All comics by the_rew

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by the_rew
6-21-02
The police return...
Ok, we've got you this time. According to our top scientist you are not a Donkey. You're pink... therefore you're a pig!
Oo er, I've been rumbled. Slap the old irons on me guv'nor
I'm afraid you're not going to prison. You are sentenced to giving rides to small children on the beach... for the rest of your life.
But you just said that I'm not a donkey, and now you're punishing me as if I am! I'm a pig remember!
In that case... Jim! Fire up the oven, we're having roast pork!
Ah Fuck.

 

by the_rew
7-04-02
Today is the 10th birthday of the film "Jurassic Park"
Who'd have thought it?
I remember my part in it...
Rarrrrrr!
Turn the light off! Turn it off, you stupid fucking bitch!
One question...that guy on the toilet... what was it like eating him and his feces encrusted bottom?
It did grow a bit tedious after the sixth take...

 

by the_rew
7-04-02
Noah! The flood waters are rising, and there's not enough room for all the animals!
Yes I suppose we are taking the "two of each kind" rule a bit too literally.
Not to worry, I have a simple solution...
Lose the Dinosaurs

 

by the_rew
7-04-02
Using advanced DNA cloning techniques, we here at Jurrassic Park have managed to recreate the most terrible creatures that have ever walked the Earth

 

by the_rew
7-04-02
*slam!*

 

by the_rew
7-04-02
Saving little Billy's birthday party...
When there's something strange...
...In your neighbourhood....
Who you gonna call?
Wooooooo!

 

by the_rew
7-05-02
Booooooo!
You expect me to be scared? I'm top of the food chain mate, and I have teeth the size of fuckin' fountain pens. You should be scared of me
Read the rules. Dinosaur = Scarier than Ghost
I'm the Ghost of an Allosaurus
Shit!

 

by the_rew
7-09-02
Yo bitch, wanna make an easy living? Just join my...ahem...girls
No thanks mister Pimp sir, what you're doing is wrong!
How about you big boy? I know many people who would pay for a good cornholing!
*Error* The term "Cornholing" does not appear in my database
Yo bitch..... ah never mind

 

by the_rew
7-09-02
...In answer to your question,_the_reason_the middle panel is often left blank is not for comedic effect, but to conceal government secrets. Like for example...
No way! You gotta be kiddin' me!
It's the truth, like it or not...

 

by the_rew
7-09-02
Of course, if we are trying to avoid comic cliches, then there is a rather obvious one that every one keeps missing...
I am speaking of the very structure of the comic. Eg: Having a beginning, middle and end that makes sense. It is boring, formulaic, and predictable
What say you on the concept of Nibberthackles?
I've lost my arm!
Pigeons often fly

 

by the_rew
7-10-02
This is Professor Knowitall to Solar Orbiter 1. I did it! I've landed on the Sun!
I told him he should have went at night...

 

by the_rew
7-10-02
ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!
ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!
Pussy
Fuck you!

 

by the_rew
7-10-02
Tobor! What have I told you about Cornholing everything you see? It's wrong! Why can't you be more like your brother, Clango?
RARRR! CLANGO NO BROTHER OF TOBOR!
No, I am your brother. We have the same Motherboard!
IN THAT CASE, TOBOR WILL SHOW CLANGO NEW MEANING OF "BROTHERLY LOVE"!!!

 

by the_rew
7-10-02
Aw cripes, here comes that "Psycho" backdrop!
The guy's a twat, pretend you don't see him!
Yoo hoo! Guys, I'm over here!

 

by the_rew
7-11-02
...And in other news today, a large, red robot was spotted just outside Basingstoke, terrorising the place
...he was reported to have said "RARRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU PUNY HUMANS!!!" Now over to Janice, with the weather
The weather today will sucky sucky! I bet you five dollah!

 

by the_rew
7-12-02
What a glorious morning. Time to check my appearance in the old mirror I think
Someone kill me!
!em llik enoemoS

 

by the_rew
7-18-02
...So I said them rotor turbines aint gonna generate gravitons all by themselves
And what did he say?
I... erm.... errrr.....
And have you ever seen these rotor turbines for yourself?
Sigh....ok... What the fuck are you on about?

 

by the_rew
7-18-02
Egon
Ray
Slimer!
erm... Winston
Well, I'm Peter, so I guess you'll have to be Janine
Yes!

 

by the_rew
7-19-02
Before I chop your head clean off, do you have any final words?
Yes, I must warn you that the removal of my head may cause my hair to stand up, and my face to adopt an expression that "sucks"
SLICE!!!
Arrrrghhh!!!
Hmmm, I see the problem....

 

by the_rew
8-07-02

 

by the_rew
8-20-02
...So I says "You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead!"
Woah! Tough crowd tonight. Did someone die out there?

 

by the_rew
8-20-02
Doctor Doctor! I keep imagining people that aren't actually there!
I want a second opinion!

 

by the_rew
8-22-02

 

by the_rew
8-28-02
Allow me to present my newest piece of Forum User artwork...
I can't wait to see this
Give me a few more weeks, and I'll have finished Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Obi Wan Kenobi
Best Chewbacca picture ever!

 

by the_rew
8-28-02
So I hear [topical political figure] has been in the news recently...
erm....
What a dick!

 

by the_rew
8-29-02
And the award for "Best use of Rotor Turbines" goes to...
Maura! For her outstanding work on generating Gravitons!
Meanwhile, at the ranch...
So I said "That bitch aint gonna generate Gravitons all by herself!"
How wrong you were man...

 

by the_rew
8-29-02
Hey Maura, how did the "Most Lo-Res Character" contest go?
Pretty good. I only got second prize though.
Only second? Who came first?
Who else? The same guy that does every year! Bouncy Blue Bob, the Big Pixel!
I am a God baby!

 

by the_rew
8-30-02
First question... are you a Vampire?
Yup
Thanks very much for your time...

 

by the_rew
8-30-02
bang!
pow! splat!
arrrgh!
zap!
pow! pow!
kersplat!

 

by the_rew
8-30-02

 

by the_rew
8-30-02
So how's your pet rabbit working out?
Terrible! Every day I come home, and the carpet is covered in stools!
The filthy little animal!
Yeah, but it's not just him. He's got this chicken friend... yet more stools!
What the hell is his problem anyway?

 

by the_rew
9-02-02
Norwich, England 1981 AD... Rew is born
2001 AD Rew talks with Matthew
Hey, have you heard of that Stripcreator.com?
Present day - In a darkened room, Rew continues to hone his Photoshop skills...
*click* *click* *click*

 

by the_rew
9-03-02
Now remember Tobor, no more Cornholing, Manrape, or Butt....
WAAAAH! TOBOR CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT CORNHOLING!
Don't be such a baby. Just talk to my friend The_Rew over there. He'll take your mind off it
Now the secret here, is to thrust very hard, and hammer the bottom like this, until the subject bleeds...
AARRRGGH!

 

by the_rew
9-03-02
SIGH, EVERY WHERE TOBOR LOOKS, SOMETHING REMINDS HIM OF CORNHOLING
Don't plug the hairdryer into that socket! Use the one underneath! Use the Bottom Plug!
I dunno if I like this "leapfrog". It seems like such a complicated game!
Nonsense! Just bend over, and receive what's coming to you!
Yeah, I have a parcel here for a Mr. R Sole

 

by the_rew
9-03-02
TOBOR FEEL WEAK...NEEDS TO CORNHOLE!
You just need to keep your mind on other things
Now assist me with my astronomy studies. I can't extend my telescopic device. It obviously needs a bit of lubricant...
NEWS AT 10
And in other news, Professor Knowitall was found dead today, with a half metre wide telescope rammed right up his...

 

by the_rew
9-06-02
Now listen carefully lovey. Your line is "That's it!". Now please try to remember it!
Right. That's it. That's it. That's it. THAT'S IT.
That's it. That's it. That's it. THAT'S IT. That's it. That's it. That's it.
The big night...
It's That?

 

by the_rew
9-06-02
So I said "them rotor turbines aint gonna generate gravitons all by them selves!"
Haha!
*Hic*
What the fuck was that?

 

by the_rew
9-06-02
Rew analyses the common characters on SC.com
Ok, first up we have Tobor. He's a giant red robot that is fond of "cornholing"
RARRRR!
Then there's "Fuck" who has one purpose in life; Raping helpless victims
Actshuly, I fink itsch pronunced "Rappin"
Hmmm, I think I see a patern here....
Quit blabbering on and get to the donkey sodomy bit!

 

by the_rew
9-16-02
One day, at the retirement home...
So I said, "Them rotor turbines aint gonna generate gravitons all by themselves!"
Eh?
I said "Them rotor turbines aint gonna generate gravitons all by themselves!"
Pardon?
"Them rotor turbines aint gonna generate gravitons all by themselves!"
What?

 

by the_rew
9-17-02
Phew, it took me ages, but I'm finally here. This party better be worth it sub_m7
Oh it will be, trust me. Just join the others, the party's starting to liven up now.
Now this little baby is the Tupperware Super Deluxe container. You can fit over 3 whole cabages in this. That's the equivalent of 650 chilli peppers!

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
I've told you a dozen times, I need a vaca....
CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
I've won a holiday!
Wait wait wait, read the small print, I've been scammed by these guys before
Hmmm, everything seems in order. Holiday for one to the Bahamas
Yeah right. The "Bahamas" all right. By that they mean "death camp in Thingymaslavia" or whatever. Fuckin' bastards. Always trying to cheat you!
Actually, for a small a fee, I can upgrade to a 2 person flight.
Take me with you!

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
Our heroes set off on their journey...
Well, here we are on the plane...
I know
Maybe we should...y'know like...sit down or something....
Maybe
You want to make a comment about the roof being missing?
Hell no.

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
Hello sir, would you like anything to eat or drink?
Yeah, I'll have a glass of "You're an Owl, how the fuck did you get a job as a steward?"
Maybe a packet of peanuts if you can pull your hands apart for more than five seconds
That's a no then?
Twit Twoo!

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
Y'know, this plane has a lot of history.
Really?
Yeah, Rew used it in his first ever strip
Cool. Was it crashing back then as well?
The plane's crashing?!
Yup. Probably due to it having no roof or something...

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
Fuck. Fuck. We're gonna die. Fuck.
Not to worry, we'll survive the crash.
How can you be so sure of that?
Because Jesus is watching over us! He'll protect us from death!
Then why did he let the plane crash in the first place?
Trust me... he will save us....

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
KA BOOM!
I'm alive! Alive! Ah...but look what happened to poor Jim. I guess Jesus must have been busy...
Meanwhile, in heaven...
So I said "Them rotor turbine aint gonna generate gravitons all by themselves!"
Ha Ha!

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
Day 4 : After a horrific plane crash in which I was the only survivor, I find myself stranded in the wilderness.
I have no food, shelter or companionship, and I am most likely hundreds of miles from civilisation
Who the hell is that guy in our back garden?

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
What the...how did I get here?
Relax! You're in hospital. We found you wandering through the streets of Bristol, wearing nothing but a discarded tea bag
How long have I been unconscious for Doctor?
2 days. Although most of the time you were in a strange state where you were semi-awake. You didn't quite know what you were doing. It made you very...submissive
Why does it hurt to sit down?
Don't look at me! If you're going to sue anyone for this pain, I'd suggest nurse Tobor.

 

by the_rew
10-01-02
After leaving the hospital, our remaining hero seeks professional help...
So do you think you're up to it?
Let me get this straight. You want me to contact your dead friend right? Easy!
Good. Can you do all the weird shit you see in films? Like spinning your head_360_degrees...or projectile vomitting... or glowing eyes?
Well I do have one supernatural ability other than being able to speak to the dead...
Arrrrgh! Oh God! Help!!!
Wooooo!

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