All comics by Screendummie

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by Screendummie
2-28-05
Little man, I told you if you didn't give me your lunch money, I'd fucking kick your ass.
Fucking dickhead.
Fucking jagoff. Not my fault he died.

 

by Screendummie
2-28-05
Jeffery, you can't just kill who ever you want.
You have to understand the complexities behind your actions.
What the fuck would that be, asshole?
The school gets less money from the government for every you student you kill. That's why.

 

by Screendummie
3-01-05
My response to it...
Buh bye!
Thats awesome!
No ones that good. So I don't care.

 

by Screendummie
3-01-05
Unless you're being paid rather than the other way around, then who cares?
Cause people are idiots.
Unless I was being paid in large bags of money with a dollar sign on it, then it really doesn't matter if I get banned or not.

 

by Screendummie
3-01-05
I'll go bang my head on concrete before I start a stupid arguement on this forum.
Man...that would be awsome for you to do right now.
Asshole, you weren't paying attention again!

 

by Screendummie
3-01-05
Dude...why are you here?
Cause the Bitch told me so.
Um...you're not one of those Inane Frown Posse fans are you?
Man...its not a fad but a lifestyle!

 

by Screendummie
3-01-05
Can you explain me what the "Bitch" is?
You see its alot like the Grape.
I don't get how fruit has anything to do with this.
Fuck you, man! You don't know nothing about being part of the Inane Frown Posse.
You are aware the only thing that keeps me from devouring your brain is because your an IFP fan.

 

by Screendummie
3-01-05
Let me get this straight...You talk about bitches and grapes. Where's all the violence?
*Gasp!*
You just don't get it. Its musics that speaks to the angry youth of America.
Angry youth? There's more of you dumbasses lurking around?

 

by Screendummie
3-02-05
Planetarium sucks major ass.
I mean...fuck! They're aren't any Cheesy Poofs here!
What the fuck just happend? And who the hell are you?
Me...sad.

 

by Screendummie
3-02-05
What are you? You do not compute!
I'm fucking dead. I'm a zombie, asshole.
When you died, did you shit yourself?
No lubrication for the raping then!

 

by Screendummie
3-02-05
Not sure why you have a think for the undead.
I love all of your orifices.
I'm kinda ripe right now...and red whatchamcallits aren't my type.
But...its been so long.
I would care, but I don't. So cry biotch!
I wil l have you!

 

by Screendummie
3-03-05
Do the the problem on the board.
Why the hell should I?
I don't have to do anything you say, or I'll call the ACLU and claim child abuse.
Sue that, bitch!

 

by Screendummie
3-03-05
I prefer to burn all my insolent students! Feel my fiery wrath, assholes!
Fuck this bullshit hurts!
I kinda like this pain in a queerish S&M way.
I'm a slimey, diseased, ridden cunt of Rosie O'Donnel!
Its not my fault my father's a Democrat!

 

by Screendummie
3-04-05
Marth! Long time no see!
Oh, hi, Satan, didn't think you wanted to see me so soon.
So...what are you gonna do now?
Finish planning world domination with my new show: Marth Conquers the Planet.

 

by Screendummie
3-04-05
But I've already planned that for Hillary!
You, asshole! You mean I gave you head for nothing?
But Hillary's the next best thing without librication!

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
If you can't figure it out...its the skanky looking Uma Thurman!
Thanks to shitty sequel movies like Jurassic Park III, Death Wish IV, Jaws III and Rocky V. We all get to view that ass raping of Be Cool.
My God...why did I have to be in that cow flop!
After that movie...she's certainly thinking she put her career to sleep.
No wait…no ones gonna be stupid enough to watch a John Travolta squeal with Uma Thurman and The Rock.
Yes...Yes! I need to die!
F-list actors unite!

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
Pull my finger
Alrighty then.
*Tweet tweet!*
What the fuck?
My farts make tweet sounds now!
Ah, they smell like roses!

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
What the hell kind of norm are you?
I'm a Shi'ite.
Huh? I already know you smell like shit.

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
Are you an American infidel?
I was an American infidel.
You convert to Shi'ite Islam then?
I wouldn't say that I converted to shitty Islam either.
By Allah! What the hell are you?
Lets say you'll know in a couple seconds.

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
How was your trip to the Middle East?
It was great!
I knew you'd meet some interesting people.
I love the people!
How were they?
God I love ethnic food!

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
...so you don't have to figure out what size nut it is!
?
My God! It is!
Leather chaps that'll fit my bugle!

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
In case you have no idea...
That cat in that one comic strip is hot. I think I'll masterbate to her.
Huh? The VG Cats?
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/
Yeah.
Ah...Well I hate you!
...There you go!
Why?
You are gonna beat off to A FUCKING CARTOON!

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
I've been getting this burning sensation when I piss.
Sounds like a personal problem.
And I've been pissing pink.
Sounds like someone is ready for the rainbow.
You think I should see a doc?
I don't know why you would? I love pink! Especially if you pissed vermillion!

 

by Screendummie
3-05-05
What ranking does gradually killing yourself with alcohol rank?
Um...7?
Just a fucking 7? What if you got a hooker for a girlfriend in the process?
I don't even know what you were asking, but I guess I'l change it to 8.
Shit...I need to copy that movie now.
I had to fucking ask.

 

by Screendummie
3-07-05
I ate a stinky hippie earlier today.
How was it?
Psychedelic!

 

by Screendummie
3-07-05
I think they need a merit badge for chair sitting in the Girl Scouts.
Why the fuck would they need that?
Cause I saw this girl scout fall out of the fucking chair while in her bitchy voice to sell cookies.

 

by Screendummie
3-07-05
I hate you for reminding me of WHAM!
You know you along with the rest of the country listened to WHAM!
But why did you have to remind me of the awfulness?
WHAM!? You know you still have WHAM! tapes in your room.
God I hate you.
Now, just cause your uncomfortable wif your sexuality and listen to WHAM! doesn't mean you need to get nasty wif me.

 

by Screendummie
3-07-05
Scott Bakula is not a celebrity!
He played in Murphy Brown, Quantum Leap, Enterprise, Infiltrator, Designing Women...
Wait! He was on Designing Women?
I think someone owes Scott Bakula an apology.
Yeah...he owes one to the country for being such a fag.

 

by Screendummie
3-08-05
I have come from the future to the past to stop the Anti-Christ.
Um...I hate to tell you this. You're a little late.
Shit!
Yeah, bad drop there, dude.
Can you at least point me to the direction to where Charlton Heston is then?
Sure, why not?

 

by Screendummie
3-08-05
You like MACs?
Nope. Expensive shitboxs. Sure...I like paying double for less.
All I know aboot them is that they don't play video games.
WAIT! Yes I have, when computers were first being used in skools, my like 5th grade computer lab was full of MACs. All I remember aboot them is that they were all red!
Cause they were cheap, and probably bought them for five bucks each at a garage sale.

 

by Screendummie
3-08-05
Can I clone you?
Nope.
Why? Wouldn't you like another of you? Someone to give you that personal handjob.
Are you still considered a virgin if your clone fucks you?
Die, asshole!

 

by Screendummie
3-09-05
What's Linux anyways?
An OS.
I Figured that, but what does it do?
Like Windows, except it's more secure, but it isn't very user friendly.
Why would you want that?
Because nerds like pain?

 

by Screendummie
3-10-05
I just saw some kick ass kung fu fighting monks.
...
This is where you're supposed to say some random and typically unfunny pun.
...
But I don't like doing that!

 

by Screendummie
3-10-05
...And now to entertainment section.
In a recent deal, Satan, in his eternal punish giving, has brokered with Ving Raimes Productions exclusive movie rights in hell.
Ving Raimes has already ordered the production of a tribute movie to Jesse Owen's gold medal victories in the 1936 Olympics.
As many blacks remember, Hitler refused to shake Owen's for being a "darkie".
The "Tan Cylcone", being played by Ving Raimes himself, will play a slightly altered role where he's quoted, "To kick Hitler's pasty white ass."
I'm guessing Raimes will get "medievil" on his ass.

 

by Screendummie
3-10-05
Now the news on news.
Dan Rather, today, after his long fiasco on obviously forged documents on Word, has finally retired after 24 years of being number three in the ratings.
He had long contended that the story was true regardless of any actual facts.
Or at any attempt to appear objective in any sort of manner.
His career endied similarly to Chandra Levey's death that Rather refused to cover.
Look who's tabloid now!

 

by Screendummie
3-10-05
Another bit on news on news, Mary Mapes, Rather's producer of the fiasco, has been unwilling to resign.
Mapes has been demoted to make the "ding" sound for one of CBS's elevators for three pesos a day.
And if that doesn't make her quit, A CBS exec was quoted, "I'm sure she'll resign when we make her wash every toilet with her hair until she does."

 

by Screendummie
3-10-05
Now for the financial news.
Bill Gates has been listed on Satan's List of Greedy Billionaires as No. 1 for the eleventh consecutive year now.
He dropped a point in his wealth due to a weaker US dollar and greedier billionaires from India, Mexico, Sweden, Saudi Arabia and Germany.
The higher demand for commodities like oil and steel has increased the world worker misery index substantially.
Thanks to those on the List, the Lake of Fire will burn even hotter for you.
Hail Satan!

 

by Screendummie
3-10-05
On the Lighter Side of News, we have an interesting development.
Recently, loud, ignorant college students storm a workfair in San Francisco.
The reason for this? Because of Air Force Recruitment. Why? Because they believe the military to be a racist entity.
Forgetting that proud servicemen and women give up their rights to protect abnoxious protestors.
A clever Army engineer discovered that by planting "fake" recruting stations all over Iraq as a protective "shield" around installations.
So the ignorant flock to protest, asboring the blast and shrapnel of terrrorist bombings. Jokes on them!

 

by Screendummie
3-10-05
On the Celebrity News Front there has been an unsual squabble today.
That's right. James "The Ragin' Cajun" Carvile and Bill "The Mick" O'Reilly had a confrontation today.
Apparently as the two waited for their luggage at LaGuardia Airport they argued over pointless political banter.
O'Reilly gave Carvile a ribbing about the show Crossfire that he departed and that had been cancelled several times arleady.
As the two were prepared to square off with fisticuffs, airport security tazered them.
The on watching crowd cheered as they no longer had to hear "Ragin' Cajun's" gibberish and "The Mick's" high pitched bloviating.

 

by Screendummie
3-11-05
On to our final segment.
Senator Robert Byrd, former KKK Grand Kleagle gave a recent interview.
When questioned why he used the "N" word twice, his response was simply to get in touch with the inner city crowd in his state.
What! There's an inner city in West Virginia?
When Byrd exlaimed that he had become a born again Christian in '46 and cut the ties with the KKK. Even Satan had to make a surprise appearance.
Apparently, our glorious Satan came out laughing at the statement, and instantly gave Senator Byrd his fiery hell immediately.

 

by Screendummie
3-11-05
Fuck, that was a great movie!
I know! Who knew Ving Raimes could make a movie kick ass?
Didn't realize that Jesse Owens had won all the gold medals for us in '36.
Didn't realize either that he single handily defeated the Wermacht too during WWII!
Can't wait for another Raimes movie.
Me too! I want to see another queer Nazi love scene again!

 

by Screendummie
3-11-05
In an interesting event in Florida, Democratic state Sen. Al Lawson is wanting a two cent tax on each roll of TP.
All for the reason to help pay for increasing costs of water management.
In a House dominated by Republicans, it seems highly unlikely.
Florida Gov. John "Jeb" Bush busted a gut when he heard of Lawson's desire for the tax.
Jeb was quoted, "If toilet paper is taxed, people might use less of it."
And that's not necessarily a good thing.

 

by Screendummie
3-13-05
Aye carumba!
What are you, a stereotype?
No way, Jose!
You're joking...right?
No, man, the jokes on you.

 

by Screendummie
3-13-05
What brings you to Gay Heaven?
Oh, Village People had a cast change. They thought the "Indian" was too offensive.
But I love that big, weathered, lovable hunk!

 

by Screendummie
3-13-05
So I got into the gig a year ago when the Construction Worker got married.
I wept that day.
They let me fill in for him during the honeymoon, and since I had this Halloween suit.
I think you look rather brutish in it. And I love that!
I hate to break this too you.
Can I still say sweet-nothings in your ear?

 

by Screendummie
3-13-05
So you just have to tell me. Which ones aren't gay?
Oh, but I don't want to break your heart any further.
Just one hint.
Fine. He doesn't really like wearing leather chaps.
Not him too!

 

by Screendummie
3-13-05
Is penis plural like penises?
Nope, its peni.
No...its penises! I'm right! Yay!
But, think what it is your right about

 

by Screendummie
3-14-05
I'm going to start a band.
But why? You can't play an instrument or sing.
I wanna be a radio star.
Wouldn't that just make you a corporate sell out?
But I don't mind the ten million fan sellout, radio flava sound.
Even though you'd be played next summer...Wait, you stole that!

 

by Screendummie
3-14-05
Nothing is considered creative theft if you call it a "re-mix".
Um...yeah, it is.
Tupac's mother made millions on others doing re-mixes on his supposed songs.
Yeah, but what kind of mother is she if she pimps her dead son's image.
Don't you get all moralistic on me!
I'm just saying.

 

by Screendummie
3-14-05
So, I might have to give a corporate hummer or two. Big deal!
I figured you might enjoy that. But wouldn't you have to sell your soul at some point?
And what consequence would that even mean to me?
That means no more Gay Heaven.
I can't go to hell with a bunch of straights!
There's a downside to everything, my friend.

Showing page 2.

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