can't do that.
Why not?
The knight can't attack anyone that's flat-footed. It's in the rulebook.
The rulebook also says rogues are never flat-footed.
Carry on.

 

by HCRoyall
5-22-07
You can't see your captor clearly in the dark, but you notice in his silhouette has horns and you hear the clopping of hooves along with dragging robes as he approaches.
Minotaur spellcaster? How does that happen?
Phil's the DM. If he wants flying, firebreathing owlbears, then he'll have flying, firebreathing owlbears.
At least he isn't throwing effective goblins at us. Against the minotaur we'll at least die with dignity.

 

by HCRoyall
5-22-07
Luke you finish the magic book and your Dex increases by 4. However, you notice that you are now a woman.
Well, I should have expected to have gotten a few cursed items in a wagon full of treasure.
Just so you know, all of those items are cursed.
Oh, and by the way... That +4 club you threw away because it constantly insulted you is somehow back in your pack.
Crap.

 

...where his testicles were mauled by enraged wolverines. In other news, our newsroom correspondent is on the scene at a recent robbery. John?
Thank you Sean. Apparently a man in a McGruff costume injected himself with heroin in front of the security cameras and then proceeded to rob all the stores in this outlet mall. Police are baffled.
by HCRoyall, 5-23-07

 

Your thoughts, Jane?
Wow, Sean. Sounds like our city sure has gone to the dogs.
by HCRoyall, 5-23-07

 

Jane, you ignorant cunt.
Indeed, John. Indeed.
by HCRoyall, 5-23-07

 

by HCRoyall
5-23-07
*DING*
Damn. Needs another ten minutes.

 

by HCRoyall
5-24-07
Now that the party is back in town, I need to know what your characters are doing. Tom?
I'm going to look for an easy mark to cheat out of his hard-earned money.
Ernie? Your character is...?
Retiring from the adventuring life to spend serving the church. And he's leaving all his gear and money with the knight to do as he so pleases.
Hunter. Where is your knight going?
To the bank!

 

by HCRoyall
5-31-07
You getting ready for the next Broken Character Tournament?
Yeah, I've been building the guy on my computer. Hold on a sec, I need to check some math.
Nope. It all adds up. A godly Armor Class against all attacks for only 50,000 gold.
What are you calling your character?
"I. Winn"

 

by HCRoyall
5-31-07
You ready?
Yes, I love roleplay sex. I just have a few stipulations.
Such as?
I want you to talk dirty to me, but use literary terms as euphemisms.
The plot thickens...
Yeah, baby, yeah!

Showing page 19.

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