All comics by intellikat

 

by intellikat
8-28-11
Alright. This is Geoff Lukmasovic. When you're ready, Geoff.
---
Wait one hair-raisin' minute... this dude aint black!
You do understand this show is completely legit, right? I need all our actors to have LIVED through what their characters have. In your case... DIED. What do you know about being black, Geoff?

 

by intellikat
8-28-11
It was humiliating, Thom. Utterly humiliating.
Reminds me of the time I auditioned for "Jurassic Park" and found out that technically I belong to the Cretaceous Period. "O what a rogue and peasant slave am I!"
I think I need to schedule an appointment with my agent. I don't think he even knows what he's sending me out for these days.
If he's not going to support your doing off-broadway, the least he can do is remember your skin-tone... erm, ectoplasm-color.
Utterly humiliating, Thom.
Let me buy you another Coke Zero.

 

by intellikat
8-30-11
OK, so look... I'm just not sure that I'm going out for the right parts these days. I don't know that I'm playing to my strengths.
You're a flippin' bedsheet, Geoff. What strengths do you want to be playing to? You wanna go out for more Downy ads?
You see... you see, that's the kind of attitude that makes me wonder if you and I are on the same page here. I was thinking more along the lines of Aaron Sorkin.

 

by intellikat
11-20-12
Karl, please--
But baby, just hear me out--
--I told you that I'm NOT moving back in with you!
But BAAAAABY-- Mr. Jenkies here misses you... don't you Mr. Jenkies?! He hasn't been the same since you left. Been shitting all hours of the night. Cryin'!
...Really...?
Been shitting like a wildcat! Cryin' his bleedin' whiskers out! Sheddin' like a chemo patient! He's all kinds of messed up since you been gone!

 

by intellikat
11-20-12
Alright, Karl. I'm willing to move back in... but on one condition.
Anything, baby. You name it.
My brother Rufus moves in, too.
Rufus...??? B-b--
--That's my condition, Karl. It's non-negotiable.
--B-b-but... Rufus HAS BEEN DEAD FOR TEN YEARS!!!

 

by intellikat
11-20-12
This is not good... NOT GOOD. I've gotta think here for a pickin' minute. GOTTA THINK.
Maybe Janny means her brother is METAPHORICALLY coming to stay with us. Yeah... METAPHORICALLY.
I mean... the guy was struck by a train during a freak snowstorm. Even though the body was never recovered, there was a funeral! The police said the body had disintegrated on impact!

 

by intellikat
11-20-12
Look, Janny. I gotta ask you a few questions about your brother, Rufus--
That's good timing, because Rufus will be arriving exactly at the stroke of midnight this Friday. We should be ready for him.
R-r-right. I wanted to talk to you about that...
We will need about two dozen black candles, a large stainless steel pot, and a chef's knife.
Wait-- black candles? A knife?? What for???
Now, are you serious about me moving back in with you, Karl, or not?!

 

by intellikat
11-20-12
Babe, of course I'm serious about you moving back in with me!
Well then, stop asking so many damn questions about Rufus and just do as you're told!
Look, babe... you have to answer me this one question--
Is Rufus..................... a ZOMBIE??

 

by intellikat
11-22-12
So what did she say??
She wouldn't answer! She snorted, folded her arms, and told me to go down to the Chinese dollar store to buy the candles.
Dang, man. Whatcha gonna do?
I'm gonna buy some garlic while I'm at it!
I think that's for werewolves.

 

by intellikat
11-22-12
Okay, Janny. I did what you asked. I got the candles, the pot, and the knife.
That's good, Karl. That's real good. Now I need you to place the candles in a circle, here, with the pot in the very middle. Then we are going to put a dead cat in the pot.
A DEAD CAT?!?!?!? IN THE POT?!?!? You don't mean MR. JENKIES, do you?!?!
Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight, Karl?
No, I guess not. He was a good cat, for a good while.

 

by intellikat
11-22-12
Don't worry Mr. Jenkies. I'm not going to put you, dead, into that pot. That would be "unconscionable" to say the least.
But we're going to have to figure out something here. It's almost midnight, and "Rufus" is set to show up. You are going to have to help me, Mr. Jenkies. You're going to have to use your abilities.
Mr. Jenkies, I swear on your grandfather's grave that WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS NIGHT!

 

by intellikat
3-29-13
Karl?? Where are you? The clock is just about to strike midnight.
Here I am, Janny. With the dead cat. Dead Mr. Jenkies. He's dead alright, and ready to go into the pot.
If he's dead, why is his tail still moving?
Just a bit of "dead twitches". Nervous system, you know? I'm going to go put him in the pot right now and light the candles.
He's looking at me, Karl.

 

by intellikat
3-29-13
Okay, Mr. Jenkies. I'm going to put you in the pot now. When "Rufus" appears, by Criminey I need you to work your magic and get us out of this situation. I've never been so terrified in my life!
knock knock
Rufus? Is that you? Come in out of the rain. We've been expecting you...

 

by intellikat
3-29-13
Rufus, it's good to see you again. You're looking well.
I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Karl. You never met him, but he's been looking forward to meeting you. I've told him alot about you.
Follow me. Would you like some hot soup? Karl has been cooking some in the kitchen.

 

by intellikat
3-29-13
Karl? Where have you gone off to? Rufus is here, and he looks hungry. Karl??
Rufus, I apologize. Karl must have stepped out for a moment. I'll go find him. Why don't you just relax for a moment?

 

by intellikat
3-29-13
Whaa... hey! Who are you? And what are you doing down in the basement? Where is Karl and the CAT SOUP??
I, dear child, am the true manifestation of Mr. Jenkies.
True manifestation? What is ---
This battle has been raging for eons, child. The spirit of your brother Rufus must be dispatched in order for the celestial alignment to... well, align itself once again.
You are going to have to explain this to me in more detail in the next comic, Mr. Jenkies.

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
Once upon a time in a distant little corner of the galaxy there was a small yellow planet called "Nachos". Nachos had three continents and each one was the dwelling place of a different civilization.
Two of the continents - called Nirvana and Dragonia - host two antagonistic societies with a very advanced technology and the power to easily travel in space.
Their vessels were nicknamed "flying saucers" (some prefer to say "ufos") and their capacity to transport groups of organized molecules through space was called "teleportation".

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
Nirvana is inhabited by the Confederates, and Dragonia by the Consortium of Animals - or in short simply "the Barbarians". Since the beginning of the known times, these two groups have been at war.
The Confederates are formed by several races - mostly human - who value what comes from the heart and who share in complete harmony their very advanced societies, either spiritually or technologically
They know themselves very well and have developed practically the full capacity of their brains, being able to dominate the elements around them.
These capacities were nicknamed "paranormal powers" or paranormal faculties.
On the other side, the Barbarians that live in Dragonia constitute a mosaic of races of intelligent biped animals coming from different regions of space.
Their societies are divided into castes and organized in a very rigid hierarchy. They are more dense creatures whose main motivation or natural impulse is to dominate the others.
In theory they should concentrate on fighting their common enemy, the Confederates. In practice however, they often split themselves into a myriad of factions who are constantly betraying one another.
The Middle Continent is called "Earth" and is inhabited by a miscellany of primitive tribes that divide their society in small pieces of land nicknamed "countries".
These tribes are frequently fighting one another in the search for power and natural resources. They're also seeking a curious primitive resource known as "money".

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
Okay, this story is getting a bit long.
There's a bit coming that's very important.
Okay fine. Just hurry it up a little.

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
Apart from a very select elite inside their governments, the inhabitants of Earth are unaware of the existence of the other two Continents. They believe that Earth is alone in "Nachos".
Their science and technology are still very primitive when compared to the sciences and technologies of the alien races living in Nirvana or Dragonia.
In the lack of a better name, the dwellers of Earth were initially nicknamed "Neutrals".

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
You said something about "an important bit"?
I guess that's relative.

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
This is an allegory about the alien intervention on Earth, where the two alien groups that operate with characters living in the terrestrial society masquerading as terrestrial humans--
--were euphemistically called "the Confederates of Nirvana" and "the Consortium of Animals from Dragonia". It presents details about the principles of alien teleportation,
how and why alien clones are used on Earth, the alien technique of human mimicry used to operate on the "jungle Earth", and the rules of the secret alien war between these two groups on the surface--
>>>

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
Hi Rufus. How are you? Hey, I have a quesion to ask you. If it doesn't make any sense, just let me know. But if you can answer it honestly, that would be great.
Do you know anything about the planet "Nachos"?
Hey wait, where arre you going, Rufus??

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
In order to invade Nirvana, Dragonia has planned first to occupy the territory of Earth and transform its primitive inhabitants into an enormous herd of human cattle--
--part of which would be killed and industrialized as digestible human tablets - a source of food and enzymes for some of the alien races that constitute the Consortium of Animals from Dragonia.
Hang on one minute... would I be included in these "human tablets"?
Well... kind of. Most likely, "cherry" flavored.

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
I can't believe this! Colonization and 'human tablets"???
Albeit at war, the soldiers from Nirvana and Dragonia have to follow certain protocols when dealing with Neutrals, supervised by very special observers comprised of supra-human entities.
Can you-- just not do that right now?
One of these protocols establishes that the free will of each Neutral individual should be respected, so that each inhabitant of Earth should be free to opt between joining Nirvana or Dragonia.

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
knock knock
Who is it?
...
A supra-human entity appointed by an extraplanetary group called the Great Nirvana, formed of hyper-developed beings who have the power to interfere if protocols are not followed.

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
"Supra-human" eh? So what exactly is your "hyper-development?"
You know how this works. We "Special Observers" have a look around to see how things are proceeding. Make sure protocols have been followed.
Look, buddy. I just got here. I haven't had time to take a piss, much less break protocol.
Yeah... maybe so, maybe see. I'm going to have a look around... and I advise you to stay put.
Didn't your mother teach you not to point at others?
My mother? Let me tell you about my mother.

 

by intellikat
3-30-13
Geez! This situation is really getting out of hand.
#DO NOT WORRY#
Frick!! Hey, don't creep up on me like that, Mr. Jenkies! I'm getting the jibblies every other minute here, alright? Do you know where Karl has gone?
I have transformed Karl into another form, in order for him to take part in this epic battle which has raged for eons. He is, in fact, my sword.
Christmas Chic'n Biscuits!! I can't predict where this thing is going next!

Showing page 2.

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