All comics by Juanwalez

Profile

 

by Juanwalez
1-13-03
Listen stop taking the piss out of my cartoon lover thing
You're the one that got a lifetime ban from HMV for fighting with the staff
They were putting copies of 'The Road Warrior' under 'M'!

 

by Juanwalez
1-13-03
Seriously, someone kill me please

 

by Juanwalez
1-14-03
In the 70s, rock bands were great because of thier simple catchy melodies
pff, Van Halen rules
In the 80s, rock bands were great for their uplifting lyrics and keyboard lines
pff, Slipknot rules
In the 90s, rock bands were great for their funny masks and mixer desks
pff, The Strokes rule

 

by Juanwalez
1-15-03
Hey, wana check out that new club tonight?
Yeah sure sounds like fun
A seemingly innocent night out, between two friends. However what they don't yet know is that this particular club is not just in town, but in...................... The Twilight Zone
Dude where did he come from?!
Yeah seriously, that was better than Solid Snake

 

by Juanwalez
1-18-03
Long time ago, I was walking down, a long and lonesome road
Then all of a sudden, there shined a shiney demon, in the middle of the road, and he said:
Show me the best comic in the world, or I'll eat your soul
So I gave him this link http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=fuck&ID=39313 and ran off
HE NALE'S THE FUCKIN BITCH
AH! POLEECE!! ITS RAPE!!

 

by Juanwalez
1-18-03
Ol finally gets round to watching Swingers
::You're still whining about some bitch that left you a year ago!::
Hey Gaz this is just like yo--
Shut it

 

by Juanwalez
1-18-03
I told them there was a gremlin on the wing but would they listen? Noooooooo

 

by Juanwalez
1-18-03
Brains...brains...brains
Just 'cos we're zombies doesn't mean we have to eat brains you know
Brains...brains...brains
Personally I'd love a nice fat chunk of steak
Brains...brains...brains
What are you French or something?

 

by Juanwalez
1-21-03
At some magazine
So Corey, I'd like to start the interview by focusing on Stone Sour. So you got rid of the masks and started writing good songs...
That was the general idea
It would seem that deep down you were pretty talented all along
Well this is more what I wanted to do without those other 12 guys changing things, I'm more at home here
So was Slipknot a satire on the state of the music industry and how image seems more important than skill these days?
I dunno... I was drunk I guess

 

by Juanwalez
1-21-03
Ok start the countdown
Blast off in 10...9...8...
7...6...5... hey what? I'm not done yet!
Excuse me... that never normally happens... I swear

 

by Juanwalez
1-21-03
So you're a deer then? At my party?
That sounds about right yeah
Well I dont even care, I'm so drunk I'm still gona try to shag ya!
Ha ha well thats too bad...
See? I have no arse

 

by Juanwalez
1-21-03
Down at HMV
Huh... whats this? Pearl Jam... never heard of em... I should talk to Scott about this
5 minuites later
Hey Mark... you're playing bass now too
You asked him about Vedder didn't you?

 

by Juanwalez
1-21-03
Steve Vai goes on as usual
hey like im soooo the best guitarist
yes of course you smelly son of a b***h
Yes this argument is soooooo valid
No really, I have thousands of fans, I was taught by Joe Satriani
or maybee it means you are a biggoted nazi cos you think your music is better, let me think..........?
Goodbye steven
tit
yes, go on... get out back to your insane skill - it may be good but it dosent mean its better

 

by Juanwalez
1-21-03
Chris Cornell goes on as usual
hey like im soooo a musical legend
yes of course you smelly son of a b***h
Yes this argument is sooooooo valid!
No really, Soundgarden was one of the most important grunge bands of the whole movement
or maybee it means you are a biggoted nazi cos you think your music is better, let me think..........?
Goodbye christopher
Fuck this guy, I'm gona have Timmy C kick his arse
yes, go on... get out back to your grunge - it may be good but it dosent mean its better

 

by Juanwalez
1-22-03
Ol you really shouldn't make strips about bands you like
Why? They're funny
Plus you do it all the time, you always use Brad as Chris Cornell
Yeah, but all the bands you like are shit

 

by Juanwalez
1-23-03
Hey Ol, I read your last set of comics about me
Scathing
Who the fuck is Chric Cornell?

 

by Juanwalez
1-23-03
OK so this is Imogen... Ol's girlfriend who no-one has ever seen
This is Tyler Durden
Write your own punchline
This strip is beneath me

 

by Juanwalez
1-24-03
http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=Hanbidge&ID=119524
Tyler you are the coolest not-real person EVER
Damn right!
You should probably play FFX before calling Tyler the best non-real person ever
How so?
Not gona tell you, you can go look it up again as punishment for being a philistine

 

by Juanwalez
1-24-03
Hey I want you to stop giving me shit for not seeing as many films as you. You've seen more films than anyone I know, its not fair
Plus you never would've known of Kevin Smith if it wasn't for me
I got a copy of Clerks for six quid the other day
Dick

 

by Juanwalez
1-24-03
Whats that line again?
Ah Gaz, now you pay for calling me not real! Prepare to die!
You have no power over me
Dick

 

by Juanwalez
1-24-03
Step 1: Decide what you want to cook
Mum you fuckin' bitch go buy me some cake!
Step 2: Watch TV
Man how do they come up with this stuff...?
::Boy you betta recognise!!!!::
Step 3: Enjoy
I really earned this

 

by Juanwalez
1-25-03
Ha, see I knew that Tidus wasn't real. You underestimated my knowledge
I didnt mean Tidus
What? Who did you mean then?
You're lucky this is just a clipart because I'd kick you in the balls right now if I could

 

by Juanwalez
1-25-03
I need to find a way to convince Gaz I have a real girlfriend
Ah-ha, I've got it!
Later, down at the market
Salmon fillets three for a pound! Come on folks I'm practically giving these away!

 

by Juanwalez
1-30-03
I was thinking we should cut out the surrealism
Yeah people dont get that anyway
And we should have a hot woman and nudity
Good idea
How about you just call it Videodrome and DONT BOTHER!

 

by Juanwalez
1-30-03
::DONT WATCH::
Huh... no it couldnt be...
::TURN OFF YOUR TV::
No way....
::YOU WILL DIE IN 7 DAYS::
Fuck this is bad..... first Rollerball now this

 

by Juanwalez
2-28-03
Poker in hell
Ha-ha two sixes!
Two pair
Three Queens
Ha, full house!
Read 'em and weep; the dead man's hand again!
Groan

 

by Juanwalez
2-28-03
Down at Forbidden Planet
Hmm can't afford all these comics, guess I'll just steal 'em
Hey your alarm's going off, must be the Id monstor! Haha
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Well I thought someone who worked in a comic shop would get the reference

 

by Juanwalez
3-19-03
Yeah so if you don't understand, just ask because thats how you learn. Don't be afraid to ask questions
Yeah I was wondering how come strippers can toutch you, but you can't toutch them?

 

by Juanwalez
3-19-03
Sir, I'm afraid to tell you your girlfriend has been killed in a car crash
Oh no, quick get me to the hospital as fast as you can
I'm sorry sir it's too late, she's allready dead
Yeah but still I gotta get to the hospital while the body's still warm

 

by Juanwalez
3-19-03
o/` In my eyes, indisposed, in disguise which no-one knows o/`
o/`Come, as you are, as you were o/`
o/` Alone, wasteland, breakfast table in an otherwise empty room o/`
Man how do these guys write this stuff... it's so deep

 

by Juanwalez
3-19-03
Man this one lecturer I have now can't stop saying "y' know"
The other day I counted how many times she said it; 110 times in 45 minuites!
What so you sat and counted how many times a person said a particular word...?
and you're taking the piss out of her?

 

by Juanwalez
3-20-03
I'm gona kill you
No I changed my mind, I'll save you
I've run out of power

 

by Juanwalez
3-20-03
Ha ha I can do magic and break the laws of physics
I can bring armies out of nothing, there is no stopping me
You have no power over me
Bollocks

 

by Juanwalez
3-20-03
Uh I dont know what to do, who's brought us here?
Now I have to decide the fate of humanity
Ah-ha I did it all. Robots rule the universe. I'm a robot. Maybe.

 

by Juanwalez
3-20-03
So I read your comic about some stupid DC board game you're getting
Ha yeah
Yeah I've got a compaint
You wana bash DC for a bit?
No I was wondering what this shit is where you call yourself 'my good friend'

 

by Juanwalez
3-20-03
So we're 'good friends' now are we. What do you want a shag or something?
Dude I just said we were friends, that doesn't mean I wana jump on top of you!
Of course not. I never pictured you as an 'on top' person anyway
What I'm the bitch?!

 

by Juanwalez
3-21-03
You know Gaz, I think you're really talanted and I'd love to go out with you
Oh man its about time
Nah actually I changed my mind
Nice plot twist Satan
Technically its a swerve, not a twist

 

by Juanwalez
3-22-03
Man I can't open myself up anymore
It seems the more I love the more I get hurt
Either you're leading to a joke about Final Fantasy 8 or this is a shit comic
It'd make a good Stabbing Westward song though

 

by Juanwalez
4-13-03
So they chase the ball and have to put it in the net?
Yeah basically, and you can't use your hands
But wait! That guy in front of the goal just picked up the ball!
That's the goalkeeper...
He's even wearing gloves! That's so pre-meditated!

 

by Juanwalez
4-20-03
When I'm dead I want you to give me a dignified funeral
I've decided to stick a pole through your arse and fly you like a flag...
Of course on the first few days I'll only fly you at half mast...
'COS YOU DIED!

 

by Juanwalez
4-20-03
I'd like to retract all the nasty things I've said about Hanbidge. Non of them are true. Seriously, he's a great guy.
You know, he inspires most of my comics. He's a god.
What the fuck is going on here? Take that fucking mask off!
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!
Stay the fuck off my account.

 

by Juanwalez
4-23-03
HEY IVE GOT A GOOD JOKE! WHY CANT STEVIE WONDER READ?............... COS HES BLACK!!
That's an awful joke, it's just racist. Fuck off John
asshole
John? Didn't you hear me? Fuck off
IM NOT JOHN IM BRIAN! IVE GOT A FUNNY JOKE FOR YOU

 

by Juanwalez
4-30-03
You know, I've only had one serious girlfriend. I was crused when she left me
We used to walk in the park and have picnics together and I'd buy her flowers. It was so romantic, I really loved her...
...she even let me do her up the arse

 

by Juanwalez
4-30-03
Oh man you gotta try these drugs, they're great
No way, I would never toutch drugs
They're so dangerous, you can die instantly
Too scared to take 'em are ya?
Hand me my spoon

 

by Juanwalez
4-30-03
You've been smoking drugs, you're gona have to come with me
I've not been smoking anything. Prove it
I can smell it on your breath
Thats bullshit, 'cos when I was done smoking I got major munchies and ate a whole curry, you can't smell anythi...... shit

 

by Juanwalez
5-22-03

 

by Juanwalez
6-14-03
Ok so would you rather die or would you kiss a guy?
I'd kiss a guy to save my life
Ok so would you rather die or watch Starship Troopers again?
Oooh well I guess if I was forced to I could sit through it
Ok so would you rather die or eat a dead cat from the side of the road?
Dude that other stuff was one thing but come on, I'm not French

 

by Juanwalez
6-25-03
The object of the game is to pick up the crystal and walk out the room. You have three minuites
Push the middle dail leftwards. LEFT-WARDS!
Open the thingy in the corner and use it on the wall there!
Grab the button and then... 15 seconds, come out! COME OUT!
This game is hard

 

by Juanwalez
6-25-03
Didn't do too well on that last game did you? So how many crystals do you have?
Er... let me count on my fingers a sec.... three
And how many teamates locked in?
Err......four
I can't beleive you're the best team we've ever had
Let's play a physical, me and you

 

by Juanwalez
7-05-03
Right this is my 100th comic so I've saved a special one for you all
HOMO GAY PPL ARE TEH SHIT ASS FAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
ROLF!!!!!!!!11
Thankyou

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