All comics by Fuj

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by Fuj
11-18-04
Say Knight, where did you leave the ring anyway?
In the rucksack with the mule. Why?
And where did Heinrich the Unclean leave that decaying bird carcass?
In the ruck sack with the mu...
...

 

by Fuj
11-18-04
Might I suggest that killing it would be extremley unwise given the amount of luggage we are using it to carry.
Its no use Ive fed it prunes, malt loaf, bell peppers. Its stuck right up there and its clogging everything else with it.
Ranger I would kill you where you stand.
I cant watch it all the time! how was I sposed to know it would eat the carcass AND the ring!

 

by Fuj
11-18-04
Its no use were going to have to wait untill it shits the damn thing out
We havent got that long ranger. Bah! I need inspiration..
C'mon Knighty think..think..
hmm..

 

by Fuj
11-18-04
Quit looking at me like that will ya!

 

by Fuj
11-18-04
It was completley necessary. My choice was for the greater good of the collective unit. She'll come round in time...
Navi...
Navi Your'e going to have to talk sometime..

 

by Fuj
11-18-04
Guess we know who the real lord of the Rings is eh! eh!...
Fuck you! FUCK YOU!
..

 

by Fuj
11-18-04
Now when I say play you play understand?
This is going to be so cool...
But my fingers are sore!
Quiet, its about time I had my own theme music
DUH-NU-DUH-NUH-NUH! DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUN DUH-NUH-NUH!
So Iron man, as an 800 foot metallic behemoth armed to the hilt , you say your'e just misunderstood, is there anything you'd like to tell the nation.
Wait wait wait..Shh.. here comes the good bit!

 

by Fuj
11-21-04
Shake wiggle,wiggle,wiggle shake!
Christ its lonely on earth... Whats a robot to do?
GLOB-GLOB-GLOB-GLUUHHH!!
please dont speak! your cum bubbles are exploding over my fringe!

 

by Fuj
11-25-04
Thank you for joining us tonight folks. This really is the pinnacle of live pay per view sports as we bring you these two giants of darts...
And live tonight! Ladies and gentlemen.. Its the clash of the titans Phil "The Power" Taylor vs AAANNDDYY FFFOORRRDDHAAAMMM!!!
B-E-L-C-H-!-!
erm.. ANNDDDYY FOORRRDHhaam!? (pssst! thats you're queue Fordham!)
I'd like to thank our many viewers for tonights spectacular show. It REALLY was worth the 15 quid booking fee ON TOP of your monthly debts for three mediocre sports channels...
fuck..

 

by Fuj
11-28-04
Duh-duh... duh dududu duh
I'm from the rspcf..
Hold on... Fairies, right?
Duhdududu duh duduh
Yes.
Ummm...
Duh dudududu duh...
How can you live with yourself?
But... but... They make me feel so good!!! If thats wrong, I don't want to be right!!!

 

by Fuj
12-01-04
status.. attempting to connect to Btbroadband...verifiying username & password..connection established...*ERROR* (619) the port was disconnected by the remote computer
Re-trying...verifiying username & pasword..connection established..*ERROR* (742) The remote computer is being a cunt and has disconnected you
Re-trying...verifiying user name & password..connection established *ERROR* (535) The remote computer requires a sacrifce of two virgins steeped in goats jizm, before it can connect you.

 

by Fuj
12-21-04
Relax, baby, I know the last few dates have been weird, but check my new pair of suggestively tight jeans out! *shake* *wiggle*
He's SO cute! But...what's that noise?
Glub! Glub! Glub! WHYYYY?
Meanwhile, on Cybertron...
See? I told you I could spurt that far!
Well shit! Looks like I owe you an energon cube!

 

by Fuj
1-19-05
Before I left for New York I somehow managed to get gout in my left big toe...
Gout.In my left toe.
Im 24...

 

by Fuj
1-19-05
At the airport.
You sure You're going to be ok?
Fine. As long as no-one touches my foot Im good...
...
What? what are you looking at?
Seriously? So it was just at that precise moment that the 100 tonne comedy anvil fell on his foot?
No, it wasnt untill AFTER the luggage dolly ran over his foot but BEFORE the weight watchers in crisis flight boarded.

 

by Fuj
1-20-05
The "swedish" massage parlour
It is done.
Excellent! BLA-WA-HAHAHA!
HA!
HE!
RRORR!

 

by Fuj
1-25-05
Hey! Did you know there's a vendor outside our hotel selling hot dogs for $1!
$1 thats like 50p each! let me just see here $1000 divided by 2, plus my travellers cheques...
I'll have 1001 hot dogs please good sir! and a pretzel
Coming up buddy.
Hurry up Fuj! you only had one dog, whats wrong?
MMMMYYYYY ANNNNNNNUSSSSSSS!!!!! ARARARARGRGHHHGGH!!! *BLAP!BLAP!BLAP!BLAP!BLAP!BLAP!BLAP!BLAP!*

 

by Fuj
1-25-05
Hey! theres a tour bus going round new yorks "seedy" underbelly. Takes you right through the bronx and brooklyn. You coming?
After yesterdays hotdog debacle!? Im just gonna hang back at the hotel. My ringpiece is saying O when it should be saying X.
But!? this is what we came here for! You going to be pussy the whole trip?I dont need your sorry ass to have fun anyways...
Im sure . Just you go and enjoy yourself.
Later..
How was Brooklyn?

 

by Fuj
1-27-05
Ya see baby. Only the finest for my woman. Ive got the cristal, the ice cream sneakers, the ice cubes in my ears.
Look, its not like your charms arent working for me ... Its just..well... you KNOW how this always turns out.
take it eeezay angel. *shake wiggle wiggle shake wiggle*.....
*SHUB BIBBLE BIBBLE SCHBLUB*
For the love of christ!

 

by Fuj
1-27-05
NRRRGH! NNHH!
Hey Wheeljack? you going to be much longer in there!?
NN..NN..GGRRH! Man I knew I shoulda left the seafood special alone. What was I thinking?
Hey! I know how to pass the time till those stools move *fapfapfapfap*

 

by Fuj
1-28-05
Wise fwom your Gwave!
Is he..What did he just say!?
No.. I think he's gone now. Fuck knows Im not doing that shit again. No way.
WISE FWOM YOUR GWAVE AND WESCUE MY DAUGHTER!!
Theres no one here! GO away!

 

by Fuj
2-07-05
And thus the legend of Golden Axe begins. Our heroes Gillius Thunderhead, Tyris Flare and Ax Battler join forces to defeat the evil death Adder..
HAZZAH! Minion! Your leader kidnapped the King and Princess. Taste my steely vengance!
YAAH! In the ensuing battle Death Adder killed our friend Alex, he will pay for his mistake! HAVE AT THEE!
LOUD NOISES! LOUD NOISES!(Tee hee! Ive swapped their weapons with Bread sticks, just watch a second...)

 

by Fuj
2-07-05
AHA! Level guardian, mighty and evil you may be, but Ive been keeping these stash of potions for such an occasion! AZAAH!*HURL*
Why isnt this summoning something?
*SNIFF* was that a vial of piss you just threw at me?
snigger!
Man, Ax Battler you can be such a cunt at times.

 

by Fuj
2-07-05
Tyris? you look positively exhausted! Arnt you going to get some sleep?
Sleep!? No fucking chance. And let those little bastards thieve my stuff?!
Every night the same thing. It doesnt matter where we set camp, those cunts find us and loot our potions. Oh no. No sleep for Tyris. No sleep EVVERR!!
Elsewhere.
Ok we'll be staying at the entrance to the turtle village,look for the camp fire. You know the deal, I get 75%. Sorted?
Agreed.

 

by Fuj
2-07-05
Sup?
You Okay? wanna talk about something?
HAVE NONE OF YOU NOTICED THAT THIS VILLAGE IS ATOP OF A GIGANTIC FUCKING TURTLE??!!!

 

by Fuj
2-07-05
Its been a tough time for my Grandson, what with the divorce of his parents and the recent move...
Dont worry maam, we like to think we offer kids a sanctuary where they can learn, have fun and develop into someone special.
Im so pleased to hear that Mr. Bergenstein. Please look after the boy, he's awfull shy in these situations.
Stop fretting. Here at Ridicule High school we take time and effort into furthering the social skills of all of our students.
Class! we have a new member to our "gang" this is little Jimmy Gumblescrote. He likes computers, bedwetting and crying softly to himself in corners. Lets make him feel welcome eh?
GASP!

 

by Fuj
2-07-05
Hey Jimmy, Im thinking of pairing you with one of our other new kids. It could be a good way to start making friends.
I dont know sir...
So... you're new here too huh? Kids round here say that you're parents split up and thats why ya'v moved here. So what happened?
I dont want to talk about it.
HEY EVERYBODY! Jimmy's parents split up cos his old mans a paedophile and his mam's a dirty old crack whore!! And she takes it up the pipe!
GASP!

 

by Fuj
2-08-05
Really? Theres a machine in there giving out free candy!!
All the Gum-drops and chocolate swirls you can eat! Just go on through the door little girl..
keep going.
AIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
GASP!

 

by Fuj
2-08-05
Hey Jimmy, you done the art project for todays class yet? Want me to hand it in for ya?
t-that would be swell. Sure.
Jimmy. Ive been meaning to talk to you about yesterdays art assignment.
y-y-yes sir? was there a problem?
"Grandpa's secret game" was certainly an artisitic achievment for a 10 year old, but it suggests an underlying problem we should probably talk to the councellor about....
GASP!

 

by Fuj
2-08-05
A-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-daaaa-dooo-ding-ding-da

 

by Fuj
2-10-05
I was raised to punch people in the face without provocation or reason. My father punched people in the face without provocation or reason as did my fathers father and his father before him..
THUN!
THUNDER!!
THUNDERCATS!!!
HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Fuj
2-13-05
This place doesnt seem too bad.. Chique interior, competent waitresses... ooh! the kitchen is open plan.. we can see the chef's cooking!!
really?
Upon carefull perusion Fuj, I think its best we get the fuck out.
Eh?
Remember when you were wondering what the "special sauce" was?....

 

by Fuj
2-14-05
Valentines day Feb 14th 2003
Oh sweetie you'd best duck under the covers I think Im going to sneeze huh...huh...ahhhhhcchhh!!!!!
NO! wait till Im under the sheets
*PFFAAAARRRTTT!* heh he he! :-)
....

 

by Fuj
2-14-05
Hey! Im new to this super hero business and I was wondering if you could give me a few pointers?
Certainly what would you like to know?
Well sir.. I've always wondered how it is a guy can fly?
Oh ok. Come with me..
Where are we going!?
the pub

 

by Fuj
2-14-05
Later
....ANd I wAs all likE ..you wanna piece of thiS shit B-B-IITCH! Ive shat better super villians than you...You CCCUNNT!! so then I slapped him in the face with my...
erm..Thats a great story superman really, but I was hoping to learn to fly sometime? Also Im teetotal so a bar isnt my idea of a great tutorial locality.
Oh. Ok., lets get cracking then. First things first before I teach you to fly you need to have an appropraite "super name" what you got?
I dunno... erm.. Super dude?
....Have you thought about the civil service? What about dentistry?

 

by Fuj
2-14-05
Theres really nothing to it. You just gotta go for it you know.Watch and learn
Umm..ok.
*ZZRRRRRRMMMMMM!!!*
Piece of piss mate.
Wha-WHAA!? seriously how am I supposed to do that?

 

by Fuj
2-14-05
Just, like, really go for it? s-s-seriously SM I-I dont think I can do this.
*sigh* Right there is ONE way we can get you flying but its a tried and trusted secret passed down from generations of super hero's. You CANNOT tell anyone.. follow me.
WHAT? back at the pub? I told Im a tee...
I know but you've gotta make some sacrifices if you want to be a super hero! Ok you need to drink the following combination of drinks and then I can GUARANTEE you will be flying in no time.
Barkeep! Six Absinthe slammers and a Pint of tequila.
Coming up..

 

by Fuj
2-14-05
*hic*
S-HUPER DEWD UP, UP AND AWAAYY!!

 

by Fuj
2-14-05
...
Okay medics.. Anyone good at jigsaw puzzles? no? This man is very dead then.
Super man... Dont you get tired of being such an absolute CUNT?

 

by Fuj
5-11-05
And a one..
a two
a one, two , three
four...
..Ground control to major tom..check ignition

 

by Fuj
5-18-05
Life weaves us an intracate tapestry of.. questions and...
Why did the stick man bang a nail into his head?
hmmm...
...answers that only ask.. more questions. Today stickmen John and David found out that..
I dont know! but on the flip reverse, why did the stick man throw himself into a garbage can?
.. by asking those questions they are only opening the gate to the realms of.. the cliched last panel zone.
nhhh.. estebannn!

 

You should never, under ANY circumstances, try to blow your nose whilst wiping your arse after having a drunken shite....
by Fuj, 5-24-05

 

by Fuj
6-04-05

 

by Fuj
6-04-05
!
.
???!!
....
7UCK M3!

 

fuck off.
by Fuj, 6-04-05

 

What? Did you think it was consentual?
by Fuj, 6-04-05

 

by Fuj
6-04-05
"The meak and weak willed shalst drink the love juice of Lucifer and believeth that they can REALLY dance"... Tell me my child .. What could be worse than to suck from Satans unholy teet?
?
Thirst?.. No George you cant say that! think spiritual.. Dont fuck this up!
!!!
Well sucking you're bell end after Sunday School must be up there but ... I've fucked this up havent I?

 

by Fuj
6-04-05
GAAAHHH!!! FIRE!!!
Okay people.. we're going to have to jump out.
But.. were on the 13th floor!!
DAMMIT! this is no time to be superstitious!

 

by Fuj
6-04-05
..*HIC!*..
..And where do you think you're going to at this time in the morning?
Im err.. attending a lecture?
A lecture..at 3AM!?
Its with my wife..

 

by Fuj
6-04-05
...And finally she left me after all I tried to do for her.. Whats the verdict Doc?
hmm..
I cant find anything wrong with you Mr.Gallacher..It must be heavy drinking.
Thats fine. I'll come back when you're sober.

 

by Fuj
6-04-05
...So I said "someone has left the cork out of my luncheon"
..my liege isnt midday sustenance usually a litre of absinthe?
..that was the joke.
A truth spoken which defeats all possibilities of doubt.

Showing page 2.

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