All comics by Chi_The_Cynic

Profile

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-06-03
The new website is finished, if you'd like to come and take a look at the design proofs
Yes, I'll be up in just a minute
Several hours later...
...
I've had a look, and I like it, but I think it needs to be more... well, I can't quite put my finger on it, but the website definitely needs to be more of it, if you see what I mean?
You haven't got the faintest idea what you're talking about, have you?
And in addition, I think we need to lessen the amount of optico-visual items in an attempt to make the site more pro rata... anyway, I'll let you get on with making those suggested improvements

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-07-03
Well, since you're here... would you like something to eat?
Whaddya got?
Beef burger, chicken burger, lamb burger, ham burger and burger surprise
Oh, I'll have a burger surprise, please
SURPRISE! TOBOR WILL BURGER YOU NOW!!!
Hmm, I guess I won't be needing this carrot, then...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-08-03

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-09-03
.......

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-09-03
Ok, I'll just put this new USB memory stick in the USB slot...
This device is incompatible with your system, and I know why this is. However, before you'll even get the chance to read this error message I'm going to reb-

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-14-03
Error 404 stripcreator.com cannot be found
*typedy-type*
Porn-A-Plenty.com welcomes back Boinky33

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-14-03
That's it! SC is over. I'm finished with it, and I'm never going back. Ah, and with all this free time, I could do so much...
Aww crap, who am I kidding?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-14-03
ERROR 404
Well, I guess with SC gone, I'll just have to allow my cynicism to show itself in the real world...
...and to sum up, you have absolutely no idea how to use a computer, let alone run a company, you mindless balding overweight chump!
Moments later...
Got any spare change *hic* guv'nor?
Brad! Why hast thou forsaken me?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-18-03
asr83dft6@lycos.com has sent you a message
Ahh, I wonder what this could be?
START JERKING OFF NOW! THESE BITCHES ARE HOT HOT HOT!!!
Oh my! How could this have happened? Let me check that address again...
Oh how silly I am - it's not from asr84dft6 (a good friend of mine) it's actually from asr83dft6! Those spammers sure are cunning!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-18-03
Microsoft announces its pledge to tackle e-mail spam
What will be your first move in facing the spam issue, Mr. Gates?
Simple! Microsoft will buy up all porn outlets, viagra manufacturers and financial loan companies
How will that stop e-mail spam?
It won't, but spam will then carry the Microsoft seal of approval, so there'll be no need to worry anymore!
*cough*
What?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-18-03
Ok, normal subject lines aren't doing it anymore... we need a new strategy
Let's stick "Re:" in front of each subject line so it looks like it's a reply to something a user has already sent
That's genius! Everyone reads replies to e-mails they've sent to others
People love reading replies, it's only natural
You don't think maybe they'll catch on that they don't know anybody called Ivor Biggun or Loans4u?
Nah, don't be stupid

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-23-03
SC is good but
Porncreator would be best
Mmm Brad in the nude...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-26-03

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-26-03
Happy Gerund Day, Doctor Pedantic!
What's so special about Gerund Day?
Well, it's a celebration for the using of gerunds
Haha, that was almost amusing...
No no, I'm serious, that's what the celebrating of Gerund Day is all about!
No, that's not what I meant - you see, when you said... and then again just now when you... oh, forget it.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-28-03
Ah, you work for the IT department, don't you? By the look of that cup of tea in your hand, I guess you're not busy right now...
What seems to be the problem, Noreen?
I can't find my important Word document! It was here just a minute ago, and now it's gone! Have the IT department been deleting files today??
Not as I'm aware. You're looking in the XLS folder, try looking in the DOC folder
Oh there it is! Well, I wonder how it got there?
Perhaps because you saved it there? To think they call this department "Administration"...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-28-03
Hey, IT guy - why is my colour document coming out as black and white?
...
Each time I click print, it comes out black and white, even though it's coloured on my monitor!
...
See, black and white, every time - why is it doing this to me?
How can I tell her she's using a black and white printer for a colour document without sounding entirely patronising?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-29-03
Ahh, lunch break, away from the office... peace...
There he is, look! Out on that bench over there - see if you can get his attention!
COMPUTER GUY! THE NETWORK'S DOWN AGAIN!
Is there no respite?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
7-29-03
The 28th call of the day
Right, that's it...
Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!
IT Department, what seems to be the problem?
It's Caibron - everytime I log into it, it throws up an error and hangs - what would you suggest I do?
Well, given that I don't even know what Caibron is, let alone what it does, I would suggest you go home now
Oh.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-03-03
Critical error, please restart windows
Restarting Windows...
Critical error, please restart windows

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-03-03
Phew! Damn this heat, I'm sweating buckets! I wish it would cool down...
Brrr, it's so cold! I thought this was supposed to be summer? I wish it would heat up...
Phew! Damn this heat, I'm sweating buckets! I wish it would cool down...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-05-03
I can't seem to log on to my computer! Can you fix it?
The network is experiencing difficulties, and everyone is in the same boat as you, Noreen
So you'll be able to mend my computer, then?
It's not a computer fault, it's a network fault which is currently being looked into
Ok, I'll expect you down here after lunch to fix my PC!
Did she not understand what I said, or did she just not bother to listen?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-05-03
Argh! Make it stop!
I can't print anything!
My accounts program has crashed!
The network is down!
I've forgotten my password!
My computer won't turn on!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-05-03
Well, this problem had better be fixed by tomorrow! Otherwise there's going to be a lot of angry people around here!
There's going to be a lot of work scheduled for tomorrow, so you'd better be in bright and early to make sure it's all done by the end of the day!
The following morning...
Sick pay it is, then!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-07-03
Look at it out there...
Fatal exception error
*sigh*

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-07-03
T3: Rise of the Politician
Are you John Connor?
Are you seriously running for the governorship?
The Incredible Sulk
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!
So what the hell do you call THIS, President Bush?
Pirates of the CaRIAAbean
KaZaArrrrrr!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-14-03
In choosing the songs for my CD swap compilation, I must strike a fine balance between songs I like and songs which won't make me out to be too weird...
Chill out Chi, you've got nothing to worry about
Really, Brad?
Yeah, we think you're weird even without knowing your musical tastes
Oh.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-15-03
So, you're finished with the fibre-optic cabling now, is that right?
Yup, that's right, all in order and done to your own specifications
You won't mind if I just check this computer to see if it works ok?
Err, no, that's fine, you go right ahead, I'll just be picking up my stuff...
Umm, wait, this computer isn't... logging.... on... *sigh*

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-16-03
Great to see you again, Red!
How's your new lumberjack job coming along?
Sweet Jesus...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-16-03
How was it for you?
Disappointing... you're rather small...
And now?
When I said "small"...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-16-03
Being and nothingness, the great questions of philosophy...
*sigh*
Hey, dumbass!
Fries with that, sir?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-16-03
You any idea how fast you were driving, sir?
Yep.
Unrepentant, I see...
Well, d'uh!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-16-03
Jesus loves little children...
And so do I...
Sorry, but you can't afford my rates

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-16-03
Cockadoodledoo!
George, you really need to teach that cockerel the difference between night and day...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-16-03
On my mark, you take out his legs and we'll make a break for freedom!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-19-03
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Hey!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-20-03
Sucky sucky! Four dollah!
RAAA! TOBOR CORNHOLE FOR FREE!
Wirthling sucks!
Actually, Mr. Billings, you have not stipulated the object upon which said Wirthling sucks, and thus your sentence is incomplete.
It's official, I am the newbie character of choice! I must end my life now...
And that's just one of many ways to cook a first rate Irish stew!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-25-03
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SON
Now that you're becoming an adult
We feel you're old enough to know
Putting up with you for the last 18 years was a living hell
We hate you.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-25-03
Heard you were still feeling blue about our divorce
Just to let you know that I'm not

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-26-03
Have you found anyone yet to look after the website once I go back to university?
Yes, indeed I have - somebody who I think will be very adept at the task
Anyone I know?
Yes, I think you do... what was her name again? Oh yes, Noreen
Aych tee emm ell?
Kill me now

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-26-03
I sometimes wonder whether computers have reached AI but conspired not to tell us
By the looks of that word "to" in your document, you must be writing a letter!
Well, it was a thought, anyway

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-27-03
What do you do if you run over an Irishman?
Reverse!
No, you sick bastard! You take him to the nearest emergency ward! What were you thinking?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
8-31-03
KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL
Jason, hold it... we're both invincible, so what's the point in fighting each other?
Hmm...
Why don't we stop this badly thought out battle to the death, join forces and kill even more people?
The End.

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-01-03
Monday
We're compiling the annual budget, should I put you down for anything?
I need a new computer! Get me one now!
Tuesday
Your new computer is on order at the moment, it should arrive any day now
But I want a new computer right now! Get me a new computer this instant! I have urgent e-mails
Wednesday
Your new computer has arrived, I've come to install it for you
Go away, I'm busy!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-01-03
Can I help you?
Yes, I've got a computer here for a Ms. Spearing, do you know who she is?
Ahh yes, she's Ms. Paterson's personal assistant
But... isn't Ms. Paterson personal assistant to Mr. Matthews?
Yes, Ms. Spearing is employed to act as a personal assistant to Mr. Matthews' PA
For goodness sake...

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-01-03
Hello, is that IT? Can you come and move my computer to a different desk, please?
Yes, I'll be right down
So let me get this straight. You want me to swap this PC with the PC two metres over there... couldn't you just move to the other desk? They are the same make of desk...
No, of course not! That isn't MY desk, it's KIRSTY's desk!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-02-03
You called, something about an emergency?
Yes, I've got a real problem! I need a new toner cartridge for my printer right away!
We don't have any in stock - can you not use the printer down the corridor in the common room?
No, you don't understand, this is urgent!
No, it's not urgent, you're just too lazy to drag yourself down the corridor and use that printer instead! I have better things to do with my time, you know...
I can't print off porn in the common room!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-02-03
We've had some trouble with your cabling down in Accounts
What's yer problem?
You wired the power sockets at one end of the room and the network sockets at the other end
Haha!
It's not funny! How are we supposed to connect computers to the network as well as give them power when the sockets are 20 metres apart?
You mean those network computers aren't gonna generate power by themselves?

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-02-03
Asian Girl meets Victorian Christianity
Sucky sucky four dollah?
What manner of child are you? Get back on your boat, young Hottentot!
Tobor meets The Age Of Invention
..and if I hear anymore about this "corn holing" balderdash, I'll sell you for scrap to that young enterprising Mr. Faraday!
Tobor not like nineteen hundreds
Pedantic meets Moriarty
I fear that in a war of words, my dear Doctor, I have the upper hand!
This is hell. Everybody speaks such perfect English, I've got nothing to be picky about!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-02-03
So, this is the Wild West as it once was! Say, there's a fellow cowboy over there, I'll fit right in
...so I says to him those rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!
Billy Bob! There's a funny talkin' injun dressed as a cowboy out here, get me ma rifle!

 

by Chi_The_Cynic
9-08-03
So remember, kids, be like me and wear a condom!
Or no ding ding in foo foo for you you!
Man, a whole hour of sex ed and not a pussy in sight!
Next up, David Attenborough takes a look at the private life of the domestic tabby cat
Now THAT'S more like it!

Showing page 2.

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