All comics by TheBlairZip

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by TheBlairZip
1-26-02
...don't visit the World of Coca-Cola!
I heard you get to sample different kinds of Coke from around the world.
I hear that the CEO greets you personally!
Well, whoopty shit!
Oh, come on! At least you get to see how Coke is made.
Unfortunately, once inside...
Oh fuck...
Hello, I'm the CEO! If you'll just step into this chamber, we'll begin the "tour"....(heeheehee)

 

by TheBlairZip
1-26-02
...never count on the cops!
Officer! My car just got stolen!
Yeah, that must suck.
......
20 miutes later...
ASSHOLE!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-26-02
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
No, I didn't.
Oh, for fuck's sake...

 

by TheBlairZip
1-26-02
...avoid Buckhead like the plague!
So this is Buckhead?
Yes, this is the hangout for the young, beautiful, quasi-rich, and semi-successful yuppies like ourselves.
I hear that there's lots of swanky clubs to party at around here.
There sure are.
Of course, the geeks from Georgia Tech like to stop by, every now and then...
*hic* Bill Gates will be my bitch!...*hic* DO ME!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-28-02
Just another Manic Sunday...
Barb, I wanna do some X with you and your friends.
No.
I just want to be loved.

 

by TheBlairZip
1-28-02
Tuesday's are Trivia Night at Barb's place of employment...
Barb, I'm sorry to subject you to this, especially at your job, but I didn't see this coming.
What do you mean? Is Brian here?
Yes, and quite frankly, I don't think you want to turn around right now...
Why? What is he....
Slowly she turned...
B's drinking again? NOOOOOOOOOOO!
THAT'S ALOT OF NUTS! GOOO GOOO GOOO!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-28-02
You know I love you, B
Ican'twaitforthe Spidermanmovie it'sgonnakickass didyouseetheGoblinsuit it'sawesomeand...
Shut up.
......ngh........ngh......
I kid, I kid...
.....Spidey Sense Tingling!
Oh for fuck's sake, just lay off the green tea, dammit!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-28-02
Well, here's your problem. It's gone into hibernation.
Hibernation?
Yeah. See, it's..uh...it's resting.
It is not resting! I can hear the little fans and motors whirring away! Why can't I get the bloody thing to boot back up? Hmmmm?
....it's probably...umm...Pining for the Fjords!
Don't try to Monty Python your way out of this one, you little shit!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-29-02
If Jesus is hanging on a stick in a field
and no one is around to hear him,
what would he sing?
I thought I told yall niggas before yall niggas can't fuck with me!

 

by TheBlairZip
1-31-02
You know, when I look back at my life, a couple of things come to mind...
Unfortunately, they all contain the word "Shit".

 

by TheBlairZip
1-31-02
Is it still there?

 

by TheBlairZip
1-31-02
Hey, D. Do you know what the centerpiece of the Bulimia convention was? A cake jumping out of a girl.
I hate you soooo fucking much.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-01-02
Oh, yeah....OH GOD!!! YES!!! YES!!!
I thought this was supposed to be funny.
He's just not my type!
What are you watching?
Sex in the City.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-01-02
Oh, yeah....OH GOD!!! YES!!! YES!!!
I thought this was supposed to be funny...
He's just not my type!
What are you watching?
Queer as Folk

 

by TheBlairZip
2-01-02
Oh, yeah....OH GOD!!! YES!!! YES!!!
I thought this was supposed to be funny...
He's just not my type!
What are you watching?
Bondage Fantasies of the Ass-Fuck Twins, Vol. 3

 

by TheBlairZip
2-01-02
Hey D, How did young Hitler tie his little shoesies?
I don't care. Shut up!
In little nazis.
Fuck you!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-01-02
Regular home security systems not working for you? Then try BLAMMO Home Security! (a subsidiary of kaufman Industries)
...eeep...eeeep...
All you have to do if feed one our secret formula pellets to any ordinary animal, and BLAMMO!
EEEEEEEKKKK!
CAUTION: May cause actual injury or death to family members if not properly confined.
You now have an ultimate killing machine to keep your family safe!
WHERE DA WHITE WOMEN AT???

 

by TheBlairZip
2-04-02
OH MY GOD!!! I just got tickets for ROBIN WILLIAMS! He's gonna be here next month!!!
Who's Robin Williams?
Seriously, who is he?

 

by TheBlairZip
2-04-02
I just got promoted from Stripcreator Newbie to Stripcreator Regular.
Whoopty shit!
...sigh...

 

by TheBlairZip
2-04-02
There's a joke here somewhere...but I'm too tired.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Yes, it appears that within the course of one night, I made the jump from Stripcreator Regular to Junior Comic Technician.
...could someone lower this mike, please? I don't think they can hear me.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Janet!
Brad!
Dr. Scott?
Rocky!
Worst production of Rocky Horror ever! Who directed this?
I did. Now, bend over, cocksucker!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
You wanted to see me, sir?
Have you seen the latest reports? The company's going under! The execs have been swindling money for years!
Oh no! This is very bad indeed!
What makes it worse is that I know who's behind the whole thing (which I will tell you conveniently off-screen during the frame change)!
Now, it's time to kill myself, as people in my position often do in these stories.
HOLY SHIT! They'll think I did it...MUST FLEE!!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
I don't believe it. This can't be happening to me. Who would have thought? God, I hope no one finds me out here...
We just have a few questions for you, but you just stay there while I call for back up.
HOLY SHIT!!!!
HEY, LARRY.....wha? Awwww, hellfire and damnation. I knew I should have cuffed him!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
Hey, Bongo. It's okay. I can help.
YIKES! Who's there? And where'd my stool go?
It's Mr. Stinkybutt! I feel your pain. My old company went up against Congress a few years ago. You've gotta quit running!
So I should turn myself in and tell them what I know?
And then assume a secret identity and hide out in the porn industry. Gettin' laid and gettin' paid, but they still won't use me for anal shots...

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Finally, at the Congressional Hearing...
Would you please tell the Congressmen what you know.
Well, it's hard to explain...and why is Congress being held in the street?
It's the only background of D.C. that we have, but that's not important right now! Please, do try and answer the question..
Well...I think it would be easier to show you.
Your honor, may we take a slight field trip?

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
At the secret underground layer...
Ladies and Gentlemen of Congress, I give you the culprit behind the company scandal!
He pull back the curtains to reveal...
WIRTHLING!!!
And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for that meddling guy...with the hammer and nails...you know, what's-his-face?

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
...and for the not-so-thrilling denouement...
How could you?
But I had to take the money!!! I had to find out who took my body, and then reattach it or build a new one!
Well, I guess we have our man. You're free to go.
Thanks! I just want to go home and sleep.
Somewhere, Deep in the Bronx...
This isn't over, Bongo...not by a long shot, you dirty little cuntgobbler!!! HAA HAA HAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Just when Bongo thought it was safe...
Boy, what a day this has been. I can't wait to get homeeEEEAAAHHH! What the hell?!?!?
Bongo! There's something I forgot to tell you, which I will do now conveniantly off-screen again to save time...
After the plot is thickened between panels...
You can't be serious?!?!
Of course I am! Now get going!!!!
Bongo is on the lamb once more!
Oh, could you get me some smokes or something..... HEY! Awww, fuckit.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Later, at home...
*RING RING*
OI !!!
You spoiled my plan, and now you must DIE!!!!
NO!!! What do you want?
I want you to PAY! You cost me millions of dollars! I had a great scheme going on there, and you fucked it up! For that, you must DIE!!!
I'll get you the money! I swear!!! *how the hell am I gonna get millions of dollars?*

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Bongo takes a walk while trying to sort things out in his head. On his journey, he walks through an alley in the Bronx for a reason that would make sense, if I told it to you...
*clink*
What was that?
...nothing...
Oh, good...for a moment, I thought someone might be following meeEEAARRGGH!!!!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
...and now you DIE!!!
OH SHIT!
The Fight Begins...(begin upbeat techno music)...
Take that you little...
...umm, I'm over here.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
The Fight continued into the night, but eventually the music stopped...
OW! OOF! PRBT! GRAK! THX!
GURF! ZTNG! PING! ZOOT! CREFLOW!
Oh my God! I've killed you with your own weapon. Sorry 'bout that.
Before I die....you must know one thing....which I will tell you in-between frames, conveniently off-screen (but who didn't see that coming?)...then release my last breath...
After the secret is revealed to Bongo...
NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.....ungh...

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Back home, Bongo disguises his voice and reveals the location of the body to the police...
*click*
Phew...thank God that's done. Gotta get my mind off of what she told me.
Later, on the front porch...
Ahhhh....this is much better. Surely, she wasn't serious anyway. I mean, why would boorite come after me?
After an anonymous tip, the police discovered the body of...
ACK! What else is on? *click* Ah, wrestling!
OH YEAH, BROTHER!!!!! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!! SUCKIT!!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-05-02
Five years (and a lot of exposition) later...
Thank God we ripped off that flying car idea, eh?
Yeah. It made us gazillionaires when we sold the plans to the Evil Corporation of Stockholm!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Ten minutes later...
Then why did we take jobs with them?
I don't fucking know. But, I do have a feeling that it will help link us to the next strip....

 

by TheBlairZip
2-06-02
Hey! Remember the 80's?
Well, yeah... I remember...
THE 1380's???
EEEAAIIIIGGGEIEIIGHH!
MUAH HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Oh, I love me some bloody death...

 

by TheBlairZip
2-06-02
TOBOR CORNHOLE!!!!! TOBOR MANRAPE YOU IN ASS!!!
TOBOR....tobor.....cornhole....
...can I have a hug?
No.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-07-02
It was the most beautiful moment of my life. She took me places I had never been before.
Wow, sounds pretty fuckin' good.
Please send all hate mail to: president@whitehouse.gov
So tight...
Awww, yeah...
Thank you, and goodnight.
Ahhh, 11 year olds...
You are correct, sir!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-07-02
skagg hast forsaken me.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-08-02
Jesus, this is the biggest fucking man-made hole I've ever seen...except for Madonna, of course! As Supreme High Wizard, I command thee - KEEP DIGGIN' !!!
You know, there's a little sign over by that cactus that says "Secret Treasure Buried Over Here."
I knew it all along! And, for the record, I'm not the gayest cartoon creation ever! I also did not served as Liberace's personal ass-toy back in 1968.
So, should we dig where the sign is, since the treasure must be buried there, and that's what we're digging for, isn't it? The treasure, I mean.
That's just what NATO wants us to think! Keep digg....HOLY FUCKSHIT! Apathy just spontaneously combusted (off-screen, to save time) and the horse is snorting the ashes!
DAMN, THAT SHIT IS WHACK!!! *sniff sniff*

 

by TheBlairZip
2-11-02
Keep digging bitch! If we find something we're gonna be rich for a gazillion billion fucking years!!
Wait! I think I've broken through a hole. Meh, just looks like a fucking lost city. At least I can take a break away from this whining bitch
RAAAR!!! THATS RIGHT, TOBOR AND HIS ASS NAZIS FOLLOW YOU HERE ALL THE WAY!!! NOW YOU'VE DONE THE WORK, GIVE TOBOR RICHES OR LYING DOG GETS IT!!!
Err, there might be something of a minute little kinda awkward sorta problem there big guy...
RAAAR!!! LITTLE DOG SAY HELLO TO BOB THE ANAL FISSURE!!! RAAAR!!!
This doesn't hurt, I'm gonna live through this, no problem! That anal bleeding wil stop itself in time and the dust and sand of the desert wont irritate my red ring. *unf* OH MY GOD!!!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-11-02
I need a drink.
I wish I could move. My arms are killing me. I am deing.
Holy fuck, I gotta piss!
If only I could open my mouth!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-12-02
I wish I could get laid.
I fucked a pie!
I guess I'll never get laid.
I glued my hand to my cock!
Hey, I got laid!
I'm still a fucking dumbass, and I got laid too!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-14-02
How the hell do I wrangle it?

 

by TheBlairZip
2-14-02
Shit! We missed Chinese New Year!
No, YOU missed it. I'm Irish.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-14-02
I hate you.
I knew it.

 

by TheBlairZip
2-14-02
I found a plant! And I dreamt that the creatures are ghosts from another planet!
Well, no shit! We need love too, you know....and your souls.
I have one of those things inside me! Plus, I love you!
Well, that's great timing, bitch...cause now I have to die for all mankind!!!
Well, shit! Everyone's dead...except you, professor.
WOO HOO! TIME TO FUCK!

 

by TheBlairZip
2-14-02
Where is everyone? Was there another sale at Macy's?
oh shit.....go back...we'll sneak in the other way...

 

by TheBlairZip
2-14-02
One night, at the disco...
This is a cool club, huh?
*BLAARRRGGH*
Hey, come here often?
DO ME!!!
Sorry about spilling my drink on your pants!
That's okay. I think you licked most of it up...

 

by TheBlairZip
2-14-02
This is my 100th strip.
Well, off to eat more shit.

Showing page 2.

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