All comics by samus_aran

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by samus_aran
7-17-04
Oh no ted is a ...a....a......
I'm Ted but some wizard fucker turned me into a big fat geek who plays videogames all day long and i can't go out without stoping by a video game store!!!
yo, look you freak me out ted take off the suit ok..i'm tired!!!
Sex..what the fuck..no i don't want sex..i want my burger.....
thats tweenty two fifty....
What the fuck is up with that!!! you are fuckers with no name!!! I can't pay that..i just got back from shopping at Wal-mart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats a good place!
these people are fucking wasted oh look i can see the wizard that changed Ted into a geek!!!
Oh i so want to crack! That or some slut who is drunk..so i can have some freakin' hot monket sex around here!!!!
hi i'm...jessica simpson! i'm fucking wasted so hard! I want some hot monkey sex! so much hot monkey sex!!!! I want.

 

by samus_aran
7-19-04
In prison..................
hmm...whats on the discovery channel.??
this is news! and today...we all die!! the world is going to implode!
Oh no...My hair!!!!!!!!!!...................
Hi boob_fucker2006! today the world implodes! Thats my oldest dream.
Hi fuck_my_mommy_till_she_dies4002544781! Man i know. Its such a good.. what! I'm going to die!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Not my hair!!!
the japenese!
Yes finnaly i can blow up the world and fly into space!!!
Haha The world is gone!!! (character on the left says this.)

 

by samus_aran
7-28-04
What does ducks have to do with a ....roadrunner????
I wounder how ducks are made....not the real ones the plastic one that squeek every time you touch them....
Hey buddy i don't know you why do you talk to me i just asked you if you'd have seen a roadrunner ok...take a chill pill...god.
and your point...
Must beat evil_ass20058954762158359
I have the high score dude_player_mother_fucker2005...you can't beat my number...
Why do you care where they are???
Come my animal friends together we shall take over the world!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!
hey respect my figure i'm not a animal...if you agree i'll give you...4 wishes.....deal???

 

by samus_aran
8-10-04
So.....the paperwork...got burned....and well...ITS BEN'S FAULT!!!
Yo Yo Yo ! this is Dj hop to the Stoping point...And now for my song oh yeah you know it! You can't dribble!!!!!!
YOU...YOU....YOU CAN'T DRIBBLE I'LL BITE YOUR LEG I'LL PEE ON YOU BUT YOU YOU YOU CAN'T DRIBBLE! YO YO YO YOU YOU YYOU YOU can't dribble!!! yo! I'm the talking dog! BOIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
And i thought i was weird....hmmmmmmmmmm....
Yo...hi bloody_boob_sucker2009! i'm listening to Dj Hop to the stoping point how about you.??
Yo yo yo! Dizzle! and boob_fucker_eating_pasta2009 I am listening such a coo song!!!
So we meet again fluffy doofus!!!!
she called me a fluffy doofus!!!wah! Sob..cry....sigh...cry...sob....
Fluffy Doofus!!! That what you are my young man of whom has to fuck with me now Mwa ha h ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah aha !!!!

 

by samus_aran
9-27-04
at the place from the guy in hell.......
Sup yo its Dj hop to the stoping point and i'm here to say here is my little girl yo with her famus song yo my butt fuckin bitch!
Yeah!!!!! kick it. i smack you up your all so mine but you know...........what! what....do you know what! YOUR MY FUCKIN BUTT FUCKIN BITCH!
sooooooo........ and then..........
Hey sup yo. Red_baby_dog_raper29685
Nothin' foo anywho whats the happs death_by_sword's_blade4896? WTF!
Ok what the fuck i got a hangnail hangin' from my cutical and its not beautiful!
Hey ummm ted in next panel over....its time for dinner same with Bill.
Hey is it time for sex?

 

by samus_aran
10-15-04
man she is a fluffy dofus.
sup dogs. Its Dj hop to the stoppin' point and there is no mo songs to listen to so just shut the fuck up and be bitches all day.
So its over your just gonna dump me just like that!
Ohhh she cheetin!
Hey can i barrow your bed so when my girlfriend sees the car outside we can fuck.
Sure come on in. (whisper) and fuck behind bill's back.
Yeah she is a ho!
We don't go in this comic...we don't belong... Sob...cry...sigh...cry...sob.
Shut the fuck up ho!

 

by samus_aran
3-05-05
no not the phone it's bombed!
I really hope betty doesn't call while I'm at.....*phone rings* Damnit!
bill i love you sweety pumpkin pie come home so we can fuck..NOW!
that such a bitch like thang to say. oops i mean thing.
HI! I CAN SEE YOU BILL YOU SEXY THANG YOU! COME AND GIVE MOMMA A BIG SEXY SEX LIKE KISS!
Yeah we gotta get you a job. Hey wait a second are you checking me out in that panel you slut!
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So the chicken said to the human: FUCK ME NOW YOU SLUTTY BITCH!: and then he raped her the end.
O...K. whatever you want something to eat or what.

 

by samus_aran
3-05-05
the king.
hi.. I'm pope. nice to meet you again my dope using friend.
lets hurry this up before....
oh crap
Sir..! Dope. you are a fucking dope user... that is suck a fucking waste. I mean you don't share with any of the knights!
(ted dressed up as a knight.) HEAR HEAR!
this is outta hand
You don't shhare with the mystical charcters either!
Or the black people!

 

by samus_aran
3-09-05
Oh she's gay i see....
Hello Sarah-san you fucking gay son of a bitch Do you with for sex..yes?
Oh waht great honor yes yes!
Huh?..........
Hello Sarah-san do you with to fuck with men?
NOOOOOOO! JUST GIRLS YOU KNOW THAT !!!
That's a new subject.
So this is what this show is like? *box reads the first season of "SEINFEILD"*
Dude i just got back from the sex room could you give me the lubricant for the huge ass wipping dick of mine to fuck with?

 

by samus_aran
3-09-05

 

by samus_aran
3-09-05
Ewwwww *twitches*
I hate you no more sexy wexy for you you hot momma.!!! Be sides you ugly! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !
No i ain't you lie! Sexy wexy please!
I can see your mind for i am blue and think your sexy.....
Hello.
why do I find this sexy?
Wtf!
You have entered the matrix Fairy you must fight till they die oh and I'm agent 50987689345621111.
watch out smith this is Windows XP now wayyyyyy faster! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

 

by samus_aran
3-09-05
okay then....
I can't let him know i had a horrible time...
so see you tomarrow students bring your books. Oh and i know you had a horrible time you said it 6 times.
uhhhhh........................
Hey.. so do you want to fuck or something like last night or what i need to know before tonight.
Sure whatever fuck me in the streets if you want i WILL be waiting for your call!
He read a diary...
Hey Gabe i'm kinda busy but you can talk i give you permission while i beat your face in.
I will always love you and i know you love me seeing how i got raped by your brother and he told me last night about you wright ing about me in your diary.

 

by samus_aran
3-09-05
Damn my ass hurts...
..
..
..
..
what all I said was it hurt.I want to see beth.

 

by samus_aran
3-10-05
Ooooo a new sex room...
What the fuck what does that dot mean?
what up man. you lettin' your roomie get in your way bite that fucker fight the man! Okay i'll be in the sex room awaiting jim.
what am i thinking..
Hi dotty!
My name's Christie my hippie name is dotty duh you fuck we've been goin' out since Ted bacame an ass but you should know that already i mean what am i your fuckin' roomie!
huh?
bill... i need help your help...STAB ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF FOR CHRISTIE BROKE UP WITH ME!!!! *cries heavily*
Uhh get out of my house.

 

by samus_aran
3-11-05
the world to talk in..
child why do you come to the cross at this hour?
I'm having trouble with my girlfriend...I think you already know her she's Betty?
why...
follow your heart and it shall guide you down the right path to heaven my son.
You made my day and I got an idea.
I'll be at my mom's!
JESUS WAS RIGHT AGAIN!
Oh yes yes yes yes yes!

 

by samus_aran
4-08-05
Kill her punk ass!
Betty has been bothering me i can't get to go away...all she talks about is you Bill and I need some help please send back...Sencerly,Evil blood sucker ted.
Boy just kick her fucking ass!
Come back soon bill...trick him into killing a Kangaroo
I'm sorry my x has been bothering you or she is about to be my x any way. but as the black lady behind you just said Kick her fucking ass! She's a hoe a mother and dildo on the circle of sex!Bill.
I'm here for a Bill he owes Satan his liver and spleen oh and his soul.
Yes she's going to die YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prepare to die bitch..
your funny Mr. crazy man..

 

by samus_aran
4-08-05
Shessh bitch>!
Hey it's my x girlfriend!! She toatally suck donkey balls!
What! Your x! Who are you fucking in the back of your pick up now your brand fucking new pick up truck from Yamaha that I bought you.!! Son of a bitch.
she dated that dude?
So betty are we still dateing or am i still dead and in heaven?
Hey I got a great idea.. How about you shut your fuck face and do me!? then we'll chat about it. That is so fun I used to do it with...with..Bill. Yeah that's it. Oh forget it I still love bill.
so they watched the news...dumbasses.
Today on action 3 news Betty A bitch or a whore find out soon. I'm action packed and my breasts are big to.
Meanwhile a house was struck down today by your but diane. i'm bill fuck my dad and we're Action 3 news Also today a mouse ate my cheese. I was aving it for my wife it's our aniversery.

 

by samus_aran
4-09-05
one day.
Gabe...Will you fuck me with single thrusts and spoosge too.
Wellllll....My penis is a little sore from last time can we give it a rest for today.
the next day huney....
Gabe...Will you fuck me with single thrusts and spoosge too.
Uhhhh. maybe later.
oh my god the poor babies!
Fuck me now or i'll kick you again but this time harder!! Bitch!
Ok Ok and with single thrusts to but please stop kicking me in the ball sack it's killing the seeds of life.

 

by samus_aran
4-10-05
How do we have a sence about life what is our perpose.We all need a perpose but what is ours ted what is it!
Simple...we are on this earth to make the seeds of life to transport babies into the gentle women of this earth.this almightly planet of the women.
so my and your perposes is too have sex?All day that's it.Just sit there and fuck a woman.??
yes pretty much.but if your gay you will fuck the simple man. That's all the gays do is fuck the same sex.I personally Perfer Christie.she is my woman. oh yes.
So that is all we need to know is those things. 1. women are superior to us and are always right no matter how hard we try to be it first. and 2. We rock at sex but they rock at getting in bed first.
oh....Well i guess that is a good explination on sex and perposes. thanks Ted I owe you one..now to find Tilly.

 

by samus_aran
4-10-05
I have come for tilly to fuck carefully and gently plus anally.
I'm tilly hoe.But..
stay away from my hoe you green hoe!She's my hoe! I'm the pimp around here! Fucka!
No she's my hoe...
you like that don't you tilly (bill)
Tilly:Yes bill fuck me harder the tmnt didn't have a chance your to fast for him baby too fast! OHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHH!

 

by samus_aran
4-10-05
?
I..uhh worked to hard and need a beer.
Dude your not even working this week I know I'm your boss.
oh yeah bye bye...
Yes but I need my beer or your going to die.
shut up bitch and don't blink.(fades to black and everyone hears gun fire.)
the news crew.
just in today A young man by the name of john was shot today by his own boss.
yes and also I'm a big slutty whore who is sp or likes to be spanked a hole lot and in the ass to.

 

by samus_aran
4-11-05
What...what did I do? How could a stupid little nerd draw a wizard about to beat me to death with a plunger.? Jason please help me. (he is refering to one of my other comics please read them please!!)
I don't know..maybe he thought you were ther dork??It could happen why don't you talk to him. It's a good thing we're out of school (they all gradutaed fro high school) Yep. Anyway just explain.
Hey uhh what did I do to piss you off Tell me.. I demand it!You know...My friend ted is a great drawer and he could help you to draw anime people naked and dressed then being fucked huh sound cool?
1.hi and two. You just aren't cool enough to be around me. I'm way to cool and way to sexy. Your just lame....real real lame. bye dork.*walks off*
so what happened?
I got told.

 

by samus_aran
4-13-05
??
tilly come back to me...i need your fuckin!
no your not sexy enough. Bill is the young handsom white guy I'm with right now. He is to smart for you babe way to smart.
oh porn!
Man look at all this porn....
I know isn't it great I love Tilly's pic of your sex last night.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm the donkey!
get it away it gonna eat me!!

 

by samus_aran
4-18-05
Why!! i was so good to her. How just how could she fall for someone else.
It's me.
she dumped me...again.!!!!for someone like.... like... like...YOU! DORK!
oh honey your the dork joo haxors.
OH MY GOD YOUR A GUY! FUCK! DAMNIT! SHIT! MY DAY JUST PLAIN SUCKS!
just believe and i will set your throbbing man sore free from his eternal prison. Yeah honey.

 

by samus_aran
4-30-05
man how big was the cat?
in today's news we found a large cat stuck up a man's ass. We are hoping the cat will live but the man has died. Coming up next on action 3 news...a man and his cat...up the ass or on his dick.
how does that fit up there?
...
...
...
?
...
leave me alone you stupid dots!!!

 

by samus_aran
5-28-05
a cat can drink coffee.??
ok jim lets get ready for MY coffe stop.
but your not supposed to drink coffe for 2 more weeks.
he snuck out!! ohhhhhhh i'm tellin'!
Welcome to the coffe shop can I help you yo yo yo yo yo.
yes I would like a grande moca late~.
AHHHHHHHHH FIRE!!!
so you snuck out and got you a grande coffee and then he set you on fire?? WHen setting people on fire is clearly MY job.
yep.

 

by samus_aran
5-28-05
she's a cheater dumb her ass bill.!!
Soooooooo.....baby can we go to the like bedromm and like fuck and shit.
SURE BABYCAKES!!
with bill in the bushes with betty....
what do you mean you screwed the pooch..??? wait....your fucking with a mime..!!
you don't get it like okay...I'm fucking other guys!!!!
on the web..
Dear suck_on_my_ass97, My girlfriend is a fucking peice of fucking shit who can fuck off anf fucking die fuckin'!
Dear butt_fucking_donkey67, KILL HER FUCKING ASS! SHOOT HER DOWN FROM A TREE HIDE HER IN THE WOODS STRANGLE ALL WHITNESSES!! Sincerly, suck_on_my_ass97.

 

by samus_aran
5-28-05
k?
dear microwavable_duck666, I would like to fucking kill betty. but how?
go to the bushes in the park and set her on fire. ok monkey_who_throws_shit?
ha ha ha ha she deserves that.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help me oh please help me.!!!!
ha ha ha ha BURN BITCH!! BURRRRRRRN!
hell yeah!!
I like to fuck innocent animals at night..i love my new story.
hey dude read this sign please.

 

by samus_aran
5-30-05
Why is he back!!
Hi Bill.
Go away you fucking duche...or fucker..or are you just gay...YAY YOUR GAY! Your a fagggot!!
???? interresting????
and Bill should be killed....but it's not up to us and no one always get what they want now do they buddy oh pal.
yes and I'm not your buddy or pal.
shut up asian little fucker!
I know...know just to kill bill..hey isn't that a movie.?
Shut up and kill him already he has hurt all of us!

 

by samus_aran
5-31-05
sooo how goes it?
I love my bone...
What the freak is so special about that freakin bone yo!!
it's the american way...to kill frosty.
No please please don't hurt me I'm frosty the snowman...Please...please..
man I'm fire there is a cold day in hell when I don't hurt anybody.
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH FROSTY!!
soooo....do you want to go and...you...know..
Kill frosty?

 

by samus_aran
6-03-05
they were talking...
you suck...
no you'se the one you suckes you'se the one you suck'es on black donkey balls...you'se the...
30 mins later...
she is right you know asian chick...you do suck.
yeah she's sucks so hards..i want to fookin do you you.....wills you'se do me's
sooooooo......ummm....
Yeah she sooooo sucks out fucking loud.
yeah she does she wanted to screw with me once but i said noooooo and she was all like way the fook not and I was so pissed off.

 

by samus_aran
8-21-05
NOOOO PLEASE GO AWAY DAMN YOU!!!
wait can't we talk!!
i will clip you!!
why? am i that different.
i hate bill he didn't screw me..
what does that have to do with the subject..

 

by samus_aran
8-27-05
??? murderer!!!
*sigh* dammit that is the 5th girl that turned me down today....
i have advise for you...don't let it fuck with your emotions...emotions are pointsless...death is pointless...you are pointless..got that?
that ninja sucks ass!! wait...what... i question my logic!
i believ that children are our future dammit happy new year!!!(insert evil laughter here)
wait wait wait...you make no sence at all you talk for christ's sake!!! i question this logic? happy new year it has not been happy at all....i still question your logic.!! For i am and ass!
*stand up comedy*
hippies...they are X RATED!!! except Christie she is a hippie goth like person...she be teh cooliez...damn internet speak.. so do you like hot sweaty monkey sex...
dude i got one word out of all that....monkey

 

by samus_aran
9-01-05
bill: look everyone i am your best friend.
i'm fucking fire i don't care dammit!!
please help the poor...
NEVER YOU STO STUCKY!!!
why did yous do stats..? Your meany you stuck stuck!!
No i don't and whats with that crappy accent..

 

by samus_aran
9-25-05
yes this song is from monty python...*sigh.*
well i have a song that goes great right here...every sperm is sacred,every sperm is good, and if a sperm is wasted...
god gets quite irate.
every serm is needed in your neighborhood.
Every sperm is useful,sperm is fun,and if that sperm is wasted,i might be undone.(says ina girly voice)
so keep your sperm quick and steady but not hard of might.
And you might be getting lucky...tonight...and tongiht..and tonight.

 

by samus_aran
9-25-05
hmmm weed?
well what do you say about helping my sperm to be useful? huh huh?
maybe you got weed? But if that weed is watsed god could get quite irate...don't ya think? Oh and i am pretty thristy too get me something heavy and i'll fuck you til the day breaks. Got that baby...?
?.? count me in!! i love heavy drinks.
man does it feel good to be out of that outfit.i was sweating so hard if you looked to close into my ass you could see the future..what was the whole point of that play anyway? To please the poor?
ok i'm going to stop you right there because well you must of had a few vodka drinks or 7....anyway it was to teach people about sperm instead of doing a health program. Lame huh...heavy stuff please!
i need my sperm to be useful and you'll work perfectly my boy. (said yes to her question)
wait me no boy me little asian girl don't rape me please your a catholic man right..? oh god i'm going to be a mother!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by samus_aran
11-19-05
ok so let's get down to business..."dear Suz..."
I can see you are typing a love note!
HOLY CRAP! WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU KNOW?
Because...I am god...
IT MAKES SENSE!
Well that threw reality into question.
I know! To think Mr. Gates is the mother of god.

 

by samus_aran
11-21-05
i love you...
dude if you love me then you stooped low eh?
dude your canadian!!
yes eh.
damn sneaks!
dude it worked he went crying home...
i know and to think hje really thought a chinese woman could be freaken canadian!! HA!

 

by samus_aran
12-11-05
huh!!
i have no time for love for i am a feciess throwing monkey!
what!! don't not in the face!! please!!
dammit not again!!
oww dammit the face boooooooooooooooooooooooooo you suck ernie... you slept wiht my kids...all 18 of them!
heheh my rumors spred...
how does a girl get props around here?
stupid little narortor she doesn't know we are props!
yeah i know

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