Are you that girl who tongued Jimbo in the ear and gave him swimmer's ear? And then when you found out he had planter's wart, screamed at him for raping your mother with a chainsaw?
Because, if you are, I've got a list of torturous rituals in my pocket that I'm supposed to perform on you, including forcing you to watch episodes of the new Man Show.
My name is Clappy. Don't you think it would make more sense if my name were Clippy?
I think that it would make more sense to be a paperclip and have the name Clippy rather than Clappy, but I think it makes less sense for me to be talking to a paperclip.
I resent that.
I'm sorry. I love you. Shut the fuck up. I hope you die. Rape me.
Got a chainsaw?
Heck no, those were so four days ago. Use that curling iron over there.