All comics by Broly

Profile

 

by Broly
9-17-01
So I says to Mabel, I says...
Not to interrupt, but I think Satan is pretty intent on talking to you.
Hello Billy, how about selling me your immortal soul?
No way, dude. I've heard things about you, and all of them are negative.
How about I give you some pogs for your soul?
Wow, pogs! Really?

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Anyhow, so I says to Mabel, I says...
Uh, whatever happened with the Devil?
I decided against selling my soul for pogs. I just kicked him in the balls and he left. Do you want to hear about Mabel or not?
I'm all ears.
So, I says to Mabel, I says...

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Why were you even contemplating selling your immortal soul for pogs. They're lame.
No way! Pogs are sooo in. I love pogs!
I've seen many a wigger in my day, and you have got to be the saddest wigger of them all.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Say, have you ever heard of Womple!?
Why, no, I haven't! Is it some form of sensual body moisturizer?
No, you stupid shit. Womple! is a hilarious online comic created by a witty and provocative dude! It's great!
Wow, it sounds amazing! Do you happen to know the website?
What am I, the Amazing Kreskin?
You're not very good at pimping sites, Billy.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Here you go, Alfonz. A TV, enjoy.
Woopee! A television, now I can... watch programs or something.
Coming up, a six hour marathon of Tony Danza!
Uh oh... hey, Author, can you zap in a remote control by any chance?
Nope. They don't have that in the templates. Sorry.
DEAR LORD, NOT TONY DANZA, NOOOOO!!
Suffer!

 

by Broly
9-17-01
I want to learn a hobby.
I can teach you how to juggle.
Wow, really? Thanks!
No problem.
Four hours later.
So, when are you going to teach me to juggle?
I don't know how to juggle.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
... C'mon, four whole days?
I kid you not.
But, wouldn't the cow tire out?
It had alot of stamina, that cow.
Man, he must've been sore after that.
Copious globs of feces everwhere, I tells ya.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Hey, good news, I just got drafted by the L.A. Clippers!
Wow, congratulations.
It'll be great! I'll be playing pro-ball... for... the Clippers...
Yes, the Clippers...
Hey, good news, I just quit the Clippers and got a job shovelling shit!
Good choice.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Man, my shoes are hella tight.
Mine are just too damn large for my feet.
Yeah, isn't that a bitch?
Totally.
"Upcoming Fox Special: When shoes don't fit very well. (not a very popular special)"
I mean, they're REALLY tight.
We got the point, jerkwad.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
36c.
Miss. 38dd.
Hit. 42d.
Miss. 32b.
"Bra Size Battleship"
Dammit, you sunk my PT boat.
I win!

 

by Broly
9-17-01
You know what? The sun is hot.
Is it?
Oh yes, very. I once licked it. Burned the roof of my mouth like nobody's business.
Sounds painful.
Yup. Didn't burn me as much as piping hot pizza, but still a solid burn.
Mmm, pizza.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Hey, didja hear the joke about the dumb blond chick?
No, but I have a feeling I will shortly.
She was dumb.
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
As always, your comedic stylings never cease to amaze.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Holy crap, did you hear?
Oh my sweet pajamas, what happened!
Puff Daddy changed his name to P. Diddy!
Wow!
My entire world has been turned on it's ear!
I feel you, brother.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
I swear! It's right behind me, you gotta see it!
No way, I don't believe you.
I'm telling the truth!
I think not!
Godammit, why is it only William Shatner and John Lithgow bothered to look at the demon.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Ah, there's nothing like watching educational television. Uplifting, informative, entertaining...
Wait, my high's starting to wear off. I can actually follow what's going on. *toooooke*
Much better.
And now, 12 consecutive hours of British farces that your small American mind couldn't possibly comprehend!

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Hello again, kids. Last edition, you may have noticed a little crack about Americans concerning British farces.
No kidding, it was only the punchline of the freakin' comic, Sherlock.
We here at Broly's Boulevard have the utmost respect for those who have given their hearts, efforts, and lives for our freedoms.
I agree. America kicks ass.
We just don't get British comedy.
Can you blame us?

 

by Broly
9-17-01
I'm going to be a contestant on a quiz show!
Really? Cool! Which one?
Well, not so much a quiz show, as being questioned.
Huh?
Later that day.
I swear, she said she was 18!

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Hey there, Alfonz. What book is it that you're reading that is conveniantly located off-screen??
Why, a book about human reproduction, of course.
It any good?
Can't go wrong with human reproduction.
JESUS, I PUT THAT WHERE?!?!

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Man, I love listening to my radio.
The radio conveniantly located off-screen? Much akin to my book?
Yeah, that's the one.
Cool, cool. Lemme guess, you enjoy Will Smith's music?
How'd you know?
9 out of 10 wiggers agree.

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Will Smith, decent actor, weak musician.
Oh yeah! If you're such a music buff, what do you listen to?
I prefer classical pianists. Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Kabalevsky, Bach. As well as contemporary Jazz artists like Satchmo and Chubby Checkers.
...
Never confront a wigger with music that's actually good. You'll break them.
My head hurts...

 

by Broly
9-17-01
Does having a perpetually open mouth ever cause problems for you?
What ever do you mean, chum?
Like, getting gawked at by people, or having insects fly into your mouth.
Well, I eat people that piss me off. As for insects, my eyebrows are actually high-powered bug lamps.
No wonder they're so bright.
Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Boy, this pie you made sure is good!
Thanks. I made it from scratch.
Mmm, tasty. I can't quite place the flavor though...
Racoon.
...
I thought you liked Racoon?

 

by Broly
9-19-01
I cleaned house at the track today.
Oh? What's your secret?
Bet on a horse I like. Then, as soon as the race starts, snipe the jockeys riding the opposing horses.
That's a good plan.
Those jockeys are damn short. They make small targets. Luckily I practiced at a target range with Danny Devito cut-outs.
Luckily.

 

by Broly
9-19-01
I didn't get the job interview today.
That's a shame.
I can't imagine why I would be rejected.
Perhaps due to the fact that you're a naked cannibal with huge disturbing eyes that can't close his mouth.
Yeah. Those racist bastards.

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Great news! They let me have the job after all!
Cool! Confronted them about their bigoted ways?
Something like that.
You ate them, huh?
Just a couple lower level grunts.

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Hey, what's your job anyways?
I dunno.
Well, what were your hours?
A few hours a day or something. Even though I can't recall the precise hours, they were way too much for my busy schedule. So, I quit.
You caused a ruckus and ate some people for a job you don't even care about and then you quit?!
That about sums it up.

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Alfonz, what's your thoughts about God?
He's ok. Needs to stop bothering me for money, though.
Uh, God asks you for money?
All the time. And does the laundry at my house. The moocher.
God actually mooches off you, seriously?
Ooooh, GOD! I thought you said Brian Boitono. God's a whole different kettle of fish.

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Well, here I am with an Internet-ready compter. Prepared to surf the web and be enriched through gloriously upbringing websites on the information superhighway.
How do I turn this thing on?

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Hmm, power button, maybe this'll do it. *press*
Welcome! You've got mail!
I tingle in anticipation. Let's see here... *click*
You've just opened a destructive virus on your system! Prepare to shell out a wad of cash to repair your computer because a 13 year old decided to be an asshole!
This sure is fun.
1337 haxorz pwn j0o!

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Well, now the PC is all fixed up. Now I'll check out some sites.
[indeterminate computer noise indicating Internet activation]
Now to engage in the wonders of the Internet.
Welcome! Choose the website you wish to view: a) site filled with all the knowledge in the known universe. b) Pornography.
Woohoo! Naked German nurses named Olga!

 

by Broly
9-19-01
This porn stuff is amazing! I can't get enough of it!
Please contribute and keep our porn sites going strong.
Fuck that. Where's that infinite knowledge thingy? At least that's free.
Nooo, please, give us money! Look, we're naked, ooo!

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Hey mister, may I borrow a quarter?
Praytell, what's it for?
My dad needs an important, surprisingly underpriced surgery done on his heart or else he'll die.
Well, in that case...
Sorry to hear he's gonna die.

 

by Broly
9-19-01
Hello again, zombified trogladites! You may be wondering about the whereabouts of Billy in recent days.
His safety has been all I've thought about! 'Cept for porn.
I assure you, he's just taking a temporary leave of absence and will return shortly.
Yay, all my fears have been set aside.
Welcome to Heaven. Ready to participate in the Martial Arts Tournament held by the Kaio-Samas of the Four Galaxies?
I have a bad feeling about this.

 

by Broly
9-20-01
*ring ring*
Why, a ringing phone. I do believe I will pick it up.
Hello? I'm really depressed, I want to end my life. I'm going to jump off a bridge.
Use a gun. It's alot easier
I don't think you understand the meaning of "Suicide Help Line".
Everyone has different methods.

 

by Broly
9-20-01
Maybe we should take a break from Alfonz giving out bad advice. Let's get back to the Heavens Tournament, in which Billy is about to start his first fight!
Er, fight? I don't think I'm ready for this...
C'mon, aren't you a tough homie from the hood? Ready to kick ass and take names!
Yeah! I'm gonna whoop them. OLD SCHOOL! Bring it on!!!
Alrighty then. Your first opponent is some alien dude.
What's the deal with this chode?
Msydifmeowkc hfudy. (*Up yours, biped.)

 

by Broly
9-20-01
Let's get it on! *ding ding*
I'm-a bust you right proper upside the head, biznatch!
Usyzofiem osid uciv leekdso.
The hell's that mean?
Hmm, I think I get the jist of it...

 

by Broly
9-20-01
Ray gun or no ray gun, I'm still gonna throw down on your gray ass! Prepare for a world of hurt, alien boy!
OOOWWW!
I guess that fight's over, huh?
Golly, ya think?
Husydyofidmlapqlwjxy ndhfuvbmsoelwldia. (*You suck.)

 

by Broly
9-22-01
Man, does this ever suck.
Not only did I lose in the tournament, I'm a pile of ashes.
Oh, it's you. Hi again. Nice entrance.
Thanks. One can make fancy entrances when one is the Dai Kai Oh Shin.

 

by Broly
9-22-01
Dai Kai Oh Shin you say?
You bet. It means really important God, essentially. But in Japanese.
Uh, why did you have to say it in Japanese? Why not English?
Because it sounds cooler in the Japanese language.
Got me there.
Wow, you've been smoking a long time.

 

by Broly
9-22-01
Hey, since you're God and all, would you mind restoring me?
Sure, no prob.
Cool! Thanks, dude.
And I didn't even need large quantities of scotch tape! Booyah!

 

by Broly
9-22-01
Now Billy, I didn't just restore you out of the kindness of my heart.
Jeepers, no?
No. Your success in the Heavens Tournament is vital for the sanctity of the human race.
If you fail, the race of the alien that defeated you will overthrow the Earth. The hopes of trillions rests on you shoulders, Billy.
Hahaha, your eyes are big.

 

by Broly
9-22-01
Darn! I miscounted the issues. That was supposed to be HT 7. My bad, sorry folks. This one will be 8, chalk that up to me.
Whoa! Who's that?
That's just Author. He talks to us whenever he makes a screwup.
Oh, at any rate, if you're to re-enter the Tournament, it will have to be under a different guise. A defeated participant isn't allowed to re-enter.
I got that under control. Hey Author, if you washed my old outfit, hit me with it.
Fresh from the dryer.
Holy crap!
Author can do a few things right, at least.

 

by Broly
9-22-01
Now Billy, it's not important if you win the tournament entirely, just make sure you defeat the alien.
Gotcha. Hold on, can't you endow me with super powers or strength or something?
Yeah, that would help your chances, ok.
*Thunder clap fizzle zoom bang*
There, now you're super-charged.
I was kind of expecting a little more flash and dazzle from God.

 

by Broly
9-22-01
Alright. Now, go re-join the tournament and battle until you reach the alien. Be sure to use all your might to defeat him!
Ok!
Weee!
Do you think he'll be able to win, Dad?
We'll see, Son. We'll see.

 

by Broly
9-22-01
And thusly, the tournament waged on.
[Robotic fighting noises]
[Green Lizard fighting noises]
Vicious battle after vicious battle.
I'm-a kick you upside yo' head!
Wow! I can see your hoochie coo!
Finally, Billy was admitted under his new, secret identity. By the way, Bongo is the overseer of entrants into the Tournament.
Name?
Hmm... Willy!

 

by Broly
9-23-01
Willy?
Yes, Willy, got a problem with that?
You just remind me of someone... whatever. You'll be paired up with that guy behind you.
Alright! I'll bet my opponent will be a cinch.
Did it just get colder in here?

 

by Broly
9-23-01
Holy crap, it's Death!
Yep, that's me.
Hmm, you're gonna be a tough opponent. Ominous, swift, tactful, deadly...
I never figured you'd be wearing bermuda shorts, though.
Few people do.

 

by Broly
9-23-01
Well, physical representation of death or not, you're going down!
Oh yeah? Let's roll, little boy.
What the...
Where'd he go?
KII-YAAAAA!

 

by Broly
9-23-01
And so, with the advantage of surprise, Billy assaults Death...
Ouch, my left femur!
And emerged victorious!
Owwie! You gave me a boo-boo! I'm telling mommy!
Wow, Death is a wuss.
Billy couldn't celebrate for long. The match he had been preparing for so many long strips is about to ensue.
So, we meet again... alien... that has a name... I don't know.
dfpuwmepn aiwmcrnom ioacwen kaunwecr (*Aren't you the loser I zapped earlier?)

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Sidenote: From now on, I'll just translate alienspeak.
Say Author, you aren't going to draw out the big battle for weeks ala DBZ, are you?
Hell no. I'll keep it short and sweet.
Very good. Now, time to unleash my awesome...
Oh shit...

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »