All comics by TheLoneMusketeer

 

Superman had a big secret though. His powers were not because he was the son of some galactic god.
They were because of a hidden substance which was created by his foster mother. It had many ingredients and a crust.
His powers were held by the Apple Pie!

 

Lately the superman series has been called small ville and without a doubt it is much crapper than the old series itself.
But what is unknown about that series is the man behind the mask.
Yes supermans a prostitute...

 

What the... Is the legend true. The sacred alien who was once upon our planet has returned.
THats correct. Why?
No reason just wanted to know!
Oh.. Well would you mind if you couldpoint me towards a shop without any pakis, asians or dogs.
Yer..That way. Just keep walking for about 12000 miles.

 

So whats it like on your planet?
Its a near un inhabited planet. It has bare trees and is mostly desert.
Not very interesting. But at least you can explore the land.
Oh did i forget its 2000 degrees.
But its a dry heat!

 

Hello. This commercial will help you understand the reason for L.A.F. Lame Ass Fuckers
If you've ever walked out your front door and been hit by a glass bottle. THat was L.A.F.
Yes i know. If only theres a way to help us. Well know there is. You can donate and get your face smashed in by a fucking retard.

 

Oh man, you cant get through the day without a good old cup of coco...
Did you know that its scientifically proven that the more coco you drink the more gas you let out when you fart.
But like my Old Moma, sometimes that just wrong..

 

Oh man you've got some amazing biceps...
Thanks you've got some amazing biceps too....
You've got an amazing upper torso...
So you noticed. Your not that bad yourself...
And that cocks huge.
Id say the same but im no liar.

 

Well didnt you do well today....
I kow this whole prostitution business is a killer.
Its a good job you helped that women.
I know, if i didnt help her, she would of never given me a blowjob...
And no i can go to bed in peace and quiet....
No way me and her our gonna be hitting the town.

 

So i saved you. What about a drink?
Yer ill have a pint of vodka please...
No i mean you pay. As a favour for my gratitude of saving your ass.
What do you take me as a prostitute.
No comment.

 

So Cath you called me here?
Yer i was just wonderin. You know that we've been dating for a while. Well i thought it was tim fmt find ot terue identity of superman.
OKat here we go....
The rooms spinning..Help!
Ta da...
Just fuck off!

 

Man this superman business is really ruining my chance in the dating games.
I gotta find away to get back into dating.
Back to basics. Talking to the mirror...

 

Man you need to get your eyes sorted.
My eyes are perfectly fine thankyou!
And your hair definitly needs combing!
Who do you think you are? A Hair Dresser.
And maybe that cock expansion would help?
You werent saying things about my cock last night .

 

Man your getting wrinkles everywhere.
Says you. Old man!
And that coats disgusting. Did you get that from Oxfam!
No Cancer Research actually.
And the mug that needs to go!
You've Got to be joking. Where else am i gonna store the cum for the spermbank!

 

As you probobly already know i am retiring from supernatural stuff. I have come to agreement with myself.
I decided that being a hero was to much pressure and responsibility.
And my suit ripped.

 

Im no longer superman. They call me the Superfather. Im a Russian Mafia dude.
I control the most important bit. The infantry one. You know with guns. Im only allowed to make important decisions.
Hey you get me some peanuts.

 

I know what your thinkin? Why shouldnt i go back. Well to be honest i dont want to. And theres no power on earth to make me!
What the hell. Where did you come from?
Superman. Oh i mean Superfather theres people offering you huge sums of money to return as superman!
Where are these business men cos im about to refill my bank account!
And that concludes are series of superman. We have explained his powers, his dating stradegy, His Mirror Issues, his retirement and his return... What will happen next. Thats all for now kids!

 

My Uncle works at a shop...
Hello Officer. What seems to be the problem?
Well son theres been a incident back at the station.
Im gonna need some donuts!

 

Man The wifes right im getting wrinkles!
.........
Look at them, there disgusting. I need to do something about them. If i wear a cap no1 can mock me!
.........
It'll do just swell!
Sorry i fell asleep counting your wrinkles!

 

Im just a lonely guy walking the streets of Manchester. Looking for a Job.
But not just any Job. An absolutely Important Job that will save my city.
From What?
Do i look like a fucking Hypnotist.... Dickhead.
Least im not wearing a wig.

 

Hey Jeff, Dont mind getting us a pint, do you?
Hey Bob someones on the phone for you. He says his names D.I Crackle.
Hey D.I. What could be so important that you call me at the bar.
Well following a terrible disaster all my detectives were tragically killed. And the only person left is you. Come to my office immediatly.
My First Case!........ Jeff. That Pint?

 

So Boss whats the Damage?
(I cant believe i've sunk this low)Well Inspector...Bob. You know the Priminister right?
Erm the guy with the suit right?
Right well the priminister has hired you to protect him while he visits Manchester and is sure he will make his visit through...Alive.
Yes sir. Which ways Manchester?
God I Miss my shotgun.

 

Man that Priminister dudes Late. Ive been waiting for hours. Man if he had to wait this long he'd be pretty ticked off.
Maybe i just have to be patient...............Im gonna get a Donut.
You told him we were IN the Bushes right O'Leary.
Shit!

 

Who the Hell are You?
O'Leary. Im the priministers Assistant. And You?
Inspector Bob. Im your Priministers Bodyguard.
Oh. Well the Priminister will be out in a minute he's just putting on a disguise.
What sort of disguise?
I dunno but the naked women chasing him didnt seem too happy.

 

Mr. Priminister? Nice Disguise.
Thanks. The old women i stole it off didnt think so though?
So where to first?
I dont know. What about Church? Are you Catholic?
Im a Cristian Democratic Catholic.
I dont know what that is but i forgive you anyway!

 

Why have we come here?
To Pray and to be in holy matromony with God.
No. Seriously...

 

Look Mr. Priminister i dont think you hired me to sit around and do nothing.
Your right. Get me a hotdog.
What? Im your bodyguard not your servent!
Really?
Yes really.
Then get me a hotdog with Ketchup.

 

They didnt have any hotdogs.
What about cheeseburgers?
What the..Where the lights go?
Fuck!

 

So The Priminister Died and England were taken over by Ireland. The End. Well actually i couldnt be arsed making this series Good!
by TheLoneMusketeer, 8-31-06

 

You dumb asswiping Arabian. You hit every branch on the ugly tree!
What did you just say?
Oh dont worry i drank Coke. You know the Brown Liquid that stimulated drink thats better than powerade.
What?
Coke gives you the right to hate Arabians.
Wait till i get my Knife. You fucking Asshole

 

I need someone with Wits, Smartness and courage.
Anything else?
Oh and he needs to be good at Poker.
Okay lets see. What about Goerge Bush?
Well he isnt smart, and he has no courage but i bet he has a mind for poker. Sent him.
Okay men get Goerge Bush. After a few minutes of deciding. He's the lucky one who gets start World War 3. Oh its been ages since we've played battle ships

 

I am the Grim Reaper. You must come with me at once.
Yeah Right how many times have i heard that today.
I am serious you have an appointment with death.
Look Climb back out the window and get lost.
Oh no my Plan failed. Mother wont be proud.

 

Mother. The Boy would not come. What should we do?
Look My son do not worry i will get the boy.
and i broke your favourite vase.
What?
Im sorry please dont-
Look Boy when i get my hands on you, You r getting such a spanking!

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