All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-24-18
Well Nelly, how may I help you now?
That Monique Green is still tryin to nab all my Benjamins!
I thought I had pretty well cleaned you out of those already!
You did, that's why I need ya to contact the "Lithuanians" for me, pronto! They work on the CHEAP!
"...and get here asap! Goodbye!"
Hey d_bacon....gas up the "Gremlin"! We're takin a "hip-hop" road trip!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-24-18
So is the mechanic coming?
He says they don't work on Gremlins but he'll drive us back home.
I told you we should have taken our other car!
But we needed the room...for the "body"!
I just gased up the other ride so let's hit the road.
Fine! We shoulda took the Pacer in the 1st place.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-25-18
So did Nelly say who we're "takin out"?
Somebody named Green. I think Mo...
Moe Green? Really? I thought the Corleone's took HIM out ages ago?
Not MOE...Monique! She been sucking Nelly dry!
And the downside of THAT is... WHAT?
You are SUCH a little PERVERT. I'm switchin us to a room with TWO beds.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-25-18
Aren't you Monique Green?
Yes I am! I'm here to sell all of Nelly's Picasso's for 1/2 of what they're worth so I can do a little shopping.
I'm happy to serve you!
First off, I need you to get rid of a couple of low lifes who have been following me.
This here is a friggen ART Gallery, Rags! Ya think she poses NUDE?
I couldn't care LESS, d_bacon. What I DO care about are those two Rottweilers headin this way...balls OUT!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-25-18
Did ya hear what that fat doofus said?
Yeah...he actually called us Rottweilers! My pink tip is showing!
Holy crap, we were almost "DOG FOOD"! Have you ever in your life thought somebody might EAT you?
News Flash, dummy! HELLO...I'm a PIG!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-26-18
"Uh huh....clean as a whistle"!
Have Mr. Clango meet me in my office!
Certainly, Doctor!
You're "Cloacae" is spotless! Suitable to pass "Urine","Shit", "Grool" or "Spooge" at your discretion! You're good to go sir!
So how do I stop the WD-40 from making my condoms slide off?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-26-18
Come here & gimme a hand!
Well? I ain't got all day! Wait! STOP!!!!
Everything is so damned "literal" with you Zombies!
Need B-R-A-I-N-S!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-26-18
On a Hollywood set.........
Gee whiz ma'am ...you get me so hard my pecker is gonna bust thru my chaps.
Then let's get outta here! Go get my coat, Tex!
"CUT", damn it! Go get my Kotex? REALLY? What the hell kind of line is THAT?
It's right here in the script notes Boss..."Jenny asks Tex to go get her coat".
SEE? I was RIGHT, stupid!
We'll see about THAT! I'm gonna go pull some strings and get you FIRED. And I ain't talkin "TAMPON" strings, either!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-27-18
The idea was born in the kitchen....
I gotta write a paper on "Spies" for school. Any ideas?
Go to the library and ask for some "Cloak & Daggar" books.
...but took a wrong turn in the library...
Are you absolutely sure that's what you want?
Yeah! My Dad suggested them.
...and fell apart in the Principal's office!
He brought what? Books about "The Use of Knives During Anal Sex Techniques"? Why, I NEVER...
Books on daggars & cloacaes ring any bells?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-27-18
Inside Chez ragu4u & Makin_d _bacon
Oh my lord...wait till d_bacon finds out!
Listen to THIS! Brycekain is BACK!
Sacre Bleu!
There goes...
...the neighborhood!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-28-18
So...still no sex from the better half?
On the contrary!
Got any PROOF?
Smell THIS, and YOU tell ME!
Damn...THAT'S "Preparation H"! Well, at least she won't get pregnant!
SHE? She WHO?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-28-18
FIRED? Why?
Just look at yourself!
So? This ain't fair! Today is...
...your last day! It's my way or the highway! Beat it!
"Casual Fridays" my ASS!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-29-18
The "Grammy's" sucked last night!
Lowest rated show EVER!
Ya think it was the host?
Maybe...but mostly it was the "CONTENT!
Even our beloved President thought the show was terrible!
Beloved President? Since when do have one of "THOSE"?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-29-18
About time you started doing the taxes, eh George?
Lighten up, Martha. You know successful people don't PAY taxes.
Nice to know we're doing so well. I'll stop nagging you.
See you DO, woman! I'm the king of my castle, master of my destiny, ruler of the roost. Too smart to pay taxes & too BIG to FAIL!
BUT, as luck would have it.......
This is all a HUGE misunderstanding. Do you know who I am?
Uh...yeah. You're the guy who is gonna be Bubba's "cock-warmer" for the next 5 years. Now put on the jumpsuit, Big Shot!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-30-18
Buffet, Bezos & J.P. Morgan are teaming up.
Teaming up, huh? To do what?
To take on "Health Care" that's what!
What could THOSE guys possibly do?
Make it MORE expensive. What else?
I'm so glad I bought a prepaid "euthanasia experience"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-30-18
In Timmy's bedroom he hatches a plan
Wow! A porn-site that let's me put ANY face I want on one of these babes.
Welcome to "FakeSluts.com "
to make life miserable for his teacher!
There! THAT oughta do it! Now I'll just type a little message and hit "send"...
Compliments of Timmy's MOM!
I just thought from the email that you sent me, you were gonna be ...uh...younger, better built and hungry for sex!
I wonder, Mr. Chen, have you EVER had your head jammed up your ass before? Because TODAY THAT memory will be REPLACED!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-30-18
Look, an 8.5 mile wide pyramid under the ocean by what Earthlings call So. California!
Didn't WE put that there millenia ago?
Oh yes...I forgot! Now, why did we do it, again?
We had to dump our trash SOMEWHERE.
Right! Right! Too bad we missed the MAIN body of trash already there!
You ARE referring to the dump they call "Mexico", correct?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-31-18
Hey d_bacon, what do ya think about that Hyper-Loop thing they wanna build here?
They wanna build it HERE? In St. Louis, "Misery"?
That's the rumor. Between here and Kansas City, "Misery".
Are they actually TRYING to make it flop, Rags?
Whoa! That's a bit harsh, don't ya thinK?
No I don't. All that money to build a device that goes 700 MPH and travels back and forth between two places NOBODY wants to go! HELLO???

 

by Makin_d_bacon
1-31-18
It's against TSA regulations! THAT"S why!
But I NEED him. I can't fly without my "Service Animal"!
I'm sorry but Dragons are NOT on the list of accepted "Service Animals".
So what am I supposed to do, huh?
Alrighty, that's one "coach class" to Boise for $99 but there is NO "Smoking Section", sir!
You gotta be kiddin me? I'm a friggin Dragon here!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-01-18
Seattle, Washington
16oz. Coke, please!
Certainly. That'll be $35, 850.00!
You people from Afghanistan have a one track mind! Not 16oz. of Cocaine! A 16oz. "Coca Cola"!
OH! So sorry. In that case it's only $1000.00!
Do I look like an IDIOT? Why so friggin much?
"Sugar Tax", Home Boy!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-01-18
A Cold Case on "48 Hours".....
So, do you think Bobby Wagner did it?
You mean did he kill Natalie Wood? Looks like he's now a "person of interest'!
Her death was too darned bad. What a loss of a nice piece of ass. I was hot for her for years.
Yeah! I had a stiffy through the entire film, "Gypsy"!
"Gypsy"? Never saw it. I only saw her in "A Miracle on 34th Street".
...said the guy with a swimsuit edition calender from "Romper Room"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-02-18
What's that?
It's a "Refusal Notice"!
Really? Who from?
I have no idea but if I had surgical gloves with me , I'd be wearing them. This thing is a sticky mess!
Hmmm...this sticky stuff smells familiar!
Dear Mr. Stickman, Returning your sample as "unusable". Next time SEAL the container. Thanks, "SpermBank,com."

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-02-18
Which movie, fella?
One for "Finding Nemo" please!
I'd have bet money that an ugly fucker like YOU was the "slasher film" type for sure! Oh well...enjoy the show, ya big PUSSY!
?
Wait! On second thought.....

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-03-18
What the beejesus? I gotta call "Otto the Orkin Man"!
And so he did, but cheap George failed
Have mercy on me, Orkin Man!
Shut up ya big baby! I got a deal for ya! You ARE alone down here, right?
to purchase the Lifetime Warranty!
Well hello pretty lady! You DO have a nice ass just like Otto said!
Knock off the flattery and get busy. I get paid to put out 1,000,000 eggs in 24 hours. So let's DO IT!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-03-18
Phreaky had to "Sub" in Sex Ed Class..
Take your seat. Today we learn about "hormones"!
We already know all about all THAT!
at the last minute with no "prep time"!
Well then, by all means, YOU explain "Hormones" to ME, if you can!
Sure...no problemo! First off, ya gotta know what causes em. Usually it's a big old, pulsing, 12 inch cock up the...
STOP right there! I can't take any more. It's too much! Sit DOWN!
My dad told me, "That's what SHE said!" and if anybody knows how to make a whore moan, it's HIM!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-04-18
So...who do YOU think will win the Super Bowl?
NOT the Patriots!
You hate them THAT much?
Yup! In fact I'd KILL Tom Brady if I had the chance. You know that big pussy is hiding from us now? What a "Chicken Shit"!
So...a "fortune cookie" told you to wear #08 instead of your normal #12 eh Tom? And what's with the "tan"?
Uh...a fortune cookie, yeah! That's the ticket! And FYI...I dozed off in the tanning bed. Also, I changed my name to Mohamed!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-04-18
Gee whiz...I didn't know a "Clydesdale" could do THAT!
What's wrong, sweetie? I thought you were watching Superbowl commercials?
I thought I was too until those women started milking that "Clydesdale" and sucking straight from its udder!
You did remember to take that porno disc out of the Blue Ray player, right?
Doh!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-05-18
After the Eagles won Super Bowl LII
Ready?
Ready!
Where to?
Everywhere!
So let's get going and....
... FUCK SHIT UP!!!!!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-05-18
After the BIG GAME.....
Good game, dude! Awesome effort!
You guys fought us tough!
That's cause you were worthy opponents!
It's good to hear you say that! It was an honor to compete!
Jack-off!
Ass-wipe!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-07-18
We must call off the "Winter Olympics"!
I agree Dr. Chen. This Flu is rampant and people are dying!
To hell with THAT! My kid didn't make the S. Korean Snowboarding Team ! They'll PAY for this!
Now, now Dr. Chen...remember your blood pressure!
But Chen's plight falls on deaf ears...
...and the Olympic Chairman doesn't want you back!
He could have just SAID that!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-07-18
Two owls whispering in the trees...
Wonder what HE'S praying about?
Help me to make her happier, Lord!
It appears he's praying for direction!
Make it longer & harder &...
On 2nd thought, make that an, "E-rection"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-08-18
Thank you, GOD!...I've actually WON CC:684!
WOW! Miracles DO happen!
See, Pops? They DO believe! That'll be $50, thank you very much!
He NEVER would have won without your help!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-08-18
You wanted to see me sir?
Yes. I find your performance lately to be lacking finesse. You need to dial back the agression or you'll be replaced.
As you wish sir. I'll attempt to do better in the future.
SO...did he fire you? Tell me EVERYTHING!
He didn't fire me. Basically, he wants less "teeth" when I blow him!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-08-18
You very lucky N. Korea allow you access to rocket landings.
For CNN, I'm delighted to be here to observe.
We step to landing area now where 3 rockets will land very soon.
I can hear them now!
Hey! These are crashing, not landing.
Capitalist semantics!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-09-18
The dentist will see you now!
But my tusks were removed when I was a baby!
Your WHATS? Tusks?
Yeah, my mom did it! I'll go get her. You can ask her.
That's horrible!
His daddy left me barefoot and pregnant...the PIG!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-09-18
Dow Drops 1000 points.......
Did you just hear something?
Oh THAT?
Yeah THAT! What was THAT?
For ME...nothing.
It was awfully loud to be nothing.
But for YOU...it was probably the value of your "Golden Parachute" slamming to earth.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-10-18
Phreaky, send a memo to everyone here that there is a new CC available!
Shall I inform them it's authored by.....uh...that "d_bacon" guy
I'm sure Mr. d_bacon would give that idea a "thumbs up"!
I'll bet NOBODY bothers to enter. They'd have to be perverted sickos!
I think "RCLG" will prove you wrong!
RCLG entered? Like I said..."perverted sickos"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-10-18
Get to school you little punk.
I don't sweat you.
Oh you WILL when I box yer ears, you sorry ass-wipe!
Now you've done it! You've gone and pissed me off!
HA! I rather be pissed OFF than pis.... was that a zipper I heard?
hehehehehe

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-10-18
Gimme everthing you got kid...even your lunch money.
Oh geez...
Our little boy was held up on his way to school? How awful!
Bullshit! He's gotta learn to man-up and defend himself. That's why I'm punishing him.
Oh Geez
So, how long does he have to hang out that window?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-11-18
I hope I'm not too early and I hope she likes Daisies!
I hope Jenny didn't set me up with a loser!
I CAN'T be an hour late! And, are you REALLY allergic?
She fucked me alright! That BITCH!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-11-18
Church was called off due to bad weather so I'm gonna just lock myself in the "Prayer Closet" for a while.
You mean the closet with the box of "stroke" mags?
They were there when we moved here. Besides, I'll be in there praying. That's ALL!
It's just as well because the light switch in there is broken.
Now leave me be. I'm in prayer & meditation.
I'll bet! I can smell the scented candle, butt-munch!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-12-18
As your publisher I'm happy to say your book has just become a "Best Seller"!
Great! I can see the royalty checks right now.
Phreaky will have your first check at her desk!
This gecko is going to party down!
I'm here to get my 1st royalty check for the book, "Greed is Good"!
Certainly! And as befitting Royalty, I made it out to "Sir Gordon Gecko", as requested!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-12-18
Hey Mikey, where do bowling balls come from?
This little dip-shit will believe ANYTHING...
Really? They grow on TREES?
Yeah! Palm trees, ya doofus! hehehe
Wow! COOL!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-13-18
Did you see those new Obama portraits?
Yeah! What a hoot! He looks to have 6 fingers on one hand.
And her portrait looks like a dress ad from "Macy's"!
I mean...how could a "first family" look any dumber?
Daddy, should I wear a thong or "Daisy Dukes" for the family portrait?
Whatever, Ivanka! Melania & I are wearing our matching "Armani" bib overalls!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-13-18
Inside Chez ragu/d_bacon......
d-bacon, do you realize there is an element out there that puts your I.Q. into question?
I.Q.? What the heck is THAT, ragsy baby?
Your I.Q. measures your "smarts"!
Oh! Like a pain meter, huh? I'll tell ya right now NOTHING smarted more than when I caught my weiner in the zipper of my pants.
But you never even WEAR pants anymore!
Sometimes one needs to outsmart that which makes him smart. Ergo, I go pantless.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-13-18
You vhant vhat? To be the "Vunder Vuman"?
Oh yes, Papa Ezrah! They'd make me a star!
A star you say? They give you any gelt to do this?
Harvey Weinstein assured me I'd be working directly under him.
THAT'S vhat I'm afraid of. That schlep is "Meshuggeneh"! You be careful!
Note to self: Only blow him when he wears a condom!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-14-18
I don't know. You're a WANTED man, these days.
C'mon...it's the least you could do.
Helping you can be dangerous!
I mean, you've been my "go to" Tax guy for the past 12 years or so!
Ok...Ok...but if you get audited I'll deny I ever knew you.
That's kinda the way you roll, isn't it Peter?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-15-18
You aren't even trying to learn, Nikolas. I'll be calling your mother young man!
Oh yeah? Try it and I'll come back with a AR-15 and blow YOU & everybody else to kingdom come.
I doubt THAT! It would take effort on your part, of which you have NONE!
That's what SHE thinks? Just wait till I'm old enough to buys my guns!
Feb. 20, 2018
Has my fan mail started arriving yet?
So far? Three sacks! Can I get your autograph, Mr. Cruz?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-16-18
Do you get the feeling we're being made fun of, Rags?
Only every minute of every day, d_bacon, my friend!
Well I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
That was a pretty good "Peter Finch" there buddy!
More people will hear ya if you OPEN the window first!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-16-18
Sorry dude, you're not on the list!
I shoulda seen this comin!
Not even YOU, old timer! Scram!
Hey, can't knock a guy for tryin!
I see you're keeping out the "old guard" from my newly aquired property! Good job!
Yes Sir! Another successful hostile take-over under your belt, Sir!

Showing page 24.

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