All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-17-18
Have you been watching the "Winter Olympics"?
The what? Olympics? What's THAT?
You millenials kill me. You have NO appreciation for sports competition or for trying to win a GOLD Medal!!
Do too!
I still think the "Sandy Hook" shooter deserves a GOLD Medal with 28 kills. Compared to HIM, that Cruz kid is just an "also ran"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-17-18
Why the aggressive stance, Gabe?
Why? Because, Mr. Chen, it's "Punch a FAG" day!
And ALL you students think that I'm a fa.....?
We don't THINK it! We KNOW it!
...so they all thought YOU were a fairy, huh?
You're turnin' into a real Sherlock "Homo" there, Hiromi!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-17-18
Fasten ALL Seatbelts!!!!
Stewardess, why is this happening?
Why? WHY???? Because YOU opened the Emergency Exit!
Don't blame ME! It's HIS fault!
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/pilot-forced-make-emergency-landing-12038181
Just SIT and fasten your safety belt.
The bastard wouldn't stop farting! We needed AIR!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-18
So, did ya pick the "CC" winner, d_bacon?
Sure did, but I'm expecting a back-lash.
Really? How come?
I gave the win to someone who has not been around lately!
Sounds like yer just TRYING to piss people off! At least the comic was funny...right?
At the LEAST!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-18
Inside The Bijou Theater of Mississippi
One for that film with the black Super-Hero.
The WHAT? "Training Day" is on DVD now you moron!
That's racist! You, my good woman, are a RACIST! I want to speak to your manager!
Fine...fine! Don't get yer panties all up in a bunch!
You CAN'T be the manager?
I CAN & I AM! The question is..."What am I NOT?" The answer is..."I'm NOT selling you a ticket "home-slice"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-18-18
...of Hal, Lucy & Nate are NOT what....
C'mon, look at me!
No way! You look like A "Bugle Snack Cracker" with body parts.
...they appear to be. Thus the term...
Ever think it might be the medication you're on?
Maybe your right! I'll take a peek and see that you're just plain old normal. In 3...2...1...
...Hal-luci-nate!
How bout we go for two out of three?
Aieeeeeeeeee!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-19-18
...but I DID sign all the documents, you cracker bee-atch!
What kind of a signature is "Kill Whitey", anyway?
It's my anti-"Laura Ingraham" signature.
Just because she talks smack about your "Round Ball" buddies LeBron & K-D?
You think I'M bad? Check out the Tweet from Michael Rapaport!
I long for the days when I could drink a mint julip on my front porch and toss paper airplanes at that statue of you in the jockey suit on the lawn!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-19-18
Would you consider replacing Pence with Oprah?
Why? Is he going somewhere?
Rumor has it, that he's changing parties AND genders!
The old "Double-back, Switcheroo", eh?
C.I.A.? I need some "wet work" handled.
Gotcha Boss. Once the target is eliminated we'll position agent "Harpo" to take his place.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-20-18
So where is that Anthony Borges kid? He shoulda been here by now!
No way, Pops. It'll take more than 5 shots from an AR-15 to finish HIM off.
So, he's NOT dead? Then where is he?
I understand he's been invited to the White House!
Where in the hell is this "Big Shot" Borges kid? I'm about to miss the "Hannity" show!
He seems to have hung himself in the outer office rather than have to meet YOU, sir!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-20-18
Is it true the native population here is "Cannibal"?
We're here to answer that very question.
And how will we go about doing THAT?
Actually, it's rather simple once we get their scrawny little black bodies pulverized!
Pulverized? Why pulverized?
In order to cook em down so they'll be better able to go thru the mechanical canning process, of course.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-20-18
This Olympic training is killin me!
Know what ya mean *hic*, Bro!
If your team doesn't show in ten minutes they're disqualified!
They said they'd be here. They wanted to practice up to the last second!
*barf* puke* cough* heave* Whew... I think we are READY!
*glurp* gunk* *barf chunk* *glop* Let's go win us the "Hurling" GOLD!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-21-18
So Big Bro, what do you wanna watch? The Olympic Closing Ceremony or the Billy Graham Memorial?
What a choice! I say we....
...watch "Jack Ass"!
YES! That's my bro!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-22-18
Leave me be or it's "the plank" for you matey!
You still owe me for the body parts.
I do? What parts be they, boy-o?
Look at the sides of me head! Anything look missing to you? Now pay up...$100.
I'll give ya the going rate of $2...take it or leave it ye scurvy knave!
Two Dollars? That's only a buck an ear! Oh yeah...now I get it!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-23-18
In the Missouri Governor's Mansion
We're thru, so stop calling on me! The wife is suspicious.
But Eric, I thought you loved me?
I did! I did...for 20 minutes! Now you're old hat, used up, damaged goods!
We'll just see about THAT!
Don't forget, I've got a pic of you "in flagrante delicto"!
Bullshit! You never took me to Rome. Just that cheap "Motel 6" outside of Jeff City!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-23-18
Brad Pitt?
Andrew Dice Clay?
How's you and Jennifer doin? Oops! I mean you and Angie?
Angie is gone too, bro!
Now do you believe what I always told ya about women?
Yup! Just fucking ya isn't good enough. They love it BEST when they can fuck ya OVER!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-24-18
I ought to lock your friend up for his ham-fisted attempt at bribing me!
He can't help himself.
Yeah? I've heard THAT before!
Just gimme the ticket and let us go home!
OK, OK.. calling you "heavy handed" would have been a better phrase!
Ham-Fisted, am I? I'm a friggen PIG! What's he expect?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-24-18
C'mon! We need ya for the "Solemn High Black Mass"!
I dunno, I'm a Catholic...
Great! That makes it even MORE sacrilegious!
Decide quick, GOAT. We begin at midnight!
That evening just prior to Midnight...
Really? A cushion? What a pussy!
Listen up, Torquemada...I know how long solemn high masses can take so BITE ME!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-25-18
Can you believe this guy? The ENTIRE frontpage!
Pretty darned "Ham-Fisted" if ya ask me!
Remember guys...it's Sunday so "Love thy neighbor"...
Rags? Is he gone yet? I wanna dish some dirt on RCLG!
At least wait till I get back to Church!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-26-18
Pops, did you have to give Kevin Smith a heart attack?
He's lucky that's all I did!
You gotta admit "Clerks" & "Chasing Amy" were funny!
Remember how silly that "Thumbs Up Jesus" character made you look?
Oh yeah, "Dogma"! I forgot!
Well I haven't! You're still a laughing stock at lots of church "Bingos"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-26-18
Hey buddy, you blocked me in. Back your car up.
That isn't gonna happen, PIG!
PIG, is it? Turn around and put your hands beh....
THAT ain't happening either!
*ugh*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-26-18
And what are YOU trying to do, little girl?
Practicing to be a successful cheerleader! Why?
Cause your going about it all wrong. I'll give you some tips to take to the coaches audition.
Gee! That'll be great. If he likes me I'm IN!
Now without the panties!
Geez Coach, if that thing gets any bigger it won't fit back in my mouth!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-26-18
Their 1st home in suburbia.....
Was that the door bell?
I believe so. Maybe it's "the Welcome Wagon"?
Could be! I understand they do that kind of thing here!
A far cry from the "battering rams" we're used to in the city. Open the door & smile!
I got it! Soon as they open up, I let em have it!
Both barrels! Then we burn the joint.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-27-18
Say...didn't you play Buzz in "Rebel Without a Cause"?
Yeah, so what?
So what do you think about James Dean's red jacket getting auctioned off?
That old rag? Who cares?
They say it'll bring over 600K!
Where the hell did I put that wind up monkey?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-27-18
Folks, I'm here with Security Guard Scott Peterson.
You here to call me a coward?
Well....does the shoe fit?
Bend over, drop yer drawers & let's find out!
Obviously, a bitter and embarassed shell of a man whose cowardice under stress deems him only fit for Arcade Security!
I hope they get a close-up of his bloody ass!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-27-18
How's it feel to be the first?
You mean the first Tranny to enlist in the Army, Sir?
Tranny? I thought you were a Trainee!
There are no trainees in the military, Sir! You either enlist or you DON'T!
So now "MY" Army allows fucked up, wierdo, perverts to join up, eh?
I guess if it's good enough for the Executive Branch it's good enough for the Military Branch..."SIR"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-27-18
That's correct, Principal! I would have run into your school even if I didn't have a gun to protect myself.
Geez Mr. President, that's so brave of you.
Everyone should feel safer knowing I'm here to protect you from evil no matter if it costs me my life!
Yeah! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!
But meanwhile, backstage....
Ok, he's right where we want him. Center stage, milking the applause. Now DON'T MISS!
This'll be so much fun I may do it pro-bono!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-27-18
Kike!
Gook!
Cracker!
Nigger!
Beaner!
Faggot!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-27-18
If it isn't Brad Parscale! Wanna be my 2020 Campaign Manager?
Campaign for what?
President! What else?
I got ya this job once. I thought you'd be sick of it by now.
No way! I've still got huge, I mean HUGE amounts of people yet to insult!
Well then...I better get busy downloading the complete works of Don Rickles for you to memorize!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-28-18
Ya'll wanna make a movie HERE, do ya?
This IS Ebbing, Missouri, correct?
Yup...but why HERE?
Because Ebbing is filled with all kinds of stereo types this film needs. I just have to find them!
Wait! I got at least four different types of stereos in my barn I was gonna sell up to the flea market!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
2-28-18
It was about 1962........
Listen here, Harvey Weinstein, you can't treat girls that way!
Ok, ok, I know the drill, Juggzy! Ya wanna see my dad, Max, right?
Absolutely! Today at 3:30pm sharp!
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Don't get that sweet lil ass in a bind, Teach!
3:30pm SHARP!
Mr. Weinstein, your son has....
He's got a darned good eye! Whoa! Those ARE some fine titties!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-01-18
Melania...is my suit back from the cleaner yet?
They just dropped it off, Donald!
You don't think it's too Avant Garde?
Put it on and let's see!
The "cape" might be a bit "much"!
Ya think?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-01-18
It just ain't fair!
Look...it's been this way forever.
But...
But....NOTHING! You don't see ME bitching, do ya? Now get to work!
Easy for HIM to say! He gets to lick the sweets; I have to eat the shit!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-01-18
Somewhere in San Francisco......
Excuse me!
Yeah! What?
I'm supposed to meet someone here!
Oh really? I WONDER who THAT might be. Give us a hint!
"Pretty Woman"
That Richard Gere is such a man whore!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-01-18
As Easter 2018 Nears.....
Ready for this year's Easter Party?
I don't know, Abe. I still haven't gotten over last year's.
Easter 2017....
I realize Abe chose YOU as Easter Bunny! Just please tone down the outfit & take the condoms OUT of the Easter eggs!
Fuck you! That's discrimination! You can try but you can't MAKE me, ass-wipe!
Uh...Abe...you're pick for Easter Bunny just called in sick!
He did? How odd? He seemed so "UP" for it.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-01-18
I hear he's insatiable!
Really? He takes the whole load, does he?
So where do you keep this Cock-Master of yours, old timer?
I just don't get what all these fags are doin here??
Earlier........
I sure thought it was "Cock a doodle do"?
*Bwak-Bwak* "Any Cock'll do...any cock'll do...any cock'll do!"

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-02-18
Whatcha readin there neighbor?
It's rude not to answer!
Well?
If you MUST know, it was... "Fucking Up Chinamen For Dummies"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-02-18
Me got $5 for Glory Hole!
I'll take that! Now just go into that room and follow the directions on the wall!
Aieeee! Yow!, ouch, ow, ow! Help! S-T-O-P!
Too much "teeth"?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-02-18
You're right! The semen was purple!
Damn that cheating bastard!
Now, now let's not jump to any con....
He was seeing that Kiddee show TV star...Barney!
Alrighty then...case closed!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-02-18
Sorry, no blacks allowed!
Sorry, no blacks allowed!
Just sign on the dotted line, BOY!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-02-18
Your application seems ok but you forgot to fill in your ethnicity!
Isn't it obvious?
Well...I...uh...you see it's just a formality that...
Stop right there! You're nothing but a racist. I'm reporting you!
But I AM the head of Human Resources!
Screwed again!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-03-18
So, what'll it be? Half & Half? Round the world?
Uh..
You kinky? I can do that too but it'll cost extra! S&M? B&D, maybe?
I just thought...
C'mon boy...my time is money!
I just thought you'd get a job at Wal-Mart, mom!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-03-18
I've prevented RCLG from another Saturday Domination!
But can you keep it up? He's pretty diligent ya know!
Could YOU maybe step up to bat and chip in a comic or two?
You KNOW I would but I've been, how shall I say it, banned from making comics here.
Spoken like the Lithuanian sloth that you are!
Even "The Undertaker" doesn't talk to me like THAT!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-03-18
Did you just invoke your nemisis?
Yeah, but no need to worry about HIM! I've hired me a trainer.
Someone to whip you into shape to beat The Undertaker, huh?
Guaranteed! This guy has seen it ALL and will train me to win or I get 10 times my money back! He's at the door now!
Me Chen, the trainer!
Hey Ragsy Baby...you're gonna be RICH!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-03-18
Business Agent of The Undertaker...
Your boy better not back out again!
It depends on the purse! How much if he WINS?
If that Sicilian/Lithuanian mutt of yours beats my guy he'll have his dream job!
And what might that be?
IF you win, you'll get to be "Janitor For LIfe" of the WWF Ladies Locker Room!
For THAT, I am SO gonna kick his morbid ass!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-04-18
George, have you checked our Powerball numbers yet?
I will now! They're in the bedroom.
6,yeah-12, yeah-33, yeah-40, yeah-50, yeah & the powerball is 3! YEAH! HOLY FUCKING MOLEY! YeeHaw! Hippe-ky-oh-ky-yay mother fuckers!
Was that your dad roaring out of the driveway, yelling?
Yup! He was yelling..."Hasta la vista you sorry ass, life sucking morosely average bunch of mindless anchors to my joy!"

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-04-18
Has a parent of our "discipline problem" arrived yet?
Waiting in your office sir!
I'll get this over indulgent parent to lay down the law, or else!
You may want to rethink...
...and if you can't accomplish that he'll be expelled!
How's about I just tear out your organs and eat them, right here raw, instead?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-05-18
She's HOT! I'd fuck her brains out!
Not me!
Look at her ass..it just won't quit!
Meh...nothing spectacular!
So what does it take to give you a boner, anyway?
I'm not sure...but I'll know him when I see him!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-05-18
The "Red Carpet" with Ryan Seacrest
Jennifer Lawrence, can I have a few words? Please! Speak to me! Jennifer?
Hmpf
Angelina Jolie! Nice to see you here at the Oscars. Would you say a few words to our "E" audience? Hello? What? Am I invisible? Why are you snubbing me?
Hmpf
Looky here. If you bitches don't give me an interview pronto I'm gonna take this mic and beat you all bald headed with it!
What a shock!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-05-18
Did you know they filmed "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri" almost entirely in North Carolina?
What a horrible slap to all those fine Missouri folks!
How so?
The movie budget SHOULD have been spent in Missouri, the namesake of the film. Use THEIR talent & THEIR resources!
Obviously you've never been to Missouri! They got crime, crooked politicians, racist bigots and slums. But talent & rescouces? Ha!
Martha....cancel my sales trip to Branson, Mo. until I can buy me a gun!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-05-18
Do you realize it's 9pm? Who delivers mail at 9pm anyway?
Uh.........me?
Butch! Get in here and kick this scrawny little guys ass!
Lay a hand on me and you'll never get another issue of ..."Masturbation For Dummies" again!
Ok...you win!

Showing page 25.

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