All comics by Contraband

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by Contraband
3-20-02
I can't believe this! My job made me take out my piercings! This is a violtion of my rights to express myself!
What do your piercings express?
¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?
It's a violation I tell you! A violation!
You are truly whacked Sir Benga.

 

by Contraband
3-20-02
I was thinking about buying a new computer Professor John.
Oh yeah, what brands are you looking at?
E-Machines
Here's an ad for something better.
An Etch-A-Sketch?
At least with an Etch-A-Sketch you only have to shake it to get it to reboot.

 

by Contraband
3-29-02
Hey youngin'! Back in my day, we didn't have so much sex and violence on TV. Things were so much better back then; our society is going downhill because of all this new fangled no sense of morals.
Your perception of reality is based on the values you grew up on. Things are changing and it scares you because you realize that the values you cling to don't exist the way you think they do.
It scares you to death that our society is much more open because you realize, but are afraid to admit to yourself that everything you learned growing up wasn’t quite what it seems.
You could get a candy bar for a nickel. Can you believe that? A NICKEL!
Yeah, but it took 40 hours in the coal mines to earn that nickel.

 

by Contraband
4-10-02
Hey! I got my SAT scores back!
Cool! What did you get?
A 690!
Wow! Is that math or verbal?
Uhh, that's my combined score.
I hear McDonalds is hiring.

 

by Contraband
4-10-02
So I got my SAT scores back!
You do realize that standardized tests are the goverments way of controlling your future? If you don't fit into the mold of what they want, you mean nothing to them.
Standardized tests try to box you into what coperations will benifit from. Rather than serving you, it serves to oil the cogs of the machine with your blood.
I wanna be a fireman when I grow up!
"What did you dream? It's alright we told you what to dream."

 

by Contraband
4-10-02
Hmm, according to this website, these musicians have sold their soul to the devil in order to make money.
The writer claims that they have control over my soul because of the backwards messages they play.
And all I have to do to save my soul is buy their book telling me how! Good thing these people haven't sold their soul to the devil.

 

by Contraband
4-15-02
Oh man, I just got home from a concert. The opening band was the worst thing I've ever heard. Some band named "Reveille".
Really? What was so bad about them?
First off, they played WAY too loudly. All the instruments clashed with each other so you couldn't tell what was what.
What kind of equpiment did they use? Marshall? Fender? Mesa Boogie?
I think they ran their Rogue guitars through a Sound Design stereo. When will people learn that quality is so much more important than quantity?
That reminds me, I need to go to Wal-Mart today.

 

by Contraband
5-24-02
Hey! I finally won $40 in an instant lottery ticket! See how much this pays off?
Yeah, but you've been buying those things everyday for a year. You've spent $365+ to win $40.
Yeah! But with that $40 I can buy 40 more tickets, and I could win up to $1,000!!! That's 1,000 tickets I could buy with it!
Yeah! And if each one of those is worth a $1,000, that would be $1,000,000!!!! Think about how man tickets you could buy with that!!!
Wow, you just blew my mind.
Even the gentlest wind would blow your mind Sir Benga

 

by Contraband
5-24-02
Professor John Gets Advice From A Teacher
If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? WRONG! DO IT AGAIN!
Yes mam!
Professor John Gets Advice From A Bitter Old Man
You need to straighten up! Follow the rules and don't question your elders!
Yes sir!
Professor John Gets It Right
So who are you going to listen to?
Myself.

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