All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
7-24-02
Excuse me, do you know what time it... my goodness! I dreamt about you last night!
Do Tell!
We were standing here talking when a bus suddenly jumped that curb behind you, running you down.
Well history's about to change.
*lifts wallet*
Spending history.

 

by ObiJo
7-24-02
Okay, here's the deal. My master wants to stick me in you.
My mistress isn't attracted to your master.
He's a really nice guy. Volunteers at the Y every weekend. And believe it or not, he actually enjoys it.
Not impressed.
He's also the 45th richest man in the world.
That did it.

 

by ObiJo
7-25-02
A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
That's non-compliant, you dumb fuck.

 

by ObiJo
7-25-02
Let there be life!
Let there be life!
Let there be life!
Let there be life!
Let there be a creator!
Let there be life!

 

by ObiJo
7-25-02
I have invented something so magnificient, it defies explanation.

 

by ObiJo
7-25-02
I have invented something so magnificient, it defies explanation.
I call it spork.

 

by ObiJo
7-25-02
Eewww! There's a human in the house!
Eep! Hide!
You can't get away by scurrying under the refrigerator...!
AAAHHHH *cough* *cough* *hack* *cough* *wheese* *gag*
I wish I didn't have to deal with those things, but my husband's so gentle, he couldn't hurt a Thai.

 

by ObiJo
7-25-02
Let's say I invented something, John. Something great. Something that would change the world as we know it.
The hungry would be fed, the homeless sheltered. No longer would there be money, or poverty, or greed.
Then, John, the full potential of the human race could be reached. Then, John,...
...would you get your dick out of me?
No chance.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Hoo-rah, Potley. I think I've, how should I put it, got it.
arf arf!
It's a brain-to-brain, how should I put it, interface. Let us commence with the, how should I put it, first trial.
arf arf!
I can feel your, how should I put it, thought pulses.
...must...not...think... ...about...plan...to... ...murder...master...

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Egads, Potley. Were you actually considering, how should I put it, wacking me?
Of course I was. ...NOT...think...ing... ...a...bout...that...
But I specifically heard you say, how should I pu
...that's...for...a... ...te...le...play... ...I...am...wri... ...ting...
Egads, Potley. You're writing a, how should I put it, sitcom? You're a, how should I put it, naughty dog. *Thump*
Ouch you stupid, soon-to-be-dead, motherfucker! ...IS... ...the...name...of... ...my...pro...tag... ...o...nist...

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
In the beginning,
I created the heaven and the earth.
Billions of years later,
I can do better than this shithole.
30 seconds from now,
arf arf!
Dance, my stupid little earthling! DANCE!

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
DexX, you stole my joke!
Its true.
For that, you will suffer your worst nightmare. Incorrect use of grammar and punctuation.
Thats worst then any thing you could do too me!
Think so?
Deer lord put you're pants back on.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Hello, reader. I'm your author, obijo. I enjoy making strips in which I am a character because I'm overly self-involved.
But enough about me. This is YOUR comic. Your time to shine. The third panel is all yours so grab a water-based crayon and get to it!

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Hello, reader. I'd like to again talk about myself. I'm currently on comic 926. Close to 1000!
But a big bad monster named kaufman is at 971 comics and trying to beat me to 1000! Boo!
I want you to kill him, reader.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
You know what I like about you, reader? Your can-do attitude.
Kill him, reader.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Guess who I saw out jogging today, reader?
That's right.
Be terrible if he had a little accident while jogging past the sewage plant, wouldn't it?

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
I see kaufman's still alive.
Reader, reader, reader.
You dissapoint me.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
I have a present for you, reader. That's right, it's a ball-peen hammer. Hey, here's an idea. Why don't you
What are you doing, Jo?
Whatever do you mean?
Okay, this has gone on long enough.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
I know what you're doing, Jo. You're trying to get your reader to kill me.
If I wanted to kill you, why wouldn't I just do it myself?
Maybe you're too big a coward.
Or maybe I'm 1000 miles away from 1114 E. Ryland Avenue, Cleveland, Ohio, backdoor has no deadbolt.
Stop that!

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
I want your word - no more attempted murder.
No more attempted murder.
I'm serious now. I want you to promise.
I promise.
Okay, then.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
God how I hate him.
Did you see how smug he was, reader?
Kill him, rea...who are you?
kaufman's reader.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
So, what? kaufman sent you to kill me?
Bingo.
How long did it take him to convince you? 10, 20 comics?
A dialog balloon.
A single dialog balloon! Well shit. I've been working on my PUSSY of a reader for 6, 7 comics now with no luck.
Actually, it was only one sentence. Come to think of it, I didn't even let him finish the sentence.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Well let's stop delaying the inevitable and get the dirty deed over with.
Turn around and it might be easier on you.
*sigh*
*poke*
*poke poke*

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
*poke poke poke*
*poke poke poke poke*
Just what in the hell are you doing?
Don't make this harder than it has to. *poke poke poke poke poke*

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
All you're doing is poking me.
Pleading will do you no good. You pissed off the wrong stripper. *poke poke poke poke poke poke*
Velvet?
No, kaufman. *poke poke poke poke poke poke poke*
Look, this is silly.
Turn around! I can't do it with you looking me in the eye like that!

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Why such devotion to kaufman? I mean, I'm a funny guy too. Watch this.
That is right, kaufman's reader! You are in the presence of the creator of Donkey Boy!
Donkey who?

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
WHAT! You honestly think I'm going to believe you don't know who Donkey Boy is?
No, wait, I got it. He's that boy with the hair all over his face they show on Maury, right?
Nooooooooo.
Kind of dickish to call him Donkey Boy.
Hairy face Povich guy isn't Donkey Boy! Donkey Boy is Donkey Boy! Donkey Boy you hear! DONKEY BOY!
Besides, he'd need buck teeth, or long ears, or something to be called Donkey Boy. He's more Mole Man.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
You see, the North American mole has a furry face, but also a rounded derrier and short ears similar to a human's, That makes it the perfect choice.
*poke*
So there is no Donkey Boy. None I've seen, at least.
*poke poke*
Too bad though. Donkey Boy vs. Mole Man! Now THAT'd be one helluva fight!

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
*poke poke poke*
But Don King would probably get involved, and muddle everything up.
*poke poke poke ****POKE****
Not to mention the ASPCAHHHHHH!!!!!
That was so COOL!

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
And then I'm like *poke poke poke ****POKE**** and the fourth poke was like a super poke and the fucker's like PHOOMP up in flames.
Uh huh.
And I'm just standing there looking at my finger and thinking "ROCK AND ROLL!"
Sounds like a load of crap to me.
Excuse me, Mr. Jo?
Ah, what do you know? You suck.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Mr. Jo? I'm your reader, sir. And I've decided to kill kaufman for you.
Fuck all that kid. Let's go watch Povich.
But I thought you wanted him dead, sir. So you could reach one thousand first.
I did.
What changed your mind?
Let's just watch the lebian bankers and forget all that unpleasantness.

 

by ObiJo
7-26-02
Meanwhile, in my trunk...
Help!
Help!
Who the hell are you?
Mole Man. You?

 

by ObiJo
7-29-02
Good, Peter. Now Jessica, you do New York.
Albany.
Good, Jessica. Now Mikey, you do California.
los angeles?
No, Sacramento. Did you hear me tell everyone to learn their capitals for today?
sorry mrs. peterson.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
Deep in the heart of Spangler Central, the Phone of Litigation and Occasional Crank Calls Cause Hell It's A Free Country and I'll Harass You If I Want To bursts to life.
Ring a ling a ling boo bop ba diddly ring
Harv Spangler, attorney at law. You do the crime, we'll bust a rhyme.
Mr. Spangler? This is Harry Greaselicker. I find myself in a bit of trouble with the law and thought you could help.
No details over the phone. Come down to my office. 110 E. West Street. I'm in my parents' basement. Say 3:30?
I'll be there. *click*
Now to find my associate.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
I'm Harry Greaselicker. I'm here to see Mr. Spangler.
*Second Panel*
ARG!
HOW BOUT MR. MOLAR INSTEAD ASS WEAZLE!!!
BUT RENTS NEARLY DUE...
THIS WAY GREASY LICHEN

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
I was caught with my dick in a Brownie.
Someone else's or your own?
I have no kids.
JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, SICKO!
I think you've misunder
Listen, you sick pastry prickin punk -- I MIGHT be able to keep you out of the chamber, but only if you work with me. Now...Almonds, yes or no?

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
You see, it happened one brisk evening in the French Quarter.
And?
And it happened one brisk evening in the French Quarter.
Rex.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
DOWN YOU GO!
WAKEESAW!!!
LUCKY PUNCH
Mess not with the wakeesaw.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
To the harv mobile I say!
I WAS THINKING WE MAYBE DEFEND THE CLIENT INSTEAD OF MUTIL-EATING THEM THIS TIME.
Forgot to fill up the harv-mobile.
BULLSEYE

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
Hello, reader. This is your author, obijo.
I've decided to stop playing by the rules.
I've begun deconditioning myself of society's rules.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
You see, society breaks us.
Like a horse.
Or maybe a glass.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
Your parents hold the whip.
And your teachers and classmates.
The ice cream man's touchy feel feel couldn't have helped either.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
They taught you to clean your room even if you didn't want.
Not to punch your sister even if you wanted.
"Grab an ice cream, you'll like it."

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
Society taught you to supress your wants in favor of theirs.
Which consist of either doing things you don't want or not doing things you do want.
I say fuck it.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
From now on I am driven entirely by what I want.
No longer will I be driven by the desire to avoid pain.
My only motivation is seeking pleasure.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
This will be the most courageous thing I've ever done.
Takes balls to put yourself out there like that.
Like a child. But taller.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
Imagine you're walking past the park and you see some kids playing in the sprinklers.
You want to play to, but what would people think?
I'm the guy that says fuck it, and plays in the sprinklers anyway.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
I haven't started yet. Still trying to build up the guts.
Maybe I'll start smaller.
Park sprinklers is just asking for trouble.

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
Meanwhile, 300 feet ahead...

 

by ObiJo
7-30-02
Bless me father for I have sinned.
What is your trangression, my child?
10 minutes hence...
So I have a dick in my pussy, a dick in my ass, a dick in my mouth, and I'm like "What are you a bunch of fucking pansies? Harder!"
Dear GOD please continue.
10 minutes hence...
Bless me father for I am sinning.
Blessings will come later. For now, let's just concentrate on the sinning.

Showing page 19.

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