All comics by Garenn

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by Garenn
7-22-06
One day, while Moses the Maniacal was tripping on acid...
trip...acid....kill?
I'm RAMBO MUTHER FUCKER!
...
That's right! I'm gonna finish the war YOU started with me!
... he seems to have had a bad trip.
kill with nails...
Here I come 'Crocodile Dundee'... and MY knife is BIGGER than YOURS! AND it has a compass!

 

DeMotion-Tron, the super-heroine of the planet Kthuliooouiou, comes home from a long and tireful Civil Crisis...
Now you see, THIS is what happens when we let our teenagers have pre-marital sex... hey, mass murderers rarely make it to the 'burbs anymore!
...
by Garenn, 7-22-06

 

The Republican Party is who the Lord wants running the country!
Look, lady, who's really paying attention anymore?
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Mom! I am finished! I have fought the toilet to a stand-still!
Fine, dear, as long as you use your huggies.
I'm a big kid now!

 

Sir, I find your shirt to be absolutely CORRECT!
Thanks, I got it at Hot Topic.
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

No, No MORE!
Now to actually put the animal to sleep...
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
...
It is not what it appears to be...

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
...........
...so how's your wall doing?
Chirp?

 

This could be misleading...
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

Gah! Can't get all the water out of my ear!
S'why I live in the desert, hombre.
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Finally, a seat!
I WAS HERE FIRSTGRABLAHAGA KILL!

 

Him already frozen to death...
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
...........
Stay on your side!
(sigh)...

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Let's just read this for the class...
NNOOOOO!!!
It worked!

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
I just need to see her one last time for closure...
This is awkward...

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
BLEH!
Who let you out of the fugly convention?
I am the product of stem cell research!

 

DAD!
Son! We have to talk...
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Wilson, I'm depressed...
There is no reason to beleive that at your young age you should be having any doughts about your existence!
Okay, see you later, Wilson!
Where am I employed?

 

CARL, NOOOO!
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
That a letter, neighbor?
Dear Billy, still having the greatest time being rich without you...
What's his problem, Wilson?
Perhaps his gloating over your financial plight is compensation for some area where he performs poorly...
Heh, that may be the truth...

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
This won't hurt him?....
Not a bit silly-willy, I do it all the time!

 

Awesome!
So cool!
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Alright, lets get this over with...
But I'm really Jesus!
Shattup and get ready to bleed Grand Moff Tarkin...
Father, they know not what they do!

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Son, rethink your life...
Time to die.
Nyah!

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
So son, how's your 'ice cream', heh heh...
...?
oop!... Time for me to skedaddle!
KILL SICK MAN!

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Hey Moses... check it out... peek a boo!
guh
PEEK A BOO!
hurm?...
...
KILL PEEK BOO!!!

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
And one day, outside The Christian School for Orphaned and Previously Prostituted Bleeders...
I always liked me some little school girlies...
Hey mithta, why awe you thtawin' at me?
oooh... a lisp..
I hate it when people thtawe!
BALLS! IT HAS BALLS WHERE THERE SHOUDLN'T BE!.... still kinky though....

 

Outside Madeline Hardsucks' apartment complex...
This is what she gets... leave me for a pro football player... leave this killer plant outside her building...
Thank christ. I thought he was gonna 'water' me like he fills the dog's water bowl...
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Oh come now, it isn't THAT absurd!
... it just isn't RIGHT Dale...
Where's the problem? People have been doing it for centuries!
Yeah, but...
But WHAT Herb?
Man, you're like..30! Why are you STILL wearing diapers?!

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
A typical day in the law offices of Retarded, Moronic and Cumguzzler
..and so I said "You're mother blew the goats! I just collected the quarters for her!" HEH HEH HEH
Darrell, the boss wants to see you.
What?... Oh man... did he say why?
Nope, he just said to "get that red tailed fairy in here pronto!" in his 'angry' voice.
SHIT! I am SO screwed!
Probably not as screwed as those nancy boys from 'Brokeback Mountain'! Typecasting is gonna be a BITCH! ZING!

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
A nice, autumn day in the beautiful Date-Rape Park...
...a booga...
SWEET FANCY MOSES!
?
AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAHHHH
...
...urm... Moses hear name.. but you not need kill!...

 

by Garenn
7-23-06
Dude, I could say like, 348 things right now...
... I know...
... and you couldn't do JACK SHIT BITCH!!! HAHAHAHA... a cross, WHATTA MAROON!

 

Sooooo neither of us will ever get laid will we?
nope.
by Garenn, 7-23-06

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
Ummmm... how did a Tiki guy and Bacon get WAAAAY up here?
I died.
YOU MEAN WE'RE DEAD?!?! Oh my GOD! What happens to my family?!
No, I'm just playing man, HA HA Because of our fictional status, we can do essentially whatever we want, so, we are floating in the clouds.
YOU JERK! I'm gonna KILL YOU!!!
...oop...

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
The San-Diego Comic Con...
...and so you see? You're garb does NOT reflect ANY of the characters from Star Trek, The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager OR Enterprise (which got a horrible rap by the way) *snicker*
Dude, SCREW the TREK! I SAID Star WARS! I'm the alien...
NOOOOOOOOO
It WORKS!!!!!!..... oh crap!...ummmm I HAD to do it! He was... he was going to touch me in my special place (*whimper*)... I need to call my mom for a ride!!

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
Whassup baby? Name's Jesus... what's yours?
Dirty man-hating dyke.
...
HEY! I'm kidding! Name's Mary Magdalene. Wanna make out?
YES! She's a total slut!
He'll do...

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
...hold...
FOR NARNIA!!!!!

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
Hey, you're that kid that can talk to animals!
Yeah...
I rescued this cat, does she know where her home is so I can return her?
No. She's a freaking cat. Cats are the most mentally challenged animals around. If you want more information, read a previous strip entitled 'Jesus Talked Shit'.
..........

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
Hey, son.
Dad, can I ask you something?
Sure, son.
I learned in school that only us people on Earth have to wear sspace-suits. Is it true?
I'm afraid so, son. Come on in and I'll explain more...

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
Son, I'll tell you the history of Earth and how we came to wearing these space-suits....
okay
"You see, up until the 3000's, not much was accomplished on Earth, technologically speaking. The only advancements were in video games and automobiles...
...so the issue of Global Warming and pollution were ignored by most of the population. Those that did care were persecuted and called 'tree-huggers'.

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
In the 2000's, we saw increasing cities and political gibberish, now outlawed due to George Bush Jr.'s 16th attept to be re-elected...
And in other news, China still communist and still having babies!
Popularity increased for pirates thanks to Johnny Depp and midgets because, well, they've always been funny...
Yarr!
I'm short...
And due to urban sprawl and overpopulation, we had more sick-ows like child molester's, and Michael Jackson wannabes (essentially the same thing)...
Goo?
Hey there, rosy cheeks. How'd you like a ride around town?

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
It wasn't until the year 3050 that the environmental problems came to the President's atention...
They are STILL out there? Jesus, I'm just gonna give'em ten minutes so they'll shut up...
Finally, years later, they realized we had no rainforests left,only trees people had in backyards. Oh, and that Central Park thing...
Well, maybe just a little more...
YOU GOT IT!
This isn't good...
Do me have to get new job?

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
...Then in the year 3047, they attempted to solve the urban sprawl problem by an ill-fated project to populate Antarctica. But they severely underestimated the penguin resistance, the 'Krill Faction'.
AH!
WAK WAK WAK GRRRRRR!
Later, a wannabe goth boy and a comic book geek formulated a plan to save the Earth by heading spaceward...
Life is pain...
Fools! I have already gone to the bathroom fifteen minutes ago! Haw!
Yet in that same year, nobody could have predicted the Space Civil War! The Confederates returned with a vengeance to destroy humanity. It was a surprise as everyone thought the KKK would start stuff.
I'll win this for Earth!
We can't go back, it's too polluted!

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
They populated the Moon first...
Now to get to work! First I'll put some water down, dirt, and plant the seed...
...and slowly made the atmosphere more like Earth's was...
....lets wait for the air to disperse....
..and healthier! It was close for a while, but now they could make a fresh start!
...good as new. Okay everyone, you can come out of the ship now!
It was starting to smell...

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
..They eventually populated the Solar System and made them like Earth was, except Mercury and Venus (they're pretty close to the Sun...)
Alright, Pluto this better be it!
Hurry up, It's cramped in here!
They then focused on Earth...
We cannot restore the atmosphere.
But we can get everything else back!
...And that is how we came to now!
That's excessive...

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
...The Monkey's Paw...
You got what I need?
I've got your crack, if that's what you mean...
It's for my ho!

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
I wish to sit on the bench, good sir.
Go away.
Tht's it! I'll settle your hash but good!

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
FRRRRT!
Hope nobody hears this!
.............
Am I underwater?

 

by Garenn
7-24-06
Watch and be amazed as I destroy this bird without touching it...
Hatchi Matchi!
SSSSSKKKKWWWAAAAAAKKKKK!
Thank you. You're too kind...

 

WHERE ARE YOU PUTTING THAT!?
Bend over.
by Garenn, 7-24-06

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