All comics by umfumdisi

Profile

 

by umfumdisi
4-21-06
Shore
Lee
Temple

 

Author.............................Ash
by umfumdisi, 4-21-06

 

by umfumdisi
4-21-06
Chick
Korea

 

by umfumdisi
4-22-06
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by umfumdisi
4-22-06
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by umfumdisi
4-22-06
'_____
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by umfumdisi
4-22-06
_____
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by umfumdisi
4-22-06
_____
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by umfumdisi
5-05-06
Well, what do you think?
Pretentious and potentially brutal with a hint of snark. Has an underlying nuttiness.
Pardon, sir, I couldn't help but overhear that description. I'm entirely intrigued. Which bottle of wine were you describing. I must have some!
Wine? I was describing my date.

 

I understand you have a question regarding one of our menu selections?
What's "mutton?"
by umfumdisi, 5-05-06

 

by umfumdisi
5-05-06
Steve Gutenberg invented the Bible in 1895.
It's HIM!!

 

byyyyyyyyyyyyyytes...
by umfumdisi, 5-11-06

 

Directory Information. What listing please?
Um, I know the number of The Beast, but I need his area code.
by umfumdisi, 5-13-06

 

It's sooooo cute. What should we name it?
Layne.
by umfumdisi, 5-13-06

 

Why did you order that awful salad?
We're sitting in the Caesarean section.
by umfumdisi, 5-13-06

 

by umfumdisi
5-13-06
Hey, did you know that in Scrabble letters I-V-Y is worth nine points?
How much would B-O-O-R-I-T-E be worth?
Let's see... that's nine points, too!
Does that mean we can have sex now?

 

TURN AROUND! I'M TRYING TO SNEAK UP ON YOU!
I can't speak to you. I've taken a vow of.... Nevermind.
by umfumdisi, 5-14-06

 

Here, Maynard, I knitted you a cock cozy.
by umfumdisi, 5-14-06

 

by umfumdisi
5-23-06
Welcome to the Nissan North America Talk Line. Please tell us about your Left-Turn Adventure at the beep:
Hey, this is umfumdisi, and I want to share MY Left-Turn Adventure.
It was great! I took three left turns and ended up back at my house, you fucking morons!!

 

by umfumdisi
5-23-06
Leonard, Shredder has kidnapped April and is holding her for a ransom of 10 million dollars!
So?
So!?! As Chief Financial Officer, you must help!
You mean...
Yes, you must subtract $10 million from our current operating expenses and submit ... a new budget.
DAMN YOU SHREDDER!!

 

by umfumdisi
6-04-06
How may I hek<==lp you?
I saw your Google Ad: Become An Engineer TODAY. I'm interested. I brought my cap and toy train.
Why me?

 

by umfumdisi
6-04-06
Hey, Linda Ronstadt called earlier for you.
Really?
Yeah. She wants her 80s-look back.

 

This shit really pisses me off.
by umfumdisi, 6-04-06

 

by umfumdisi
6-08-06
What's that, Dad?
Carrion, my wayward son.

 

Mom was right. I should've gone to college.
by umfumdisi, 6-08-06

 

by umfumdisi
6-12-06
Will you be too embarrassed to buy me panty liners when you go to the store?
That ship sailed long ago, honey.
Make sure you get the small size. And get unscented, too.
Are you sure unscented is a good idea?
...just ...kidding

 

_______________________________________________
NORTH POLE, MY ASS!!
?
by umfumdisi, 6-12-06

 

I don't have any money to pay for my dinner.
Don't worry. I'll put it on my...... platinum card.
by umfumdisi, 6-13-06

 

Must they always get my name wrong?
by umfumdisi, 6-13-06

 

by umfumdisi
6-13-06
Garfield, did you FedEx Odie to Korea?
YAAAAAAAAAWN! Why do you ask?
Because I received a letter from Hong Lee's Super Buffet Emporium thanking me for my "generous donation."
Shit! Did they at least send some coupons?
GAR-FIELD!!!

 

by umfumdisi
6-30-06
Hello.... Yes. So, what's your idea?
I see. I believe that would most likely fall under the auspices of the Department of Hijinks.
It's no problem. Let me transfer you over there. Have a great day.

 

Hee-hee.
by umfumdisi, 6-30-06

 

SSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Sorry, no bacon on Mondays.
by umfumdisi, 7-18-06

 

Jamma, jam, jam. J-J-J-JAM!
NO PHISH ON TUESDAYS!
by umfumdisi, 7-18-06

 

¿Mas?
No mas on Wednesdays!
by umfumdisi, 7-18-06

 

?
Okay, Thor on Thursdays.
by umfumdisi, 7-18-06

 

But...I'm Noah's son!
NO HAM ON FRIDAYS!!
by umfumdisi, 7-18-06

 

by umfumdisi
7-25-06
When did I install a fence in here?
Oh well, time to masturbate!

 

by umfumdisi
7-25-06
ARGH!
What's wrong with you?
Bleeding, Bloating, Cramping, Loathing --the usual period stuff.
Oh.
Can I ask a question?

 

by umfumdisi
7-25-06
You got your first period at age 10, right?
Yeah.
And you're 25 now?
Yeah.
So you've had a period every month for 15 years with pretty much the same symptoms each time?

 

by umfumdisi
7-25-06
YES!! What's your damn point?
It just seems like after 15 years of periods, you'd be used to the pain by now.
Ooh, your eyes are closed. Intense cramping?
No, I'm trying to burn you alive with my mind.

 
by umfumdisi, 7-25-06

 
by umfumdisi, 7-25-06

 

by umfumdisi
8-14-06
Do you remember the days when MTV played actual music videos?
...Vaguely.
If so, then we have a great new cereal just for you!
Finally!
It's D-Vo's -- The sweetened puffed-corn cereal shaped like Devo Hats and sprinkled with Marshmallow Whips!!
I could do without the whips.

 

by umfumdisi
8-14-06
Free sample, sir?
I'm old and on a limited budget. Why do you think I'm here?
Great. Just stick these tubes up your nose.
What the hell...
It's a new brand of imported Oxygen called "Air Supply." What do you think?
It blows.

 

by umfumdisi
8-14-06
Hello, ladies, I'm Traci Lords. And I heard a rumour...
that you, too, are tired of constant vaginal infections caused by the insertion of unsanitary fruits.
That's why I'm spreading the word about an amazing fruit-shaped dildo -- the Bananarama-Ding-Dong!
Available in seven-inch maxis and twelve-inch longplays. What's your desire?

 

by umfumdisi
8-15-06
something
being dark lord of the underworld is nothing like they promised
being a dog on a ball is nothing like they promised
nothing
being the most powerful man in the world is nothing like they promised
being made of bacon is nothing like they promised
everything
grand theft auto: vice city is nothing like they promised
being unable to feel my lower half is exactly as horrible as they promised

 

by umfumdisi
8-15-06
god shows up in jesuses bed room and reads a lecturn
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE? NOW NO ONE RESPECTS MY PROMISES.
that's not so bad...
god lay's the smack downeth
AND THERE HAVING SEX WITH HOT DOLPHINS!
*giggle*

 

by umfumdisi
8-15-06
under the sea
i'm sorry sheila, i must renounce our hot engagement
but, i'm pregnant
don't worry, your kind will be taken care of
okay
in the church
anything else, my demigod?
yeah, have you ever blown a seal?

 

by umfumdisi
8-18-06
Excuse me...
RRRRR, RRRRRRR, RRRRR. RRRRRR, RRRRRRRRRRR, RRRR, R, RRRRRR!
EXCUSE ME!
RRRRR, RRRRRRR, RRRRR. RRRRRR, RRRRRRRRRRR, RRRR, R, RRRR -- ?
Sorry to interrupt your weed whacking, but I need to ask a favor.
Sure, Frank, what's up?

Showing page 20.

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