All comics by WiLzzt

Profile

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
I can't believe he's really dead... why can't I ever get what I want?
Poor thing. I guess she really DOES miss him.
*weep weep*
Egad! Her tears have brought my attention to her lovely, lovely eyes!
... please don't look at me like that...
Wait, those are green eyes... could she be the Emerald Penguin returned?

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
*weep*
My subjects, bow before your new ruler and queen - queen Chili of the Emerald Penguins!
th... *sniff* this isn't some ploy too... *sniff* cheer me up, is it?
Tell me, heathen, would I joke about something like this?
As for you most not certainly!
*sniff* touché.
Now, about you being Queen of the Almond Robots...

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
Master Robot explained to Chili that the robots were built by a race of green-eyed birds known as the "Emerald Penguins," a wise and efficient race that built the robots to ease their lives.
You see, we were
He then went on explain that the Penguins left the planet in search of greater knowledge, giving their beloved Robots total fredom, until the day came when one of them would return and regain control.
What happened next?
But, unfortunately
He then mentioned that while he had never seen one himself, he was sure Chili looked exactly like one of the Penguins shown in the textbook of a history book he'd read.
When was the last time you saw that book?
Hey! You! Quit hoggin' my space!

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
Master Robot then said that even if he's wrong about Chili being an Emerald Penguin, he's still the king, and that makes him right!
... so do we have an agreement?
All right, already. I'll rule your stupid universe.
The housewife of the Chili namely 3D lattice land it calls everything!
Thanks, heathen. I appreciate it. Really.
Later that night...
... Boy, I sure do miss Doctor Z.

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
Hey, Doctor Z. I see they haven't cleaned you up yet, which is a good thing.
Hey Chili. Being dead is no fun at all.
*pinch* with a pinch of your ashes, I may be able to reconstruct you at a later time....
Farewell, Doctor Z. I WILL see you again. Maybe sometime soon.
iiiii feeeeeel happyyyyy...

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
Chili spent many years working with the Almond Robots on the restoration of Doctor Z's body.
Say, Heathen, can you give me a hand with this?
Secure thing, Paprika.
Using the advanced technology and improved working hours of the Robots, she was able to search deeper into the reality tunnels than ever before.
My past... my future... all is clear to me now.
Finally, she knew how to get home.
If I want to get home, I'm going to have to forget Doctor Z. But how can I do that? ....
Chili, the weepy memory montage you ordered has arrived. Cutting to montage in three, two....

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
[(( MONTAGE ))]
*weep weep*
Please, don't cry, lil' lady. What's your name?
[(( MONTAGE ))]
How about we try and escape?
I love you
[(( MONTAGE ))] ...Ah, good times, good times....
You haven't figured a way out of this airplane thing, have you, Chili?
I'm going to watch from above until all I see is wreckage. Have a fun time dying.

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
[(( MONTAGE ))]
Well, are you coming in or not?
I hardly expected to see YOU here...
[(( MONTAGE ))]
blublubblublubb
We've got to get out of here
All right, I gave you your montage. I'll see you in my room in five minutes.
*sigh* all right. But make it ten. I think I need to be more drunk this time.

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
Finally, the formula to reanimate Doctor Zbob was perfected, and a new Doctor Zbob could be constructed!
Okay, Heathen, pull the switch.
*bleep bleep*
... could it be?

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
Chili discovred that this strange kid was an actual, perfect clone of Doctor Zbob, carrying none of his past memories.
He would age at 20 times the normal rate until he hit the age when he was cloned. This gave her the chance to get him caught up on his old memories, and time to train him to be the perfect husband.
Ain't he the cutest, boys and girls?
YES
NO

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
The very next day...
What do YOU want, metal man?
*bleep bleep*
AGAAGHGAGHA AGAGHAGHGHA
The fire is the profitable answering to your question!
Ouch...
HEATHEN, GET OVER HERE. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME?!

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
Heathen! What did I tell you about not lighting my future husband on fire?!
*bleeeep*
rrrghhh *croak*
Oh great, now he's... wait a MINUTE...
Heathen, prep another batch of DNA-Gook! In fact, get two! You won't get away from me THAT easy, Doctor Z...
Directly, the lady!

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
One too many clones later...
What one do they want you?
I think I'll take the one on the... LEFT.
Okay, Doctor Z! We've got a long eighteen months ahead...
...

 

by WiLzzt
7-24-02
In that next eighteen months, the young Dr Zbob aged thirty years. His memories were restored by the amazing neurosurgical arts of the robots, with a few alterations suggested by Chili.
There he is... Everything I loved, nothing I hated about him. The perfect man is born.
Let's go, Chili.
One... Two.... Thr...
One... Two.... Thr...
Meanwhile, in the almond throne room...
They just abandoned me... I can't believe it... I'm the... the CLONE NOBODY LOVED!
Hey, *I* still love ya, Z Junior ... provided you do my bidding, of course.

 

by WiLzzt
7-27-02
 
- - - - - - - - - INTERMISSION - - - - - - - - -
HEY I'M MISTER BUG. I'M GONNA BUG YOU INTO READING THIS COMIC
IT'S A GREAT COMIC. A BIRD AND A SCIENTIST FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE WACKY ADVENTURES. A MUST-SEE.
 
No, *I'M* Mister Bug. And by the way, your fly is down.

 

by WiLzzt
7-28-02
And so, Chili and scientist-turned-perfect-husband Doctor Zbob head down the reality tunnel Chili's pretty sure leads home, hoping this leg of their journey will be their last...
Taking a moment to get a feel for their surroundings, Doctor Zbob sees that they are in a valley near some woods.
... look familiar, Chili?
Not yet. Let's keep looking, though.
Distantly, Doctor Zbob detects the movement of a white robe out of the corner of his eye.
Behold! Yonder man in white robe!
A man? Not a bird?

 

by WiLzzt
7-28-02
They chased the scurrying white robe for about half an hour, Doctor Z taking his knife in case the thing was dangerous, and sure enough, it was a man Doctor Zbob saw, not a bird.
Uh... hey there, scary man carrying knife!
Hey there, man in white robe!
Can you tell me where we are? I'm lost and I really don't know where I'm even going...
He's asking for directions! I must be in heaven!
This is the land of the big fat hairy man that lives somewhere.
Chil, apparantly this is the land of the big fat hairy man that lives somewhere. Sound familiar at all?

 

by WiLzzt
7-28-02
After more interrogation...
.. Nope. Never heard of that place either.
Is there anyplace you HAVE heard of?
No, there's no place on Earth I can tell you about, because...
I am the infamous MAN MOST IGNORANT OF GEOGRAPHY! (da DUNN!)
I don't know what country, state,, or town I'm in! I don't know where my countries' borders are, or even the general direction of the capital!
In fact, I own a house, but I don't know where I live! So If you'll excuse me...

 

by WiLzzt
7-28-02
Well that was pointless... Time for...
I know EXACTLY what the old Z would say now...
...TIME FOR HIM TO DIE!
*sigh* Time for us to start walking. Here, hon, I'll carry our provisions.
I LOVE genetically enhanced husbands-to-be!

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
After several hours of tramping through the forest, Chili and Doctor Z finally found themselves at the palace of the big fat hairy man.
Little do they know that they will soon discover exactly how big, fat, and hairy he is...
A voice booms over the loudspeaker: "WHO SEEKS ENTRY TO THE PALACE OF WIRTHLING?"
Uh... two weary interdimensional travelers seeking directions.
and a partridge in a pear tree!

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
Later, in the Wirthling palace...
**WIRTHLING WILL SEE YOU NOW.**
.. So you're the fabled big fat hairy man?
In the flesh.
I see the hairy, but you're only a floating head. How do they get off calling you big and fat?
Well, the thing about being a disemBODIED head is that it indicates you had a BODY to begin with. It's a long story...

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
You see, when I became ruler of this country, I joined a religion called sphere.
Sphere is a religion that believes that when a human being reaches a certain weight, he will acheive nirvana.
That weight is not quite 730 million tons. Reaching it is supposed to be very difficult.
But, ever since I joined, I've been looking for ways to speed up the process so that it might actually occur in my lifetime.
One of the things I've done is disconnect my head from my body. You may think this was an illogical decision, but really...
... wait. If I gave the punchline now, I'd just be getting a head of myself.

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
I soon discovered that eating was an inefficient way of gaining weight, so I had a special machine constructed.
The machine is hooked directly up to the fat chambers on my body. As my body gains mass, the machine gets more power.
It allows me to gain weight exponentially by sucking exponentially. I'll reach 730 million tons in to time!
So, while I'm talking to you, my body sucks. It just sucks and sucks and sucks and sucks...
I KNEW this was going nowhere as soon as I got here. Why do I even try...
...and sucks and sucks and sucks and sucks and...

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
After another hour of less interesting explanation...
So... got any questions for me?
Just one... Do you know anything about the Land of the Emerald Penguins?
Yes, of course. Ir's a long way away, hard to get there, have to know the secret route...
You don't happen to know this path, do you?
Why yes, I do, actually! It's a long story...

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
Finally, the man got around to telling Doctor Zbob the route to Chili's homeland......
.. so anyway after you take the two lefts and a right at the Three Forks,
wait.... what's happening... can it be?!
Yes! I have acheived perfect weight! Nirvana awaits!

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
Just seconds later...
Hey, get down from there! You're got directions to give!
I'm ascending! I am finally reaching the pinnacle of sphere, the first since since sphere's founder had a heart attack.!
C'mon, please?
You understand much about the world, dirty one. ...But what you DON'T understand ...
...is that I have acheived the greatest height of all humankind! I care not for your petty difficulties! WOOHOO I'M A PLANET!

 

by WiLzzt
7-29-02
Editor's note: In no way am I suggesting in recent comics that wirthling is fat, nor am I insinuating that he practices the cult religion 'sphere'. I just needed a floating head, and he was available.
Chili! Did you just see that?
The guards are saying that you just killed the king. Is this true?
What? Kill the king? Of course not!
Well, you'd better tell THEM that. They're right behind you.
Halt! Murderer!
I can already tell this isn't going to be pretty...

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Look, it's like I've been saying the whole time... your king is in the sky now, rapidly escaping orbit.
Hey, Hank! He's right, you know! Give the dirty man a break!
... please accept my apologies.

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
so, if our King has left us for his religion, what are we going to do about a new king?
I dunno, I figured you had some kind of system to work that out.
I don't know of one. Wirthling ruled for four thousand years! We figured he'd rule forever! Actually we were hoping YOU'd help us find a new king...
And so the Searching Saga begins!
So, Chili, how would you feel about running around the kingdom for a few days looking for a new king?
It's a date!

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
And so, the two adventurers made their way across hill and valley, looking (and listening) for one suitable to rule.
Their travels led them through many adventures, meeting many strange and interesting people that farmed the exotic lands surrounding the palace.
After weeks of fruitless searching, they came upon...
"Got a question? Welcome to Al's answers! Please use other door."

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
After some waiting...
Number 612. That's our number, sweetie. Let's go.
So... which one is Answer Al's office?
It's this one here. Answer Al will be in to see you shortly.
This is a nice office.
Wow. Magazines from another dimesnion!

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
After still more waiting...
Hey, I'm Answer Al! You are Chili and Doctor Zbob, right? Or have I got the wrong room?
No, that's us. Come on in.
So, what's your question?
I'm not the one with the questions. The one with the questions is sitting over there.
so, uh.... what's your question, man?
... I can't believe it. They actualy made a "M*A*S*H goes to Maine" TV show in this dimesntion!

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
... well?
Oh, sorry. I was wondering if you knew where the new king is supposed to be found?
oh, THAT. Well, I should've guessed that they were coming to ask me sooner or later.
I wonder how mad he'll be when he finds out his wife is going to rule the world and he's going to be her bootlicking lackey-husband?
... well?

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Well, the good news is: you will find the new ruler today!
Indeed! Tell me more.
the king and queen will be found near the water. The queen has a curse put on her and does not appear as she normally would.
... and the bad news?
... what? Oh sorry, there is no bad news. When did I say there was bad news? There isn't ANY bad news!
There's always bad news. Just give me the bad news. Trust me, I can take it.

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Loudspeaker: NUMBER 613 PLEASE COME TO THE RECEPTIONIST'S DESK.
come ON, let's go, dear! He's told us where to find the king and queen! What elase do you want?
I want the bad news!
... let's think about this. If that guy REALLY has all the answers, and he doesn't want to give you the bad news, do you REALLY want the bad news?
uh...
that's what I thought.
What did he say about the water again? I guess it's time to start checking nearby lakes...

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
After a few hours of checking streams, lakes, and backyard pools...
This looks like a good spot..
What a great dimension! The "Emeril" sitcom is number one for the third straight season!
You stole that magazine from his office?!
... if he has all the answers, why would HE need to read it?
... point taken. What was that about "Emeril"?
It says here it's been nominated for an Emmy! This is so cool!

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Then, as Doctor Zbob looked into the water at Chili's reflection...
He saw the image of Chili shimmer and distort into... could it be?
...and the secret is thus revealed!
Why are you staring at me like that?
Come here a second, Chil.

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Editor's note: We have spared your eyes this particular disturbing scene.
*SMOOOOOOOOOOOCH*
What in the world did you do THAT for?!
Well, it's 'cause I... well I... *sigh* well, it works in the movies.
It's not like I didn't appreciate it, but... it was sort of... unexpected.
Nobody's here. Let's try the next body of water.

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Well, we looked all around, and we didn't find anyone.
Who is that behind you? Didn't you leave with a talking bird?
What's he talking about, Zbob?
I don't.... WELL I'LL BE!
Oh dear... what's wrong?
Chil, when was the last time you looked in a mirror?

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Since they found no one else competent and Chili had already ruled a universe, she declared herself queen.
Works for us!
She and Doctor Zbob ruled the land justly for many years, and Zbob, being the perfect husband, was as helpful and supportive as he could be of his incredible wife.
Works for me!
- - - - - - - - - - (( THE END )) - - - - - - - - - -
No it isn't!

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
One day, many, many, many years later...
Ahh. I remember when we finally settled down in this place. I was so glad to be rid of the weird trip we'd taken.
...but why was I so happy? I can't stand another second of this awful boredom.
This wasn't the way I used to be...

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
When I first saw her, I couldn't make heads or tails of what I was seeing... But I was a scientist, and curiosity and adventure was my driving force, so I decided to go with her.
If I only knew then what I know now... I would have kept going on adventures with Chili while we were still young...
Hey Zbob. Taking a walk wishout me?
I thought you were still asleep, babe. Aren't you put your teeth in?
Oh, I musht have forgotten. Lesh go.

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
oh... I do love theesh woodsh.
I remember when that guy in a white robe was running through them... Honey, do you ever wonder what would've happened if we'd done things a little differently?
What do you mean, dearie?
I mean, what if we hadn't stopped here? What if we'd gone on more adventures?
I... I thought you didn't want more adventures, so I never said anything!
I was a fool. Now all I wish is that we could turn back the clock...

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
Well, why can't we? I mean, it's not like I lost the magic that got us here in the first place...
My dear... all these years! Why didn't you say anything?
I knew that when you were ready, you'd bring the subject to my attention...
We've been married for thirty-five years, and you can still surprise me. Boy, am I ever glad you appeared in my lab!

 

by WiLzzt
7-30-02
So, where do you want to go?
I want to go everywhere.
one... two... thr...
one... two... thr...
*CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP*
ARR! TOBOR SEE NOTHING TOBOR LIKE! TOBOR DEMAND REFUND!

 

by WiLzzt
8-13-02
 
So I says, "Shoot, boy, those Hernandez strips aren't gonna generate honorable mentions by themselves!"
Ha, Ha!
- - - - - - - - - INTERMISSION - - - - - - - - -
so, uh, you gonna start work on the comic anytime soon?
1048... 1049... If I make one more then I won't have a 4 anymore! Sorry, WiL.
 
no, 1050 has a 5... and 5 is 4 PLUS 1.
Score!

 

by WiLzzt
8-14-02
uh, honey...
Look at this crazy building! It's like a movie theater in miniature!
... I think it IS a miniature movie theater...
WHAT IS THAT TOBOR SEES? SCOOT OVER!
Honey... I could use a little help here...
COME ONE, BABY! WHO'S YOUR TOBOR?!
eww... get away from me, you lilliputian!

 

by WiLzzt
8-14-02
ugh... I can't believe this! I'll show that little metal man!
DID YOU SEE THAT FINE PIECE OF MEAT? TOBOR WOULD SURE LOVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE UNDER THE CHRISTMAS TREE! SCOOT OVER AGAIN.
Tobor, how many times have I tried to program you to keep your trap shut?!

 

by WiLzzt
8-14-02
Well, I see them, dear, but what do you want me to do about it?
I don't know.... do something the old you would have done!
*BANG* CRUNCH* AAGH! TOBOR'S ARM!
All better?
I LOVE genetically enhanced husbands!

 

by WiLzzt
8-14-02
The monsters are coming! Quick, lock the doors! Don't let them escape!
Okay, the novelty of this place has worn off.
You said it!
*click*
Did they leave already?
Honey... I was thinking...
EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeBOOOOOOM
... what was that you were thinking, dear?
mmm... nothing.

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »