All comics by catmanjag

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by catmanjag
4-17-06
What in the world? No...... This can't be right.
Ugh! This place soooo needs a makeover.
Um... excuse me. But aren't you an elderly gay man? How is it that you have arrived here?!
The Metro #31.....
Hmm... I thought I smelt the stentch of public transportation.
We're going to need some rest stops and lavatories before I'll begin to feel at home here.

 

by catmanjag
4-17-06
One day while crossing the road
A Carnivore! I am being put to a test by the mighty Pig God whilst on my spiritual sabbatical!
Pig god?
Beware beast! Know that you are in the presence of a fierce and fearless warrior of the pork persuasion. You will find that I am not easily scar...
Amusing
Heh, sometimes breakfast just happens.

 

by catmanjag
4-17-06
Excuse me. Is there a cafe in this place? Am I able to get some sweet n' low for my morning tea here?
Why, deary me, no! This is the newly opened, first ever gay retirement home!
!
This is a great day for elderly gay people everywhere. After a lifetime of needless shame, I finally feel safe from the world's judging eyes and....
Hmm, I should probably feel bad about cutting that queer chap off and gobbling him up like that, but really, a gay retirement home without a cafe?

 

by catmanjag
4-19-06
Ohhh. Now there's a fine example of aged beefcake. Hmmm, I think my left nipple is hardening.
Gawd, just standing here thinking about that George Clooney titilates me to no end.
Say there, tall, dark, and dreamy...
Look Gladys. I've already told you that I'm violently gay and find all women to be icky - poo. Now for the last time, leave me alone.
15 minutes later...
MMMMM Granny likey.
Now if only the ER at the local hospital had doctors that titilated me.

 

by catmanjag
4-20-06
Now before you even start to ask about the recent spike in fuel prices. Let me first assure you that we understand.
There is a subsequent need for an increase in maintenance compensation. I have here a thoroughly researched adjustment table.
Within this serviceable schedule Your estimated needs have been appropriately calculated and intelligently formulated to...
Good God! I don't think I've ever seen a grown man just disapate into griefful nothingness like that before...It was like he was erased...

 

by catmanjag
4-20-06
Yes, May I help you sir?
Um, Yeah. I'm here to pick up a couple of pizzas, I ordered over the phone....
Hey, don't I usually deliver pizzas to you? Now you're picking them up?
Oh, yeah! You usually come to my house in that old jalopy. Oh man, my dogs bark for hours because of all that racket your engine makes.
Heh, ....er, so how's the delivery business treating you??

 

by catmanjag
4-20-06
How's the delivery business? The delivery business is a fickle misstress. Right now, due to higher gas prices it is not as profitable.
Oh, you don't say... well I'm sorry to hear that.
Anyway, your total is $22.80.
Um, OK. Can you please put that on my tab?
Sure, but can I ask you why in the world you are covering your eyes?!
I'm just pretending I'm at home paying for a delivery. Can you make some sputtering noises with your mouth?

 

by catmanjag
4-22-06
This one is known as "All Or Nothing Thinking".
Oh how I hate all the scandalous behavior coming to light in our current government. It's one fiasco after another.
So you think them damn liberals are all that do you?
I said nothing about liberals or conservatives just now.
So then why are you spoutin' off about the country's leaders?
Notice the complete departure from reality on the right.
Because they are the policy makers, and are the ones in power. Thusly, by virtue of that simple fact, they are the apt vehicle of blame.
Well if it were only possible for the right to have the majority say in both the house and the senate.

 

by catmanjag
4-22-06
More "All Or Nothing Thinking"
So you honestly don't know that the right has had control of the House and the Senate for the better part of the current administration?!
Is that all you can think about? Why can't you rant about all the bad things the left is doing?!
Um gee, maybe because they aren't the policy makers in this republican controlled congress and therefore shouldn't bear blame for the actions of the opposing party.
Well they have been protesting some of the key actions and reactions the right has taken. Doesn't that show for something?
Well if that's the arguement, then why don't we just hold the majority of all the other nations in the world responcible for the stupidity of the right?!
Well now, that's sounds more like a platform I can get on.

 

by catmanjag
4-24-06
Liberals are prone to defend terrorist.
Trickle down economics has worked in the past, and is working right now.
Energy conservation is not an important subject.
Despite being our oldest ally, France is anti-american and liberals are in cohoots with these traitors.
Jesus is a Republican.
Conservatives are not sheep who blindly subject themselves to brainwashing, and deliberately live inside of a vacuum.

 

by catmanjag
4-24-06
Iraq had WMD's.
There is no connection between corporate abuse and conservative economics.
Conservatives don't cotton to mob mentality and incourage independant thought.
Right wing politicians are moral, and liberals are not.
Born again evangelicalism is not a liberal endeavor.
George Bush's administration cares about the middle class.

 

by catmanjag
5-11-06
One of my main grievances with conservatives is their constant "The Republican party is the moral party" , and "The Republican party is all about family values" rhetoric.
Well, it is a well known fact that the right is more moral. The fine folks that make up the GOP and the republican body are upright and just citizens spanky.
Wow. Really? Just the other day I found an online list of dozens of prominent GOP patrons and members of the republican body that have been convicted of sex crimes (child molestation mostly).
......
It has that "renders you speechless" effect, doesn't it?
Boy howdy.

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
So chosen one, what else can I tempt you with?
Look, you're just wasting your time. You should know all to well that there's nothing you can do to slow down my ministry.
By the way, what's with all these whinos following me around lately?!
I've been spreading the word about that little miracle you did at the wedding feast.
Tenacious move old boy.

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
Get thee to a nunnery: why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners? I am myself indifferent honest; but yet I could accuse me of such things
Heya baby. You got something paticular in mind? It is your money after all.
that it were better my mother had not borne me: I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious, with more offences at my beck than I have thoughts to put them in,
imagination to give them shape, or time to act them in. What should such fellows as I do crawling between earth and heaven? We are arrant knaves, all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery.
Um, yeah. I waz hopin' to get a little sucky suck. Then maybe you gonna back tha' ass up fo me.
Sure thang sugar. Just let me moisturize. Business has been booming, and I'm a little tender.

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
My oh my, I'm so very hungry. Perhaps coming to this desert land wasn't such a good idea. It's just that I smelt so much death coming from this direction.
Yikes! It sure is noisey here. The terrain seems to be a source of much frustration for angry types.
Jackpot! It's a virtual smorgasbord. Good thing I didn't fill up on the way here. Now if I can just locate some sweet n' low...

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
So you used to be friends with Jimmy Hoffa?
Yes. We worked on policies together.
So aren't you just a little miffed about his whole disappearance? Or is that something you have come to terms with?
The last time I saw him will stay with me forever. I remember him screaming from behind the pulpit.
He was rousing the crowd at the time?
No. I was eating him.

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
So have you ever known anyone else famous?
amelia earhart
The feminist pilot? She disappeared ages ago. Some say she crashed into the sea. Do you know what became of her?
I ate her.

 

Yep. I ate him.
by catmanjag, 5-14-06

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
This Christmas, there's going to be a slight complication boys and girls.

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
Ugh! Good gravy, that jolly old butterball came out all at once!
It was no picnic for me either.
Yikes. He really is magic. ...and stinky it now seems.
...and I am going to be delivering Christmas cheer on schedule, as usual. Unless you plan on eating me again?
Believe it or not, even I have standards.

 

Actually I don't come to think of it.
by catmanjag, 5-14-06

 

He couldn't find a prom date due to his horrible acne problem, and just ended up sitting in his room playing his old Ace Of Base cd's all night.
by catmanjag, 5-14-06

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
There it is. A complete breakdown of "The Warhol Code".
Hmm. Are you sure this is provocative enough?
Hell yeah! Nothing sells better than religious conspiracies and cultural icons.
I suppose you're right, but still I can't help but feel troubled by the pettiness of it all.
Hey, as far as I'm concerned, the Buddhist world is in need of some scandal.
But will implying that the Dalai Lahma pees while sitting like a woman be considered scandalous?

 

by catmanjag
5-14-06
At a book signing
I have been grieviously offended by your publication sirs, and I am setting myself ablaze to protest in the most serious manner possible.
No shit, huh?!
?!?!
May this be a lesson to...AARRGHHH!!!
Oh, I think it's scandalous enough.
No shit, huh?

 

by catmanjag
5-20-06
Hey Dick............? Hey where'd Dick go? Anybody here know where the VP is?
Um, he went to the science division again Mr. President.
Again? Well what in tarnation is he doing spending so much time with those eggheads?!
He said something about time travel, and was muttering something about the crucifixion...??
In the past...
Oh Yeah! Die already! Die you damn hippy!

 

by catmanjag
2-26-07
Wow, I had no idea such a phenom was occuring. You say he's just been walking around talking crazy and dressed like that since the news of her death?
Not the whole time. He 's also been spending hours listening to the song "Electric Babarella" over and over again while staring at her Playboy pics. Pretty creeepy huh?

 

by catmanjag
2-26-07
A complete and comprehensive battery of tests are getting underway.
Alright. Now before we get into the intelligence testing, let's get a stool sample for those kind of tests.
...and I thought they didn't want me to have anything to eat 12 hours before this thing... Oh well, Doctors orders.
But a feeding frenzy and a few excremental moments later...
Ugh! Whew! That man sure ate a lot of cheese and seafood.
the testing has fallen into the inconclusive category.
Um, OK. It's ready....

 

by catmanjag
2-26-07
When I am delivering more than one order, the customer I know tips goes first no matter how late it will make the other order.
While you may have heard that I am either making an obscene amount of money, or that I am lucky to cover the gas it takes to do the job, I am going to both confirm and deny as neccesary.
When you open the door I am grading your house, based on estimated value, odor, size of television, how much or how little furniture, and overall neatness.
If you order often and make it a personal policy to not tip the driver, I am remembering you much better than I will let on, and you will get extra toppings on your pizza.
All the drivers talk to each other and know each other very well, and many of us keep very detailed lists which we share.
I fart in my car while I drive to your house with the pizzas in the seat next to me.

 

by catmanjag
3-12-07
Yo peep dis shit muthafuckas. The head cracka in charge done broke it down to dose other mutherfuckas over in the midda east.
Yeah, mutherfucka said that he mean bidness 'bout dim wantin nucular bitches.
More after these very important messages from our sponsers.

 

Hello, uh Al? It's dubya. I know this is a bit odd, and all... but I just wanted to call and ask something. What's it like to have accomplished something award worthy?
by catmanjag, 3-12-07

 

Well, it looks like James Cameron is coming along nicely.
by catmanjag, 3-13-07

 

by catmanjag
3-15-07
....Dick....Ass.... beep,click Shit..........click,buzz
............... Mutherfuka whirl,beep............ Fuck
and now some commandments from our superior overlords.

 

by catmanjag
3-15-07
Well ladies and gentlemen, it appears concerns about an ice age are being put to rest.
Conservative know-it-alls confirmed today that the progressive freezing being experienced is perfectly normal, and all is, in fact, well.
More on this reassuring story later, but right now we would like to take a minute to allow Blrg The Magnificent to make an anouncement.
Hello. Are you a small mammal looking for a safe place to huddle? If so, you should come on down to Blrg's Mammal Diner...er, I mean sanctuary.

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