All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
9-04-08
don't you find it odd that its republicans that have got a woman on the ticket and obama picked an old white man?
well she's obviously not qualified. i find myself praying that mccain doesn't die.
unqualified for what, exactly?
that fool woman would have her finger on the button!
so the most important thing is that the president be commander in chief of the nuclear arsenal?
no! no! healthcare and education!

 

by Cobb
9-04-08
so if education and healthcare are the most important jobs of the president, how exactly is palin unqualified to manage that?
have you ever met a healthy, educated hockey player?
touche. so how exactly does joe biden represent change?
that's not the point. the point is that if the president gets killed... i mean dies..
fruedian slip there, i think.
i don't know what you're talking about.

 

by Cobb
9-04-08
i think the way you keep bringing up the death of the president is very revealing of your thinking.
it's just reasonable.
no. i think you realize that your insistence on open borders, coddling of terrorist at gitmo puts us all at risk..
oh please. mccain is a heart attack or stroke just waiting to happen.
..but terrorists..
..terrorists could kill him with a jelly donut.

 

by Cobb
9-05-08
i think it's disgusting the way sarah palin is using her family to ingratiate herself with conservatives. i mean, what's so special about her family anyway?
chyeah! i mean a pregnant teen not even smart enough to use birth control, and a kid named truck or something, too dumb to stay out of iraq.
not to mention how she self-righteously has this kid as old as she is. what kind of chance does that baby have for a normal life?
really. what hypocrites republicans are. there's no real family values working here at all.
that's what i'm saying. this whole marriage thing is a joke.
yeah. unless you're gay.

 

by Cobb
9-05-08
i mean who does this palin chick think she is anyway? what a huge trailer trash catastrophe.
for real. i mean, pta? city council. and what's up with eating moose? she's supposed to be running things?
i get depressed just thinking about her boring ass life. and what's up with that hair?
i know. way the hell up there in alaska. probly all they have is supercuts.
heh! so what are you doing tonight, anything? my tv is broke.
ah nothing, you know. sitting home with my cats watching sex and the city. come on over, i have some hot pockets in the fridge.

 

by Cobb
9-06-08
didja hear sarah palin called obama a sambo?
of course i did. i read all the proper blogfeeds. but, you know we expected something like this all along.
i suppose we can relax now that she's been outed as a racist.
no way. this is just the kind of thing that excites all the white voters for whites like palin. racist codewords are irresistable.
so where does that leave us?
we're different.

 

by Cobb
9-06-08
so is it sexist for sarah palin to call hillary a bitch?
technically yes, but there are two reasons that it's way more politically acceptable than her calling obama a sambo.
well i guess one reason is because hillary actually is a bitch, right?
yeah, i guess that makes it three. but i was going to say that it's ok because palin is a woman so she gets a pass.
right, and the obvious reason is that we women are too strong to let one word destroy us - you know, not like niggers.
shh! there might be microphones.

 

by Cobb
9-06-08
hey girlfriend, can you believe that bitch sarah palin?
you don't even have to tell me. it's disgusting that in 2008 people still have to hear that kind of disrespect.
yeah well, obama is going to change all that.
yep. i'm so glad we're on the same side of this. i mean we have an understanding.
i wish more white people were like you.
oh, there's more than you think. believe me.

 

by Cobb
9-06-08
dude i am trying so hard to get a job right now, but jon stewart is sucking up all the oxygen in show business.
..and you don't have tits. let me see if i can google up something for you. hmm. how about fox news anchor?
c'mon dude be serious. you know i'm not of that persuasion.
oh yeah right. oh here's one that's perfect. how about community organizer?
perfect! so where do i go for an interview?
harvard law school.

 

by Cobb
9-18-08
you know if mccain wins the election and then kicks the bucket..
i know. nightmare scenario. it leaves that idiot snowbilly, hick racist, blowhard palin with her finger on the button.
..actually you have forgotten that the rules of succession go further than that.
i'm not sure i want to hear this.
the speaker of the house then moves up to be vice president. that's nancy pelosi, you know.
you know i think women have been entirely too harsh on sarah palin. and you know obama has his flaws..

 

by Cobb
9-25-08
what you reading?
my favorite blog, cobb.
oh yeah. i used to hang out there a lot.
hmm. i don't see you in any of the comments. what was your idenity?
bullshit.
you might want to try daily kos.

 

by Cobb
9-30-08
i've never seen markets so volatile. the vix is over 40, the ted spread is like 350 basis points.
gold is over 900 and the dow dropped almost 800 points. regional bank capitalization is at record lows.
congress is spinning the paulson plan instead of acting and gasoline is still over 3.50 a gallon.
it's the perfect storm.
if i was in al qaeda...
can you buy stock in that?

 

by Cobb
10-06-08
uh oh. i think they busted your bot.
which one?
remember when those wahbbist saudis gave you that credit card to funnel money into the obama campaign?
oh snap. you mean the doodad pro bot?
yeah the right blogs have busted doodad pro and good will.
uh. you know i was only kidding when i said they were saudis.

 

by Cobb
11-04-08
so, how are you feeling now?
joy, elation, giddyness, the usual. you?
defiant, scornful, unimpressed. the usual.
so nothing has changed.
so, now what?
first, we're going to lynch clarence thomas.

 

by Cobb
11-05-08
i can't imagine what a profound moment this must be for you and your people.
no. i imagine you cannot, you see i voted for j..
..i mean it truly represents a milestone and a symbol for oppressed people around the world..
..no but you see, i..
..and finally we've gotten rid of the evil white men that were bleeding the people dry, and the glory that is now the hope of human triumph..
and i thought i would be glad that it was over.

 

by Cobb
11-09-08
we haven't talked in i don't know how long. it's been a while. how have you been? where have you been?
away at subrealism camp.
subrealism camp?
it's a place where i have learned a completely new way to cognize dysfunctional american culture.
i see. sorta like jonestown?
..a typical not-see psychologically primitive tendency, complete with rhetorical turd frosting.

 

by Cobb
11-13-08
do you love me?
of course i do. what kind of question is that?
if you love me, why don't you marry me?
oh god not this again. why do you always bring this up, can't you respect that i'm not ready yet?
you don't really love me.
you know what? i'm going to stay with my mother for a while.

 

by Cobb
11-13-08
i sorta need to talk. you've been a good friend, and i..
problems on the homefront?
yeah, i think i'm going to leave him.
wow. i'm shocked. i mean of all my friends, you've been together more than..
..yeah yeah everybody says that. you guys just don't know.
know? what is there to know? weren't you two getting married?

 

by Cobb
11-24-08
is that e-trade? what are you doing investing?
not everybody is in a panic, you know.
yeah but aren't those commodity futures?
yep, chromium, copper and arsenic. all for the future of the environmental movement.
ok. where is the environmental movement going to use all of those materials?
all the green marketing in the world needs green pigments for green paint...

 

by Cobb
12-06-08
a moment of silence for the warden of heaven
my jeejah has a speelycaptor.
heh, i see you're reading anathem too.
neal stephenson is so cool.
i think we're starting to sound like fanboys.
don't be such a sline. we merely appreciate the hylean theoric world.

 

by Cobb
12-12-08
do you think obama will fire tsa people? i'm sick of them.
oh here we go..
doesn't it bother you to have to stand in long enormous lines and the humiliated?
just because they check for weapons? no.
oh yeah, i forgot the night clubs you go to.
you're the one wearing the throwback. it ain't my fault you get bounced.

 

by Cobb
12-13-08
so where is your boy super rahm?
we are not confirming or denying.
sarah palin doesn't look so stupid now does she?
no comment.
so what did obama know and when did he know it?
move on!

 

by Cobb
12-30-08
so you've head the magic negro song i presume.
no, but i heard of it.
don't you republicans ever get tired of disrepecting black people? it's inexcusable.
actually we're having a contest to see how many protestors we can get into the streets.
and you're flip about it!
i'm hedging my bets until unemployment gets to 9%

 

by Cobb
12-31-08
you're new around here.
well now that obama is president you're going to have to deal with me.
uh. ok. i see you've got this black chuck norris vibe going on.
obama kicks chuck norris' ass. and if you don't think so, i'm gonna kick your ass.
i can see this is going to be a long four years.
eight years, bitch!

 

by Cobb
2-10-09
so what do you make of this stiimulus package?
it's great. it's everything we need.
you're not being sarcastic are you?
no. totally serious. i'm feeling really secure in my job now.
wait. you work for the government don't you?
yep. you should see my pension.

 

by Cobb
4-07-09
yo honey why don't you show me your tits?
he couldn't possibly be talking to me.
yeah i'm talking to you bitch. i don't like your attitude. i oughta smack your ass down. what are you going to do about it?
after all he's just a tiny mouse.
nothing? i didn't think so. stupid bitch.
well, that's over.

 

by Cobb
10-21-09
ok i have a confession to make. i'm actually a dude.
everybody here at morehouse knows you're a dude. that's why you're in trouble.
why should i be in trouble for cross-dressing? this is what i like to do. what's wrong with that?
aside from the fact that you're not even cute, nothing really. but i'm just a student. i don't make the rules around here.
exactly. if there's nothing wrong and i'm not hurting anyone, what harm could cross-dressing possibly do?
duh. it could get you kicked out of college.

 

by Cobb
9-09-11
so goedel goes over to schroedinger's house...
let me guess, to help him find his cat.
yes, and he has come up with a complete system to find the cat.
but he couldn't prove it.
..tell me if you've heard this joke before..
i have, and i haven't.

 

by Cobb
4-04-12
remind me of why we need government guaranteed access to health care insurance.
because if you don't get it, you're going to die.
i'm going to die anyway
if you die too soon, the world will be deprived of the good you could do.
you mean the government will be deprived of the taxes it could collect.
but we keep your social security benefits.

 

by Cobb
4-04-12
don't you find the obamacare individual mandate immensely ironic
in what way?
it says that the only way we can pay for health care is by forcing everyone to buy health care
everybody is in the market for healthcare, it's just a market regulation.
that's like solving homelessness by making it illegal to be homeless.
you just don't care about the spirit of the law do you?

 

by Cobb
4-04-12
i don't understand how you can be so callous and let people die when they could be saved by health care.
my people only had civil rights for 40 years.
huh?
we have only begun to be rich beyond the middle class and now you want to tax our asses off just on the off chance that you can save a life?
life is more valuable than money.
yeah, now that it's my money.

 

by Cobb
4-04-12
well, most black people don't have enough health care so..
please don't start any arguments that begin 'most black people'
why not?
ok you can do it, on one condition.
which is?
that you use it whenever you argue with your boyfriend.

 

by Cobb
7-21-13
snowden is so clever. he made it so if he gets killed, then the nsa gets totally busted
why is that so clever?
because he's holding the agency hostage to its own mistakes. they can't afford to kill him.
but obviously you want to know the details of the nsa's dirty work.
everybody in the world wants to know.
so now the nsa is going to defend snowden against the whole world?

 

by Cobb
7-21-13
how can you be so blase about trayvon martin? a young innocent black man was killed.
i'm not trayvon martin.
but racists will treat you like him, and then what will you say?
check my pockets. no skittles.
you idiot! it's your skin color that makes you just like trayvon martin. you have no choice but to deal with that reality.
you said it. not me.

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
i haven't seen you in several years.
you're the one who disappeared when we elected obama.
maybe. but you were for hillary clinton, remember?
maybe i don't, maybe i was.
we're not to sure about anything are we?
but we never shut up. that's what makes us a compelling comic strip.

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
i've been reactivated.
that's the kind of news i like to hear.
yeah but i'm with the nsa now. no more cia death squad hijinks.
so why the mask?
i'm going to infiltrate anonymous
you probably shouldn't say that out loud.

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
12 year veteran blogger cobb returns his comic to his award winning blog today.
cobb says he finds it more rewarding to try and make people laugh than to try and make them think.
in other news, valerie plame is rumored to be having an affair with edward snowden..

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
so what do you think of neil degrasse tyson dissing christians?
neil da who?
you, know, the black carl sagan.
is he a shonda rhimes character?
this conversation isn't going the way i expected..
is he related to mike tyson? ooh tyson beckford?

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
i think we should go back to meddling in human affairs once more.
those are not the conditions of our banishment to this sector of the galaxy. what is it with you and humans?
oh come on. it's not like you didn't participate in the abductions and anal probes with me.
you know i prefer geopolitical and environmental manipulation
so.. maybe we can combine our passions?
hmm. do you still have al gore's address?

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
xbox live is down. damned hackers.
hah xbox sucks. hey wait, psn is down too.
please. xbox is great. all of sony was hacked.
like microsoft is so secure. yeah right.
so who do you think? north koreans? lizard squad?
are you kidding? this is cia regin false flag.

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
so have you told your son how to behave around the cops, you know, in light of the police state?
i'm actually still single. i have no children.
oh. uh well, then are you going to protest in solidarity?
i don't discuss my prayers in public.
can't you do anything constructive?
i don't think you would like my advice.

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
as your handler, you will report all of your covert activities and domestic surveillance to me.
your disguise is as good as ever, sir.
you understand our need for deniability.
yes of course.
any questions?
you do realize the irony don't you?

 

by Cobb
12-27-14
i can't believe i've been assigned to ferguson missouri.
oh goody. plenty of human suffering there. who are you supposed to kill this time?
nobody. i'm just supposed to fly a squad of drone panoptics and send the video back to hq.
wow. that's boring.
i know, right? well at least i get to break the fourth amendment.
i miss iraq.

 

by Cobb
12-28-14
so what do you think, pretty good eh?
you're going to make me guess your latest exploits?
that's right. my first assignment with the nsa was a big success.
ah. so you took down north korea's internet. nice work.
no, actually just xbox live and psn.
clearly, you are underperforming.

 

by Cobb
12-28-14
but we false flagged lizard squad and everybody bought it.
really? busting script kiddies is in the national interest?
they're more serious than that. they have weapons of mass digital destruction.
what?

 

by Cobb
12-28-14
i figured you would appreciate the perfidy of nsa's false flag takedown of xbox live.
sorry, not impressed.
i don't get it. you've always been into human suffering.
you do realize that i play desitiny. i couldn't log on for three damned days
now the truth comes out.
i am so far behind in shard farming, i'm never going to beat crota at this rate.

 

by Cobb
12-28-14
i thought you said that you were assigned to ferguson and now you're taking down gaming networks?
i had to misdirect you. you understand spycraft.
how long have we known each other?
look. deception is the name of the game. stop being a bitch.
oh it's like that huh? alright.
i thought you'd come around.

 

by Cobb
12-28-14
so i've got al gore's address. when do we abduct him?
nevermind. i found a better target.
oh? indulging yourself without me eh?
they launched a plane into the air, it fell to sea, they know not where.
that's a bit much don't you think?
oh they'll all blame each other. do you want to do the anal probes or not?

 

by Cobb
12-28-14
look. we're highly intelligent criminals banished to this forsaken arm of the galaxy, right?
serving a boring sentence of two hundred earth orbits, and the only recreation is messing with humanity.
but if our captors find out how we violate the prime directive, we could be transferred to where there is no sentient life at all.
so you're saying abducting a whole plane is too extreme? i did it for you.
i'm really not that needy. five maybe six anal probes and i'm good for a month.
look, i can't just take it back to customer service.

 

by Cobb
12-28-14
don't play this off on me. you're the one who wants to 'subtly' create geopolitical crises.
that's gratitude for you. that's the last time i bring you..
wait. what? this isn't the first plane?
you said you especially like asian humans, and getting them by the planeload is so convenient.
to save time. you did this to save time?
you're the one who said that i should stay off the surface of the planet.

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