All comics by TheLoneMusketeer

 

We need someone thick, Lonely and crap at fighting.
Lets just see if we have any available.
What about George Bush?

 

Man morning telly is some sweet shit...
Hey what the fuck is he doing on the...
Ahh Man i love that Hitman guy..

 

Hey are you coming Cinemas on Friday?
Hey Brad im talkin to you...
Man your Cold..

 

A Man walked into a bar..Ow!
*silence*
What did one ear say to the other? Is it just me or does something smell between you and me..
*Silence*
How was one cow related to the other cow?
*One was your mother and the others your wife*

 

What the hell are you doing in my room?
Oh sorry i got a bit lost...
Oh ryt...You look funny.
Yer well i do come from a whole difference universe
Ha and those yellow pant crack me up..
Yer i know but they were the only ones i could find in your draw

 

So this my local. Watcha think?
well its okay...just need to go to the bathroom...
Hey...Im pissin in here..
Oh sorry..
Yer sorry to bother you but theres someone making strange noises in the bathroom.
You mean Mum

 

Hey Alien Guy
Hey watcha protestin about this time.
False labelling on body cream...
Why?
Do you want to see the massive big boil on my ass?

 

So why u here anyway?
Well were planning an invasion
On what planet?
Earth.
Which ones that then?

 

I Wish something interested would happen..What the?
Hey who the Hell are you ?
I Am from the planet Jupiter. We need human back up. Come with me or i shoot you with my ray gun.
Arr does that mean im gonna miss lunch...

 

Man that was cool. Can we do that again?
Welcome to Jupiter. Sorry i must dash. Ignore any stupid little green people running around...
Hey its one of those green dudes.
You look like a Booger!

 

Watcha Fuck are you doin?
Getting ready to fight...
Man you look like my pet dog...Ohh and you smell like it as well!
Doggy dont like you!
Sweet...Merciful...pain...
Woof..It Tastesssss GREEAAATT!!!

 

Welcome to the The Lone Musketeer Forum. Where people die frequently!
FUCK, SHIT, BOLLOCKS!!!
BASTARD, BITCH, HORSE SHAGGER!!!
Swearing! You know what to do!
*clik*
Well in reality they didnt really die they just fell in a hole and were eaten by man eating yeti bears...

 

Hey Alien Dude whatcha doin back?
I Came to return your yellow pants.
Oh ryt thanks..
Ill just take them off...
NO MAN NOT INFRONT OF ME!
Oh dnt worry im gay

 

Welcoming The Alien Guy...
What the Fuck? Im on my space shuttle and crash straight ino the likes of earth.
Im just confused.
Was that Chick really that big or was mine just really small.

 

I Went outside today. The people round here are really wierd.
Big beefy men with tashes and guns.
Guess it was a bad idea to land in germany?

 

I found these yellow pants in a garbage bag when i arrived.
Im only wearing them cos i have nuthin else.
The brown crap in them doesnt help either.

 

Yesterday i saw a Dog.
It barked at me.
It went well with the stew i made.

 

Life sucks. I went out again today and was threatened with a knife.
He pushed it in my neck and spat at me. It was un called for.
Well actually after thinking over it i really shudnt of tried to hump his dog.

 

Today i decided to write a novel.
Its called "Why you shouldnt come to earth"
Im basing it on Micheal Jackson and R Kelly. And dont worry it only mentions around 12,000 kids.

 

Hey some battle this turned out to be...
Where is everyone?
Wait a second. This isnt Pluto is it?
Welcome to the remainings of KFC. Or as others no it. A Kick For Cum!

 

Man im bored. At least on earth there was alway something happening.
All you see in space are rocks, stars, planets...
And the occasional monkey!

 

A Rock hit me today. I Had to repair the main working and artillary weaponary..
In other words i had to clean the toilet.

 

Look its been 3 days and ive been bored stiff...
Well except for when I... well..
Sent that Missile for Germany....and Russia...and basically the whole of the earth.

 

Hey did you hear im in the next big blockbuster...Its called "The Lone Musketeer Movie"
Well they once did one on me.
Yer right.
Its true.
Shut up you cripple.
hey dont be affencive..My mum didnt mean to back into me.

 

At the moment life on the ship is tuff.
I mean with a lack of supplies its pretty rough.
Oh come on a guy needs his toilet paper.

 

Open Up. I KNow what your up two.
You and your alien friend. I know about your secret invasion.
I Can smell the Spaggeti

 

Hey whats that Green Light.
Are you planning the invasion still.
Or is it the spagetti

 

I Have recently landed on an unknown planet.
Its is -100 degrees and there has been no sight of life.
And im freezing my butt of.

 

My body has began to even with the weather.
Hey a penguin. I Thought you were only on earth.
Well..Anyway wheres your ship.
About a mile back why?

 

Hey Pete. Any knew deliverys i should hear about.
Well were in the middle of a case.
Well tell me about it.
Well a man whos important, Crap at fighting and really good at starting pointless wars.
And as the last Joke is spoken. The Lone Musketeer hangs up his boots. Well for know...
Hitlers Alive?
I Meant Goerge Washington !

 

Look i said Open up before i report to the authorities!
Finally Now here you listen...
Look i know im an alien but cant a intergalactic dude get some peace
Peace? Peace? You want some peace. That wasnt what you were saying when it was independance day. Fucking Twat!

 

Look you Alien Creep. Ive called the authorities.
What authorities?
The Alien Ones.
Who?
Do i have to spell it out to you? AREA 51!
Oh them amatuers. They couldnt spot a UFO If it was floating above a donut.

 

The poor little dude. He must of been scared.
Now my Ship should be around here somewhere
Little bastard Took my Ship

 

Stupid Penguin took my ship. Now what my gonna do.
I could piss in the snow?

 

Ive been out here for 2 days now. My Yellow pants are beginning to defabricate
How the hell am i going to get out of here.Hey whats tht.
I wonder what happened to him.

 

Hey im back in my ship. You see what happened was...
The penguin did steal my ship but then being a dumbass it was it crashed again.
And as the Quest comes to an end there was only one thing to say" Bollocks"
I always said we should just kill the penguins.....

 

You aliens were knocking on my door last night werent you....
I have eyes every where...
And a security camera in your bedroom.

 

Fact No.1: Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest....
Mines smaller...
Do you want me to prove that mines smaller..
by TheLoneMusketeer, 7-25-06

 

Fact No.2: Did you know that there are 34 bathrooms in the white house....
Hey Bush i think you got a hair down here...
by TheLoneMusketeer, 7-25-06

 

Fact No.3: In West Virginia, only babies can ride in a baby carriage...
Riding in a Baby carraige is a violation of the Law...
by TheLoneMusketeer, 7-26-06

 

Fact No.4:Most Americans' car horns beep in the key of F...
FFFFFFFFFFFFF....
Off me...
by TheLoneMusketeer, 7-26-06

 

Well its touth you no. Working down at the prison.You'll get threatened al the time.
Like yesterday a big beefy guy came up to me and beat me up. Anyway im home now.
Tweet...
Well thanks for listening.
Your next appointments next sunday. Does One sound good to you

 

You wouldnt no it but once i used to be big.
Once i used to be well known. Once i used to be Fit and look hot.
I am Britney Spears!

 

I hide in the Dark. No i live in the dark.
You only hear me but you never see me...
And no im not batman...

 

Im Going on Vacation...
Im going on Holiday...
Radical Dude...
Brilliant Man...
Pass me a fanny bag...
Pass me a party bag...

 

I wear Braces...
I wear a Brace...
Hey can i borrow your bath robe...
Hey can i borrow your dressing down..
I wear a diaper...
What? You mean a nappy..

 

I wear Sneakers....
I wear Trainers...
Im wearing some blue pants..
Like i wanna know the colour of your underwear...
The End!
I waer Bathing suitss....
Hey you have got some issues man and its Swimming Costume...

 

Prison Life totally sucks!
The People suck. The gaurds Suck and The Food sucks.
I swear that tuna casserole smells like shit.

 

The thing that i love about prison is that what ever you do you cant get arrested.
Take yesterday for example. This guy who i share a cell with was totally hogging the bed sheet
so i cracked right were it hurts. Problem was they added another 4 years onto my sentance. Ha Like i care!

 

As a young boy superman was clueless of his powers.
He had the ability to shoot heat of his eyes. To fly using his cape and his supernatural strenght.
And we must not forget his most usefull power. The power of the 2 foot cock!

Showing page 1.

Next »