All comics by shark_energy

Profile

 

by shark_energy
4-21-04
Brains, we have to help Uncle Gadget!
RUFF!
Take this Bone into Dr Claws Animal Experiement Lab. It contains a spy camera and microphone.
RUFF!
My dog is dead?

 

by shark_energy
4-21-04
1.
I'm all out of Father Beans but will Baby Sweetcorn suffice?
2.
My Arthur used to say, "Don't let the Gas Man into the house unless he has Identification". But what did he know, right?
3.
Candyman, Candyman, Candyman....haha! See silly? I told you it was baloney.

 

by shark_energy
4-22-04
The fight that we began can and must continue. Although my candidacy for president may end today, the most important goal remains...
...to defeat the infidels! For I am not Howard Dean, I am Krang of the Planet Squib! I have arrived to take your planet and deflower your children!YEAAAAAAAAAAURGH!
2 Years Later
Mr Krang, it's Emperor Cofos on Line 2, he wants to know how the decontamination of Earth is coming along.
Damn!
What do you mean 'No Progress'? It's been 2 years since you became President of Earth Krang! What's gone wrong?
Let's just say I got drunk on power and absinth...

 

by shark_energy
4-23-04
One day in hell...
So what's it to be little girl? Do I take your pet pooch Chips? Or shall I take Mr Pete Clark, your father?
Cindy analyses the options
Daddy or Chips? Daddy or Chips? Daddy or Chips?
Daddy or Chips? Daddy or Chips? Daddy or Chips?
My dog is dead?

 

by shark_energy
4-23-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
That's funny, I don't remember eating asparagus *sniff* *sniff*

 

by shark_energy
4-23-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Will you please stop ruining my side of the tank?

 

by shark_energy
4-23-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
The next morning...
Jason, that's the 5th bedsheet you've ruined this week!
Sorry Ma!

 

by shark_energy
4-23-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Regardless of the reasons you exposed yourself and peed on my shoes, I demand you come with me to my living quarters so I can dab you down...

 

by shark_energy
4-23-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Hell yeh buddy! You wanna add some poo poo to that wee on my hand?

 

by shark_energy
4-23-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
I'll assume that was sex wee big boy...

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Henry! I told you the telly was bad for your eyes!

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Al Qaeda employed mind controlled acid arabs on the battlefields...
!

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
I've been accepted into the National Skipping rope championships! Bring your own rope?
I have no rope!
Time for dinner...I have no fork!
And in local news, a new tax is to be introduced on limited and unfunny stick figure comic characters...
That's the last straw! OW! OW!

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
3 Months after the deal was struck...
How is the rectal tearing coming along? I have you booked in for a 4:30 and there is no way we are cancelling on this one!
But Cuthbert, I mean King Pimp, I just can't do it anymore. In last 2 seconds I have lost another centimetre of ass flesh...
No butts Mickey, you are meeting with this client, nothing will change my mind.
Ermmm well what if I was to tell you I am in love with your sister and she is pregnant with your nephew?
I'd rip your spine out for screwing around with my sister...
Well its lucky I'm just messing then hehe. Pass me the vaseline

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
Right you see that barn over there? I told him you will be in the hay loft. Go get ready and I will send him straight up when he arrives...
Yes Boss
I can't believe I am in this mess! Being pimped by an ex work colleague, got his sister pregnant, bum flesh hanging out of my butt yet about to take some more pain...
Moo!
Daisy! What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since Shark Energy sacked you for spilling milk on his moleskin shoes! Glad to see you old chum!
Mi muv moo Mickey etc

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
Meanwhile outside
Gloria! What are you doing here?
I am here to stop you pimping my Mickey's ass Cuthbert. You see...I am pregnant...by Mickey!
I'LL KILL HIM! No rentboy of mine screws my baby sister and lives to tell the tale...Where are going?
To warn Mickey!
Milk me mickey
But I have found love elsewhere Daisy. I just can't...Oh what the heck. For old times sake. But just a small squirt.

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
Meanwhile outside
*MILK MILK*
Mickey I...WHAT IS THIS? Get your hands off of that whore!
I'm gonna kill that he bitch!
Outside the barn...
This must be the place! Ima shooting for a rooting.

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
INSERT INCORRECT NARRATION HERE
It isn't what you think Gloria!
It's over Mickey, and now I will leave you to my brother, your pimp, you filthy man
What the?
Run Daisy!
Moo!
Who the?

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
And so it begins!
I karate chop you on the neck.
I stamp on your testicles.
I apply an uppercut to your chin and follow with a kick to the sternum.
I gouge at your eyes, trip you on the floor and sit on your head.
I grow tired of your obvious dirty fighting style, break out a can of gasoline, pour it onto your head and flick a match.
I journey to hell, defeated, yet open for a return depending on series popularity.

 

by shark_energy
4-26-04
A short lived victory celebration...
But I have done no wrong! It was self defence!
That's what they all say. I think the corpses of a cow, dragon, mutated bunny and black pimp is enough to put you down for a good number of years.
1 Month later
I've dropped some soap again. Ready for another round of the cornhole classics? I'll let you have the back 9 this time.
Do I even have a choice?
"Lights out gentlemen please"
Sweet jesus! Somebody kill me! Gahhhhhh!
FIN!

 

by shark_energy
4-27-04
Hey Doug, where you been these last few months?
Best ask your brother.
Hmm ok, so do you fancy popping for a drink some time?
Yeh why not. Actually Jane, you might be able to help me. I have a theory that the more manly a girl looks the bigger her clitoris is. Something to do with the clit simulating a penis.
That's a funny theory. So how can I help?
I thought I could use your clit as research, I'd guess it's pretty big right?

 

by shark_energy
4-27-04
Son, that was Mr Crosby on the phone, he says he demands you go round there right now and apologise to Jane. What happened?
Mom, it isn't my fault. Remember you once told me to follow my dreams? Well my dream involves a set of experiments.
What kind of experiments son?
Well basically I have some theories on the reasons behind things, and I want to find out if they are correct. Sadly I have to bypass morals to get to the answers, but that's research for ya mom!
Why would your research lead to a lack of morals?
Here's an example for you. Next on my list is to see if your source of food as a baby is more appealing on the eye than what you see when you grow up. Could you take off your top please?

 

by shark_energy
4-27-04
Doug that is absolutely disgusting. Now I want you to go round to the Crosby's house and apologise for whatever you did to upset them!
Yes Mom.
Hi Mrs Crosby. I am here to see your husband and to apologise to you and to Jane.
Doug! Come on in! Don't apologise it is great to see you! It's been too long.
Stand back woman! Have you gone insane? This boy sniffed your knickers!
Well it's more than you've done in the last 12 years.

 

by shark_energy
4-27-04
What an interesting discovery! Since I took a whiff of Mrs Crosby's knickers she seems to have grown very fond of me.
I wonder if...
I wouldn't care if I hadn't even touched you since our honeymoon, no boy goes sniffing at my wife...Hang on a minute? Where is he?
I'm not sure.
Upstairs.
Oh good god! Get my underpants off of your head boy!

 

by shark_energy
4-28-04
1.
Hey Darleene! This one is just like Miss Piggy. Hey piggy how's the frog doing?
2.
Have you gruffed Billy?
3.
Like I said, Elmer Fudd doesn't scare me one bit.

 

by shark_energy
4-28-04
1.
I fancy kicking some pigskin balls.
2.
Duck
3.
Give me some milk!
Pull the udder one

 

by shark_energy
4-28-04
1.
Thankyou for your custom Mr Sanchez. Your fillet steaks will be with you by Monday.
2.
The thing is Mary Jane, when I agreed to marry the farmer's daughter I was picturing a Russ Meyer movie...
3.
Did I tell you I have a football fetish? Yes I like to lick pigskin balls.

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
Donald Windall owned a farm...
Thankyou Mr Hussein, it was great doing business with you.
I am sure your animals will enjoy their new food supplements.
2 weeks later...
I can't believe all of my animals are dead! Damn that Mr Hussein to hell!
Honey, there is nothing you can do to change it. Let's go inside, it'll be night time soon.
Later that evening...
Awfully sorry to trouble you!
Honey there is a pig here to see you!

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
The next day, 2 farmhands arrive for work...
It's kinda quiet around here, and those animals look kinda strange.
Yes, they appear to be nibbling at one another...
Baa...baaa..
Well this lamb seems fine...
braainnnssssss
Hmmmm

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
Wheel for your life Norman!
The animals have turned rabid Henry!
Henry finds himself inside the old Slaughterhouse
Hello? Is anybody in here? Hello?
Ermmm. Help?
Piggy?

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
Sid the Slaughterman explains what had happened...
My boy told me someone had knocked at the door.
Don't worry Pa I'll get it.
Hello boy. Pleased to meat you!
Erm I'll get my dad...
Son?

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
Meanwhile at the farmers house...
I should be safe in here. Hello little mousey. How are you?
*NIBBLE* *NIBBLE*
By God my toes! I cannot feel the pain but can see them being eaten!
The Cavalry arrive
On the plus side you won't miss them.

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
Norman gets to work on the farmers computer
According to his records, he purchased some miracle formula supplements for the animals. I have traced them via a green peace website, and they are known to cause Zombie effects in living creatures!
Any luck finding Farmer Windall and his wife?
Do I normally have entrails wrapped round my feet?
I have a plan! Lead me to the farmer guts.

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
The search for Sid...
I wonder where he has got to?
Not sure Norman, he will be here somewhere!
Get back Norm!
Awww you wouldn't kill a widdle wabbit would you?
A widdle wabbit with widdle flame thrower!

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
Henry! Nooooo!
He has gone to a better place I'm sure. And you will join him young cripple!
Not so fast! With my last ounce of strength I will save the day!
Farewell...yun...norm. annnn...gnnnggh

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
A week later...
"And so with the Rabbit killed, the plague was defeated, and the rabid animals no more."
How interesting! An e-mail from a Mr Hussein. He has a selection of Animals for sale, just what I need to get this farm up and going again.
A Powercut? How very odd... ARGGGGGGGGHH!
*RIP* *CHEW* *GURGLE*

 

by shark_energy
4-29-04
RAAAAAR! TOBOR COME TO CORNHOLE!!!!
Holy Powdered Hyena Semen! How'd you get in here?
TOBOR FIND KEY UNDER WLECOME MAT. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT RUMP RAPIST?
I don't believe I have.
WHAT NOW FOR TOBOR?
I wouldn't have a clue but I am gonna get back to my flower arranging. Care to join me?

 

by shark_energy
5-05-04
RAAAAAR! TOBOR COME TO CORNHOLE!!!!
Holy Powdered Hyena Semen! How'd you get in here?
TOBOR FIND KEY UNDER WELCOME MAT. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT RUMP RAPIST?
I don't believe I have.
THEN PREPARE TO...Oh dammit I can't do this! I'm much better suited to the role of Professor Von Circuitboard.
Oh come now Red, let's take 5 and try again. Hey Mindy, can we have some refreshments on set please?

 

by shark_energy
5-05-04
RAAAAAR! TOBOR COME TO CORNHOLE!!!!
Holy Powdered Hyena Semen! How'd you get in here?
TOBOR FIND KEY UNDER WELCOME MAT. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT RUMP RAPIST?
I don't believe I have.
WELL I MAY AS WELL SEND BACK THE ANAL PIPING THEN.
Anal Piping! I'll go get the butter!

 

by shark_energy
5-06-04
Mindy is being held in the penthouse of the old hospital. Now that Colonel Crab has clipped my wings, I do not have the ability to get in there and save her.
This is terrible news Flying Man!
I need your help Einstein. I need...a plan!
Let's see what props we can find in my secret cave. We'll find a way into that hospital somehow!
Shortly...
They'll never know the difference! Great plan, Einstein!

 

by shark_energy
8-31-04
There's the stiff, er, victim, sir...dead as a bag full of rocks.
And you say there are no signs of violence on the body?
Not a scratch. But judging from his expression, something unbearably horrible must've happened.
Damn...what could've been bad enough to make him drop dead like that?
Seven Days Earlier...
Before you die, you'll see my ring...

 

by shark_energy
11-21-05
George Bush had suffered an Intensive Q+A session with the Pupils of Orange County Special School...
No More Questions
Dammit, Can somebody help me open with this door?
Actually Sir, that's not a door, that's a painting of a tree made to look like a window...
His hair is funny

 

by shark_energy
11-23-05
So I'm worthy of your farts because I'm trapped in a trash can huh?

 

by shark_energy
11-23-05
I can't believe she has gone...
I know I shouldn't have lied to her but I didn't think she would accept me the way I am...
And how was I to know she was going to turn the lamp on? Thanks for helping me out anyway Nellie.

 

by shark_energy
11-23-05
I'm not looking at you Martha. It's over...
Well you be that way Edward...
...But I don't know how you are going to get Hard as a Rock for any of your future floosies.

 

by shark_energy
11-23-05
Ohhh Tobor, I feel so emotionally pained at the loss of my left arm...
Well young Eggbot, you will learn from this experience. You must put more study into your cornholing.
But I did as you told me, I approached carefully, I shouted my CORNHOLE warning cry, and I took a good run up.
But young Eggbot, you forgot one of the key rules in the big book of cornholing 1998 edition.
And what is that oh wise master?
Don't cornhole a dinosaur.

 

by shark_energy
11-24-05
So I got me one of those XBot 360s
Don't you mean the XBOX 360?
No way it's in the other room man take a look.
What the-?
You Spin me right round baby Right round...

 

It wasn't ME that was looking at the kiddy porn!
by shark_energy, 11-24-05

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