All comics by DJWeeman

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by DJWeeman
7-28-03
Back to our hero..ine:
Now i can get back to my love.
He doesn't love you, you weirdo.
Just check my mail and see if he sent me a "special" mail.
You disgust me.
Hmm, wouldn't it be funny if computers could think?
Wouldn't it be funny if she could think?

 

by DJWeeman
7-28-03
The other hero.. kind of:
I just thought of something computer.
That you're talking to an inanimate object?
What if she's just with me for sex?
Then she's an idiot.
I tought our love went deeper then that.
The only deep love you have is for Captain Pickle..

 

by DJWeeman
7-28-03
I figured out how to see if she really loves me.
Castration?
We can meet in person, somewhere romantic.
I didn't think he could get any dumber.
How about at Captain Pickles house?
Well, he did.

 

by DJWeeman
7-28-03
Captain Pickle, is it okay if i come on over to your house with a friend?
Of course young faggot. I'd be more then happy to have you and your friend.
Thanks your a big help.
Oh, I've got more then a big help young pansy.
I just realized something. What's that design on your costume?
It's P's for Pickle. That and I cleverly made them into nipple warmers as well.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
The guest is greated:
So this is John's house? Odd.
I'll show you odd.
You're not John are you.
No, I'm his better half.
Like.. an older brother?
More like most of the time I'm his daddy.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
Are you John?
Yes I am. Who are you?
I'm Sabrina, the woman you love.
Oh no. I thought you said Sam Brina.
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing.. Welcome to my house, and i hope you like pickles.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
Sabrina has fit in real well around here.
Oh yeah. It's just like having another one of the guys.
The fact she has no self control always helps.
It sure does.
I've never felt this way before, towards a girl.
I felt like this since i found channel 33 on my t.v.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
How have things gone with John?
He's the best guy I ever met.
That's good to hear.
I couldn't have a better time. Except when we play games.
... Do i want to know?
Always the one called pull the pickle.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
You have a good time with Sabrina?
Yeah, it was fun.
Hmm, and I always thought you were gay.
No, of course not.
She really is an odd girl.
Girl? I just kept thinking it was a man.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
Captain Pickle, thanks for letting Sabrina come on over to your place.
No problem, your hairy hunk of heterosexual hormones.
I hope you didn't violate her too much.
That is something you can never do too much of.
Where is she now?
Let's just say handcuffs and some rope can always keep your lover by your side.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
Something tells me i shouldn't have just walked in to this prison cell.
Ah, wonderful, another genius.
Now I'm locked in here with no means of escape.
Yes, no means of escape. Obviously I'm a plant or something and not a freaking phone.
Wait a minute, is that a telephone?
Damn computers taking my job. Not even reckognized anymore.

 

by DJWeeman
7-29-03
Good thing there's a phone here, I'll call someone to save me.
The fact she knows anyone who would save her is suprisigng.
Let's see, I'll just push 1337SP33K and it will call my online lover.
What the...
That's weird, invalid number.
I need a new job.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
After many an hour:
Am i supposed to email him?
Now i know how her computer feels.
No, no, that's just crazy. There's no little dot button there.
A dot button? Has she been taking some of DJ's pills?
Oh I got it. You spell it out. ONLINEP1MPMASTAATHOTMAILDOTCOM
That was so bad she even ruined this page.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
A not so important announcement:
It was a sad day in the realm of comics earlier today my friends.
Thanks to Sabrina's idiocy, a page was violated, and apparently her idiocy some how made her into an indian child.
As much as the logic behind this may be questionable, it all makes perfect sense to me.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
Yes, well, apparently I can spontaneously turn into an indian child but not leave this prison cell.
It's DJ's warped mind. No need to anylize.
Now if only I could use that phone.
Can't use me?
I'm too short to reach.
Oh this is freaking pathetic.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
Oh my gosh, I didn't know phones could talk!
Yes, well, we choose to remain silent to the idiots around us.
Well, is it okay if I make a call?
Sure, who do you need to call?
...I hadn't thought that far ahead.
I hope you know you're just proving my point more.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
Who the hell is making these cartoons?
DJ is. Why?
We might as well have an ape running the joint. He's freaking putting indian girls in instead of the other freaking characters.
Something tells me it bothers you a little bit?
Do you have the urge to be a 7 year old indian girl?
We really should stop him.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
DJ, you need to stop making the indian girl in other peoples places.
Sure thing.
You're not going to go spreading around your lust at random throughout the comic?
Of course not.
Good. I guess I'll be going now.
See you around man.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
Well, I'm back to normal. Stil in the jail cell of Captain Pickle though.
I really preferred the indian child.
It really is stuffy in here.
Everyones entitled to pass gas once and a while. Even phones.
Good thing I called DJ and he should be on his way now.
Called DJ? I was talking to my girlfriend.

 

by DJWeeman
7-31-03
She's locked in a dungeon? How terrible.
Captain Pickles dungeon too, that's not too safe a place.
I had fun there.
I'm sure you would.

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
Captain Pickle, could you please release Sabrina?
Release Sabrina? But then where will I find my lovin'?
... There's always old Palmala Handerson.
I'm not following you.
There's your hand.
My hands a filthy whore.

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
Sabrina, I'm here to save you.
Thank goodness you came, it was terrible in here.
Well, good thing I came then.
I was kind of hoping for a knight in shining armor.
Well, I am wearing sequin boxers.
Well, that counts for something.

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
Hold your halibit, you horse humping hermaphrodite!
What's the matter?
We must fight for the fairy lady, you worthless freak fried fish of fraudulency.
You can have her then.
Well, that was easier then i thought.
Fighting guys in tight underpants is just not my thing.

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
Sorry, looks like you're staying here.
Oh no, that's horrible.
Hopefully someone will be back to rescue soon.
Why aren't you going to save me?
Why the hell should I?
Um...

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
But thanks to remorse:
It's the truth.
How dare he lock up that beauty, I must go save her now!
I'm suprised you're so concerned for a woman.
I have my reasons.
Such as?
I'm wearing her panties, I promised I'd give them back.

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
Thanks to this clever disquise Captan Pickle might not notice me.
What's that perfume smell?
Halt, you hemp hoarding horned toad of hepititis. What are you doing here?
To heroically save Sabrina?
You couldn't save her if I gave you the keys and let you take her.
If you gave me a few hours I'd at least give it a shot.

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
Psst. Sabrina, I'm here to rescue you.
Ah, how sweet of you my caramel nougat. Just unlock that door and lets get out of here.
You lock it from the inside right?
I thought you lock it when your outside?
Geez, maybe I should have read up on this first.
Think the operator might know?

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
I think I rub the key along the bars.
You probably have to eat it.
Why would you eat it?
It's like getting rid of a bad spell. I saw it on X Files.
I'm scared to swallow this.
Ah, I'm not scared. Just give me that crap.

 

by DJWeeman
8-01-03
Meanwhile:
Geez, I thought John would have been here for our double date by now.
I'm not too suprised.
Why's that?
He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, neither is Sabrina.
I guess they're a little on the slow side.
He accidently cemented a pickle to his stomach once.

 

by DJWeeman
8-02-03
I can always make new friends I guess.
Hey there, how you doing?
I'm backing up and putting down the veal.
Maybe I should meet normal people.
I brush my teeth with compact disks.

 

by DJWeeman
8-02-03
What are you anyways?
I'm the master of this soul train.
That doesn't tell me much.
I'm telling it like it is.
I think I'll be going now.
Don't crack your mothers back.

 

by DJWeeman
8-02-03
I got an idea. Why don't you gave save a friend of mine?
I'm god saving the queen.
Yes, well, good luck with that. I'll be going now.
We're getting foot loose and free willied.
I'm alone on the range.

 

by DJWeeman
8-02-03
And so he goes:
What the crap are you?
I'm the moving feet of mystery.
That's different. Want to come to my place?
I'm on the great commision.
Is that a yes?
Ticking clocks a calling my name.

 

by DJWeeman
8-02-03
I'm saving your day, today.
What the heck are you?
I'm your save and shave discount center.
I don't understand.
Follow me to paradise.
Wish I could be saved by someone who makes sense.

 

by DJWeeman
8-02-03
Oh wow, you brought them back, well done.
I put the hip hop in parade.
I bet John was happy.
Happier then a hair peace hamster.
What took you so long though?
We were making the outs.

 

by DJWeeman
8-02-03
Sabrina, you made out with that cow thing?
Shut up... how did you know?
The cow thing told me.
Not my fault he has big sexy lips.
It's like you're taking advantage of the mentally retarded.
Shut up!!

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
Meanwhile:
Umm, thanks for saving me cow thing.
It's my pleasure point, Lawn.
My name is John.
Sorry about that, fat cat.
And I just realized, why are you in my room?
I'm the housekeeping without the sweeping.

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
Now, if you could leave my house now please.
I'm cleaning the floor like the mob squad team.
Well, I guess it's not so bad having someone clean my house.
I'll shine your dish like a mighty morphin fish.
Whoa, whoa, those are my panties.
I'm eating off the fruits of the loom.

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
What seems to be the problem John?
The cow thing ate my underpants.
Ah, what do you know? That thing actually did do something good.
And he's polished my floor 42 times.
That sounds a bit much.
I looked at the floor and I think i saw gay guy.

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
DJ, I have a problem.
Can't find your fluffy handcuffs?
Worst, that cow thing has gone crazier.
Is that even possible?
Kind of hard to believe it is?
I'd believe Elvis is still alive way before that one man.

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
Ah, before we find the cow I have one little question for you DJ.
What would that be?
Where the crap was my room in the last comic?
Things.. got messed up.
You were thinking of the little indian girl again weren't you?
I could lie and say i was thinking of the cow thing.

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
Cow thing, you need to come with me. You're bothering the gay guy.
I don't bother a brother when they're biting at the bit.
So, you're going to come with me?
I'm following your leader, Peter.
... would that be Jesus?
I'm playing Jesus Christ Super Bowl, '98.

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
Well, I've never had a roommate before, maybe this won't be so bad.
I'm getting the top bunk so we can sail the seven seeds.
Yes, well, good look with that. I'll be going to sleep.
Don't let the June bugs fight.
Something tells me I'm not going to be sleeping for a while.
I got pills for every citation.

 

by DJWeeman
8-03-03
Oh no, we're in the house that money built.
Yes, how unique.
I'll salute the red wine and blue.
Well, I will too. This isn't so bad..
Three hours later.
I see our furniture together in the stars.
There's a freaking roof over your head. And I think you mean future. Lord help me.

 

by DJWeeman
8-04-03
Hey, would you mind having a housekeeper?
A housekeeper? Sound nice?
For free, all you need to do feed them ten carrots and a can of coffee a day. Also 3 tubs of whipped cream.
That's cheap.
You bet, and they're even partially house broken.
What the crap?

 

by DJWeeman
8-04-03
And thus they were introduced:
I'm how melons got their groove back.
Whatever that means. Sweep my floor.
Oh no, looks like my waters broke my trust.
What the crap, you just peed on my carpet.
That's why they call me the minute man.
On second though, just get out of here.

 

by DJWeeman
8-04-03
I've been left to my right again.
With no one to call by the ghostbusters.
Nothing left to do but sink like a love boat.

 

by DJWeeman
8-04-03
And he found a new place:
Oh noo, this place looks nude to me.
Whoa, whoa, how did you find me here?
I was following my nose to taste the rainbow.
This is where I work you cow crap, you can gladly go.
Leaving is almost believing.
Yeah, just get out of here already. Don't want the other demons to see me talking to a cow... thing.

 

by DJWeeman
8-04-03
Hey there tree, what are you doing here in the forest fire?
Umm, I don't know what you are but I'm a cigarette.
I'm here for breaking the 11 commandment.
That sounds like a pretty gay reason.
I'm not gay, I'm just happy to be here.
I'm not gonna ask.

 

by DJWeeman
8-04-03
Thanks very much for suffering through my comic guys. That was an aweful lot of pictures of indian girls, phrases from cows that don't make sense, and maybe themes that offended some people.
I just sincerly hope you enjoyed yourselves up until this milestone, the 100th comic.
What the?
We found a box of fireworks to set off, come on! We allready taped like ten of them to the cow thing.

Showing page 2.

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