All comics by mandingo

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by mandingo
10-04-07
hows bout i stab yous in the carrot on holy ground!
how about if the author stops pushing the Random button
hows bout us trying the impossible task of somehow doin sumtin congruent with both ours surroundins and vastly diffren character motivations!
how about if the author stops pushing the Random button
hows bout we drink dat wine and talk muscull cars!
how about if the auth... actually, i'm down with that one.

 

by mandingo
10-04-07
there's 4 things you need to know to succeed here, Jeremy. 1. i'm your boss. 2. i'm gay. 3. there's no sex in the champagne room. 4. this isn't the champagne room.
shall we begin?
*gulp*
good, you can swallow.

 

by mandingo
10-05-07
i hate it when they depict Jesus as some white guy. Jesus was a black man!
yeah, it sucks when they depict Jewish guys as white
Einstein used to hate when it happened to him. that's why he'd always scream when he reverse dunked.
really?
NO, BITCH! THE DUDE WHITE!

 

by mandingo
10-05-07
whenever i have sex with Mary, i imagine what my son might look like, so that in case she gets pregnant, it'll be a boy
so basically you think about young boys when you have sex with your wife
you think that's weird?
nah. but a lesser man than me might
considering you had a vasectomy four years ago

 

by mandingo
10-06-07
hmmm...
whadda ya want, fruitcake?
can i get a... let's see... do you have any... no, you don't...
hurry up there, Mary.
there's no reason to be so rude.
YOU EYEBALLIN ME, BOY!

 

by mandingo
10-06-07
this sure is a long hallway
way long
longer than your average hallway
long ole hallway
not so wide, though
let's stay on topic

 

2
by mandingo
10-06-07
wow, the grand canyon.
water erosion took millions and millions of years to sculpt this chasm.
see all those different color stripes on the mountain wall? as you follow those down, you're looking past the dinosaurs, past ALL life on earth, back to the very infancy of the planet itself.
still, it's no hallway.
i'll say.

 

by mandingo
10-08-07
she dropped from the wing. he never saw her coming
isn't he the one that gave that speech about crash etiquette?

 

by mandingo
10-09-07
i understood the Ghost of Christmas Past and Ghost of Christmas Present guys, but how are you the Ghost of Christmas Future? all you've done is show me slides of yourself posing
welcome to Burger Burger Burger, can i take your order order order? *sigh*

 

by mandingo
10-09-07
in 2007, depressed that her walleye made her stripcreator's least-used character, WiguZoe began cutting
no, i didn't
I SAID, "in 2007, depressed that her walleye made her stripcreator's least-used character, WiguZoe began cutting"
breaking news today as prosecutors filed 38 charges against VH1's Behind the Music series. apparently the show forced the people it was profiling to do things they didn't want to
i wondered why everyone was crying on that Gameshow Host Orgy episode
orgies are supposed to be fun

 

by mandingo
10-10-07
if i'm the biggest baddest robot there is, why do i always feel disaster looming? and why's it always looming behind me?

 

i still haven't washed the sheets
by mandingo, 10-10-07

 

by mandingo
10-12-07
what are you doing?
our internet blows, but if i come out here, i can pick up McDonald's WiFi across the highway
but it's rush hour. the exhaust fumes
hadn't noticed
you plugged everything into the garden hose

 

by mandingo
10-13-07
BRAAAAAINS
BRAAAAAINS
BRAAAAAINS
BOOOOOOBS
BOOOOOOBS
MENNNNNN!

 

by mandingo
10-14-07
look at that guy dressed like a giant cake
i think that's a giant guy dressed as a normal-sized cake. normal-sized for him, anyway. him being so big
gentlemen, do not fight over me
CakeMan's right. _____________ You mean ManCake!

 

by mandingo
10-14-07
your honor, this is ridiculous. there's no law against having sex with an anthill
if i forced a person or an animal to have sex with me, sure, that's a crime and i'd understand that
but an anthill? it's not even alive. it's a dwelling. it's like saying i raped your living room or teabagged your kitchen counter
bringing us to the second count

 

by mandingo
10-15-07
Uncle Ralphy, there sure are a lot of Wanted Posters here
men and women and Puerto Ricans and... hey, Uncle Ralphy! this one looks like you! except he has a beard. didn't you used to have a beard, Uncle Ralphy? hey! he has the same mermaid tattoo as you too!
i've never ridden in a trunk before, Uncle Ralphy!

 

by mandingo
10-15-07

 

by mandingo
10-17-07
pssst... little girl. you want some...
some what? crank, tank, speed, whattle?
tank and whattle? what the hell are those?
those are $40 a bag
i'll take three

 

by mandingo
10-17-07
pssst... little robot. you want some...
some what? crank, asar, speed, ape?
asar, ape? what the hell are those?
SHOWTIME

 

by mandingo
10-17-07
hey, John.
i'm not talking to you
why?
*hmph* i think you know why
earlier that week...
all i'm saying is it might be a little underdone. what'd you cook it at? 300°? 325°?

 

by mandingo
10-17-07
uh oh. i think this guy's about to rob me. time for that Time-Life Predator series to pay for itself. i'll open my eyes wide and try to puff up bigger
sure, i'll ass pound you
shit! wrong episode!
till you cry? you got it!

 

by mandingo
10-20-07
what are you doing?
i keep a diary of every time someone's flipped me off
there's only half a page there. that's pretty good
the other 26 books are on the shelf behind you
where? all i see are these blueprints of the high school
one shelf down. next to the sawed off

 

by mandingo
10-22-07
*shake shake*
don't shake the game. you shake the game, i kick you right out
but it ate one of my quarters
don't talk back. you talk back, i kick you right out
fine, but leave me alone, will ya? you're messing up my Galaga game
don't let him capture your ship. you let him capture your ship, i kick you right out

 

by mandingo
10-23-07
i think we're gonna die out here, hairband guitarist.
♫ CRAZY RABBIT, DEATH IS FOR THE WEAK, YOU DON'T KNOW, THAT OF WHICH YOU SPEAK ♫
did you just make a 'Trix is for kids' reference?
♫ MAYBE I DID, MAYBE I DID NOT, MAYBE YOU JUST THINK I DID, CAUSE IT'S SO DAMN HOT ♫
it is pretty hot. my feet are all blistered. i don't know if you saw earlier, but that's why i was crying.
♫ PUSSY ♫

 

by mandingo
10-23-07
hey, Joe, we're taking up a collection for Ronald's family
he the one that was killed by the sabertooth?
no, that's Ed. and actually, Ed got trampled by a wooly mammoth, set on fire when he fell into the firepit trying to get away, and THEN mauled to death by the sabertooth.
geez. what happened to Ronald that you're taking up a collection for him instead of for that poor bastard?
Ronald's the one that had to clean up all the Ed.
put me down for $100

 

by mandingo
10-25-07
hmmm...
what are you doing, contemplating your own mortality? you should, you know. you're no spring chicken
dude, your nana just told me i was gonna die

 

by mandingo
10-25-07
i think Ben's managerial style could be improved on a bit, don't you?
i don't know. which one's Ben again?
NICE TITS!

 

by mandingo
10-26-07
well, we've been through a lot, Wally Ostrich. we stormed the elf castle to get our medallion back, visited the living pumpkin patch, even found the Book of Light.
sit down and watch the Adults Swim, booby. it seems to be child friendly, and mommy needs to vacuum
i guess the only thing left to do now...
is FUCK

 

by mandingo
10-27-07
well, it looks like this is the end of the road for us, donkey. we've travelled many, many miles
many, many, many, many
many, many, many, many
many, many miles
if only some illustrative medium were available to us to show perhaps just one or two of the places we've been!

 

by mandingo
10-27-07
go get John Fox and bring him to me. he's in with the atheists
John Fox, come with me
no one down here by that name
there are no Foxes in the atheist hole
HE TOTALLY SAID IT, RALPH!

 

by mandingo
10-30-07
cover me, Pete!
good, good. you didn't curl up in the fetal position this time
ASS

 

by mandingo
10-30-07
RandomComicLayoutGuy makes comics by pushing the random button.
i'm trying to emulate him. i pushed the random button and haven't changed ANYTHING. it's been pretty easy, actually. i don't know what all the fuss is about. i could do this all day.
all day, really? that would be pretty impressive.
SODOMY ON ICE! TALKING PUMPKIN!

 

by mandingo
10-30-07
*www.CostnerRules.com*
Url not found. Did you mean "www.CostnerBlows.com"?
*www.NoOneBeatsCostner.com*
Url not found. Did you mean "www.BeatCostnerWithRebar.com"?
*www.CostnerSad.com*
Taking you to your homepage...

 

by mandingo
11-04-07
it doesn't say here how to do it
just do it like you did my face
do it, Barry
carve me an anus

 

by mandingo
11-04-07
holy christ, look at that. that one mom tried to take the swing away from that toddler and give it to her own. unfortunately for her, that's when the other mother's jaw unhinged
it's grotesque, but if you look closely, you can still see her wriggling around inside as she gets digested
this is the first time i haven't been turned on by a catfight
i'm still batting a thousand

 

by mandingo
11-05-07
hey, i heard you were out all night looking for a job. any luck?
yup. i'm a pumpkin
sorry?
i'm a pumpkin. it's not as hard as you might think, actually. besides the 2nd order differential equations, it's mostly just a lot of sitting around
i think maybe you're a little bit sleep depriv... HOLY SHIT!
shift started

 

by mandingo
11-05-07
bend over, this isn't going to hurt a little
wait, wait, wait. "this isn't going to hurt a little" meaning it's going to hurt a lot, right?
no, no, not at all. i'm an old pro at this
well, okay, but be gent... MOTHER OF GOD!
TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME!!!

 

by mandingo
11-07-07
bad news, Mr. Carlson. i'm afraid you're legally blind. now don't worry, it's not a death sentence
believe me, i should know. i was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa myself 3 months ago and it hasn't hindered me one bit
in some ways, i think it's even made me a better doctor. more empathetic towards my patients' suffering
you're talking to the water cooler again, Harv

 

by mandingo
11-07-07
my flying, magic ostrich is so cool
SOAR, MY FLYING, MAGIC OSTRICH! HIGHER AND HIGHER ABOVE THE CLOUDS TILL WE TOUCH THE FACE OF GOD!
this would be a much more triumphant moment if he wasn't rhythmically fingering my poo hole
i hope he's not a talking, flying, magic ostrich

 

by mandingo
11-07-07
my art really isn't evolving. you know what i need to do is stop drawing from my imagination and start drawing what i see. like maybe a tree, or a park bench, or a house
a hous3, u say!
yes, but not you. that shade of yellow is hideous and you spend too much time on AIM
at l3ast i'm not t3h virgin! ROFLMAO FTW!!!1
stupid sentient house

 

by mandingo
11-07-07
i can't believe they found that girl. most people who go overboard are lost at sea
no use crying over spilt milk
double or nothing?
you're on!

 

by mandingo
11-08-07
i was cool before being cool was cool
that's probably because with you cool, being cool seemed pretty uncool
we still cool?

 

by mandingo
11-08-07
i'm gonna hide behind this door so that when Sam comes home, i'll jump out from behind and scare him!
i'm home, Mary! ...Mary?
come on in, sugar, coast is clear

 

by mandingo
11-09-07
hey, guess what? i'm gonna take Shop instead of Home Ec! i hate cooking!
are you kidding? you've never handled a tool in your life. no way you pass!
A+
then why are you crying?

 

by mandingo
11-09-07
have you ever noticed your eyes look like 2 jumbo eggs?
i just want to GOUGE them out and CRACK them open and make an omelette
uh... so as i was saying... if you get the position...

 

by mandingo
11-11-07
doctor, this one's still alive!
it can't be!
dear god, man! you were clinically dead for 37 minutes! what did you see?? WHAT DID YOU SEE!!

 

by mandingo
11-13-07
where'd you get to last night, Clem? seems like you up and disappeared from the bar there
i was... uh...
was you a killin niggers again?
yes! that!

 

by mandingo
11-14-07
you're living in the past, Kevin Costner! don't you see?? i try to love you, but you won't let me in! you're stuck in 1991!
good day, Baconman
Kevin, don't
I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!

 

by mandingo
11-14-07
i checked the oxygen mixture in the main combustion chamber, and depolarized the docking clamps. now all i need to do is... uh... repressurize the...
wait a goddamn minute.
what the fuck's a donkey doing running a spaceship?

Showing page 19.

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