All comics by Zandor_12

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by Zandor_12
7-31-03
Be an apostle.
But I don't wanna!
Do it, or I'll send your send to Hell where it will suffer for all eternity.
HE HOLDS HIS HAND UP TO INDICATE THAT HE IS TALKING
Well, when You put it that way, I suddenly have this urge to save some souls!
There's a good lad.

 

by Zandor_12
7-31-03
THE MAGICAL JOURNEY OF ZANDOR THE APOSTLE
So Slash, heard the word of Jesus lately?
How so?
He's this Guy who loves us and wants to forgive us for all our sins!
Eh.
And He's about to purge the world with fire!
Ooh!

 

by Zandor_12
7-31-03
...And He has this cool space chicken that looks like Harry Potter, only since He never mentioned it and I've never met it personally I technically should be unaware of its existance!
But where does the bible mention a second set of apostles coming forth to give mankind one last warning before the Apocalypse?
Shiny...
Wow, built in plot hole detection/suppresion!
You're next.

 

by Zandor_12
7-31-03
MEANWHILE, THE OTHER APOSTLES WHO SHOULDN'T EXIST FIGHT THE CLOCK TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL JUST A LITTLE FURTHER.
OR NOT.
WOOF!

 

by Zandor_12
8-01-03
Hey, you! Worship Jesus!
I AM Jesus.
...I see.
Hey, you! Worship Jesus!
*sigh*

 

by Zandor_12
8-01-03
~DANNY BOI, YA MOONIN IN ESKROW!~
Hey ma, lookit tha T-Rex dancin' and singin' out on th' front lawn!
Whadya reckin we sh' do wit it, Ma?
SELL HIM TO THE ZOO
LATER
~Dun dun dun, dun-dun-dun dun dun dun, dun-dun-dun dun dun dun, dun-dun-dun DUN DUN DUN, (dun-dun-dun)!~
HA HA I THROW PEANUTS AT YOUR FACE

 

by Zandor_12
8-07-03
Hello child who is floating three feet above the ground! GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY.
What?
Face the wrath of my device!
I do love using the device.

 

by Zandor_12
8-10-03
Democrats!
A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
OH NO, MY APPROVAL RATING FELL 6 POINTS!!!

 

by Zandor_12
8-16-03
MEANWHILE, IN SPACE:
...SORRY, FORCE OF HABIT.
MEANWHILE, IN HELL:
Idiot.

 

by Zandor_12
8-17-03
I've heard word that Jesus has returned to Earth... it is time for my army to rise, and for me to fight my war against heaven!!!
Assemble the four horsemen of the apocalypse, Billy, and let's go raise some hell!
Bah.
You always say that.
Baaah?

 

by Zandor_12
8-17-03
GYORGIS! GYORGIS GYAMABBERCHO, NAWAY GARUCHU JEEBUS! JEEBUS MABBERNA JEEBUS!
Dude.
JEEBUS CHROWAY?
You're late again.
...Strom Thurmond?
And you usually have more feet than that.

 

by Zandor_12
8-21-03
Hello brother, have you heard of Christ?
I AM YOUR EVIL CLONE SENT FROM TWENTY SECONDS IN THE FUTURE TO GIVE YOU A WARNING!
Whoah.
DO NOT EAT THE TACO!
Whoah.
NOW QUICKLY! TAKE THIS TACO AND HEAD INTO THE CLONING MACHINE, THEN THROW THE CLONE INTO THE TIME MACHINE! HURRY, WE'RE ALREADY ALMOST OUT OF TIME!!!

 

by Zandor_12
8-21-03
What's this?
Develin... I have an offer you might be interested in.
Aren't you supposed to be a lot smaller than that?
It depends.

 

by Zandor_12
8-21-03
You can change me back?
Yes.
Did it work?
...Your hair is different.

 

by Zandor_12
8-21-03
You wanted to see me?
Yes. About your mission... you don't seem to be doing very well.
I thought I was doing okay-
Well, you haven't been making that many conversions...
Slash seemed interested.
Zandor, he's already a Christian.

 

by Zandor_12
8-21-03
Well, the others are doing okay, aren't they Lord?
Not really, no.
How many have they converted?
Negative seventeen.
Jesus: And one of them keeps killing people, too.
What the- this wallet is full of bacon?!

 

by Zandor_12
9-14-03
THREE AND A HALF WEEKS LATER
Wait, what? Three and a half weeks?
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
Wow.
HEY, SHUT UP!
Could you get any lazier?

 

by Zandor_12
9-14-03
I've been doing horribly Slash, and the other apostles haven't been doing much better.
You need to reach a larger audience.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
I sure hope so!
Okay, what do we do now?
I was hoping you knew.

 

by Zandor_12
9-14-03
Is it the apocalypse yet?
I DON'T KNOW!
How about now?
GYAH!

 

by Zandor_12
9-14-03
Well, this looks like the end, old friend.
Is there nothing that can save us?
DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN
HACK WRITING, OR THE WILL OF GOD???
Huh, that was easy.
Hooray for hack writing!

 

by Zandor_12
9-14-03
Whoa.
You saved us, didn't you Lord?
Can't have you dying yet, you're the central character of the plot for some reason.
So, is the writer going to hell yet?
Yeah, am I going to hell yet?
I dunno.

 

by Zandor_12
9-14-03
BUT JUST THEN
Wait...I'm not important to the plot at all, am I?!
It is time...

 

by Zandor_12
9-29-03
MEANWHILE, 20 MINUTES AGO
Hmm...
A snowman, stabbed so much, that he dissolved into ashes... what a painful, implausible end that must've been...
Hello there... Mr. Frosty, was it?
What's it to you?

 

by Zandor_12
9-29-03
You brought me back to life... I assume you want some sort of favor in return?
Correct. You will be one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
You have a deal, demon goat!
Excellent.
Heh, heh... soon the world will be mine!
Three down, one to go.

 

by Zandor_12
9-29-03
MEANWHILE, AT A TIME THAT WAS THE PRESENT WHEN I WROTE IT
Sky's black. Must be time.
For crying out- He said we wouldn't be here when this went down! What is He doing?!
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Yeah, and He mysteriously screwed us over!!!
...HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE A TALKING CHICKEN!!!
I still don't get how YOU became an apostle.

 

by Zandor_12
1-11-04
Is this body good, Bigman?
Hmm... no.
How about this?
NO.
But everybody likes penguins!
I don't want to be a damn penguin!

 

by Zandor_12
1-11-04
This?
This isn't even the right species!
This?
WRONG GENDER!
Okay, how about this?
GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE DAMN GUTTER!

 

by Zandor_12
1-11-04
This one?
Dude! This one rocks!
Okay, I'll go with this one then.
Wait!
I thought you were being sarcastic.
Well, I guess this one will work.

 

by Zandor_12
1-11-04
So Bigman, how does NDTC generate its power?
With blue canaries!
HAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHA!
...
...

 

by Zandor_12
1-11-04
LET'S TAKE MR. HOSTAGE SWOINTEK!
OKAY!
THE END

 

by Zandor_12
1-19-04
WHY DID THE BEAVER CROSS THE ROAD?
I DO NOT KNOW???
BECAUSE IT WAS STAPLED TO THE RABBIT!
10 MINUTES LATER
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

by Zandor_12
1-25-04
I, the herald of darkness, am proud to announce the arrival o-
Wait, when I first wrote you weren't you only supposed to be able to say the word 'bah'.
I thought I was the writer.
Wait, you're the writer?
Yeah, why?
My head hurts.
Well sure you're the narrator, but I think we're technically the same person.
Does he take take that stool with him everywhere he goes?

 

by Zandor_12
1-25-04
Wait, so you're the main character AND the narrator?
I'm also the writer.
...
That's too much power if you ask me.
Don't worry, I forget to use it whenever it would interfere with the plot.
...
So, does this mean that I'm your second personality or something, or are you a replacement? Am I going to not exist anymore?
Well, I-
ENOUGH!

 

by Zandor_12
1-25-04
Y'know, if my hair were one shade darker I'd look bald against this background.
Okay, NOW it's time.
I always thought he would be taller than that.
Announcing the future ruler of earth, the devil!
I didn't know you could talk.

 

by Zandor_12
3-28-04
So... we meet again.
It's been awhile, but I am ready to begin my war on Heaven.
Then why are you invading Earth?
What?
Why are you here if your target is Heaven?
I... er, well... shut up, that's why!

 

by Zandor_12
4-14-04
...GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!
Quack?

 

by Zandor_12
4-16-04
Bigman: Maybe you should change the Jesus in the last panel.
How do you make steamed pizza crust? How do you steam just the crust?
You leave the cardboard on when you cook it!
STEAMED PIZZA CRUST!
Zandor: But everybody knows that Jesus lives on the moon!
That starts fires.
If it has no cardboard, then you are in Pizza Hut.

 

by Zandor_12
5-23-04
Presenting the Horseman of War:
"Develin!!!"
Develin? Long time, no see!
Hey Zandor, what's up?
You're friends with an apostle?!
We swap some e-mail, yes.

 

by Zandor_12
5-23-04
"Cthulhu, the Horseman of Pestilence!"
Cthulhu's a little girl?
Long story.
And here's the Horseman of-
Hey, you there with the horns! Your talkin' goat friend said we were goin' to Taco Bell! What's the hold-up?
I have to take care of some business. Here's a yo-yo, stand over there in the corner and keep yourself busy.
Hoo-yeah! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

 

by Zandor_12
5-23-04
"And last but not least, the Horseman of Death: Frosty, the Verbally Abusive Snowman!!!"
Ahahahahaha!!! Bow down before me, knave!
Ha, you talked! Now you have to buy me a can of soda!
I am a Horseman of the Apocalypse! I am no longer subject to such childish games!!!
That'll be a Dr. Pepper, please.
...they don't seem to be respecting my power.
Well, you DID talk.

 

by Zandor_12
5-28-04
So, these are your Horsemen.
I can't get my yo-yo to go back up again.
And these are Your Apostles.
...so then I'm all 'no way!', and he's all 'uh-huh', but then Tiffany's all 'Yeah, right!', but Phillip's all 'Where's the remote?' and I'm all 'Dude, what's your deal?' and then Tiffany...
...I think we may have made a mistake.
Agreed.

 

by Zandor_12
5-28-04
And so, the Apocalypse was cancelled. Jesus and Satan agreed to try again in a few years, and to actually prepare beforehand that time.
Jesus returned to His moon palace, and continued to tolerate the creatures of the moon.
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
We've been here for seven hours.
And Satan returned to Hell with his magic talking goat, hanging his head in shame.
That's the last time I let you plan anything.
Bah.

 

by Zandor_12
5-28-04
Well, the sky's cleared up. I guess they really are done.
Hold on, I need to take care of something.
Give me back my hat, you jerk!
How do you know that you're not already wearing it?
Well, the hat IS invisible...
My work here is done.

 

by Zandor_12
5-28-04
Well, that was fun and all, but I'm glad things are back to normal.
And best of all, all the loose ends were tied up!
UNNECCESSARY SECOND PANEL
THE END
~DANNY BOI, YA MOONIN IN ESKROW!~
HA HA, NOW I THROW POPCORN AT YOUR FACE!

 

by Zandor_12
5-30-04
Glad that's over.
And what did you learn?
That I should either avoid long narratives, or interrupt them with unrelated strips as I please, in order to prevent the boredom that caused all of those multi-month long gaps between new comics?
THE END
Actually, I was going to tell you to stop putting Me in your weird-ass comics, but that's good too.

 

by Zandor_12
5-30-04
I had it all... my power was supreme... and now it's all gone!!! Why does this always happen to me?! WHY?!
Hiyah.
You're going to kill me again, aren't you.
Yep.

 

by Zandor_12
5-30-04
Presenting a few jokes that I either couldn't fit into the plot or didn't take the time to.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Bah.
You're sitting on my chair again.

 

by Zandor_12
5-30-04
Hey, you! Worship Jesus!
I am Satan! The corruptor of man! Ruler of hell! Enemy of good! Jesus is my sworn enemy, you foolish simpleton!
HEY, HAS ANYBODY NOTICED THAT THE JESUS ON THE CROSS IS LIKE THREE FEET TALL
...I see.
Hey, you! Worship Jesus!
ARGH!

 

by Zandor_12
5-30-04
And presenting the greatest Horseman of all: Death!
20 MINUTES LATER
I don't get it. Where the hell is he?!
MEANWHILE, IN THE ARCTIC CIRCLE:
Would you hurry up and die already?! I'm late for something really important!
Quack?

 

by Zandor_12
5-30-04
I'd just like to apologize to God, for making all of those Jesus jokes, most of which I regret.
I can only defend myself by hoping for forgiveness, and with the fact that I managed to portray Jesus with more respect and dignity than some other people have.
And with that out of the way, it's time to get back to the highbrow humor that Stripcreator's known for!
OMG YOU HAVE BOOBS
Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!

Showing page 2.

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