All comics by fieryarrow

 

by fieryarrow
4-24-06
What are you going to hospital for?
I'm gonna get my tonsils out.
No sweat..I had that done when I was five and all they do is put you to sleep and when you wake up, give you heaps and heaps of ice-cream and jelly..lucky dude!
Cool, so what are you going to hospital for>
A circumcision.
Whoaaaa man..I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for almost TWO freaking years!!

 

by fieryarrow
4-24-06
Hello adopted Grand-daughter, would you mind getting me a glass of water..your legs are younger than mine.
Sure thing adopted Grandmother, but just remember, my legs have to last longer than yours!

 

Adopted Granddaughter, I know it's hard when parents break up but despite all they yelling and hate, your Mother and Father must have had ONE thing in common.
Yeah they did..after I was born, they don't want any more children!
by fieryarrow, 4-24-06

 

by fieryarrow
4-24-06
You cheated on me?????
Babeeeee..I deny everything and swear it will never happen again!
Where's that bloody kangaroo...
Huh?
Oh shit!

 

by fieryarrow
4-24-06
Kala, Kala, Kala...you are seeking what is not there.
Adopted Grandmother, I haven't given up finding my Prince.
Men are NOT perfect...
I was married to you adopted Grandfather for three months and I didn't know he had a drinking problem until one night he came home sober!

 

by fieryarrow
4-24-06
Sigh
What's troubling you Kala?
Nothing much...I was just wondering if there is room up there for me.
This is reserved for the Son of God who was crucified for mankind.
Well I sure ain't the Son of God, but I know what it's like to be crucified!
Righto...let me move over a lil..oh, and watch out for the nails..

 

by fieryarrow
4-24-06
Imagine Kala is FIVE years old...and boobless!
Sir, I need to go do wee wees...
Now Kala, we don't talk like babies anymore..
Oh ok Sir...but I really need to go do wee wees...
Fine...and when you come back, what book are you going to read for "free time"?
Winnie-the-Shit!!
I should have seen that coming!

 

by fieryarrow
4-25-06
Psssttt...Kala...why have you placed me on this branch next to a cute lil koala in a gum tree by the creek at the back of your house...and please...watch where you're putting your hand!
Hiding you and koala...oh, and sorry about the hand..heh! Btw, I think I know where our missing Uncle is!!

 

by fieryarrow
4-25-06
I worry about you, adopted Granddaugher.
Why? I'm perfectly happy adopted Grandmother.
What happened to that lovely boy you were dancing with last night at dinner?
Ohhhhh, it wouldn't have worked..we talked some..he asked if I like kids
He's got a large family, huh?
Pretty much!

 

by fieryarrow
4-26-06
Well Ma'am...what's your explaination?
It wasn't my fault! We were driving along minding our own business when this car kinda swerved..
Uh-huh...so a car swerved in front of you?
No...when the koala fell into my lap I got a surprise and screamed at my friend to grab it and he thought I said "grab tit"...which he did!
Are you Irish?
Is it that obvious?

 

by fieryarrow
4-27-06
Ok Melbourne traffic...ready yourself for the beast!! Oh and a word of warning to my fellow drivers...you hitta my car, I hitta your face!

 

by fieryarrow
4-27-06
Kala...help me out here...I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday tomorrow...she has everything!
Hmmmm...everything eh?
Yeah...she's rich, that's why I married her.
Here's a go...why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex anyway she wants it...I know if I got a certificate like that, I'd be wrapt!
The following day...
Hey...did you take up my suggestion for your wife's birthday present?
Yeah...and she loved it...kissed me...hugged me...couldn't thank me enough...then she ran out the door yelling, "I'll see you in two hours!" Thanks Kala...NOT!

 

by fieryarrow
4-27-06
Kala...I reckon you're a one-woman hazard!
Huh? What do you mean???
Nothing...just telling it like it is! You're one highly volatile woman and certainly not for the inexperienced handler!
Uh-oh...
My hands are very experienced!
Not if they're broken!!

 

by fieryarrow
4-28-06
Hellooooo
Hellooooo
Hellooooo
Hellooooo
Hellooooo
Hellooooo

 

by fieryarrow
4-30-06
Oh my...
What adopted Granddaughter?
Don't look adopted Grandmother..it's some joker streaking and all he has on are blue and white streamers and a sign that says, NFL ROCKS...AFL SUX!
Hee hee...now I know why they have Mitsibushi as their sponsors!
Adopted Grandmother, don't look!
Adopted Granddaughter, at my age this is a close to sex as I'm ever gonna get, so hush up and leave me to my perving, ahem, I mean, watching...

 

by fieryarrow
5-01-06
Kala turns her head away, refusing to look at the streaker...
Adopted Grandmother...how can you look at a naked man without batting an eyelid? You're positively drooling!
Ohh c'mon adopted Granddaughter...it's not like you're going to go blind or anything like that...it's just a naked man running across the oval with all movable parts MOVING! Haha!
No, I can't believe you're behaving like this...it's obscene...perving on a naked man at your age!
Gawwwwwwd Kala, you're straighter than a nun...hey, look at the lil bits dangling..well maybe not dangling...more like flopping! OMG, it's Chrissy Tarrant streaking beside him!!
Chrissy Tarrant???? Wherrrreeee????
Made ya look! Hee hee! Adopted Granddaughter, stop drooling!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-05-06
Adopted Granddaughter, follow me.
And where are we going, adopted Grandmother?
To some place where I've learned to let it all hang out..you'll never get a man being this uptight.
Aren't you a lil old for the gym?
Maybe, but I'm not too old to party on in my cabin with some of the fellas..come..let me introduce you to them!

 

by fieryarrow
5-05-06
Adopted Grandmother, I have a surprise for you.
Oh goodie, I love surprises.
I want to introduce you to this old gentleman who's been terrorising the nurses at the old folks home, so they sent him on a long cruise.
Uh-oh
His name is Carl...oh..

 

by fieryarrow
5-06-06
Kala and St Michael were playing a game of golf...
Seeing as your the older...you can go first.
Righto...one angelic slice coming up.
St Michael took an almighty swing but the ball went askew into the bushes...a rabbit picked up the ball and ran out onto the fairway only to be swooped upon by an eagle...
Holy shit!
Heehee...
The eagle flew up high into the clouds only to be struck by lightening...this caused it to drop the rabbit which dropped the ball which hit the green and bounced twice and then went into the hole.
Are you gonna play golf or are you just gonna fuck around??
I can see you're not impressed.

 

by fieryarrow
5-07-06
I can't wait until we get to South America, adopted Grandmother.
Me too...that land is nearly as old as me!
I wanna look at some ancient Mayan temples.
Oh you'll love it Kala girl...archeologists have been carrying out excavations and are always find great treasures...the temple we're going to see is 2503 years old.
Whoa, adopted Grandmother, I am impressed with your knowledge and accuracy of how old the temple is.
Oh that's easy...the archeologists said the temple was 2500 years old...and that was three years ago!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-07-06
Have you been into the jungle before, adopted Grandmother?
Oh, once or twice...and I survived.
Is it true that crocodiles don't eat you if you're carrying a torch?
Well...that depends...
On what?
On how fast you carry that torch when you're running!!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-07-06
Adopted Granddaughter...I worry that you are still single.
Why? I'm happy...
We're not meant to travel this world alone...you need to get married.
No way!
You are incomplete as a woman until you get married.
Oh I don't know adopted Grandmother...I think once I get married, I'm COMPLETELY finished!

 

by fieryarrow
5-07-06
Kala...what is the biggest tragedy that could befall you?
That's a toughie, adopted Grandmother.
It's not so tough...
Well...there are two things I can think of...for staters, NOT marrying Chrissy Tarrant...
And the other?
Marrying him for love, then finding out he's got no money!!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-07-06
Adopted Granddaughter, I've brought the ship's nurse to check you out.
What do you mean, I'm fine!
You look a lil peaky and flushed in the face..come to think of it..I hope you didn't catch anything from that nice Captain...he looked a lil flushed at breakfast this morning too! Where's that nurse?
Gulp!
Kalaaaaaaaa
Oh shit!

 

by fieryarrow
5-07-06
la la la
la de dah
dum de dum
mmm mmm
What are you doing adopted Grandmother?
Just showing you that at my age, I still have more moves than you...Goodnight Kala!

 

by fieryarrow
5-08-06
Kala...you have got to stop this...just because it gets a lil bumpy, that's no reason to dive under the seat..c'mon out now!
No!
We've probably just swerved for noise abatement!
What??? How much freaking noise can we make up here? We're at 35 freaking thousand feet in the air!
Come to think of it...we could make a lot of noise if we hit a mountain...or another plane...oh shit...move overrrrrrr!!
Get your own seat to hide under!

 

by fieryarrow
5-08-06
Father...what is your homily goig to be about next week?
I'm going to preach about liars!
Any reason for this topic?
No...and in preparation for the homily, I've asked all Parishioners to read the seventeeth chapter of Mark.
But Father, there's no seventeenth chapter of Mark.
I know...so it should be interesting to see how many raise their hands when I ask who's done their homework and read the chapter.

 

by fieryarrow
5-09-06
Kala, as Special Minister, waits with Father for the final parishioner to take Holy Communion...
One month later...
Sigh
Six months later...
I'm sorry Father, this could take a long time...
It's ok Kala, it'll give me time to adjust to the fact that there's a turtle in my Parish coming to take Holy Communion...being led by a dog...God does have a wonderful sense of humour!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-15-06
How did your hot date go last night?
Adopted Grandmother, my date last night gave me the biggest reason why I don't want to live in a man's world.
Adopted Granddaughter, you have to stop being so picky.
Adopted Grandmother, he had the biggest beer belly ever and what's more, he was proud of it!
What do you mean?
He was "flexing" his belly muscles in the bar, in front of all to see, asking me what I though of his BEER BICEPS! El grosso!

 

by fieryarrow
5-15-06
Father, you have a very attractive housekeeper.
I know what you're thinking and you're wrong.
Three weeks later...
Now, I'm not saying you did "borrow" the gravy ladle but if you did, please return it.
Father, I'm shocked...
I'm sorry, but I had to ask...
Well, I'm not saying that you do sleep with your housekeeper but I do know that if you slept in your own bed, you'd have found the gravy ladle by now!

 

by fieryarrow
5-15-06
Alrighty...what would the little lady like to eat?
You? I mean, Choux..as in pastry..choux pastry..it's French..*gulp*
Shoes? I don't know that I've heard of that dish?
Not "shoes".."Choux" ...oh never mind...
Now might be a good time to turn gay.
He's gay!

 

by fieryarrow
5-17-06
Arrrrrr, now you be trapped with no escape in sight...garrrr!
wtf??
Ahoy, I'e come t' claim me buried treasure...now g'e it up!
Oh my, my, my...
So whar 'ave ye hidden me bottle o' rum, ya thieving wench?
Bastard!

 

by fieryarrow
5-17-06
Kala reacts badly to being "rejected" for a bottle of rum...
puff...puff...
pant...pant...
puff...puff...pant...pant...it's only a freakin' small island you pissy lil pirate...at some point you've gotta stop running in circles like a dog on a leash...bottle o' rum infuckingdeed!

 

by fieryarrow
5-19-06
Good Morning, Father. How was your trip to Rome?
Good Morning? What's good about it?
I'm sorry Father, but you were so excited about working in the Vatican archives, I just thought...
Well, you thought wrong!
Oh c'mon Father...nothing is THAT bad?
You think? Father Mulcahey and I worked like hell only to find a BIG mistake written in Canon Law...it was supposed to say CELEBRATE!!!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-19-06
That's a nice sunset, Adopted Grandmother.
Aye, it is Adopted Granddaughter.
Sigh
Kala?
Yes...oh...
Race you around the deck!!! lol!!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-23-06
Kala, you look troubled...would you like to take confession?
No...not yet Father.
Well, when you're ready, you know where to find me.
I guess I am a lil worried.
Oh...don't let worry kill you ...let the church help, ok!
I guess a divine death is as good as any!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-23-06
Ahem...Father?
Yes, Child.
I learned something today...
And what was that?
I learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just arseholes...umm, Amen.

 

by fieryarrow
5-23-06
Adopted Granddaughter...this is the fifth date you've pissed off this week...what gives?
Oh I don't know...I smile a lot...say nice things about them...fib a lil...
If you want a true relationship, you have to be honest at all times, no matter how much you may hurt their feelings.
I guess.
As a woman of refined and mature years, I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others...they are more screwed up than you think!!
Gee, thanks Adopted Grandmother...I feel so much better...I think...

 

by fieryarrow
5-23-06
Not funny, Kala!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-23-06
Ugh...I'll just pretend like he's not there.
Ahem...
Ignore him...ignore him...ignore himmm...
I guess I overdid the "charm" thing, huh?
About 15 minutes ago!
I have a big willy!!

 

by fieryarrow
5-23-06
Trust me Kala...this pilot is tops...he knows his stuff!
Bullshit!
Look at me...I'm not hiding under the seat like you...I trust him implicitly..
Oh, and do you see anything that looks suspiciously out of place...like the flying debris perhaps?????
Come to think of it...I never noticed that this plane didn't have a cockpit...oh shit!!!!
Now he's figured it out!

 

by fieryarrow
5-31-06
Hello Kala, how's the day treating you?
The day treats me better than my Church.
What is it that bothers you, child?
Why won't our Church allow women priests?
You think you can do a better job?
Damn right, AND I reckon those dresses and hats they wear would look better on me too!

 

by fieryarrow
6-01-06
Aye, you and me be stranded on this lil island...what be yer name, wench ?
I be Kala and we be needin' t' set up shelter a fore t' nigh comes.
Ahoy, I be the pirate cap'n so just who's goin' t' do this work?
Why Cap'n, yer buccaneers o' course...gar!
An' whaar will me find em...arrrrr
Under yer buccan hat...aye!

 

by fieryarrow
6-01-06
Kala...you've got to help me, please!
Okkkkk...what's the prob?
Uh...well...er...I need to get some flowers or something for my new girlfriend.
So, what kind of flowers does she like?
Ahh...umm...I'm not...too...sure...errr...
Alrighty then, so how bad did you stuff up????

 

Hope his new girlfriend gets hayfever...no I don't...yes I do...no I don't...yes I do...don't...do...don't...do...ah stuff it!
by fieryarrow, 6-01-06

 

by fieryarrow
6-02-06
Kala, there's more to life than being a career woman.
Like what?
Marriage.
My career offers me all that marriage can without the added burden of a husband!
How?
I can get to look like a lady, work like a slave and bark like a dog...at the end of the day, I go home to peace and quiet...easy as!

 

by fieryarrow
6-11-06
Adopted Granddaughter, I swear you need to chill, it was the gesture of a caring adopted Grandmother.
I didn't appreciate your kind "gesture", adopted Grandmother.
hee hee, I found it amusing.
Yes well, when you said you were going to get me a lei, I thought you meant like the Hawaiian lei.
He WAS Hawaiian, probably a good lay and you must admit, pretty gorgeous to look at!
I don't have to admit anything...ok, ok I'm over the shock, he did have a nice butt !!

 

by fieryarrow
6-14-06
aarrrrrrr-yah!
yaaaaaaaa - hah!
I asked for you to show me a punchline not throw me a punch!
Ohhhhh...sorry.
S'ok...didn't hurt !

 

by fieryarrow
6-18-06
Hola Senora, recepcion a Espana!
Non tenemos hoy ningun toro para que usted vea..
A menos que usted desee mirar la taza del munde!
No thanks, I'm going to watch the World Cup!

 

by fieryarrow
6-18-06
hee hee...c'mon adopted Granddaugher..it was funny!
It was cruel...you should've warned me!
I told you I would show you a happy pit bull, didn't I?
Yeah, you did and..
Well what's your beef, child?
Oh I don't know adopted Grandmother, maybe it had something to do with the arm hanging out of the bullpits' mouth!!!

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