All comics by attitudechicka

Profile

 

by attitudechicka
9-29-03
Well, hello Jes. Welcome to Kajun's Klassic Kuisine! What'll you have?
You know what I want...
I'm sorry, Jes, I can't serve you absinth here. We're in America.
No, no, no. You KNOW what I want.
Oh. That will be five Euro and I'll meet you under table nine.

 

by attitudechicka
10-07-03
Flourish of cornets. Enter Portia, with the Prince of Morocco and their trains.
There are three caskets over there/ Choose from them but beware/ To win my hand/ You must understand/ Only one will hold my care.
The first is made of pure gold/ "What men desire" the fortune told/ The silver serves/ For what I deserve/ The third is dull and old
He unlocks the golden casket.
Choose with your heart, good prince/ If you should find this evidence/ My photo is tucked inside/ Then I will be your bride/ And we shall live happily ever since.
I choose not the one of lead/ Nor the one with a silver bed/ Efficacious is the gold/ And from there my fortune told/ You are surely fucking with my head.
Exuent Morocco with train.
This all gave me such a fright/ Looks like my hand will bed me tonight/ I will sleep alone/ For it is a scroll/ Not a photo in my sight.
If only your heart led your way/ Instead of greed seen here today/ You only want money/ And not a honey/ You're a loser so go away.

 

by attitudechicka
10-14-03
One day at the World's Fair
Doing crunchycheese things....
Space farmer for president!
Space farmer! My good friend from grade school, how are you?
Eat dirt, cheese.
That's for taking the red crayon!

 

by attitudechicka
10-14-03
Mom!
For God's Sakes, Peter, I'm not deaf. What do you want?
Why shouldn't I pick my nose after midnight?
Because the boogie man feeds off your nose picking energy to become stronger.
Oh no, the boogie man is going to get me!
If Dick Clark were dead, he'd be rolling in his grave.

 

by attitudechicka
10-17-03
I'm getting old.
Why do you say that?
Because I'm a sister-in-law to two people, an aunt to three girls, I have a son myself...
And all my stories that go anywhere are about my cats.

 

by attitudechicka
10-19-03
Everything's $1
How much is this?
Haha.
Everything's $1
Everything's $1
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by attitudechicka
10-19-03
Everything's $1
Do you have any anti-Diarrhea medication for fawns?
No, we only carry the medication for does.
Everything's $1
Deal's sells it.
Everything's $1
Then go to deals.

 

by attitudechicka
10-19-03
Cash or Check Only
Your total is $1.06
Here, I'll just pay with my debit card.
Cash Or Check Only
Our machines only accept cash or check.
Cash or Check Only
Well, could you take it just this once?

 

by attitudechicka
10-20-03
Everything's $1
I noticed you have your wooden handled kitchen utensils in a cart over there.
Everything's $1
Are they going to be on special soon?
Everything's $1
Yes. we're going to sell them for a buck.

 

by attitudechicka
10-20-03
Everything's $1
So you're hiring Gia back, huh?
Yes.
Everything's $1
Why's that?
Excluding management, she's the best worker here.
Everything's $1

 

by attitudechicka
10-20-03
Everything's $1
Those magnets are 4 for a dollar.
Everything's $1
I kno-ow...
Did you hear me? They're 4 for a DOLLAR.
Everything's $1
Just let the scanner do it's thing, would you?
Did you make sure they rang up 4 for a dollar? I'm checking the recipt.

 

by attitudechicka
10-20-03
Everything's $1
Can I help you find something?
Do you sell televisions?
Everything's $1
No, ma'am, I'm sorry.
What about DVD players? Coffee makers? Bras?
Everything's $1
As a matter of fact, there are bras in aisle 5.
Are they Victoria's Secret?

 

by attitudechicka
10-21-03
Everything's $1
You know that woman who comes in here with the three kids?
You're going to have to be more specific.
Everything's $1
The kids that open every toy in the toy aisle.
Yes, what about them?
Everything's $1
She just sparked a joint in the bathroom and it's YOUR turn to clean it!

 

by attitudechicka
10-21-03
Everything's $1
I cleaned up the baby aisle for you.
Aisle 6
What exactly did you do?
Asile 6
I moved some of this stuff over to give you more room.
Great, you just saved me a whole 5 minutes of my time. Thanks.

 

by attitudechicka
10-23-03
Boy, how much crap do you think gets thrown in here on a daily basis?
Hard to say...
This is the third one of these this week. Maybe we should start a return policy.

 

by attitudechicka
10-23-03
Gia, it's John. We were just wondering if you're coming in tonight.
Wait, what? I wasn't on the schedule for today.
Yes you were. It's okay, though. You can work Thursday, we've already called Kristina.
Why would they call Kristina already if you were actually on the schedule for today?
Because my life is hell, and they want to make it worse.

 

by attitudechicka
10-24-03
Hi. I'm Nobody.
I don't like Sara Lee.
When two friends are fighting, I win.

 

by attitudechicka
10-24-03
I smile at a bad joke.
I'm perfect.
I know the trouble you've seen.

 

by attitudechicka
10-24-03
I care.
It's my fault.
I could do it better.

 

by attitudechicka
10-24-03
I like you.
I will admit to it.
I want to be a junkie when I grow up.

 

by attitudechicka
10-24-03
I want to be the loser.
In space, I can hear you scream.
I like a smartass.

 

by attitudechicka
10-24-03
Everything's $1
You blow up balloons here?
Everything's $1
Only the ones that we sell. The company that suplies the balloons also supplies the helium tank.
So I can bring in my balloons for you to blow up?
Everything's $1
No, ma'am. We can only blow up the balloons that we sell.
How much will you charge me to blow up my balloons?

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
Everything's $1
Todd, can we go home now?
Right after I put up these gingerbread cookies.
Everything's $1
Todd, look! Those gingerbread men have boobies!
That's a bowtie, Gia.
Everything's $1
Looks like boobies to me.
Only you would see that, Gia.

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
Look, pumpkin, I've had enough of you.
With your misshapen eyes and cut out teeth.
I'm going to rip the candle out of you.

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
I've had enough of your shit, Brad.
What with your closing and reopening the forums all the time.
I have a carving kit.
Oh shit!

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
Wait, I added you to this site, I can delete you.
I'd like to see you try.
ERROR: php syntax does not exist.
Fuck it, I'll just use the carving kit after all.

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
That wasn't "The best whipping of my life". I want my money back.
No refunds.
But, that's false advertising.
I don't care kid, get lost. I got more customers.
I at least demand to be whipped again for free.
No refunds, no freebees.

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
Awwww, come on. Just a little whipping right here.
I'm out of here.
Brad! What are you doing here? And why are you frozen?
I tried to get a freebee.
And she froze you?

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
No, I've just been waiting so long and got so cold...
On second thought, I don't need the whipping that badly. But here's a twenty to take care of my friend.
Alright kid, someone's paid your tab.

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
Ha! You dress like that for Halloween, I dress like this every day.
And that makes you better than me?
Didn't you see that picture of me with the two girls? I'm the man.
You probably paid them to take a photo with you.
Yes, actually I did.
You need this broomstick more than I do.

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
You have to accept God into your life.
And you have to accept porn into your life.
Pornographic material? I could never.
Here. Look at this.
What is that pink donkey doing to you?

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
5 hours later...
Bewbies.
What did you think?
Bewbies. Lots of bewbies. Must find bewbies.
And that was just the most recent photoshop competition.

 

by attitudechicka
10-27-03
I've decided to leave the church.
Why, my son?
Bewbies.
Well, may God bless you on your search for....
Did you say bewbies?

 

by attitudechicka
10-30-03
Oh look, he's dressed as Rosemary's baby. Isn't that cute?
ROBOTNIK DIED!
Such a cute kid. Scary costume, though.
Hi, I'm Rosemary. Have you seen my baby? It's his first time trick or treating and he got away from me.

 

by attitudechicka
11-03-03
Everything's $1
Hey, Dave. Whatcha do-in'?
Making a memo. I want you to call me on my cell phone immediately if this woman tries to write a check here.
Ten minutes later...
Dave can I borrow your cell phone?
Uh, sure.
Everything's $1
Dave, it's Gia. That woman you wrote the memo about is trying to write a check.
Can I have my cell phone back now?

 

by attitudechicka
11-03-03
Everything's $1
Rodd, this is getting rediculous.
What?
Everything's $1
First there was the cookie boobs, and now...
Everything's $1
These knock off Barbies have see through shirts and that one has her hand up her skirt!

 

by attitudechicka
11-03-03
Everything's $1
Alright Gia, take a smoke break.
Jimmy? What are you doing here?
I have to do a police lineup next door at the police station.
Everything's $1
Have a good smoke?
Better than expected!

 

by attitudechicka
11-03-03
Everything's $1
Hey Gia, take a smoke.
Let's disco.
I thought you'd never ask.
Everything's $1
You okay, Gia? You look a little out of breath.

 

by attitudechicka
11-03-03
Everything's $1
That's $75.20. Will that be cash or check?
You don't accept debit cards?
Everything's $1
No, but you could always kick one of the managers in the head.
Everything's $1
That seems to be the prefered method of payment.

 

by attitudechicka
11-05-03
Everything's $1
Do you make keys?
Everything's $1
Sorry, ma'am, we don't.
Well, you should.
Everything's $1
There's a sears hardware right next door that will make your keys for you.
I don't think I can make it quite that far.

 

by attitudechicka
11-07-03
Everything's $1
Can I help you?
Do you sell latex balloons?
Everything's $1
Yes, in aisle ten.
No, I want them blown up.
Everything's $1
Then you're going to have to get a helium tank.
Do you sell helium tanks?

 

by attitudechicka
11-10-03
Wow, this sure is a nice house!!!
I just got it!!!
What the hell did you do to get this???
Well.....
I had to do some thinking, I guess. That joke sure was a doosie. An Amish man and a dwarf, ha! Uh, what were you saying?

 

by attitudechicka
11-13-03
OH!
Oh, baby! Right there! Yesssssssss!
I always wondered why it took Roadside Assistance so long to get to the car.

 

by attitudechicka
11-15-03
Hey, Fattie.
Here are some books. The best one is "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
But that book is... freaking huge!
Here, hold this. Get used to it.
*whimper*

 

by attitudechicka
11-18-03
What to expect from your newborn...
Hey honey, wanna get it on?
The doctor says we shouldn't have sex for 6 weeks because I could become pregnant again. Plus, I'm really depressed today.
12 AM/ 2AM/ 4AM/ 6AM
Wahhhhh!
Damn, kid, you stink. How much can a baby poop?
Gotta concentrate real hard. Get out you poop!

 

by attitudechicka
11-18-03
All your doritos are belong to me!

 

by attitudechicka
11-19-03
What's my nutrition level?
Well, you had two eggs, instead of five, so I'll give you half a serving for that.
2 eggs is HALF a serving?!?!?!
You've got a third of your RDA.
This thing is like the size of a grain of rice, right? What does it seriously need 5 eggs for?
Well, there's no toys inside the womb. It's using the yolks to build a fort.

 

by attitudechicka
11-19-03
Mom, I don't have any time to myself anymore.
Why do you say that?
Well, breakfast for example, lasts 2 hours.
Have you been going to breakfast with Nate?
No, it just takes an hour to cook all the food, and another hour to eat it.

 

by attitudechicka
11-19-03
Is it a boy or a girl?
I don't know yet.
I have some baby boy clothes if you're interested.
I don't know yet.
What are you going to name it?
I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YET!

 

by attitudechicka
11-23-03
Is it Thanksgiving yet?
No. You still have a week.
Is it Thanksgiving yet?
No, it's in 4 more days. What's so great about Thanksgiving anyway?
One overstuffed Turkey, 20 side items, and 3 kinds of pie. It's pregnant women's paradise.

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