All comics by magictime69

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by magictime69
3-12-03
"Damn there are some fine ass honies here...I should fucking conform to society in the name of VAGINA!"
$42.00 for the cell phone, $38.00 utilities, $350.00 rent, Dad's got the car insurance...Oh, there's Laura that bitch. She is a fat slut. Gawd, look at THOSE SHOES! Straight from Amazonia!!!"
"I've never been with an Asian chick before...CHING DAO!!!"
"½üÒå´Ê"
"Damn I need to get with a honey! I better not die before I get laid again. Man...fuck this living on the streets, broke as hell. Damn that girk is HOT!"
"Go running, do laundry...I'm getting hungry. There's THAT guy again, he's kinda cute. Must be in a band or something. Wonder what will be on Friends tonight."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper...I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age...After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?"
"There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!""
Courteousy of ahajokes.com Steven_Wright/Robert_Schmidt_Et_Al
"I listen to the police band on my CB radio. Once I dialed 911 and dedicated a crime to my girlfriend."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"...carefully and liberally pour the hot, rich country gravy over the biscuits allowing seepage into the scrambled eggs."
"They were MY SEAMONKEYS!!! My seamonkeys... accompanied by a 32-page illustrated instruction booklet, feeding spoon and three packets: #1 Water Purifier, #2 Instant Live Eggs, and Growth Food. KILL!"
1.
"So, yeah anyway, I'm transfering the funds now. They have no idea this is transpiring. Now what I need for YOU to do is take this note that I am printing and give it to the teller..."
"Dopeman..."
2.
"She or He, depending on certain elements, is in on the plan with us. Do not stop for anyone and getaway like you were robbing the place, but your not. They r in on it. Then return here & bring the $$

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"Give me your lunch money. You French Faggot!"
"I only have $17.00usd and I need that for pate and crackers and a V-8."
"That's it you French tongue boy...down on your knees. My kitten needs lickin."
"That's better. Kitty's moist now. Get around here behind me now and quit playin' with yourself, just get your 'lil leaning tower out of your pants."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"How's it going? I'm just in from the East, coming in from Marluoookoo."
"Why that has a peculiar ring to it, like a Timbuktukoo."
"My Brother! I am Phetynoyl from Des Moines. Here for the 'Setting of the sun and the rising of the balloon."
"Welcome Brother. I am Arthur Supreme Magistar of Quidaquamirroring. Have you the stellar artifices?"
Later that evening at 'Secret Gathering'
"Hey tomorrow after the viola concerto at the Metro Day School for the Deaf. We should go grab a few Homelandburgers!"
"Right on!"

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
**Can't Lose News (CLN)** International Headquarters.
HUNTSVILLE, Texas (AP) -- In the 22 years since convicted killer Delma Banks arrived on death row in Texas, he's seen 299 prisoners taken away for execution..."
"They are getting ready to put another scumbag in the dirt down in Texas..."
"You want it Joey?"
"I'm still recovering from Fat Tuesday. Send Davis. Davis'll go."
"Dinner and a show? Sure I'll go."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
**Can't Lose News** (CLN) International Headquarters
"?"
"Melinda...mmm. I gotta hit that!"
"What? I just got here. What?"

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
**Can't Lose News** (CLN) International Headquarters
"Despite popular disbelief, there IS such a thing as McLobster. He is a hobbit-like creature. Burn on you for not believing."
"We understand Sir, but we simply do not have the authority to run the story. Now I'll be happy to put it on the Editor's desk."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
**Can't Lose News (CLN)** International Headquarters
"Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light. To chase a feather in the wind. Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delightThere moves a thread that has no end..."
Mr. Crowley, what went on in your head Ohhhh...Mr. Crowley, did you talk with the dead Your life style to me seemed so tragic With the thrill of it all You fooled all the people with magic...
www10.brinkster.com/jason69
drugs they say, make us feel so hollow we love in vain, narcissitic and so shallow the cops and queers to swim you have to swallow hate today no love for tomorrow we're all stars now in the dope show
"Hey, pick up the phone. This is YOUR BOSS. You remember ME I sign your CHECKS!"
And this is for the questions that don't have any answers The midnight glancers and the topless dancers The gang of freaks, cars packed with speakers The Gs with the forties and the chicks w/ beepers

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
**Can't Lose News (CLN)** International Headquarters
"Tweet..."
"I checked with our attorneys on this one. You need to remove the centerfold from your desk."
"Sir I worship vagina. I have a constitutionally protected RIGHT to do so. Now in the name of Vagina, w/all due respect, I rebuke thee sir."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"Sup...
'Sup Ghunayn? You know the 28s be down for you, right? I mean I know you didn't do any of that crazy-ass sheet. So we gotcha' back homie. Peace!"
**Ghunayn's Playa'z Liqour Store**
"Sup. Right, right. Jus Chillin'...hope this shit don't get whack. Lee Fung Kwon been cruising around, checkin' my play..."
'Sup...
"Yo Ghunayn, don't sweat Lee Fung, Dog. Isa gonna be all good. Peace Yo!"
"IceCold Forty..."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"You better come down from there. You're going to hurt yourself."
"I'm gonna tell if you don't come down from there...THAT'S IT! I'M TELLING! Bitch!!!"
"She wouldn't come down from the tree. Don't you think she should be punished?"
"I'm proud of you for watching out for your Sister, especially after that CPS thing. After she has her brandy and milk, it's off to nappy nap for our little climber!"

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"My it's hot outside. I bet it's as hot today as it was June 6th 1966..."
"Welcome Brother! Have you the stellar artifice?"
Son-of-a-bitch...

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
**Can't Lose News (CLN)** International Headquarters
"Giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon. I hope my legs don't break. Walking on, walking on the moon... Some may say, I'm wasting my day A-Way...No Way, this is the price I pay o.k..."
"Beer...Pussy....and Beer."
"Fuckin' Davis! I can't believe you told Sanford you worship PUSSY!!! HAHAHAHA!!!"
Vagina Lance. I serve Vagina religously."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
'Sup
"Bueno verlo amigo Ramon. La bienvenida."
*Ghunayn's Playa'z Liqour Store*
'Sup
'Sup
"Que Pasa!"
Fiesta

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"Shut -up Ho. I gotsta make a phone call.------Yo nigga! This is Curtis. I'm down @ the liqour store & Kwon's peeps just rolled in deep.---Aight, cool. Aight, I will. Peace out!"
*Ghunayn's Playa'z Liqour Store*
?
"I bring a message from Mr. Lee Fung Kwon. He wan a buy you sto. He pay a good money. You sell to Mr. Lee Kwon Fung. It make nice."
Nice sto fo Mr. Kwon
¦You got me feeling hella good So let's just keep on dancing You hold me like you should So I'm gonna keep on dancing¦

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
bzzz
bzzz
bzzz
bzzz
bzzz
bzzz

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"Wanna play a drinking game?"
Yup
Feeling squirrely?
"O.K."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
It's official. He's done it. It's #69
Alright people we've got a hot one here! Davis we'll deal with your 'faith based-cubicle' later. Melinda, I really need you on this one girl. Donald, finish the Homelandburger and LET'S ROLL! Its #69!
Can I finish my Freedom-Fries too?
**Can't Lose News (CLN)** International Headquarters
He did it...in two days.
I'm on it Janie... that s.o.b. really DID IT!!!

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
"Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, you and your household" ( Acts 16: 31). This belief requires of us to repent and accept Jesus."

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
Bli trzuiyyrg! Zehhmmisyiturkish. Zeldar!
Zerran Colbor Zeldar, heh-heh!

 

by magictime69
3-12-03
University Library
Damn...I was just getting into my groove. I hope that place I camped at last night is cool for tonight and, I hope it doesn't get too cold.
The library will be closing in five minutes...
I need an axe, some cash, some wheels and some trim!
Time to wrap it up. I hope to see me tomorrow! Peace out!

 

by magictime69
3-13-03
Kinda, slept in this morning. Making a late start of it. Quite a few hotties out and about today. I really am FOR SURE...heading up to Vegas on Monday. To hell with this Godforsaken state!
I forsake thee Arizona!
Las Vegas...how I adore thee. Soon we will be together again!~

 

by magictime69
3-13-03
Yeah well, I've been here about seven hours and have not done a damn thing. I just very well may go have a few libations...
*************Library*************
*?*
"Are you getting amped about Spring Break?"
Wealth from The Conduct of Life (1860) by Ralph Waldo Emerson. III WEALTH Who shall tell what did befall, Far away in time, when once, Over the lifeless ball, Hung idle stars and suns? What god...
Brittney Spears AND Gwen Steffani !!!

 

by magictime69
3-15-03
******************LIBRARY********************
Alrighty then... I survived drinking with Mark for 24 hours. Some well needed comaraderie, fairly bright dude for a professor.
Suns are looking good this year, blasted the Kings. I can't stand the Kings.
We'll see how it goes with Houston on Sunday. Marbury is playing hella-good!
Yup...

 

by magictime69
3-15-03
Space junk???
Gotta smoke?
?

 

by magictime69
3-17-03
Ghuyhan's Playa'z Liqour
"What-up 28's?"

 

by magictime69
3-21-03
Somewhere in Florida:
So, you'll be able to take care of this right away?
Well yeah, I mean it's not like a big deal or anything.
A lot of people are dying, that is very disturbing.
Hey, tell me about it.
Well, o.k. just do whatever needs to be done.
O.K. Jeb but your brother has a mind of his own and your father isn't too helful either. I'll take care of it though.

 

by magictime69
3-21-03
I'm gonna need some I.D.
Sure, here you go.
I'm placing you under arrest for tresspassing. Do you have any sharp objects?
Besides my wit?
Well, well. Something to eat, somewhere to sleep...what did I hit the lottery?

 

by magictime69
3-21-03
Checking my e-mail...hmmm, an e-mail from someone I know, amazing! Checking virtual stock market, I am a virtual millionaire, truth be told. Looking up war stuff...
******************LIBRARY********************
RE: Your e-mail: Yo! I just got sprung, I KNOW!!! It was one night and it was for sleeping outside. That's illegal??? Anyway, it's done now. Library is about to close so I will...
U.S. forces plan to drop more than 1,500 bombs and missiles across Iraq in the first 24 hours of its "shock and awe" campaign that began Friday, Pentagon officials said.
People are over in Iraq KILLING PEOPLE and DYING THEMSELVES...for Freedom? Just what EXACTLY is FREEDOM?

 

by magictime69
5-01-03
Vegas is Happening MAN!!! It's party time, all the time!!!
I turned five bucks into NINE HUNDRED!!!
I feel so ALIVE here...
Mmm, hmm

 

by magictime69
5-06-03
So what's up? Not hearing much from you lately. Running out of material?
Been out creating it...
Yeah, and...?
Let me ask you this: If you put a line directly through the earth from where you are standing, do you know what's on the other side, wiseguy ?
That's easy, everybody knows it's China. Uh, right?

 

by magictime69
5-06-03
I 'tol you doz tables be cold!
No gets out 'der and makes my money !
Where you from foo...
Where YOU from foo...

 

by magictime69
5-06-03
O.K. situated here nicely. Need to get back to work on the book.
Need also to get a paying gig...
Need also to relax.

 

by magictime69
5-12-03
OMG!!! Indirect communication from Missy!
********************L.V.L*************************
She better write ME back this time!
It's still way good to hear from her.

 

by magictime69
5-13-03
Maybe I am being a 'lil bit too hard on my self.
Come On! Don't get weak on me now...
What the ...@#$!
C'mon Man...I have several things to do today....
Viola !

 

by magictime69
5-14-03
Arghh! Gang way less you dance with Jack Ketch! Deadlights else ye see Davey Jones Locker!
?
Bliminey Briton Margh! Taste the cutlass o'this corsair, dare ye?
?
Fetch me Jollyboat Jack Tar!
Quack?

 

by magictime69
5-14-03
So what do you think?
Well, things don't seem to be going our way.
We are still in it though, what about tonight?
Gotta shoot !
Hell with shooting. Gotta give it to Shaq and take that shit to the hoop!
I hear 'ya Bro...

 

by magictime69
5-14-03
What's the difference between an addict & an alcoholic?
Either will steal your wallet, but the addict will spend all night helping you look for it.
A new definition for 13th stepping Steps 1 + 12, "My life is unmanageable and I want to share it with you!"

 

by magictime69
5-14-03
Did you hear there's a new 12-step program for people who talk too much?
It's called on-and-on-anon.
How many alcoholics does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one - he holds the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

 

by magictime69
5-14-03
How can you tell when two alcoholics are on their second date?
There's a U-Haul in the driveway...
Service is like wetting your pants. Everybody sees it, but you're the one who feels the warmth...

 

by magictime69
5-14-03
Two rednecks, Bubba and Gator, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of bud. The passenger, Bubba,said. "Lookey thar up ahead, Gator, it's a po-lice roadblock!
"Don't worry Bubba" Gator said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat".
each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sherriff said, "You boys been drinkin?". "No sir" Gator said. "We're on the patch."

 

by magictime69
5-14-03
Never bet more than you can afford to lose, unless you just don't care anymore.
Understand that a wise gambler never loses all his money in one day. It might take two days, three, maybe four.
If your chips are dwindling, try to borrow money from other players at the table. Tell them you're playing for a local orphanage. People will believe anything!

 

by magictime69
5-18-03
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."
Mmmhmm...

 

by magictime69
5-18-03
It's time to get back to the beach...

 

by magictime69
5-18-03
NEW LOAD IMPROVING VIAGRA !
DAHUUM!!!

 

by magictime69
5-25-03
But yeah, we're pretty much the same except that I get PAID to dress like this...
Quit clownin'. You damn sure know that I am not into this for the money.
Well yeah cool, hippie chicks are cool...but circus girls??? C'mon dude.

 

by magictime69
5-25-03
Man I am trippin' lately...

 

by magictime69
5-25-03
I sure am glad everything is going well again in the world...
Yup. Looks like those punks are getting the message.
Right, hmm. Well time to go get some socks and change clothes. Oh yeah, remind me to eat today.
Get a clue dude.

 

by magictime69
5-28-03
Dahumm I fell good. All sober and eating well, vitamins and all.
C'mon chump... there's always time to work. Let's hit the road!
Cool, received a letter from 'psychogirlfriend' in Ohio...and she is psycho too!
What the hell is up with you Son? 20 years you have been going strong. Are you punking out on me now?
Hmm..what for dinner? Chicken sounds good.
gulp

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