All comics by boorite

Profile

 

by boorite
11-27-05
Are your children being brainwashed by obscene rap lyrics and illiterate internet chat rooms?
Heave some crazy butt meat at my love apparatus!
WTF :-/
Experts say RAAAR.

 

by boorite
12-04-05
Remember when we used to "type" in "chat rooms?"
Yes, we sure have come a long way since then.
omg u fag
stfu lol

 

by boorite
12-08-05
The water's not running.
Try thawing the pipes by sticking a heater in the crawlspace.
Now the water is running... in the crawlspace.
Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line...

 

by boorite
12-08-05
Maybe I should turn this thing on.

 

by boorite
12-11-05
I don't care if you are a hallucination. I'd dearly love to beat the crap out of you.
Mlex innixwix.
That'd better be Alienese for "give me the ass whipping I so richly deserve."

 

by boorite
12-12-05
The cat maketh us an enemie most stealthey.
I hath a proposal: Why goest thou not and placeth a belle on yon cat's necke?
I hath a proposal: Why goest thou not and fuckest thyself?
moral: loleth

 

by boorite
12-19-05
Look at this pile of cat shit.
Wow.
Do you think it's cause for concern?
That you're showing me a pile of cat shit?

 

by boorite
12-20-05
Why would God punish me for following the animal instincts He gave me?
Because you are not an animal. You have free will!
My will is not to have free will.
But you can't...
A-HA!
LA LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW

 

by boorite
12-30-05
Ooga booga.
Eek, savage natives.
Bzzz bzzzzz.
Aiee, giant bugs.
Roar.
Say, is there a giant ape on this fucking island, or am I wasting the audience's time?

 

by boorite
1-09-06
CAMPUS BOOKSTORE
Sorry, these are all the computer books we have.
Not a single book on Java?
CAMPUS BOOKSTORE
Nope. They should teach that on campus someday.
They do. It's called Intro to Computer Science.
CAMPUS BOOKSTORE
That's odd. No one ever buys Java books here.
You don't have any.

 

by boorite
1-12-06
*statement regarding solution to programming assignment*
*question regarding more elegant possible solution*
*same statement, only louder*
*clarification of more elegant possible solution*
*mad non-sequitur*
*tally of money I am spending on this*

 

by boorite
1-16-06
...here's the fast break, and Damon Jones wants LeBron from behind...
*rewind*
...here's the fast break, and Damon Jones wants LeBron from behind...
*rewind*
...here's the fast break, and Damon Jones wants LeBron from behind...
*rewind*

 

by boorite
1-16-06
Excuse me, but I didn't order the beef and bean chimichanga.
What did you order?
The beef chimichanga.
Well, that has beans in it too!
So... what would signify my not wanting beans in this context?
Smashing my head repeatedly against the table while yelling NO BEANS!!

 

by boorite
2-04-06
And what do you think you're doing?
Nailing plywood over this hole in the roof.
Oh.
Can I have a key to the front door, then?

 

by boorite
2-06-06
So how was your logic exam?
"Given (if P then Q), not (Q or R), derive not (if P then R) or (S if and only if T)."
MY MOTHER'S A WHAT?

 

by boorite
2-07-06
Let me know if you find any chopsticks on your side. In the... thingie.
Chopsticks?
Sometimes the thingies come with really nice chopsticks. You're more likely to get those in the Asian noodle boxes.
...
Otherwise you get some crap like "How to Clean out Your Car."

 

by boorite
2-20-06
So I says, "Well, that Physics program ain't gonna cut its own budget!"
Ha, ha!
Who the fuck would take Physics, anyway?

 

by boorite
2-21-06
Yes?
May you all fall prey to Al Qaida .
Yep, that's an actual quote.
I didn't order douchebag.
I'm sure this is the address.

 

by boorite
2-22-06
Where does "boorite" come from?
Well, see, my mom and my dad...
Oh, Christ.
I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS!

 

by boorite
2-28-06
...nennkles...
What?
Tentacles.
Tentacles?
Tentacles!
Dear God! Where?

 

by boorite
2-28-06
Last night you opened your eyes, looked straight at me, and said, very clearly, "tentacles."
I don't remember that.
I sure as hell do.

 

by boorite
3-06-06
Hey... Krypton's gravity is supposed to be 15 times that of Earth, right?
Right?
Marry me.

 

by boorite
3-06-06
Excuse me, could you direct me to the nearest nachos?
*sign language*
Sorry, I don't know sign language!
*sign language*
Holy, Hell, I'm stoned!
*sign language*

 

by boorite
3-06-06
So here's where your body is hidden?
I think so. The place had rocks...
Rocks, yeah. You think you could be more specific?
There was a bush... and sky... and something that started with 'R'... I think.
Maybe you could help me solve the mystery of why ghosts are so fucking stupid.
King George the 3rd!

 

by boorite
3-06-06
I think I can help you solve the case. You see, I talk to ghosts...
Tell him about King George the 3rd!
Will you shut the fuck up?
On second thought, maybe I'll just take my ghost and fuck off.
That might be best.

 

by boorite
3-07-06
One day behind the refinery
Who, oh who, will sit upon my slats?
What the fuck is talkng?
Suddenly
Suddenly!
It's just what I always thought I needed but actually only wanted!
And that about did it.
neeng neeng neeng neeng neeng
Gnarly!

 

by boorite
3-07-06
We come to bring humankind a message.
OK, let's have it.
Oh, but your tiny human brain could never comprehend it.
I comprehend that you're totally full of shit.
Do you have any Earth nachos?
I knew it! Get the fuck out!

 

by boorite
3-07-06
We're live on the scene, where the mayor has just slammed the door in my face!
Back to you, John!

 

by boorite
3-18-06
Push down that fucking wall!
Harder! I want that wall pushed down!
Shut up, bitch!

 

by boorite
3-18-06
On the road again!
Just can't wait to get on the road again!
The life I love is making music with my... sheep!
Kill me now.

 

by boorite
3-18-06
This says I'd better saw my nuts off with piano wire if I ever want to see you alive again.
Poo poo!
Yes.

 

BLEAH! TOBOR VILL IMPALE YOU!
by boorite, 3-19-06

 

by boorite
3-21-06
You're under arrest for knifing that guy.
But it was self-defense!
You carved a smiley face on his torso!
I was in a good mood.

 

by boorite
3-24-06
And in other news, the UK's ban on pointy kitchen knives went into effect today.
Here is exclusive footage of the London constabulary rounding up the contraband implements.
*Benny Hill music*

 

Bombs
Pie.
by boorite, 4-06-06

 

by boorite
4-06-06
Where are you taking the ShopVac?
To help a friend.
Have you seen my scalpel?
Where is that fucker?
Moo.

 

by boorite
4-10-06
Oh goodie, more spam.
"Cum on my tits."
Did you call me?

 

by boorite
4-10-06
We could order Chinese.
It's Monday.
The carpet is blue.
Which is relevant how?
Exactly.
That's Laramie.

 

by boorite
5-03-06
One day at the ranch...
Ha, ha.
What the fuck are you thinking about?

 

by boorite
5-12-06
I'm sorry, the veterinarian's office is down the hall.
Wait a second...
Did you say "a reptile dysfunction?"
Speak up. The guys in the parking lot can't hear you.

 

by boorite
6-20-06
Robust, robust, robust, robust, robust, robust, robust, robust, robust, robust!
If you say "robust" one more time, I'm going to kick your balls up into your throat.
Secure?

 

by boorite
8-01-06
This isn't what it looks like.
Just kidding. It totally is.

 

by boorite
8-02-06
I don't think the Israeli offensive is really justified.
boorite says all the Jews are criminals who should be driven to extinction.
Electric banana fog blast poodles.
boorite is Hitler.

 

Let go of my pussy!
by boorite, 8-03-06

 

I'M GONNA DO ME SOME SITTIN'!
by boorite, 8-03-06

 

I swear, don't make me use this!
by boorite, 8-03-06

 

by boorite
8-03-06
Floggy!
Floggy floggy!
Honk!
Will this bus EVER get here?

 

I told you you couldn't do that with an animal onstage in Branson.
Busted.
by boorite, 8-03-06

 

by boorite
8-14-06
Fuck you bunch of internet assholes.
omg ur so meen
OK, I'm sorry.
no ur not
Fuck you bunch of internet assholes.
omg ur so meen

 

by boorite
8-18-06
Yeah, yeah, the iPod feeds me subliminal racist messages.
I was just gonna say it's a corporate product.
Oh.
By the way, did you not see the "no mud people" sign?

Showing page 19.

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