All comics by poolord

Profile

 

by poolord
2-04-02
Hear about the bird zombie?
CRANES!

 

by poolord
2-04-02
Didja hear about...
AAAH! MY FLESH!

 

by poolord
2-15-02
Hey...my stockbroker lost all my money!
Dude...you know he just spent it all.
But why? What would he have spent it on?
Here's a hint:
COCAINE.

 

by poolord
2-15-02
So then I said, "These sheep aren't gonna bleat all by themselves!"
HAHAAHAHA!
What the goatfuck are you talking about?

 

by poolord
2-28-02
Hey! What are you doing?! Stop that!
Oh...no! I'm not masturbating.
Oh. My mistake.
It's ok.
He's SO masturbating...
I am SO masturbating...

 

by poolord
2-28-02
Hello human. Would you like a donut?
Fuck off.

 

by poolord
3-06-02
A BATTLE RAGES!
HA! DIDJA FEEL THAT!
AARGH! ME NARDS!!!!
NARDS!!!!
Stop saying that...
nards...

 

by poolord
3-08-02
I wanna fuck you in the ass!!!
I wanna fuck you in the ass!!!
I wanna fuck you in the ass!!!
I wish I spoke English...

 

by poolord
3-09-02
Hello, I'm with Microsoft Tech Support. How can I help you?
Well, I was trying to install Photoshop but it kept crashing and now I can't play Counterstrike because...
VAS FLAM!!!
AARGH! MY FLESH!
Another victory for the dark lord and master...

 

by poolord
3-19-02
*HIC* God dammit I hate the *HIC* hiccups!
*HIC* Fuck me in the *HIC* goat ass!
You rang?
*HIC*

 

by poolord
3-20-02
Man...that's like rain on your wedding day...or a free ride when you've already paid!
Isn't it ironic?
No. It sucks.

 

by poolord
4-12-02
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
And then she was like, "No way!" and I'm all like "WAY!" and then she was like "Oh my god!" and then I was like "I know, Oh my GOD!" and then she was like...
Please kill me...

 

by poolord
4-26-02
OH GOD! HELP ME!! I'VE GOT NAILS STUCK IN MY FOREHEAD!!! HELP!!!!
...
You're not doing anything...
I stole your wallet.

 

by poolord
4-26-02
Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema...
HEY MISTER! I'M A GIRL SCOUT BUY MY COOKIES!!!
MOTHER OF PEARL!!!
...goes walking and when she passes each one she passes goes "Ahhh..."

 

by poolord
6-15-02
Open mic night
On her deathbed, my grandmother told us that she once gave Spiro Agnew a handjob in a theater.
Then she took a deep breath, and passed.
She was at peace.

 

by poolord
7-03-02
EAT DEATH!!!
But I ordered the Brown Betty...
Oh...in that case...ENJOY A NICE SERVING OF BROWN BETTY WITH DEATH!!!
...but mostly eat death.

 

by poolord
7-03-02
EverQuest kills.
It's true!

 

by poolord
8-31-02
Hamlet, prince of Denmark. His kingdom is usurped by his uncle, who murdered his father and marries his mother.
Woe is me, for I am Hamlet.
In attempts to rectify his uncle's transgressions, he slowly goes insane.
I am SO crazy.
In the end, EVERYBODY FUCKING DIES.

 

by poolord
8-31-02
Early one morning...
Man, I love mornings! I think I'll have some coffee!
HAHAHAHA!! YoU hAvE uNlEaShEd Me, ThE dEmOn Of ThE CoFfEe!! I wILL nOw Go Do CoOl StUfF aNd YoU aRe NoT iNvItEd! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!1
Hmm...maybe too much liquor?

 

by poolord
8-31-02
What did the gangta rapper say when the neighborhood collapsed on him?
Get off me Homes!!
Sucks...

 

by poolord
9-09-02
Hello?
The Elder Ones shall infest your soul! Your will is bent to my design!!
Cthulu, is that you?
...no...

 

by poolord
9-10-02
...horny...
Hey there Sweetass, wann come into my brothel?
Well, I am rather horny...
Great, follow me!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!1111 F0013d '/0u! 411 '/0u|2 8453 4|23 8310|\|9 70 /\/\3!
That's the last time I go into a "1337 8|207|-|31."

 

by poolord
9-10-02
NOTE: I AM NOT A RACIST.
Word up, Bitch! You best move out my wizay, my nizzle.
What?
Yo dog, I know yo' whizite bitch ass ain't dissin' a nig like me, dzog. You 'bout to get a cap in you muhfuckin ass, whiteboy!
What is he saying?
NOTE: STILL NOT A RACIST.
You skurred?
Uhh...yeah man...skurred. Turrufied.

 

by poolord
9-10-02
In a rundown, secluded alley...
ARE YOU READY TO FACE THE ENDLESS PAIN!!!!
Dude, you are SO early 80s. As IF I'd be mercilessly slaughtered by YOU. NO sir!
What the hell just happened here?

 

by poolord
9-10-02
In another alley...just as secluded as the other one...but not quite as dark...
YOU DIE NOW!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
CUT IT OUT!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

 

by poolord
9-10-02
Alley...secluded...dark...ahh, you get it...
RARR!!!!! PREPARE TO TASTE COLD UNYIELDING STEEL AS IT SLICES YOUR PITIFUL FLESH!!!
Now, I'm going to say something, and I don't want you to get offended, but you're not a very good serial killer, are you?
No.

 

by poolord
9-15-02
Somewhere in a Starbucks...
Hey, Rex, man! What's the deal? You look down!
I can't reach my mouth...

 

by poolord
10-29-02

 

by poolord
11-05-02

 

by poolord
1-28-03
Man, I wanna stick furry creatures up my ass, just like Hollywood celebrity Richard Gere!
How about him?
Oh shit.

 

by poolord
1-28-03
Hey Jamal! You wanna go shoot some hoops or maybe score some crack cocaine?!
You know, Kyle, just because I'm black doesn't mean I fit into a stereotype. I happen to hold a Master's degree in astrophysics from MIT. You're coming off as very ignorant, and I'm very insulted.
...
So do you like rap music?
I hate you.

 

by poolord
1-28-03
So here's the deal; I, being the serial killer, kill you, the victim, with this knife, the...well, er...the knife. So how 'bout it? Eh?
Eh?!
You're short!

 

by poolord
1-28-03
Hey man, I'm home.
Yo...tough day at the office?
No kidding...it's just getting so hard to knife people in alleys these days. No one's frightened anymore. I wish I had your job.
Yeah, ever since I landed this gig inspecting Japanese computer porn, I've been on easy street! Why, I made over two hun...oh damn.
What?
Umm...I didn't just jizz all over your keyboard...

 

by poolord
2-02-03
There is only one way to heaven! No one else can save you! Trust Jesus today! Eat this Bible until you osmose every bit of information into your unclean, hellbent soul!
You know, Jack, in your attempts to 'convert heathens' by forcing your religion on them, you're really being a douche. Doesn't forcing your religion on others make you just as bad as the 'heathens?'
Blasphemy! Rub this Bible between your loins to save your soul!
Dude, why are you such a douche?
I wish God would let me bone Jesus...

 

by poolord
2-03-03
Dude! I just saw your mom naked!
Well fuck a duck!
Er...moo.

 

by poolord
2-03-03
And that's why, according to Freud, Jung had a severe unconscious sexual attraction to a walnut as a child. Henceforth, you're wrong.

 

by poolord
2-03-03
And that's why, according to Freud, Jung had a severe unconscious sexual attraction to a walnut as a child. Henceforth, you're wrong.
Yes, that's fascinating. Please allow me a rebuttal.
FREUD THIS YOU PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE!! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW, PSYCHOLOGY BOY?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHA!!! RUN HOME TO MOMMA!!!!

 

by poolord
2-03-03
MOO!
God dammit, I was gonna say that!

 

by poolord
2-10-03
Walkin' up and down the street...
Take a doodoo pie...
I love you.

 

by poolord
2-10-03
BRAINS!!
Brains?
Brains.
Brains.
BRAINS!!!
BRAINS!!!

 

by poolord
6-05-03
*CLICK*
KILL...
*CLICK*
YOUR...
*CLICK*
PARENTS!!!

 

by poolord
9-29-04
Hey Pete, is Javier cheking out my ass?
Yes...but it's because they're full of your feces.
Shit.

 

by poolord
10-06-04
Writing a haiku
is hard. It's difficult to
complete a whole sent

 

by poolord
10-26-04
I played poker with a deck of tarot cards last night.
I got a full house.
Four people died.

 

by poolord
8-13-05
what the hell am i doing here?

 

by poolord
12-17-05
i feel dead inside.

 

by poolord
12-19-05
look, i said i was sorry.
how was i supposed to know she was your boss?
i thought everyone appreciated the humor in flaming feces.

 

by poolord
12-19-05
Dear Mr. Willoughby,
You are a pedophile. You should'nt be hanging around the second grade classroom.
Where do these kids learn such big words?

 

Carrot sharpened to a point, Buster was determined to leave this world the way he came in to it: naked, and full of beta carotene.
by poolord, 12-19-05

 

after the crowd booed his stand-up routine, joel vowed never to come out of his shell again.
by poolord, 12-19-05

Showing page 2.

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