All comics by Ranger77

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by Ranger77
11-23-07
You KILLED "The Pimp?!" Why?! Did he threaten to reveal your identity??
No. Not at all.
Why the hell would you resort to cold blooded murder in your passion for revenge?!
Because he was "The Pimp." I really can't think of a better reason than that.
Well...um....You're not going to charge us extra for this sociopathic killer bit are you?
Nope. It's on the house.

 

by Ranger77
11-24-07
I need more criteria if you want me to figure out who the traitor is.
Well HE or SHE is a murderer now. This is getting serious. Pull up the psych profiles of the entire cast.
Ok....
Now cross reference that with anyone who has used or has the capability of using violence and deception to solve a problem.
Congrats. I'm out of disk space.
Okay, okay. Exclude anyone with a background involving strippers, potato vodka bellybutton shots, taxi cabs and edible blue Play-Doh.

 

by Ranger77
11-25-07
What the hell are you doing here in the dark? And how come you're out of frame?
You'll never know....
What the hell....YAKKK!
So the traitor tried to kill a ghost. With high pressure, high density pee. I think I need a nap....
'The Ghost' is not happy. He said he paid for better golden shower sessions when he was alive.

 

by Ranger77
11-28-07
This is getting silly. I've got to figure out who this traitor is. Now think. Who had a beef with "The Pimp" AND the Ghost? And who would be so darkly warped to use a 'urine cannon'?
It would have to be someone who is cynical and disillusioned with modern society. Someone who has been exposed to one too many absurd instances. Someone who's always pissed.
So some guy in Asia built a luxury house in the shape of a toliet. He's charging 50k to stay there. And I hear some African immigrants are suing over their religious right to eat monkey meat.
What?

 

by Ranger77
11-29-07
I'm just saying you were with the Ghost character in the "Spam W0rld" strips and you hated "The Pimp." It looks suspicious.
It's all circumstatial evidence. I can't believe you think I would do something like this. I'm actually hurt.
Did you see that CNN article about China refusing to let a US warship dock in a storm?
I believe the quote was "this is a kind of an unwritten law among seamen that if someone is in need....you let them come in." Priceless.

 

by Ranger77
11-29-07
Ed Note: "Yep, It's True!" 12/15/05
You've always told me to be objective. Hear me out. Remember when that NAACP guy in Philadelphia said "The Pimp" was more admirable than you.
Yes, but that doesn't mean anything. That was just a war of words.
Ed Note: "Spam W0rld 3/15/04"
And there's the time you were seeking revenge against that Ghost in Spam W0rld for killing your sensei.
That series got cancelled....mercifully. And I was in a ninja suit. It wasn't the happiest time of my life....
Ed Note: (Umm....we don't remember that one.)
How about that time "The Pimp" called you a "fucked up Boondocks reject?"
I really don't care....He WHAT!?

 

by Ranger77
11-29-07
You COULD be the killer. I mean this would fit in the type of plots we have around here. Even you have to see that! It's so obvious!
No, the OBVIOUS thing would be to frame a well established character and kill off another minor irritating one!
Shit.
Shit.
ACKKK!

 

by Ranger77
11-30-07
'The Foof' from "Ranger's World Super Fun Activity Comic #1" 1/18/06
EEEK!
'Gumbol the Mighty' from "Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille" 11/06/05
Ow.
Ummm....copycat killer?
You know, for a small aquatic bird you're kinda funny.

 

by Ranger77
11-30-07
Okay, now The Kid is mad at me. What was I thinking? He couldn't be behind all this. I've gotta figure this out. It's not Chuck....he's at a foot fetish symposium in Vegas.
Ivy? Naah. Not her method. Besides she into stabby things now. Helena just likes to throw stuff. Bernie...well, the whole fluid thing goes out the window....
Geez. Come on....Who would kill off a bunch of minor characters unless they were....
Hey.

 

by Ranger77
11-30-07
Ah, yes. Got a little too close didn't I?
Yes you did. I can't let you reveal who I am.
You know I had a question about that. Being out of frame has definitely helped you. I mean, you can shoot people with your whizz cannon there without being seen.
Yes. I have been able to do what I want because I'm not depicted. A stroke of genius on my part.
I agree. That definitely works. For example since you're out of frame I can activate this Taser containment system and pretty much fry your ass for a bit without having to show it....just for giggles.
Ow. Hey....Ow! Dammit!

 

by Ranger77
11-30-07
******Zapittity-Zap-Zap****
Now this next thing is a laser defense grid. Always wanted one of these in the strip (especially when Rosie was around).
AAAH!
****GROWF! GROWF! GRRRR!****
This one is kind of cool too. Combat trained Pit Bulls in Drow Elf Armor. A bit geeky with a urban feel....
EEEEEEE! AAAAAAH!
****THUD****!!!
And that was an anvil dropped from the sky. Not too creative. I ran out of ideas.

 

by Ranger77
12-03-07
Let's get this over with. Come on out. Time to reveal your identity.
We can really do without the purple donkey suit from "It's a Monk's Life" 12/10/05.
I thought it might fit the whole gratuitous, referential "look how many comics we got" theme.

 

by Ranger77
12-03-07
Take off the suit so we can show everyone exactly who in our comic family betrayed our trust and became a traitor.
Okay, okay....give me a minute.
"Old Man Jenkins!!"
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddlin' kids.
Do you WANT me to drop another anvil on your head?
Okay, I'll take this costume off too. Geez....just trying to lighten things up....

 

by Ranger77
12-06-07
No, this is not over yet....
Ok, now come out here, and NO costume this time. This thing has dragged on long enough.
Agreed. Besides people need to hear my side of the story. I'm coming out....
"....a predecessor of Australia's iconic hopping kangaroo once galloped on all fours, had dog-like fangs and possibly climbed trees!"
We were once called the nambaroo. We had canine fangs, and "big, muscly forearms"!
Yeah! The Nambaroo Big Money Posse is all up in this bitch! Yeah! Yeah!
What the hell was that?!
Um....hel-LO. Sociopathic murderer/betrayer that has been wronged by a certain elitist comic strip getting ready to confess here!

 

by Ranger77
12-06-07
I mean seriously....what the FUCK?! "Thuggin' gansta" kangaroos??
*ahem* This is exactly why I betrayed you idiots. You ignored me and my beliefs! I haven't had a part in this strip since December 26, 2003! That's why I killed those other minor characters!!
I mean you dedicate TWO WEEKS to this plot line of finding out who the traitor is and now you don't even....
I mean seriously....what the FUCK?!
Ow.

 

by Ranger77
12-13-07
I think we have a gang problem. There are two kangaroos running around here, and I quote, "thuggin'."
Not suprising. Especially given the recent death of C-Murder.
Yahoo News (AP), 12/13/07....ACTUAL description!
According to news reports C-Murder is a brother of Master P, who had collaborated with Pimp C. He and Bun B formed UGK in the late 1980s.
Are you finished?
If I'm not, please stop me.

 

by Ranger77
12-20-07
So you say these Kangaroos were up to no good?
Well they had guns and were talking in that pseudo urban speak that's so popular on MTV.
MTV? Yeah....I've always said that Kangaroos exposed to Hip-Hop turn out to be criminals.
Cop humor. Lighten up.
Can someone give Shecky here a mike, he's practicing his stand-up routine....

 

by Ranger77
1-02-08
Meanwhile....
Hey this is Britney. Just filing my Xmas Gift report.
Great. Your information will benefit us greatly here at The Sisterhood. Undertanding why men buy their wives dumb gifts is a fascinating subject.
Well actually this year he gave me jewelry, an engraved IPOD (that actually had romantic quote on it), and tickets to a Broadway musical. He said he finished shopping for me in early November.
What?!
I think my real husband has been kidnapped by aliens.
Get this woman a DNA pattern matching scan, NOW!

 

by Ranger77
1-02-08
So....um....I noticed you didn't get trashed on New Years Eve.
Nope. I just engaged in some good coversation. Didn't really see the need.
You know I thought about inviting Fiona to the party but I know you don't like her.
It wouldn't have bothered me. Just because I'm not fond of her doesn't mean you should stop being her friend. After all I could be wrong about her.
AH! You're trying to drive me insane aren't you!?
Nope. Not at all. Now do we have any of that yummy whole grain bread left?

 

by Ranger77
1-27-08
"I gotta bitches in the front room hoes in the back....haters get silly I give them a smack...."
"....Flying all over in my jet, who knows what hoochie you might get. Pass the Cristal baby...yeah, woo, yeah, woo..."
"Um, Kid....what are you watching??"
The Mayor of Detroit is holding a press conference. I find it strangely fascinating.
"....yeah, woo, yeah, woo....you know what I'm talking about. Ohhh yeah...."

 

by Ranger77
1-27-08
So did you get a chance to proofread those excerpts from the book I'm writing.
Yes. Grammatically It's solid. It's the actual content I'm a bit concerned with.
I know it's controversial, but I really feel strongly about the shame that Kwame Kilpatrick has brought to the city of Detroit.
Yeah...well it was that chapter about the folks who are defending him in the face this new controversy that I see problems with.
Ah...you mean the one I titled "Stupid Fucking People and the Fucked Up Reasons They Will Defend Someone who doesn't Give a Shit About Them."
Yeah. That one came off a bit strong.

 

by Ranger77
1-28-08
In the interests of equal time we present this debate between our own "Kid" and Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.
Mr. Mayor I'm surprised you consented to appear here.
You've been very vocal young man and I appreciate this opportunity to clear my name.
Fair enough. My first question is this: How is the city of Detroit expected to trust in your leadership after you lied about your romantic tryst?
You need to get your facts straight. There was NO "tryst". You see you people in the media....
*sigh*.... After you lied about "tapping dat ass."
Oh that....

 

by Ranger77
1-28-08
You don't know what you are talking about! The suburban press has always been after me as Mayor of Detroit! This 'new' stuff is a media witchhunt. It's ancient history!!
Ancient Historoy?! How abut corruption, kickbacks, conspiracy and the suspicious deaths of two strippers who danced at your....
This just in, a friend or Britney Spears says that Brit has "mental issues!"
More details plus pretty graphics, interviews with a bunch of nobodies and constant prayer that she will kick the bucket to start the impending media frenzy at 11! Now back to your regular program.
Uh....did you want to address that?
Tell them to take a number. I'm on a roll....

 

by Ranger77
1-29-08
The Mayor of Detroit just hung up on me. We managed to get Christine Beatty on the line, however, who was the object of the Mayor's affection.
Hello and I'm not an object....sexual or otherwise. I am an accomplished professional with an impressive resume.
Ma'am, even you have to see that a married Mayor having sex with his "Chief of Staff" is inappropriate. Your comments?
Inappropriate, but I'm worth it. I am great. I stride upon this world as a colussus. The world is my canvas and I am the brush that provides the color it needs, yes even to the needs of men.
I'm sorry....I kinda of lost you there.
I give good head.

 

by Ranger77
1-29-08
Well....you managed to piss off the Mayor and his Chief of Staff by making them look utterly stupid. Your cynicism and distain clouded your ability to perform a decent objective interview.
Yep.
Now despite all the perceived good Kilpatrick has done for Detroit, by talking to you he will now be looked upon as a political thug, a liar and possibly a criminal.
Possibly.
You rock.
Yes....yes I do.

 

by Ranger77
1-30-08
Kwame is holding a press conference today I hear.
Yes at his church. You know the church has long been the cornerstone of the African American community. The church represents an ideal. A principle.
Naturally his own church, full of his supporters is the perfect place to do any type of speech. It'll be part apology but mostly defiance and anger. They'll embrace him.
And if they don't I also hear they are shipping in 200 gallons of Kool-Aid for the occassion.
Never hurts to have a backup....

 

by Ranger77
1-31-08
He made his speech last night and it was as expected. An appeal to emotion. It's a common refuge....
It's funny, people are so cynical of politicians. They demand honest government. But when someone brazenly breaks the law and the public trust, they actually rally to support them.
It's panel three. And that's the joke. Not that funny, huh? I don't think so either.

 

by Ranger77
2-01-08
*sigh*
Before last week, I actually thought Heath Ledger was a way of tracking candy bar consumption.
Nice. I feel better now.

 

by Ranger77
2-02-08
Allow me to be serious for a moment. There's a lesson to be learned in the death of young talented actors like Heath Ledger and River Phoenix.
Stay away from having nouns, proper or otherwise as your first and last name. Obviously it shortens your life span.
(Thanks and a Nod to 'themushroom')
I mean, look at what happened to all those characters from Metal Gear Solid....
Your definition of 'serious' must be fascinating.

 

by Ranger77
2-12-08
I hate winter. I feel no real connection to the cold. I hate staying inside all day. I long to feel the sunshine beaming down on my face. It makes me miss home.
We're from Indiana.
You couldn't just play along could you?
Nope. Now hurry up my brother. It's Taco Salad day in the cafeteria....

 

by Ranger77
2-12-08
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick goes on the offensive!
You know you people in the media are vultures. You are doing everything you can to bring me down and you're hurting the city.
Sure I had an affair with my Chief of Staff. Yes, I've abused city funds for expensive trips and vacations. And yes, I may even have been involved in a murder AND a cover up.
But my God people, why can't you just let a playa play?!
Can you spell "playa" for us please....?

 

by Ranger77
2-17-08
For months our resident Monks have been working in Corporate America doing Executive Seminars and Sales Training. It pays well, but the work has become empty and shallow.
They began to see a need in this environment. A motivational program and support group for the less fortunate who fail to meet life's challenges....
We'll call it the "Underachieving Penis Club for Men."
Brilliant.

 

by Ranger77
2-17-08
It's documented that in men, an underperforming penis seriously impacts mental health and causes many problems.
Many of these problems can be solved by Penile Underachivement Syndrome Intervention or "PUSI."
The Underachieving Penis Club for Men is more than an organization. It's a discipline teaching you how to embrace your penis and make it work for you.
The first rule of the club is never talk about the size of your penis to other men. Such talk is immaterial and damaging.
Guys usually either overinflate or criticize their penile ability in such conversations with their male peers. It's rather counter productive.
Except in our case. We're huge and women love us.

 

by Ranger77
2-17-08
Now you may be asking yourself: "How can I tell if my penis is underperforming?"
The best way to explain this is by demonstration. Roll the tape....
I'm a Junior Executive in a large corporation. I deal in relationships but I yell alot because it gets me what I want. I talk loud to be heard.
I'm a blogger and professional message board troll. I like hurling insults and telling people how great I am behind the safety of my flat panel monitor.
Yes, you guessed it. Both of these men have small penises.
Although the second guy is firmly in the "micro penis" category.

 

by Ranger77
2-17-08
Everyone, say hello to our professional troll Timmy, aka KiLLjAR126. Timmy has been placed into our program to stop him from being such a jerk.
You guys suck.
In extreme examples like this, we find that the first step should be "Penis Awareness." Are you ready Timmy?
Bite me. Are we done 'cause I got to do a raid....
There. I just kicked Timmy in the groin. At this point Timmy should be aware of his penis and the fact that he himself...is a dick.
Owowowow.....

 

by Ranger77
2-18-08
Well it's up to me, a normal guy who is put into a extraordinary position with new found powers and or skills, to save the city.
Yes. Now is the time. I will be a hero!
All I need now is a hot spunky girl partner who I'll end up with when I defeat this menace and we'll be ready to go.

 

by Ranger77
2-18-08
Look I don't need your "penis" training. I'm ok the way I am.
I was asked to get you in this training by your girlfriend. She's concerned about you.
We'll I guess if that's the case....
It is. Now wait here. I'll go over to her apartment and talk to her first. Then I'll return and we can begin your training. I'll be back in about two hours.....
Told you he was a moron. You sure you don't mind doing it with your robes on?
As long as you don't mind holding your legs in that position, I think we're good.

 

by Ranger77
2-20-08
Meanwhile at a trendy bar in Los Angeles....
Dude I need to come up with a new screenplay. Maybe a sports parody thing about a quirky misfit guy.
Yeah that would work. Add a cute girl interest and a cute, warm ending. That would make money. What person of dubious comic ability could we get to play the guy?
Will Ferrell!
Will Ferrell!
I think I can write the whole script in about twenty minutes!
Who says there's no original ideas in Hollywood!

 

by Ranger77
2-21-08
So far the "Underachieving Penis Club for Men" has been a great success, but we do have our critics. Go ahead, ma'am.
This is sexist bullshit. I find your 'schlong' program an utter farce. How can you guys live with yourselves??
Actually it's not a long program. It's only three weeks in length.
Give or take.

 

by Ranger77
2-22-08
You guys think you're REAL funny don't you?? You aren't monks. You're just some idiots who think they are so smart. Well you guys aren't. Furthermore...
I like bacon. ALOT.
Never underestimate the power of the spontaneous pork reference in the face of criticism.

 

by Ranger77
3-17-08
You know, I miss giving out true words of wisdom, brother.
*sigh* Yes. I know the feeling. For the benefit of our audience let's go beyond the cons and scams and relay some solid words to live by.
How about "If you ever find yourself in a 70's martial arts movie, don't mess with the old guy with the long white hair."
I was going to say American "ninjas" in real life get their asses kicked, but that's good too....

 

by Ranger77
3-22-08
Here at Channel 3 Action News we are professionals all our primary mision is to keep the public informed.
We strive not to be subject to fads or sensationalism. Our promise to you is objective, relevant and timely, REAL journalism.
So next up on 3 Action News: How Guitar Hero can kill you. Painfully! AND... HippyGirl89's latest blog! What effect will it have on our economy?

 

by Ranger77
3-22-08
I'm all for freedom of expression but is it just me or it slightly insane that bloggers are being treated as news sources.
It's just like anything, Kid. Some blogs out there are good and some are crap.
Fox and CNN devotes a entire segment to "What are the bloggers saying." Am I supposed to care about this?
Realistically, probably not.
HippyGirl89 posted a blog saying simply "This economy thing sucks." and crude oli prices went up to $113 a barrel.
Yeah. She was a little wordy last week. The one she posted about her trip to South Beach was pretty good though....

 

by Ranger77
3-22-08
I guess that's one of the dubious by products of the Internet. It's a "fame enabler". Personal website, blogs...
Don't forget those "comic creation" sites too. There's alot of self righteous opinion disguised as humor on those things too and...
Um....what were we talking about?
I'm not sure. However, I've got a strange feeling that it probably was something we should avoid bringing up again.

 

by Ranger77
3-25-08
You know, maybe I should start a blog. If you can't beat them, join 'em, you know. I think I'll start today.
I....guess that's one way you can deal with it.
I've got some thoughtful insights and commentary on the Mayor of Detroit. I'll post my thoughts later on Blogger....you should check it out.
Okay....
Later....
I think simply posting "He's Fucked" defies the definition of thoughful commentary....

 

by Ranger77
3-25-08
I've got Kwame Kilpatrick's lawyer on the line to explain how he plans to defend the Mayor.
Well first of all, what is a lie? There's lie and there's lying. But not telling the truth is not lying when the lie is in fact a lie that defies the lie that you've been lied to about.
Sometimes a lie is the best defense against being lied to. You might not like the lie, but even your perception could be in fact a lie.
So....you plan....to....
Confuse the shit out of as many people as possible. That's why they pay me the big bucks, my friend.....

 

by Ranger77
3-30-08
The guys asked me to talk to you. They think you're getting too "into" this Detroit Mayor scandal thing.
I'm just amazed by the people defending this guy. Kilpatrick is a con artist and he's using race and emotion to hide the fact that he is.
That may be true, but you cannot count on the intelligence of others. Some people in this world disregard logical thought and prefer to be sheep.
At least that's what McLovin92 said in his most recent blog.....
Et tu, Brutus....?

 

by Ranger77
4-06-08
I guess I'm an getting a bit involved. I'm getting frustrated.
When that happens, young one, you have to embrace the tactics of your enemies. When logic fails, use the ridiculous. Confuse them....
L8ter....
....so we feel that establishing a defense fund for Kwame Kilpatrick is critical for Detroit as well as for all African Americans.
I'm the Walrus. Koo-Koo, Katchoo.
Uh....what?
Eat your own damn milk, homey.

 

by Ranger77
4-12-08
I followed your advice. It's worked out rather well. Kilpatrick's "groupthink tank" is really confused by my radical surreal actions.
I'm glad to hear it.
Last week in response to a public invitation to debate me on whether the Mayor has been a good leader, I sent his PR team a ham sandwich on ciabatta with a side of macaroni salad.
A Mayoral spokesperson went on the record accusing my choice of bread being indicative of suburban racism before her head exploded.
If you had used sourdough, she might have had a point. But ciabatta? That's just being petty....

 

by Ranger77
4-13-08
The Mayor's office is very upset with the comic 'Ranger's World' and the way this troubled time for the city of Detroit has been the subject of cheap humor.
Mayor Kilpatrick is especially concerned about the obvious racist intent of one character sending a sandwich and a side dish to our office.
The fact that he didn't have the common decency of sending an orange Fanta, BBQ Fritos or even a napkin speaks volumes.
Is it possible that your office took the macaroni salad out of context?

Showing page 24.

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