All comics by Waste_Of_A_Sniper

Profile

 

Don't even THINK of attacking us on December 25th because that's Christmas Day in America and we take our religious holidays very seriously.
I will respect your religion to the fullest.
I was trying to be funny.
So was I.

 

OMG... it's a pirate!
Are you here to install pirate software on my hard drive?
No. I'm here to check my email like I do every day.
Doh! ...would it kill you to play along? We computers enjoy fantasy too ya know. What about my needs? What about my desires?
I shoulda bought a Mac.

 

Every day I hear millions & millions of women moaning, screaming, squirming in orgasmic ecstacy. Saying my name over & over & over again...
I get sooooo horny. Ya know?
I'm a rabbit. You created me. Yes, I know.
Thanks. I feel better.

 

birdie, little birdie... please let me in... or i'll huff and i'll puff and i'll blow myself in...
you'll blow yourself in?
i can tell by your eyes that you're stoned... go ahead, i'd love to see you blow yourself in.
pervert.

 

Empty Donut Box
When did you first notice that the donuts went missing ?
Almost immediately.
Of course ...
Exactly ...

 

Hey, somebody left a latte on the floor ... wanna share it ?
You know how coffee always gives me the runs.
Ya, but you're a toilet.
Just jiggle your handle like the humans are always doing.
What can I say ? I love this guy.

 

Captain, the DNA scan confirms that it is Mr. Donald Trump... but I can't be sure . . . .
This f*cking Mexican burrito will probably give me f*cking diarrhea ... I hate f*cking Mexican food ! ! !
Correction Captain .... it's him .

 

The water does move counter clockwise .
OMG ... i badly need to find a hobby .

 

Whoa ... this thing is awesome ! ! ! Look at that wall damage ... awesome ! ! !
Hey ... it kinda looks like Australia and New Zealand ...
Go figure ....

 

One part of me thinks Trump really does want to be the president, but another part of me thinks that he's only doing this to get rich from the donation money ...
I want the part of you that will make my boner extremely happy ...
You're such a pig !
DOH ... You're such a dog ! ... I'm a dog, not a pig .... your line is : You're such a dog !
Can we do it again ??? hey .... where ya goin' ??? What about your boner ???

 

So yes, Mr. Martin Shrekli is guilty of being greedy, but seriously, who in this court room is NOT guilty of sometimes being greedy ?
I remember one night when I wanted 2 hookers ! One to service my dick while the other hooker cooked me some dinner !
Was that really necessary ?
Your Honour, the defense rests.
Yes ! I am soooo gonna go get me some hooker-free dinner ! ! !

 

Owen, tell us about your design ...
Sure. I love color. I love the circus. I really wanted to express who I am as a designer. And I believe I have done that here.
For my second look, I wanted something fun. Something silly, but also something very sexy. You know, show some skin ...
Owen, this model is naked from the waist down ! ! !
Ya, I ran out of time ... is this going to be a problem ???

 

That lab technician Molly Hooper is so hot ... the things I would LOVE to do to her ... [ drool ]
Ya, but looking at stiffs all day in a morgue ? That's got to be hard ...
What ? I use the words " stiff and hard " and you instantly get a raging boner ??? Hey, where ya going ? Don't use any of MY tissues ! I'm down to my last one ....
... and I get the feeling that I'm gonna need it after I finish watching this.

 

Hello ... I am Ninja Caddy. We have been paired up for this tournament.
Oh great ... I have enough trouble just looking for my own balls and now I will have to be looking everywhere for my caddy too ! ! !
OK Ninja Caddy ... what club should I use ? ... I said ... what club should I use ? ? HELLO ... I'm asking you what ....
omg ... this is going to be a long day.

 

Black Friday ! !
Uh-huh ... I hear ya - givin' us the "Black Friday" - Black Friday this - Black Friday that - ain't no end to it ... Black Mutha F*ck*n Friday ...
Black Forest Cake
Oh ya ... the cake ! The F*ck*n Black Forest Cake - gimme some Mutha F*ck*n Black Forest on Mutha F*ck*n Black Friday ! ! !
Black Holes ...
You really wanna go there ? Cuz we can go there if you really wanna go there ...

 

OMG ... a giant match stick ! ! !
Arrrr ... ya here to burn me wooden leg ?
No. Why would I want to burn your wooden leg ?
Because I'm a pirate.
And I'm a pencil. What's your point?

 

I'll trade you my teddy bear for your bottle ?
I've always wanted a teddy bear ...
I'll even let you play with my hair as I stroke your beard and tug on your manhood until it is throbbing with desire ...
Just Do It. Just Do it. Just Do It. Just Do It. Just Do it ...
Listen to your T-shirt ... I know that you want to.
Wow, she's good.

 

I don't like the shoulder pads on this dress. They make me look like a football player !
And i don't like what you're trying to say ...
I don't like the shoulder pads on this dress. They make me look like a football player.
Yep.

 

I will show you how you can drive the boys CRAZY !
Nevermind. You're doing just fine !
Y-E-S ! ! !

 

What's with the uniform coach ?
This has always been a fantasy of mine. Can you just play along ?
Just a sec ....
1 HOUR LATER ....
OK ... I guess it's just gonna be me ... again

 

I never really got over the habit of sucking my thumb.
I hear ya bro. I'm still trying to kick the habit of always touching my wee-wee.
Awesome. Me too !

 

Waste_Of_A_Sniper You were rubbing one out the whole time that you were making these cartoons, weren't you ?
Tell us truth now.
We thought so.

 

Let's play Hyde and Shik ....
OK. I will be Shik and you can be Hyde. Unless of course you'd rather be Dr. Jeckel ???
Dr. Jeckel ? Who is this Dr. Jeckel you speak of ? Maybe it would be best if I was Shik ...
But you already are Shik ...
Yes, I am Shik
OK, WTF just happened here ?

 

We came this close to killing Princess Layah
Did you fire the torpedos directly to the location where she was standng ?
Yep, 2 direct hits
Did she get sucked out into the outer space ?
Yep
Better luck next time I guess

 

.... and then when you're over the target - just drop the bombs
Drop the bombs ?
Ya ... drop 'em ... I'll give you a phone call and when you answer the phone ... I'll tell you when to drop them ...
A phone call ?
Ya, look ... this is all quite simple really. You shouldn't try to over think things ...
yaaa ... right, this is crazy, so here's my number ... call me maybe ...

 

N ____ ___ ___ ___ K ___ ___ E ___
That first word must be NUKE ...
N ____ ___ ___ ___ K ___ ___ E ___
I wanna buy a U
N ____ ___ ___ ___ K ___ ___ E ___
WHAT ?!?!? No yew ! ! ! No yew ! ! How can there be NO yew ? Look, give me the yew, I'll have my yew - you'll have my money. We all go to Mar-a-Lago ...

 

Sorry, I'm gonna have to write you up for not wearing your full uniform.
What ? No hat ! !
You're not wearing your tie.
Or any underwear.
I didn't need to know that

 

Don't move ... you have a deadly Asian Pondicherry Butterfly on the back of your neck.
It won't bite you if you don't move. You must remain completely still ... it has no reason to inject its lethal poison into your skin unless you scare it by your movements ...
Oh great, I have a deadly butterfly attached to my neck. My day couldn't possibly get any more worse than this ....
Oh look there's a good place to rest ...

 

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse ...
Let me get this straight - there were NO mice ? No other creatures stirring AND NO mice. I mean, I can understand the part about no other creatures - I mean, that would make sense ... but NO mice !!??
yep, no mice and that's why we're standing out here freezing our tiny little asses off ...
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care ....
W-T-F !?!?! Let me get this straight ... the stockings get the care - STOCKINGS ! ! ! No mice ... but the stockings get to hang out where it's warm AND they get all of the care ? What is wrong here ??
And that's why we're standing out here freezing our tiny little asses off ... while the F*|king stockings get to stay warm ! ! ! Humans are such bastards ....

 

What ? A zoo ! ! ! You wanna take me back to your planet and put me in a zoo ! ! ! You can't treat humans like that ! ! ! !
Harold ! ! ! You didn't take out the garbage again ! ! ! HOW many times must I tell you to take out the garbage? Harold take out the garbage. Harold, take out the garbage . . . . .
How soon can we leave ?

 

Are you kidding me ? Rex has no kids ... ???
Nope
Was he neutered ?
Nope. The doctors think that he's shooting blanks.
Lucky dog.

 

If you had to choose between getting neutered OR . . . only being allowed to view porn ... which would you choose ? ?
Ewww ... that's a tough one. Would I be allowed to touch myself ?
You mean ... while you're viewing the porn ?
Yes, of course while viewing the porn ! Why would I touch myself if I was neutered ? If I was neutered, then there wouldn't BE a reason for me to touch myself ! ! ! RIGHT ? ? ?
I was just checking.... I forgot the question now.
Me too.

 

No characters ? No background ? Is this some kind of a joke ?
No ... a joke would be funny and THIS is so... NOT funny ...
It's like... this is fake. This is a FAKE comic strip.
Totally FAKE. Just like the news.
What ? The news is fake ?
Ummm ... YAAH What planet have you been living on ? ? ?

 

WTF ? The building has a shadow ... but I don't ? ? ?
That's not a shadow ... we've got a major water leak here ! ! !
AHHHH ... yah .... I'm feeling it now !

 

Look, I'm just sayin' that if you wanted to bow down and worship me, I'd be OK with that ....
Look, I'm just sayin' that if you wanted to bow down and worship me, I'd be OK with that ....
Look, I'm just sayin' that if you wanted to bow down and worship me, I'd be OK with that ....
I must admit ...... this one has balls

 

Why do the players always stand like this?
They only stand like that on free kicks.
What's a free kick?
Here, let me show you ...
OHHHH ! ! !
I know ... believe me, I know

 

I'm happy to say that your health is excellent !
But I'm a fat slob.
Did you pay me to say that you're a fat slob, OR, did you pay me to say that your health is excellent ? ?
R... I... G... H ... T you're really good !
Thanks, I'm learning from the best .
That was a compliment right ?

 

Doc ... what do you have for Trump Exhaustion ? I hear the name and I immediately have to vomit ....
Did you say Trump excuse me for a moment ....
BLAHHHH AAHHHHH cough,cough ...
See ? We all suffer from the same thing. You're perfectly normal and might I add that your health is excellent !

 

Wow, you can balance that fish bowl on the top of your head ! ! !
All I can do is strangle my teddy bear with a choke hold .
OK. You win .

 

if you call a lot of penalties against the Patriots in the Super Bowl, you'll receive a truck load of money .
But I'm already receiving a truck load of money from New England And, I get to keep the truck ! !
Well ... whatever they're paying you ... we'll pay you double !
Can I take home one of the Eagle cheerleaders ? But she has to wear a Patriot's uniform .
G - O G - O Let's GO let's G - OOOOO ! ! !
sweet <3 I love this job.

 

Before I sleep with you, all I'm gonna say is ... don't pull on the hair ! ! !
Same for me
But I don't see any hair ?
I think it's time we get naked !
OK, now I'm scared
Same for me

 

What happened ? Was it Russian meddling ?
Of course it was Russian meddling
I love Russian meddling. I can't get enough of Russian meddling. When I grow up, I want to dedicate my life to Russian meddling.
Me too. Every day we hear about Russian meddling, but I never get tired of it ... rather I want to hear more about Russian meddling.
I love Russian meddling.
I love it too ... I wish I could eat Russian meddling

 

How do you like my canaveral ?
What ? you mean - your cape ? Just call it a cape ...
How do you like my cape canaveral ?
Ha, Ha ... that's funny ...

 

STRIP ... I SAID = STRIP ... STRIP FOR ME, RIGHT HERE - RIGHT NOW ... OR, OR I WILL ... I WILL ...
What ? Shoot me ? I am The Creator ...
YES ! STRIP CREATOR .. STRIP CREATOR RIGHT NOW ! ! !
Say that again ...
STRIP CREATOR !
OK. I'm starting to see the funny part now ...

 

The USA is having such a problem with mass shootings. So many innocent people getting killed.
We should help them.
We could target and drop bombs on the locations of where the assault weapons are being made. But, we might end up killing a few innocent people.
We should help them.
But we are not at war with the USA. Should we really be bombing them and killing a few innocent people ?
We should help them.

 

I want my hair to look like yours !
That's great ! I do have great hair, right ? Great men should have great hair. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to have great hair.
You can have OK hair or really good hair but, why settle for that when your hair can be great ? My hair has been looking great for as long as I can remember.
I want my hair to be great like yours
Great ! The job's yours. When can you start ?

 

Mirror, mirror on the wall ... who's the gayest of them all
rorriM, rorrim no eht llaw ... s'ohw eht tseyag fo meht lla
Me !
! eM
It's you !
! uoy s'tI

 

This is brilliant Scotty ... a drone that looks like a bee. I was researching early human video recordings and ...
... I was wondering what " B-roll " was referring to, so - now I know ....
What's so funny ? Scotty ... are you still there ? {laughing + more laughing) ... Scotty ? ? ? ? Are we ready to roll ? ? ?

 

I broke my HB pencil over panels 1 and 2 .... I didn't want to get this mad ... but what else could I do ?
But now I see what I have done ... and now I'm feeling sadder ...
The only thing I want to do ... is empty out my bladder ...
I know exactly how you feel

 
Prince Harry ... we have a virgin blonde no-name girl - OR a well used divorced, celebrity brunette girl ... ...
I will take the brunette ...
I'm super wealthy ... but I'm not stupid ! ! !

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