All comics by flickguy

Profile

 

by flickguy
11-05-03
Oh great Spirit! You have shown me the error of my ways! I want to help people! I want to LIVE!!
And so the Spirit of Christmas Yet-To-Come granted Scrooge a second chance. Sort of.
So, you'd like to learn how to make this program do something it's not designed to do? I can help.
Holy --!! Where the hell did *you* come from??
This was *so* not what I had in mind...

 

by flickguy
11-16-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
How many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll® center of a Tootsie Pop®?

 

by flickguy
11-16-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

 

by flickguy
11-16-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Do you really look like George Burns?
Say g'night, Gracie...

 

by flickguy
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And you?
Spielberg's phone number. After 20 years, he still hasn't apologized to me for E.T.!

 

by flickguy
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And how about for you, you iD4 reject?
A green card.

 

by flickguy
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
So what would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
This has been a planet-wide service announcement.
What you've just seen was a recreation, but as you can see the REAL Santa is a danger to children everywhere.
If you see "Santa Claus" here on Melgrap, contact the intergalactic authorities immediately.

 

by flickguy
12-23-03
Lyn! Lyn, you get your ass back here! I ain't through talking to you yet!
Must... keep... swimming... Feel myself... sinking....
You're fired!
And once again, the Dolphins sack the Steelers Quarterback...

 

by flickguy
12-24-03
So I rolled a 20. Is that good?
Dude, that's like a critical hit! You can add 500 to your damage roll!
And my level 25 druid totally wiped out a whole party of evil progressive republican types trying to destroy the forest for their own nefarious plots and plans...
You should team up with my level 30 barbarian warlord and help him in his quest for vengeance against the king who killed his brother's neighbor's cousin's evil twin!
Okay, so where's this treasure you promised? We killed the orc horde...
Well yah, but we haven't even SEEN the dragon's nest yet...

 

by flickguy
1-05-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
Braaaaaaains!

 

by flickguy
1-22-04
#1...
It's only sexual harrassment if I don't like it.
#2...
Sorry I'm late - it took forever for your wife to leave my apartment this morning.
#3...
Hey, boss-man! Wanna hear about my new embezzlement scheme?

 

by flickguy
3-09-04
Ready?
I guess...
Well?
Let me put it this way.

 

by flickguy
3-25-04
Gah! I hate that God-damned, Hell-bound, whore-monging, ring-raping, dick-licking, cock-sucking, mother-fucking, son-of-a-bitching base-born bastard!
Wow, I never realized you felt that way about MikeyG.
Who's MikeyG?

 

by flickguy
4-22-04
And I say again, it's not about the us versus them phenomenon, it's about us being so much better than them! They can't continue to just give our jobs to people less qualified just because no one...
On and on drags the speech of the union foreman, holding his people enthralled - and by enthralled, of course I mean captive.
Do you know what he's talking about?
No idea.
And after it's finally over...
So what did you think of my rousing speech? Yeaaaaaaaaaaurgh!
I think you talk way too fucking much.

 

by flickguy
9-09-05
I, Varg Vikernes, of church burning, murderous, black metal fame, am the most EVIL of all!
No way! I Nergal, Sumerian god of plague, am the most EVIL of all!!!
Greetings. I am Kevin Costner. I played Robin Hood.
ARRRGH! The most EVIL of all!
ARRRGH! The most EVIL of all!

 

by flickguy
9-13-05
Less
is
Moh!

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Okay, starting NOW!

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
And for Lent, you give up meat?
No.

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Did you call my name?
Jerk. (Damn.)

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Okay, PULL!

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
I want off at the next port, please.

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
I think I saw that movie.
Movie? We're talking about my life here!
Naw, dude. It was a movie.
A movie about a mouse that gave up... you know... that?
Naw, I remember now. It was Debbie Does Disney!

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Still, that doesn't mean I have to stop whacking off.
Your head, that is.

 

by flickguy
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Look -- the Barbi twins are showering together again!
I hate you.

 

by flickguy
9-30-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Must not steal kaufman's joke... must not steal --
At least YOU quit while you were a head.

 

That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
On second thought, you can keep the package.
by flickguy, 9-30-05

 

by flickguy
9-30-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
I just read this article about one guy who did it so much his arm... fell... uh..
Sorry.

 

by flickguy
9-30-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Just look what I hallucinate when I'm under the influence of yerkin.

 

by flickguy
9-30-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Just write that 499 more times, and the teacher will let me go home.

 

by flickguy
10-03-05
Mrow! *pant pant* Squeek! *grunt moan* Mrow!! *CHOMP*
What the hell kind of tape was that?
kitty porn?
OK, that was just wrong!
Eat me!

 

I can't believe you slept with Dean even though he was married! What were you THINKING, Rory?
Hey, it was good for his career. He has his own show on after ours now!
by flickguy, 10-10-05

 

For the last time.... NO CELL PHONES!
by flickguy, 10-10-05

 

by flickguy
10-18-05
You've heard people say something is "as much fun as watching paint dry"? Well, I'm testing that theory. I just painted my house.

 

by flickguy
10-18-05
Cut cut cut cut cut!! This is all wrong.
You're lost in a snowstorm. Surrounded by white. The wind in your face, the white flakes blinding you.
You desperately want to be rescued, but they can't find you because you blend in with the whiteness so much.
The problem is I can see you too clearly. I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you out of your contract for this movie.
This is because I'm black, isn't it.

 

by flickguy
10-18-05
Special delivery!
What a coincidence, I have a "Special Delivery" for you too *chuckle*
Oh in that case, I have a Special, SPECIAL delivery for you.
Another coincidence... if you get the point.
I always said the postal service was too slow.

 

Remember the time we fooled the jockey into thinking the horse he was riding was about to keel over and die?
Now THAT was a tricked equestrian!
by flickguy, 10-22-05

 

by flickguy
10-24-05
Are you kidding me? I would, like, totally die!
I think he said he wants to die.
Kill him.

Showing page 2.

« Previous