All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
9-01-11
Oh YUCK! *shpit shpit spew* I can't believe it! *yechh, echhh* We just finished talking about it, and you do it again, you fucking asshole!
Please, I'm begging you to understand! It was in the heat of the moment! Just think, my dick was in your mouth... plus "I WAS INCITED TO LUST BY THE SIGHT OF YOUR PULCHRITUDINOUS KNOCKER-BAGS..."
God help me, he is SO romantic!
... swinging to and fro, to and fro... and in the context of the 'non-didactic', one-way 'force-directional', sackular and fountainish love-juice flow, you said "Let loose, let loose".
Honey, I'm so sorry for getting angry! Please forgive me! Maybe a little 'forgive me kiss'?
Kiss you right now? Are you fucking serious?

 

by bigworm
9-01-11
Of course I'm serious! What's wrong with a little 'forgive me kiss'?
I'm beginning to think you have no regard for me whatsoever! Think about it for just 1 minute!
You conjure up an 'Abominable Snowman'! I vow to fight it 'till the day I die! You tell me to "Let loose" in your mouth... so I do, and you berate me for it! Then you want me to kiss your cum-mouth!!!
YUCK!!! I'm so sorry honey!!! Please, please forgive me! I mean, if you possibly can!
I'll try baby... I'll try.

 

by bigworm
9-01-11
How you doin' this evenin'?
Couldn't be better, thanks... and yourself?

 

So uhhh... did you score last night?
Hell yah!!! I boned 'er all night long!
by bigworm, 9-01-11

 

by bigworm
9-03-11
I love you.
I love you.
?!!...
Wow! It almost lasted long enough for a memory.

 

by bigworm
9-03-11
I want you in my life, but I'm going to be way too busy when I get one of my own, so uhhh...
... you are important to me, so I'm going to schedule a full 1/2hr for you in... uhhh, not in my next life... but the one after that.

 

by bigworm
9-03-11
Point A...
This is as close as we've been in years!
Distance between Point A & Point B = 1 symbolically vast universe.
Point B...
Any closer and we'd be obliged to actually touch each other.

 

by bigworm
9-03-11
Why papers? Each paper represents a relationship, because I've read each paper.
Don't listen to those 'pop-psychologists' who say we can't throw shit out! See that paper on the floor over there? Our relationship is over!
I fucked 'er last night, and I'm throwin' 'er out this morning!

 

by bigworm
9-05-11
Sally left home in search of enlightenment.
She realized right away that she had to go really bad...
I shouldn't of drank that coke!
So she went back home to pee first.

 

by bigworm
9-05-11
After peeing, Sally was ready to begin her quest again. She realized this would be her 2nd start...
Okay, I'm almost ready to start again. I guess this is it.
... so she resolved to leave ALL of her baggage behind.
2nd start? It's not a bad idea...
So she went poop too!
... plus I've been farting a lot.

 

by bigworm
9-05-11
At this point Sally became a little upset that her quest was being delayed...
Damn! Can I go now or what?
... so she jumped off the pot, pulled her pants up, and ran from the bathroom, intent on a fresh new beginning... but...
Yes I can! I am on my way! But wait... what yonder goop (betwixt my thighs) hinders my fledgling steps?
... but prior to leaving (so that she could actually get there at some point in the future), Sally had yet a 3rd realization.
What?!! You forgot to WHAT?!! You forgot to wipe your fucking WHAT?!!

 

... and I thought 'pencil dick' meant something else altogether.
by bigworm, 9-05-11

 

by bigworm
9-05-11
I was just...
Rehab?!! You sayin' I look like a wino?
No, of course not.
Good, then I'll be takin' off early today... personal business. And could you call custodial services for me...
... and have 'em take care of the puke on my desk?

 

by bigworm
9-06-11
in the unemployment line...
Me want good job.
I'm sorry sir, but we don't hire jigaboos. Next!
You got somethin' to say to me? Say it to my face!
Alright! Why are you actin' like such a jigaboo?

 

by bigworm
9-07-11
"I went to the fortune teller, to have my fortune read..."
I'm gonna' get a blowjob?
Yes, and it will be a significantly unusual one.
Oh yeh... I'm gettin' some head tonight...
... and it's gonna' be FREE!

 

by bigworm
9-07-11
I'm really glad to be here with ya'll tonight!!! You got the best crowd, you really do.
*clap clap clap... clap clap clap!*
You kill a few more babies here than I go for, but other than that, you're a great crowd!
Whooo... whooo... kill babies!!! kill babies!!! kill babies!!!
Oh! Don't wanna' forget... I got a brand new ax sharpener on the market, and they'll be available after the show, and also throat-corks for the youngin's who just won't shut the fuck up!
We love throat-corks!!! We love throat-corks!!!

 

by bigworm
9-07-11
I think I heard somethin'... shhh.
Yeh, I heard it too.
Huh?
What?
Be quiet...
Jus' git the money and hurry up!

 

by bigworm
9-07-11
So after Sally took a pee, did a number 2, wiped twice, and changed her underwear...
Wow! I forgot how nice clean underwear feels.
... she realized how good she felt, and she hadn't even taken a shower yet.
I think I'll just stay in tonight, play some felch with Spot.
Spot! Here Spot! C'mon boy! C'mon...
Think I can't spell huh? I'm outta' here!

 

Get off the road jerk!!! Tryin' to get killed or somethin'?
by bigworm, 9-07-11

 

by bigworm
9-07-11
Not again...
Armadillo.

 

by bigworm
9-09-11
Excuse me sir... would you happen to have any spare barrels of oil?
No.
Broke down mercedes?
No.
Hey! Hold on! I gotta' Chrysler mini-van!

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
Good to see you again Freidrich, how have things been going for you?
Not so well Dr., I'm continuing to have lots of pain and suffering.
Have you been doing the exercises I suggested?
Uhhh... which ones specifically?
Ha ha ha! Having patients like you does me a wealth of good!

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
No, seriously Dr., which exercises are you referring to?
I'm referring to the ones involving humor. The ones that would generate laughter.
Laughter?
Yes, laughter.
Well... I do remember you mentioning it, but I wasn't sure it had been invented yet.

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
Hello Dr. I'm having difficulties in just having a normal relationship with women.
Hmmm...
So then... uhhh...
... you're saying you're a guy?

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
No, I'm not saying I'm a guy. In fact, I'm a female of my species.
Okay then, if that's the case, what's that large pendulous organ protruding from the area between your legs?
Huh? Oh shit!!!
Uh huh!??
That's part of my halloween costume... I forgot to take it off!
Oh!

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
I can't believe I left my halloween dick on for... well... I guess 2 weeks!
I don't even understand how you could do that.
It's all these fucking worm doo-hickeys on my chin! They block my fucking view of what's going on down there.
Good enough, but haven't you gone to the bathroom in two weeks?
Of course I have, but I do that from the rear, so that's why I didn't notice it for that reason.
I see.

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
I was actually talking about urinating, not defecating.
I understand. Just to clarify... I poop out the back, and I urinate out the dew claws on my wings.
Oh, that's a surprise! I thought you peed out yer yellow eyeballs!
Just the opposite!!! I'm always peeing into my eyeballs, making them the same color as my piss!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, oh ha ha ha!
That's a good one! Ha ha ha... ha ha ha... ha ha ha!

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
You know Dr. I've grown rather fond of you.
Except you could use some chin-worms!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!!

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
But for the worms Cthulhu...
... but for the worms.

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
You're the only wormless, worthless piece of pale fucking shit I ever loved.
That's 'cus you ate 'em all before you had a chance to know 'em!!!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha ha ha...
Ha ha ha ha ha... oh ho ho ho ho ho... ah ha ha ha ha ha ha...

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
I don't think it could ever work out between us Dr.
Why not C.T.? I can see you're not the big bad monster you're said to be.
It's because I... I... ummm... I eat feces.
And what's wrong with that?

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
Are you serious?!! You eat shit too? What kinda' shit?
Human.
Oh... well, that's a problem then.
What do you mean? Shit is shit!
We live and eat by a code. We can't eat the shit of beings who are already shit.
I see. How do you feel about sucking a 'piece of shit's dick'?

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
The code says we can't suck a human's dick if it's ever had the shit of another human on it. So... has yours had human shit on it before?
Unfortunately... yes, a number of times, maybe even a smudge or two from last night.
.
You're disgusting!

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
I think this is the end for us. I must go now.
That is totally fucked.
Yes. I am sad that you have poop on you pecker.
There must be some way you can show your love for me before you go. Aha!!! I got it!
What?
Maybe a little 'worm-job'?

 

by bigworm
9-11-11
So, this is where you have sex with your clients, huh?
It's a matter of ambience. You know... underground, dirty, low-down... stuff like that.
You know what makes it even better? When you have to pay for it too. A worm-job will be $50.00.
$50.00?!! Shit!!! I don't know if it's even any good, let alone worth fifty bucks!
It's real tickly!
For reals?

 

Mr. President, how would you charcterize the victims of 9/11?
In that they were the first victims of foreign terrorism on U.S. soil, they truly were... groundbreakers.
by bigworm, 9-11-11

 

by bigworm
9-12-11
Dude... you got 50 bucks I can borrow real quick?
50 bucks?!! What do you need 50 bucks for so fast?
Um... shit! Worms man! I gotta' get some worms!
Worms? What are you... going fishing? 50 bucks'll get you a whole lotta' worms!
That's what I'm hopin' for!

 

by bigworm
9-12-11
Greetings my brother!!! I have gained the trust of the stupid earthling. He'll be back in a few minutes with money for a 'worm-job'.
A 'worm-job'? What the fuck's a 'worm-job'?
Use your imagination brother! This is totally crazy! Is this the stupidest shit you ever heard, or what?!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Fuckin' A!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! A 'worm-job'! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

 

by bigworm
9-12-11
Go now brother!!! I think I hear him coming!
*knock knock knock* Anybody home?
Nobody here but us Cthulhus!
That's what I was hopin' for!

 

by bigworm
9-14-11
I'M PRETTY SURE I EXCRUTIATE...
...MOSTLY AT NIGHT.

 

by bigworm
9-14-11
I THOUGHT ABOUT EXCRETING...
...BECAUSE I WAS CONSTIPATED.

 

by bigworm
9-16-11
*Dear Bob, So, you're really cool because you're a walking pallindrome, huh?...
... I'm not jealous, like you've heard. Plus I would never be named Bob, even if that was the last name on earth! My name is unique, and I would never change it!...
...Well, that's all I had to say, MR. BOB!!! With Love, Ecafacac*

 

by bigworm
9-18-11
Excuse me... uh... who are you and what are you doing?
I'm a 'Remote Prosthesis Engineer/Operator', and I'm installing the control panel for a user here on SC, ragu4u is his name.
No one told me about this... hang on, I'll be back in a minute.
Shit!
CHILD CARE CENTER
Bye bye kids, gotta' go now!

 

by bigworm
9-19-11
In Nadal vs. Roddick, Nadal spent more time pulling chewies out of his butt than he did swinging the racket.
That's disgusting!
Plus, after he pulled each chewy, he sniffed his fingers!
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT IN FRONT OF THE WORLD?
With that disgusting bit of news (and all the implications held therein), out of the way, it should be noted that his shorts were still stark white at the end of the match.
That's virgin cotton for you!

 

by bigworm
9-19-11
Sir, I would like to see your 'Prosthesis Operators License'.
Lemme' check... uhhh, I must've left it in my other pants.
Take that mask and costume off sir, so I don't have to do it for you!
Oh, alright.
ragu4u? How you been man?
I... I... I... uhhh, the cancer medication made me do it.

 

by bigworm
9-20-11
Put your hands in the air!!!
Dude!
What?
We don't have hands.

 

by bigworm
9-20-11
Throw your articulating digits in the air, like you just don't care!
Dude.
What is it now?
We don't have articulating digits.
Ok, we don't have any hands, and we don't have articulating digits. Is there anything else I'm forgetting we don't have?
Ummm... how about air?

 

by bigworm
9-20-11
*gasp! gasp!! wheez wheez! gasp*
Dude.
Not now you idiot! I'm trying to breathe! *wheez wheez gasp*
Dude.
WHAT for God's sake?!! Can't you see I'm trying to survive in the absence of air!!! *gasp wheez wheez*
Not bad for a dude with no lungs!

 

by bigworm
9-20-11
You've become nothing but a 'killjoy' to me.
Your statement presupposes the existence of joy in your life, and therefore is a farce.
Whatever it was I had, it was a damn sight better than what I have now! DRAW MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Give me a pencil and I will.
How 'bout a little lead and you won't?
OOOF!

 

Excuse me Mr. Rex, but have you seen my glass dildo?
I'll be done with it in just a minute?
by bigworm, 9-20-11

Showing page 24.

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