All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
2-12-10
i had an american client the other day who wanted to 'fist' me.
did you let him??
no, of course not!
then why's your asshole bleeding?
i made him force me.

 

by bigworm
2-13-10
i trick older men into having sex with me.
we both do. we lie about our ages............
i tell 'em i'm 22.
i tell 'em i'm 24.
'cus they wouldn't have sex with us...
...if they knew we were only 7!

 

by bigworm
2-13-10
hey!!! silver fox! hubba hubba! you looking for a good time?
i think you're a little too young for me.
i'm 7 years old.
you're 7??
yep!
cool! at first i thought you were only 4!

 

by bigworm
2-14-10
there are numerous advantages that come to those who are whores at an early age.
that's right.
for instance, we become highly skilled at pretending to be aroused, plus we pick up some very useful bargaining skills.
the one i like the most is we can get out of jail for free...
mmm...
...and fuck a man wearing a uniform at the same time!

 

by bigworm
2-15-10
one night...
you know what?
what?
two delinquents were just talking...
i just got this really 'bad' idea.
you mean you got a really 'good' idea?
...and good became bad.
no, i mean 'bad'.
good...

 

by bigworm
2-15-10
i don't know what to think anymore. i'm a goddamn fucking FLY! i should've been able to land on it... sniff it... and gobble it! but i couldn't.
remember... you're a BLACK fly!
so? i'm still a fly!
listen man, there's somthin' you oughta' know...
what?
black flies don't eat no pussy!

 

by bigworm
2-15-10
when next you find yourself wiping up cum...
huh! where'd all this shit come from?
is this what i think it is?
and you know for sure that nobody else is in the room with you...
this is kinda'... odd. there's nobody else here! just ME! that must mean that this shit is... oh, that's right!!! i just jacked off!!! therefore it follows that... that... that... that...I AM!!!
haven't i had this thought before?
then you know that it was YOU who jacked yourself off, YOU who shot your load, YOU who's cleaning it up, and therefore... YOU ARE!
THIS IS PURE DYNAMITE! hold on there, not so fast! just slow down. if you wanna' get published, then you're gonna' have to do the work.
the bottom line is... science demands replication

 

by bigworm
2-17-10
HA!!!
Sir... at best you rise to the level of 'droll'!
you were saying?

 

by bigworm
2-17-10
the killer awoke before dawn, put his bunnysuit on, and then he walked on up to the clouds...
so let me get this straight... you sent your only son, but you could have as many as you want, anytime you wanted them. furthermore, you didn't suffer from sending him to die... because you're god.
that's right, but don't forget the kicker... he never really died anyway!
and he went to the room where his bullshit father was, and said..."father", "yes son",
and you pulled this stupid prank when people all over the earth have sent their loved ones to die for real, and suffered terribly for it. furthermore, many could never have any more children at all.
what can i say? that's the way the cookie crumbles...
"i want to..." then he chopped the 'holy shit' out of him. this is the end, bunnyman's only friend... the end.
how about..."it'll all come out in the wash?"

 

...and he didn't even know he was sick.
FUCKIN' A!!! I'M CURED!!!
by bigworm, 2-18-10

 

by bigworm
2-20-10
do you smoke?
cigarettes?
no...
yes
shall we?
light it up.

 

by bigworm
2-21-10
you know... with all the talk and attention given to the pedophiliacs, i feel like we're pretty much forgotten.
nobody allows for us to exist in this world... except we ourselves.
our sexual needs are discounted, ignored, unacknowledged and...
...even prohibited! furthermore, we're never even asked how we feel about our own experience. we're literally TOLD that we don't like it.
so... in effort to set the record straight... if you stick your dick in my mouth, i'll chew the motherfucker off, and I'LL ENJOY IT!
we swallow too!!!

 

by bigworm
2-21-10
good morning ms. marlopple, could i interest you in a cup of hot coffee, with irish cream and sugar?
what kinda' cream is that...? all chunky and stringy? i think i'll pass.
irish cream, it's high in fat content.
i prefer my cream straight outa' the spigot, and the spigot's got to be stout!
oh my godl... she really is a whore!!!
so what do you say boss? is your spigot stout?

 

by bigworm
2-24-10
you can come out you know... it's ok. i'm the only one here right now.
it would just make me uncomfortable, and there's an element of humiliation as well.
i know, after all... i am the one that gave you that tiny dick, but you gotta' get over it.
if i had a bigger dick i could've done a lot of things differently
like what for instance?
like slapping the shit outa' you right now with it... fucking ASSHOLE!!

 

by bigworm
2-24-10
Every good 'business infant' knows...
Good afternoon ladies! I'd like to welcome you all to the 3rd Annual Underage Hookers Convention. We've got a great agenda lined up, with topics of interest to everyone here, I'm sure. To start ...
...that even when business is thriving...
...we've got Louise at 8:00a.m. speaking on 'How to Keep Our Pussies Tight'. We all need to know that, don't we? Then we've got Glenda on 'Getting Out of Jail With Your Mouth Only'.
...a good incentive is still indicated, especially one that turns waste into cash!!!
Finally we're gonna' meet out on the playground to march in solidarity telling our teachers (and the whole school district), that we will give 1 free 'golden shower' every 10th. blowjob.

 

by bigworm
2-25-10
god loved his son so much he spent more than half an hour searching for those special words.
son... you remember how i use to spank yer little bottom, and it was me that ended up cryin'?
son... you remember that saying "into every life, a little rain must fall"?
but 'close' only counts in horseshoes.
son...i hope you understand how a real father shows his son how much he loves him
my arthritis is so bad i can't hold a hammer no more!

 

by bigworm
2-25-10
continuing to search for the right words, he tries a little 'finger pointing'...(why not, he invented it).
son... the 'holy ghost' has come up with a somewhat intriguing idea.
now son... you know the 'holy ghost' chairs the committee on disciplinary action... so it's outa' my hands.
he tries a little 'mis-direction'...(why not, he invented it).
son... you know i love you, but you don't have any patience!
son... you need a new activity... something that will strengthen your character.
after many minutes of diligent thought, god knows he's getting close to figuring out how to tell his beloved son what he has planned for him.
my beloved son, go see the 'holy ghost', he's got somthin' to tell you!

 

by bigworm
2-25-10
put yourself in god's shoes for just one minute.
the cost of disciplinary actions has just skyrocketed.
i'm sorry son, but my overwhelming love for you has become so damned heavy, i just gotta' get rid of some of it. i hope you understand.
imagine how difficult it must've been trying to figure out how to tell your precious son just what it is you had in mind.
you're such a fine young man. i can't wait to see you all splayed on the cross!
always remember son... if you get a lemon, it was LIFE that gave it to you... not me.
maybe you could give it an international flavor!
i hope you don't mind italian food.
the romans are a hearty breed... i think you're gonna' like 'em.

 

by bigworm
2-25-10
so what kind of class is it?
cross culture.

 

by bigworm
2-25-10
finally god gets up the nerve to tell his beloved son what's goin' on...
son, the 'holy ghost' has enrolled you in an upcoming class.
how come?
...and he finds the words.
he thinks you need to spread your wings.
oh...

 

by bigworm
2-27-10
slurp slurp...suck...ooh, yum yum.
suck...shhlurp
slurpa...slurpa ooh...
hide quick! i hear him coming!
hello?!

 

by bigworm
2-27-10
shit... blub blub.
this really puts the kabosh on a resurrection...

 

by bigworm
2-28-10
dude! i just cut a fart. can you smell it down there?
yeh, a little bit!
just a minute, lemme try again. there, can you smell that one?
ooh yeh! that one smells real bad! it's disgusting!
in effort to make my death worthwhile, i've come up with the concept of 'Remote Aromatherapy'. it will help you sinners purge your sins, get it?
yeh, but what's wrong with jacking off?

 

by bigworm
3-02-10
i know you and your followers are very fond of the cross...
so if you're thinkin' about spending more time on it...
i do good work.

 

by bigworm
3-02-10
thank you lord for the blessings you have bestowed upon us.
though we come from an impoversihed, 3rd world, dank and stinking trash hole of a country...
we will never forget that... thine is the kingdom ...
the power and the glory...
that gave us our mouths to suck... and our tight little pussies to fuck...
and the plane loads of john's to bring us the buck... forever and ever, amen.

 

by bigworm
3-02-10
did you know that the bible says the only sin that will keep you from entering the kingdom of heaven is blaspheming the holy spirit?
so?
so start sucking!

 

by bigworm
3-02-10
i am a man of god.
i'm a clown.
when my job is done and i take off my costume, i'm a man.
when my job is done, and i divest myself of my liturgical vestments, i am still a...
a clown of god.
oh, ha ha... ha ha... how unacceptably accurate can a clown be, and still expect to enter the 'Big Tent'?

 

by bigworm
3-02-10
our job is to make people laugh.
our job is to lead people to new understandings.
through thought.
through laughter.
ha ha ha! that's very funny.
that's very interesting. ha ha ha!

 

by bigworm
3-03-10
Dear Sir, Thank you for ordering our Do-It-Yourself Astral Projection Kit.
wow! my kit's arrived! i can't believe it!
Enclosed you will find all the items necessary to ensure your success in this ancient and esoteric practice.
hmmm, this is a projection tool?
STEP 1- Using the projection tools provided... open your 3rd eye.
ouch!!! shit, i forgot to read STEP 2...

 

STEP 2- Synchronize your imagination with the successive tapping of your carefully crafted projection tool. Say "I AM PROJECTING" with each tap of the tool.
I AM PROJECTING... I AM PROJECTING... I AM PROJECTING...
by bigworm, 3-03-10

 

by bigworm
3-07-10
Artemus and Lurma Lou met one evening in a local tavern. it was nothing less than a hugeness of chemical fermentation that got all stirred up! many tavern goers suffered 3rd degree nostril burns.
i gotta' beer in my hand, goggles on my EYES, and a ragin' 'you-know-what' between my THIGHS!
oh for heaven sakes, you can really put words together. i think i've been titillated.
when Lurma Lee Lou Ann McGee accepted Artemus Andrew Bob Billy Quantifico's ragin' 'you-know-what'" remark, Artemus knew Lurma's vagina was in the bag! he could hardly wait to pour beer in it.
oh for heavens's sake, you THINK you've been titillATED?! don't BLINK precious, or you'll get MASTURBATED!
OOOh!! you're so forward!
the mere vastness of a somewhat rhyming verbiage that uttered forth from the mucous membrane on the inside of her anterior sphincter sent chills down Artemus's intact (though rubbery) spine.
forWARD we shall GO, where i become more unTOWARD... don't you KNOW!?
unto words i grant the CHARM, that you have spoken to ME, such that i feel a TINGE of personal ALARM come over ME. heightened by my inkling to CRINGE and FLEE. but i will stay and let BE what will BE.

 

by bigworm
3-07-10
before they could get to couplin' that night, Artemus had to show Lurma Lou the results of his horribly longed for cosmetic surgery to his penile shaft, such that afterwards it was now what it was.
i'm gonna' practice by havin' Spot suck on the vacuum cleaner hose!
i'm gonna' practice by pourin' beer into my whoopee cushion!
they prepared all week long to engage in some pre-sexual foreplay, and gathered up the items required for a successful outing in this highly incubatory aspect of the hillbilly inculturation. then ...
um... wusn't you gonna' show me somethin'?
yes Ms. Lurma, i was. you know i'm a writer of astounding merit. so, i got some of that cosmetical surgical stuff done to my peter, such that it would match my lifestyle. lemme' back up and show you!
...he whupped it out so she could gaze at it. Artemus felt that it was best if the female in his life could gaze before sucking, such that a mode of relaxatory uninhibitionary softness could prevail.
oh Artemus, did you shave it jus' for me?
yeh baby, and i honed it too!

 

by bigworm
3-08-10
what's wrong with rape?
nothing if it's done with consideration.
it's the feet of the rapist chasing down their target that literally keeps this fucking earth spinning.
you said "fucking earth", ha ha ha! right on brother!!
hey, i googled 'twin cops' last night, and we're still the only set who are the same rank, working the same city in the whole country... WE BAD!!!
WE BE RANK!!!

 

by bigworm
3-08-10
hey bro, check this out... women are unhappy 'cus they didn't always have the vote, and they're still unhappy because they still aren't a force in politics.
yeh, and they still gripe about us leaving the toilet seat up, like they're the only ones who use the toilet.
yeh, why don't they just shut the fuck up about the toilet thing?
i've decided just to go ahead and leave the seat down myself. then i don't have to listen to their stupid griping.
me too, but i'm sure they'll find somethin' new to gripe about.
now they're probably gonna' gripe about me pissin' all over the fuckin' seat.

 

by bigworm
3-10-10
maybe you'll be able to find time for wosrhip.
god?
perhaps...
is it god that's stuck up your ass?

 

by bigworm
3-13-10
i'm a freak, but one with some redemptive value.
i can be ground up, put in capsules, and help somebody's joints work a little better. i'm not just worm food.
dang, i guess i'm just wormfood.
but... i'm wormfood that looks like bud cort.

 

by bigworm
3-15-10
so you didn't bring the cheese?
nope.
but when we left, i distinctly heard you say, "i got the cheese!"
sorry...
i meant to say "cut"!

 

by bigworm
3-15-10
you better leave... my daddy hates mice!
but i don't have any place to go!!
then ummm, act like you don't have any hands or feet, and...
forget it!!!
i was a gerbil in a previous life!

 

so Darla... why are your hands always behind your back?
habit i guess. i've just heard it so many times, over and over... "Don't use your hands, no hands!"
by bigworm, 3-15-10

 

by bigworm
3-15-10
'john A' lives 5 miles away, and so does 'john B'. if they both leave their houses at 10:00pm, traveling at the same speed, directly to our house in a straight line, on unobstructed roads...
yeh?
which 'john' will be the first to bang me?
i need more information.
such as...?
such as... which 'john' has the longer dick?

 

by bigworm
3-17-10
you child molesting sonofabitch!!! you literally get paid to lick little twats and suck little dicks!!! you're a spiritual abomination!
i'm sorry that you have no avenue by which you may seek gratification... for such longings are intense.
FUCK THAT SHIT!!! YOU'RE MY GODDAMN AVENUE!!!
i see. god is absent from your life.
SUCK MY FUCKIN' DICK!!!
it would be difficult to fullfill such a prayer request.

 

by bigworm
3-17-10
and why would it be difficult for a lowdown man of child's underwear cloth (such as yourself), to suck my fucking dick!!?
it's been rumored that you don't have a penis.
what do you call this?
you call that a penis?
i sure do!!! do you call yourself a cocksucker???
i *suck*!!! *suck*!!! sure do *slobber* *slobber*!!

 

by bigworm
3-17-10
My brothers, we gather to hear and study the word... as it has been revealed in the Holy Gerbilic Code. Let us turn to the 1st. entry, where we read... "Verily verily I say unto thee...
"... thou shall not enter the cavern of heaven by pushing to the side just one wall of the great cleft. So, I say unto you... if thou wouldst enter the cavern, one must as well...
...spread the other cheek!"

 

by bigworm
3-18-10
Oh Lord... help me express the radiance and beauty you want fa me. I'm jussa' po' black woman, strong, but po'... cain't do it on ma own.
You want some help with your hanky?

 

by bigworm
3-20-10
I've called you in to discuss your continuing use of my sister's name at your moment of peak sexual excitement with me, (excuse me for a moment please.) ***SECURITY!!! PLEASE REPORT TO MY OFFICE!***
Your failure to correct this behavior could lead to cessation of sexual priveledges,further disciplinary action, up to and including...
...removal of your tongue.
ok... I apologize.

 

by bigworm
3-20-10
On behalf of the world and all of the children who need protection, I have petitioned the Lord to put an end to child prostitution.
amen!
Further, for the sake of added dramatic effect, I have asked the Lord to do this at 12 midnight.
amen!
I'll see you at 11:00pm.
amen?

 

Honey, I'm thinkin' about crucifying Jesus next week! Is that okay with you?!!
Is it gonna' mess up the carpet?
by bigworm, 3-22-10

 

by bigworm
3-22-10
What's troubling you honey? Why don't you just come on to bed?
It's those goddamn sodomites! They gotta' take it up the ass every fuckin' night!
That reminds me...
?
Did you remember to get KY at the store today?
Now that you mention it... I am pretty sleepy.

 

by bigworm
3-24-10
Tonight a planeload of american pedophiles comes in.
Germans too.
So, we're going to eat well tonight...
before...
during...
and after dinner

 

by bigworm
3-25-10
Look, you got a bad evaluation. You can change that. Don't go beatin' yourself up about it.
Just a minute... I'll be right back.
I couldn't resist.

Showing page 2.

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