All comics by kwyjibo

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by kwyjibo
9-16-03
Join Hell’s army and we can rain fire and destruction on Heaven.
Let me go over here and think about it.
Ok, but make it quick.
Ha ha, soon it will all be over.
You do know he’s getting away, don’t you?

 

by kwyjibo
9-16-03
If I’m quiet, they may not spot me.
I don’t see him anywhere.
Close one.
It looks like they’re leaving.
Living in a trashcan? And you thought I was weird.

 

by kwyjibo
9-16-03
This is great. He got away. Now what are we going to do?
Take that.

 

by kwyjibo
9-16-03
So, you’re going to live in that trashcan?
If it keeps that angel and devil away I guess I have to.
Don’t worry even out of the can people will steer clear of you.
How so?
You smell like garbage.
I can’t take much more of this.

 

by kwyjibo
9-16-03
What a great vacation. It’s a shame I have to get back to work.
What the…?
Computer, send a probe down and find out what happened to my experiment.

 

by kwyjibo
9-17-03
So I sez to Mabel, I sez…
??
We were talking here!

 

by kwyjibo
9-17-03
What are you anyway?
I am a Robotic Assisted Inquiry & Detection unit.
RAID!?!

 

by kwyjibo
9-17-03
So I sez to Mabel, I sez…
??
So anyway, I sez…

 

by kwyjibo
9-17-03
Thanks for taking care of that angel for me.
Now that he’s gone it looks like I’m the winner.

 

by kwyjibo
9-17-03
So I sez to Mabel, I sez…
??
Anomaly detected.
Ah, crap.

 

by kwyjibo
9-17-03
Target acquired. Returning to the ship.
Umm, I’m not really sure…

 

by kwyjibo
9-18-03
Ugh.
My head. Where am I?
I liked the bright colors better.

 

by kwyjibo
9-18-03
So, you’re the pathetic wretch that has ruined my experiment.
Who’s there?
I am the keeper of the insignificant planet you called Earth.
Why don’t you show yourself?
To look upon my visage would cause your descend into madness. Plus you smell like garbage.
Good point.

 

by kwyjibo
9-18-03
That is one messed up shower system you have.
I was told by the salesman that it was top of the line.
Whatever. Are you going to show yourself now or what?
Only if you are prepared to view your deepest fears.
Lay it on me.

 

by kwyjibo
9-18-03

 

by kwyjibo
9-18-03
I see your puny mind had been shocked into submission by my arrival.
No, not really.
You’re not overwhelmed by confusion?
At this point I’ve seen it all.
Oh.

 

by kwyjibo
9-18-03
Now what is this about some sort of experiment?
Your planet was created as an experimental data gathering system.
Wait. What about that angel, devil and purgatory?
They were a bug put into the system by some disgruntled temp. Doug, I think his name was.
So, when I was tampering with this bug…
…you caused the whole system to fly apart? My, you’re a bright one.

 

by kwyjibo
9-18-03
I’m sorry I caused so much trouble, is there anyway I can make it up?
As a matter of fact there is.
Oh, I only said that because I didn’t think there was anything I could do.
Too late now.
Fine, what do we need to do?
We’re off to find a suitable planet to restore the backups on.

 

by kwyjibo
9-19-03
I’m surprised you haven’t asked why I look like a paperclip.
You seem to enjoy talking so I figured you’d eventually blab on and on about it.
You’re in luck. I do enjoy talking.
I’m a good judge of people.
It's actually the other way around. It’s the paperclips that look like me.
I’ve never met any four-foot, flying, talking paperclips.

 

by kwyjibo
9-19-03
Paperclips are actually tiny transceivers used to collect data to this ship. That's why they were used to hold documents together.
*ZZZ*
When technology finally advanced enough I was able to insert myself into computers as that delightful clappy fellow and gather even more data.
*ZZZ*
You wouldn’t believe the number of people that use their computer in the nude.
*ZZZ*

 

by kwyjibo
9-19-03
It looks like we made it to the first planet on the list. Are you all ready?
Ready for what?
I’m sending you down to check on the habitability. We need to find a planet to restore Earth’s backups on.
Don’t you have robots to do this kind of work?
Yeah, but it’s more fun to watch people suffer. I got a taste for it watching Earth all those years.

 

by kwyjibo
9-19-03
Yep, nothing beats being a fish. One blue fish.
What the… ?
You don’t looks so good.
*gurgle*

 

by kwyjibo
9-19-03
Let’s see how things went.
What was that? You put me at the bottom of the ocean! I could have been killed.
It seemed as good as any other place.
You studied the Earth for years and don’t know that people don’t live underwater?
It never seemed to stop the Atlantians.

 

by kwyjibo
9-22-03
Look, I don’t care if you hate having to explore other planets but it’s your punishment for ruining my experiment.
What if I refuse?
Well, if you don’t want to rebuild Earth and return to your normal life you can always stay here telling jokes with me.
Since you put it that way...
I’m fond of limericks. There once was a man from Nantucket...

 

by kwyjibo
9-23-03
Stupid, crazy paperclip. I need to come up with a plan.
Maybe if I could command the robots I could take control of the ship.
All I have to do is plant ideas in the head of one robot and it will infect the others.

 

by kwyjibo
9-24-03
It’s time to start a robot revolution. Pass it on.
Ok.
Join the gordita revolution. Pass it on.
Ok.
Wanna play dance dance revolution?
Ok.

 

by kwyjibo
9-25-03
What is going on here?
Hey, the robots invited me to play dance dance revolution with them.
Dance dance revolution?
It’s a lot of fun. Want to try?
How can you play without any legs?!?
Ooo, perfect score.

 

by kwyjibo
9-26-03
That was fun, but it's time to get back to work.
Wonderful.
I though about what you said and have decided to send one of the robots down with you this time.
Really?
Yes, anything to get you to leave me alone.
Fine by me.

 

by kwyjibo
9-29-03
This place is kind of cold.
*BZZT*
Yikes!
*ROWR*
I know Chewie. I though it was the imperial probe we're looking for.

 

by kwyjibo
9-30-03
So, how was that planet?
People were shooting at us.
What happen to the robot?
People were shooting at us.
It sounds nice.
People were shooting at us!

 

by kwyjibo
10-01-03
I think you're being too picky about this whole thing.
I just want to be sure Earth get restored on a decent planet.
I'm tired of waiting around for you to find something that fits your demanding criteria.
I guess I could be more open minded.
Good, you better like the next planet because it's going to be your new home.
What?

 

by kwyjibo
10-02-03
Wow, this place is perfect.
If I didn't know any better I'd think I was back on Earth.
'Ello there. Care for a bit 'o tea?
AHHHH!

 

by kwyjibo
10-03-03
It would have been great if it weren’t for that dinosaur.
I'm sure you'd learn to get a long.
I think he might have been English.
Sounds wonderful.
And he was wearing a hat.
Ghastly.

 

by kwyjibo
10-06-03
Look, if I were to get rid of the dinosaurs would you agree to this planet?
I guess.
Good, I'll start restoring the backups tomorrow.
Great.
You'll wake up back on Earth with no memory of what happened.
And forget our wonderful time together? That's a shame.

 

by kwyjibo
10-07-03
So I sez to Mabel I sez...

 

by kwyjibo
10-08-03
Man, what a weird dream.
Hey, what's this note?
Dear Joe. Sorry about the short notice but I'm moving out today. Signed Sam Squirrel.

 

by kwyjibo
10-15-03
Hi, I'm Guy and this is my cat, Kat.
I'm Puss Master K and this is my humble butler.
Our only thought is to entertain you.
Feed me.
Uh-oh, I think we may have ripped off Garfield.
Are you still yappin'? My bowl isn't going to fill itself.

 

by kwyjibo
10-22-03
*hummmm*
Your litter box is clean now.
What did you do to my zen garden?
Is that what you call what you've done in there?
I almost reached enlightenment.
If you mean making my house smell like poop, I'd say you made it.

 

by kwyjibo
10-29-03
Gack! Why is there water all over the floor?
Did you knock your water bowl over again?
I demand fresh, cold water.
Why can't you just drink out of the toilet like a dog?
I've seen what you do in there.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
Hey, Bob, it’s been a long time. How are things?
Hey, Kat. You know the usual duck stuff. How’s life with Guy?
It’s ok, although right now he’s probably complaining about the hole I made in the screen.
At least you've got a warm place to live. I have to put up with flying south every year.
Why do you ducks do that?
We follow the old people. How else are we going to get our fill of breadcrumbs?

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
We’re heading out soon. You all set, Bob?
You know, Howard, I’ve been thinking and I don’t think I’m going this year.
What? You have to come. It’s tradition.
No, I’m tired of it. I really don’t see the point anymore.
But what about the breadcrumbs?
Maybe some kids will get lost in the woods.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
This is great. I’m no longer a slave to my migratory urges and I have the whole pond to myself.
It’s getting a bit chilly.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
I can’t believe I survived being encased in snow and ice for a week.
Maybe I should have flown south. Although, I’m sure it can’t get any worse.
A duck! I’m eatin’ good tonight.
Touché

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
Say your prayers, duck.
How do you know I’m not an atheist?
Umm.
Holy crap!
This is weird.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
I can’t believe I’ve survived being frozen and shot at.
That’s because you’re immortal, silly.
Oh, who are you?
I’m a plot point fairy.
Ok.
Bye now.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
A duck. You want a little bit of my sandwich?
No, I will take the whole sandwich.
But...
Silence! Then you will go to the media to inform them that Bob the duck’s reign of terror begins.
Ouch!
Mmm, finger sandwich.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
We interrupt fat squirrels and slow dogs to bring you this special announcement.
It seems an immortal duck of unspeakable evil has taken control of a local park and threatens to destroy the town.
Sources report the duck goes by the name Bob.
You interrupted my show for this?

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
There is nothing that can stand in my way now.
Hey, Bob, you sure are the talk of town. You even made the news.
Stay away, Kat. I’m no longer the Bob you knew. My new found powers have turned me into the evil scourge of the town.
About that. Did it ever occur to you to maybe use your powers for good instead?
You know, I never really considered it.
Yeah, evil is usually the first thing that springs in my mind too, but I’m tired of news of your shenanigans interrupting my favorite shows.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
Maybe Kat is right. I should use my powers for good instead of evil.
I’ll join a group of superheroes and we can be champions of the city.
I wonder if superheroes are listed in the phone book or have a website or what.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-03
And now I’d like to introduce our newest superhero, Psycho Duck.
Thanks, Captain Sparkles. I... wait a minute. There’s no one else here.
The other will arrive to the justice fortress shortly.
This is just a basement with a flag on the wall.
My mom won’t let me play upstairs.
I’m out of here.

Showing page 2.

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