All comics by lmharmon

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
The ghost of Christmas Past took off, and I was all alone in the hell of my childhood memories...
Neat.
Well...
Chestnuts roasting on an open...me...

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
I awake from this vision to find Steve hovering over me...
You were talking in your sleep.
Babe, I had the weirdest dream.
You must be still be dreaming, because the bed is made...
Not to mention you're up before me for once.
Maybe you're sick.
Probably too many cookies and too much cheesecake.

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
That was one f'ed up dream, to say the least.
I've got to go work on some photographs. I'll take the kids downstairs to the playroom.
You don't want to hear about my dream?
Errr...
Oh, hell, just go. I need you out of frame, anyway, so the next spirit can show up.
I'm out.

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
I am the ghost of Christmas Present ...oooooOOOOhhh
Dude, I am in the can! Give me a minute, will ya?
What are you staring at, Marilyn?
I've never been this close to a girl before.
Oh, Jesus. Here we go.

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
So here we are...at present-day's manifestation of Christmas joy...
The after-Christmas consumerist bacchanalia at the mall?
Righteous money-lusters will spend what is left of their holiday time off from work here, instead of with their families...
This sucks.
to be continued
Agreed. Don't you feel repentent now?
For what? I don't buy this crap.

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
Why are you making this so hard on me?
?
I don't know what to say. Wanna see if the old arcade is still open?
Inside the dark cavernous mall arcade...
Good idea. Pinball or shoot-em-ups?
Hey, you're buyin', you pick.

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
Hey, did that spirit dude show up yet?
Freak totally walked in on me peeing, then took me to play pinball.
Weird. Wish I coulda gone, instead. Not so he'd watch me pee or anything--but the pinball could be cool.
Hey, maybe next time you can go instead of me.
Ya think?

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
Oy! Where am I?
I am the ghost of Christmas future, Pops!
Is this some kind of apocalyptic warning about the future of our planet, if we don't stop buying millions of cheap plastic toys for kids?
Dude!
Am I right?
I don't know, Daddio! This is your living room on the day after Christmas for the next 12 years or so.

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
Honey, honey, the spirit of Christmas Future took me away and showed me a horrific vision of our house, destroyed perpetually, on the day after Christmas for the next twelve years!
So...
It was horrible! Do you think that truly will come to pass?
I don't know, I mean...do you still want to adopt more kids?
Yes! No! Yes! I mean, it was just so horrible...the destruction...oh, the humanity!
Maybe if we adopt enough kids, we can fashion them into a chain-gang of house-cleaning slaves.

 

by lmharmon
12-26-05
So did you learn anything from this Christmas Carol thing?
I don't know. Did you?
...
...
The End! Merry Christmas 2005 from Ninja Steve & TAFKA eFairy
I kind of rule at pinball.
The apocalypse is going to happen in our living room.

 

by lmharmon
1-16-06
So, I'm working in my office all morning...
I'm doing this for the betterment of my entire family...
the kids are crawling on and off my lap, Steve is trying to have a conversation with me...
type type type focus focus focus
Finally, I finish about 17 tasks at once, in a dizzying crescendo of serendipitous uploading...
Where's my applause?

 

by lmharmon
1-19-06
Dancin' with mysell-elf (oh oh),
Dude, you went running today!
Sweet!
a-dancin' with mysell-elf...
How did it feel?
Sorta good, sorta bad
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance (oh oh), a-dancin' with mysell-elf (oh oh, oh-oh)
Which hurt more, your lungs, your head, your feet, your bones...?
Fishing my iPod out of my underwear a block down the street. By far.

 

by lmharmon
1-31-06
This really happened
So...what was in the mail?
I got a copy of my new Budget Living magazine today...
Yeah? Is it good?
Thank God our house isn't *that* orange
Well, they sent me the Christmas edition on January 30th...
Maybe they use the budget mail.

 

by lmharmon
2-07-06
...So, what I'm saying is that you won't be able to have nuts, peanuts, or any foods with nuts or peanuts in them around our boys.
No problem.
Are you sure it's no problem? It's a matter of life or death.
No problem.
Three hours later
I'm back!
Be right with you. Let me put these cookies with nuts in them away.

 

by lmharmon
2-08-06
With friends like these...
I have feelings and you do not.
?
My feelings are of the utmost concern to all around me. I am the center of the universe.
@#$%
What's the matter? Having a tough day?

 

by lmharmon
2-08-06
At work, for the 100th time
We've got cookies! Someone brought cookies! Cookies! Hooray!
Yeah. Enjoy.
Five minutes later...
Eat some cookies! Cookies! Yum! These are soooooooo good! I love cookies! *gobble gobble gobble*
Thanks again. These have peanuts and nuts in them. I can't eat them. They might hurt my son.
An hour later...
There are still some cookies! Come eat cookies! Cookies! I can't believe you're not eating these cookies! Wooooooo! Cookies! COOK-EEEEs! AAAAAAAAhhhh!
*

 

by lmharmon
2-10-06
What I did was unthinking, dangerous, and reckless. I'm going to take steps to make sure I never do that again.
*tweeeet*
I'm really sorry that I was so thoughtless and that my actions threatened the lives of your children.
? *beep too dee deeter deeter snoop* ? wack wack wiggy wiggy ? deeoooopapapa *pbbbbt*
...make sure you direct it to the right person.
*total silence*
They're MY kids, you idiot.

 

by lmharmon
2-13-06
Come on and ring.

 

by lmharmon
2-13-06
You still waiting for the phone to ring?
I don't know if he's right.
Yeah.
Don't worry, hon. It'll ring.

 

by lmharmon
2-13-06
So, you really think she will call?
Sure!
Do you have any idea when?
...
This isn't helping.
Um...okay, so maybe she won't call.

 

by lmharmon
2-13-06
So what will you do if she never calls?
...
The prices we pay for emotional support are more than personal, aren't they?
I suppose life will go on.
I think you should buy yourself a big screen TV for comfort.

 

by lmharmon
2-19-06
Sometimes life is just SCREAMING for you to add a new character to your comic's cast...
Hi!
Hi. Who are you?
I'm Miss Communication.
Miscommunication?
Yep!
Oh, this is gonna be fun.

 

by lmharmon
3-06-06
Year One
Arrrrrrrrr!!!
What have I got myself into?
Years Two, Three, and Four
Grrrrrr! Rrrrrrrawrr! Blah, blah, arrrrrrrrr!!!!! And it's all your fault!
Why can't I just have a normal family?
Five years total elapsed
Arrrrrrrrr!!! I don't understand why you don't like me!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!! Not that I really care!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! Rawr! Arrrr!!
Jesus Christ, but your particular brand of dysfunction is dull.

 

by lmharmon
3-20-06
So, what I'm saying here is that I appreciate your contribution, but I'd like for you to continue doing it for free.
...uh...
So! What do you say?
I'm speechless.
It's a deal, then! Glad we took this time to talk.

 

by lmharmon
3-21-06
...and this concludes my treatise on why I am a stellar employee with tons of potential for improving the efficiency of this organization.
Any...uh... comments?
Thanks!

 

by lmharmon
4-24-06
Welcome to life as a parent of young children...
Dude. Which of us is the most tired?
I dunno, let's figure it out...
Steve and I are in our mid-30s and not getting any younger...
Okay. I worked in the yard all weekend. I planted four little gardens.
Is that what you were doing out there with those tools?
We have three sons, the oldest of whom won't be five until July.
Totally. And now I'm sunburned and it's Monday morning.
You win--for now. Ask me at the end of the day today when the boys are through with me.

 

by lmharmon
10-17-06
They're in a coalition, you see.
What's your special tonight?
Oh, yor bee spatial do bee seem thing. Very GUT!
Is that right?
Yah.
...So, I'll just hang out in the lobby, per our usual agreement?
Yah!

 

by lmharmon
5-02-07
The more things change...
So, you're staying home with us again?
Looks like it, kiddo.
And Daddy's going to work more?
That's the idea!
...the more they stay the same.
So...when does this "changing of the guard" take place?
Oh, four months ago.

 

by lmharmon
11-27-07
Thanks, all of you, from the bottom of my heart, for coming today. I know you have a lot of questions, so let's start with the gentleman in black, the photographer...err, Yes, Mr. Harmon...
...Mr. Harmon? Go ahead with your question, please. Maybe your readers are wondering how I'm handling the fame and fortune? It's okay, this press conference is for YOU. Fire away. I'm ready.
Um...
Oh, for the love of Pete, Stephen, play along!

 

by lmharmon
12-07-07
I did nothing today but research literary agents. Dude, I am so overwhelmed.
Dig.
I don't know, it just all seems so random. I've spent countless hours googling agents. They don't make it easy, either. It's hard to figure out who they even represent. Thank God for amazon.com.
Represent.
Is that your phone?
Oooh! That'll be my foreign rights agent with the royalties statement from my Chinese translation...

 

by lmharmon
12-26-07
At the classroom party...
Do you know if your mom put any peanuts in these cookies?
I like Hannah Montana.
Is your mom here today? Can I talk to her?
My mom doesn't live with us anymore. She's on the moon now.
*
I'm allergic to hamburgers and Transformers.

 

by lmharmon
1-02-08
'Twas the day after New Year and all through the house, all the Harmons were sleeping, except for...
I can't sleep!
Stupid freaking coffee. Might as well stay up and work.
Five hours later, two beds completely stripped, about 500 jobs researched, and the bathrooms and kitchen all cleaned...just before dawn...
*yawn* Getting...sleepy. Time to crash.
Mom-meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

by lmharmon
3-02-09
1972
I am innocent and vulnerable and fearless
1997
This suit will keep me safe
Now
Got to believe we are magic.

 

by lmharmon
3-02-09
Are you what I think you are?
Space Monkey?
I think I love you.

 

by lmharmon
3-03-09
I'm so seasick, I'm so sick, GAWD! I'm so miserable.
I'm so sorry, honey. What can I do?
I want to get off, I want to get off, I'm so seasick. Stop the boat, I'm dying. GAWD.
I'm on it.
Why did you make me get off that boat? It's so hot out here, the sun is too bright, there's no snack bar at this beach, I just don't know if this is what I want...GAWD!

 

by lmharmon
3-03-09
Where are you going? Why are you leaving me? GAWD.
I'm going to get you some snacks, honey. And some shade. I don't know. Be right back.
Is that a ship out there? That's the ship. I've missed my ship! She's MADE ME miss my ship. GAWD! How am I supposed to get home?
to be continued...
Okay, I found a little island with some shade, and some coconuts we can eat. How about that?

 

by lmharmon
3-03-09
Is that IT? Is that all you can do for me? GAWD. There aren't even any shadows here, how can you call this SHADE? GAWD.
Look, I'm doing the best that I can here. You think I can just wave a magic wand and make all of this right for you?
Magic can do anything, can't it? GAWD.
Okay, okay, I'll fucking try.

 

by lmharmon
3-03-09
Abra-cadabra. Hocus pocus! *spit* *barf* *choke*
GAWD. That's fucking disgusting! And where the hell are we?
Sorry. Magic ain't easy. Taking a shortcut. Be patient, sweetheart.
We're back? We're back! Hooray! GAWD. I'm so bored. And sick. Let me off this boat. GAWD. Why did you do this?.........I just want to go swimming.

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