All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
8-14-02
I want to reject you, Tex. It's the only way to be aware.
But I've always looked out for you! I stopped you from running with scissors! I kept you from from playing with fire! From touching electrical fence, driving drunk...
...asking Snow Heinrich for a date, travelling the world, buying a motorcycle, trying out for baseball...
Sure there've been a few sacrifices, but I was trying to keep you safe!
I know you were. But now I want to seek pleasure instead of avoiding pain.
No, don't do it! You'll get hurt!

 

by ObiJo
8-14-02
I can't believe you gave me form just to reject me! I'm Tex!
Well, I didn't do it JUST to reject you.
Wait...what's that box for?
Get me out of here!
I'd like to enter a contestant in the Excised-Brain-Robot Cock Fight.

 

by ObiJo
8-14-02
Make papa proud!
No, I don't want to do it! I'll get hurt!
No, you won't. You're Tex, remember?
No, I'm not! I'm the defeatist part of your brain!
Tex!
Defeatist part of your brain!

 

by ObiJo
8-14-02
Now scoot! *PUSH*
*SLAM*
*POUND POUND POUND* LET ME BACK IN!
*FLASH BULB* *FLASH BULB*
Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to our main event!
*POUND POUND POU...Hey! Why's the ground shaking?
RAAAAAAR!!!!

 

by ObiJo
8-14-02
SWEET CHRIST!
That's my defeatist attitude down there, you know. GET HIM, BOY!
What a coincidence! That's my inability to love! SPLIT HIM OPEN, HUN!
RAAAAAR!!!! INABILITY TO LOVE WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!!

 

by ObiJo
8-14-02
*POUND POUND POUND*
RAAAAAAAR!!!
*POUND POUND POUND*
RAAAAAAR!!!!!

 

by ObiJo
8-14-02
Ouch! You're hurting me!
*SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP* *KICK KICK* *PUNCH PUNCH*
*STEAM WHISTLE*
Please! I'll do anyth...finally! Quitting time! Help me out of this costume, would you, Joe?
Me first, Pete.
So what do you have planned for tonight?
The severe beating of my step-son. You?

 

by ObiJo
8-14-02
Well, I'm not too happy about this loss.
Me either! But if that's wrong, I'm sorry!
I'd like to give Big Evil Dan a Big Oval Anus!
I feel blue.
Tis some bullshit up in his gnaw!
YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING WHINERS!

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
Wait right here your heinouses, I mean highnesses. We'll be right back with the... the... the ceremonial pie!
I think they're plotting something.
What makes you say that, dear?
The heinous-highness thing.
I'll need more than that if I'm to stop believing in the ceremonial pie.

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
You little guys wouldn't be plotting something, would you?
No. ____________ Yes!
You idiot! ____________ I mean no!
A little late now! He just heard you say yes!____________ Not to worry! I'll get us out of it!

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
You little guys wouldn't be plotting something, would you?
No. _______________ Yes!
You idiot! _______________ I mean no!
It's a little late now! He just heard you say yes! _______________ Not to worry! I'll get us out of it!

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
... _______________ *AHEM*... I'm sorry. I thought you'd asked what time it was.
What the HELL was THAT! You expect him to believe you thought he'd asked what time it was!! _______________ Sure!
SO YOU ANSWERED YES!!! _______________ Ooo, hadn't thought of that... Not to worry! I'll get us out of it!

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
Ask me a Yes/No question.
What? _______________ Ask me a Yes/No question!
Fine. Is the sky blue? _______________ 4:37!
*SLAP* _______________ Owww! What's that for!

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
So are they plotting something?
Oh, yeah. I don't know what, but they're plotting something for sure.
I knew it! Score one for women's intuition!
I can't believe Sally talked me into getting you a job on the force! _______________ Leave my sister out of this!
Whatcha got there?
The elegant Lady Elaine and the goodly Sir Everett.

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
Who are they?
Lady Elaine is a rich heiress who's still getting over the loss of her confederate husband in the war. She wants to love, but is afraid to open herself up to the pain.
Sir Everett moved into the stately manner across from Lady Elaine three years ago, when the war ended. He holds a terrible secret, and for fear of exposing it, never ventures out.
From watching Lady Elaine over the years, Sir Everett has learned two things: 1-beneath her well-fortified exterior is a heart crying out for intimacy. And 2 - he loves her.

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
More! More!
His heart tells him to leave the house and declare his love to her! But his head says nay! You cannot risk revealing your secret!
He is torn! If he follows his heart, it could very well be his ruin! For if his secret's found out, the town would call for his head, and Elaine...sweet, dear Elaine... would surely reject him!
But if he does not follow his heart, his fate could be still crueler. For though he would have his life, he'd have not Lady Elaine. And without her, what then is life!

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
So what's the haps round here?
SWEET JESUS, CONTINUE!
Come again?
THE STORY! WHAT HAPPENS!
I'm afraid the rest is up to Lady Elaine and Sir Everett. *shake shake* _______________ HA! You don't honestly think we'll _______________ I love you Elaine!

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
ARRRRRRR!!! Stow'way! Ye know what we do to stow'ways on the open sea, boy?
Askch me if ae geev ah sinamee khcrismus khcrep.
ARRRRRRR!!!
ARRRRRRRR yah goe'in ah keep sa'in thah, yah whi'ee-kneed sissy's sister?
HAR HAR HAR!!! I like ye, matey! What say ye become me first mate? *backslap*
ARRRRRRRR ae could beat yah ra'OOnd thee 'ead an shouldehrs wit me kchock.

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
We meet again!
Poop.

 

by ObiJo
8-15-02
I wonder what it'd be like to have a pirate as a secretary?
My Jarvis's office, how may I help you?
HAHA! DUMB PIRATE!

 

by ObiJo
8-16-02
Give us an ARRRRRR!
Give us an ARRRRRR!
Give us an ARRRRRR!
What's that spell!
RuhRuhRuh?
I hate these fucking cheerleaders.

 

by ObiJo
8-16-02
I believe all of life's mysteries can be solved by a careful perusal of "Are you My Mother?"
Are you my mother?
Fuck off, bitch!
*SOB!*
Well, do I loooook like a fucking squirrel?

 

by ObiJo
8-16-02
Hey, man. You know where I can find a pirate?
What fer?
I need one in this strip to be compliant to the man.
Pirate, eh? Hmmmmm...
QUICK! TIME'S RUNNING OUT!
I'm Willie Stargell. And that's the way it was.

 

by ObiJo
8-16-02
You're making comics at twice the rate of me!
It's not about quantity, it's about quality.
Your comics *do* kind of suck... Thanks. That makes me feel better.
I'm making comics at twice the rate of you!

 

by ObiJo
8-16-02
So I said, "Well them rotor ... Hey, who the hell are you?
HaHa! Wait, what?
I HAVE NEVER TRULY KNOWN PAIN!
Medic!
I'm Willie Stargell.
You have cheek stuck in your teeth.

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
So I said "Well them raygun tractors aint gonna shoot themselves."
You've completely hosed the line.
Point taken.

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
So I says "Them rayon tankers aint gonna wash themselves!"
HaHa!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
All your base are belong to..HEY! Who you?
What you say !!
BLUNTING OF TRAMATIC HEAD!
Move Medic! For cold compress!
I'm Willie Stargell.
Pleasure.

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
All your Total Bases belong to me!
What you say !!
All your On-Base Percentages are mine?
What you say !!
Let's not get too picky with Willie.
I not picky! I not understanding you! You talk like some kind retard!

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
Ricky Henderson's stolen a lot of bases.
What you say !!
Catchers have no chance to survive. Unless pitchers make their time keeping him close.
Move Zig!
For David Justice.
That pretty good, retard!

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
Let's go to a hockey game tonight.
Our hockey team sucks. Let's go to a baseball game.
Baseball's played by overpriced mama's boys.
No it's not!
Baseball it is then.
YOU AND YOUR GODDAM... Wait, what?

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
RAAAAR!!! INABILITY TO LOVE WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Willie?

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
I am a pirate. I live in the sea. Wouldn't you like to come play with me.
I am a pirate I live on the land. Wouldn't you like to come hold my hand?
If in the sea you find yourself, your hand I'd happily hold.
If on the land you find yourself, my lawn needs to get mowed.
That was kind of a dickish stanza.
Mower's in the shed.

 

by ObiJo
8-17-02
There was an old man who lived by a river that fed into a pond. Every morning he'd wake up and walk barefoot down to the pond. One day he came across a golden bag there, tied closed with hickory twigs
The old man carefully untied the twigs and looked inside. In it were three magazines rolled up and tied with three more hickory twigs. He pushed the bag down around the magazines and sat down.
He untied the hickory twig from the first magazine and began to read it. It was a magazine about kayaking and used words and terms the old man knew not. He threw the magazine into the river.
He opened the second magazine and started to read it. It was a magazine about royalty. He did not like royalty so also threw it into the river. The third magazine, however, would prove harder to open.
The hickory twig that bound it was tied tighter than the other two and try as he might, the old man could not seem to budge it. He thought a moment longer then snapped his fingers.
He walked to a nearby elm and took some sap off a twiglet with his thumb. He rubbed it around the hickory twig and lubricated it enough to slide the twig off. But after all this, what should he see?

 

by ObiJo
8-18-02
Hack Wilson
I still hold the Major League record with 190 ribbies in a season.
Ernie Banks
512 career homeruns, plus I still hold the National League record with 5 Grand Slams in a season.
Steve
I'm like "roar!" and he just up and shits all over the picnic basket!

 

by ObiJo
8-18-02
What if I were to make swiss cheese of this house of yours, using only my ass?
What if you were?
What if I were!
WHAT IF YOU WERE!
WHAT IF I WERE!

 

by ObiJo
8-18-02
Kennedy, Ted.

 

by ObiJo
8-19-02
We shall overcuh-uh-um. We shall overcuh-uh-um.
We shall overcome...some...day!
Oh...oh...oh... deep in my heart... I...do...believe...
We shall overcome....some...day.
Who the hell are you?
Next contest's losing entry.

 

by ObiJo
8-19-02
My people have lived in these hills for thousands of years. But now a major developer seeks to force us off.
My shaman says that after a people live in a place for so long, the place and the people become one. If we lose our land, we lose our culture, our heritage. So please - Vote No on Proposition 132.
If you do, we'll allow doubling down on any first two cards.

 

by ObiJo
8-19-02
Found God!
Prove it!
*OPENS HAND*
Call the police!
Now I'LL hide Him and YOU count!
But you always hide him in your shorts!

 

by ObiJo
8-19-02
I'm pro-child.
I'm pro-sex.
I'm pro-ficient.

 

by ObiJo
8-19-02
In China, when a wife gives her husband a son, it's tradition the husband give her mother a rooster.
Some fucked up people, the Chinese.

 

by ObiJo
8-20-02
Oh... o/` Gabba Gabba Hey. You're gonna die today. You may be smitten with a kitten or a volumptuous bale of hay...
but I am here to say...
you're gonna die today. o/`

 

by ObiJo
8-21-02
I went ice skating yesterday. And I found myself either looking up and skating, or looking down and trying not to fall.
And that's when it hit me.
Such is life.

 

by ObiJo
8-21-02
Welcome to the Land of
The Land of what?
Welcome, Land of Whatters!

 

by ObiJo
8-21-02
We're not from the Land of What. We're from
the Land of Lying, hey Mrs. Lying Face?
I didn't lie, it was just a misunderstanding.
Right, and so was the Harrite incident!
What does that mean?
It was a dandy of a retort which, unfortunately, requires a knowledge of our world's political history. Suffice it to say, you were burned. Burn!

 

by ObiJo
8-21-02
All I'm asking is the name of your goddamned world!
As I already stated, this is the Land of
All you did was shake your fists up and down a few times.
What's your point?

 

by ObiJo
8-21-02
I don't understand why you're called
ALRIGHT DAMNIT, I'LL TELL YOU! JUST STOP INTERROGATING ME!
I am one heartless bitch when I have to be.
You see, we used to be called the Land of Maracas. But one day Ted came and stole all our maracas! It's a little hard to be called the Land of Maracas without any maracas!
Vicious like a hyena - rending and tearing at the psyche of my prey!
Kind of like being called the Land of Feet without any feet or the Land of Pot Pies with nary a potted pie!

Showing page 22.

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