All comics by dcomposed

Profile

 

by dcomposed
1-01-07
I know in 2006 I had a few negative things to say about black people, but in 2007 I have come to realise something.
It doesn't matter if you're black or white.
As long as you're not gay.

 

by dcomposed
1-06-07
Doctor, I have a problem. I try very hard but I can never come up with anything funny or clever to say.
Yes, I think I see what the problem is. You have a vagina.
I may not be funny, but I can tell when someone else isn't either.
Wow what a bitch.
It's a terrible disease alright.

 

by dcomposed
1-06-07
I'd really like to be funny, is there anything you can do.
Well I can take out your vagina and give you a penis. Is there anyone at home who will miss it?
I have a husband at home who really likes cunts.
Oh.
Well the good news is he'll still have one of those.

 

by dcomposed
1-06-07
Speaking of my husband, is there anything you can recommend for his problem?
What is his problem?
He has trouble getting an erection.
I think he is scared of what might happen if he does get an erection.
You mean that it will offend God?
No, that he'll have to put it in you.

 

by dcomposed
1-06-07
I can make an appointment for next Tuesday.
Next Tuesday is a bad day for me. I have to watch eight hours of sci-fi shows, three crappy movies and a porno. Then I have to go on the internet and document everything that happened to me that week.
Friday then?
How about if you just come to my home?

 

by dcomposed
1-06-07
I am scared to show my report card to my parents because I got an F.
I know how you feel, when I was in school my teachers would always write bad things on mine.
What did you do?
I edited out all the negative comments. Somehow it still managed to disapoint them.
Maybe it was because your boyfriend was 45.

 

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umfumdisi is so old he watched Cheers in it's original run.
by dcomposed, 1-07-07

 

by dcomposed
1-07-07
I heard on the news that a guy stole a urinal from a pub in England.
Was he a terrorist?
Nah he was just taking the piss.

 

by dcomposed
1-07-07
And that concludes today's lesson on the invasion of Poland. Are there any questions?
I have one.
What is it?
What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?

 

by dcomposed
1-10-07
Yo dude I fucked this really hot bird last night.
What was her name?
I don't know it was just a pigeon.

 

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by dcomposed
1-15-07
Hey last night I fucked this fourteen year old
Woah that is not cool!
Wait, let me finish. You always think the worst of people. Jesus.
So anyway, I was fucking this fourteen year old girl on her dad's bed...

 

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by dcomposed
1-16-07
The night is just getting started baby.
My mother is waiting at home.
Sweet I didn't know I was getting a threesome.

 

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by dcomposed
1-16-07
Let's go throw eggs at cars now.
This is the worst date I have ever been on.
There are people starving, we should throw lumps of dirt instead.

 

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by dcomposed
1-16-07
Your blind date is here.
Well shit send him in son.

 

by dcomposed
1-16-07
In today's multicultural society is important to be tolerant of other people's religions.
What does that mean?
It means you're not allowed to tell muslims how much you hate them.

 

by dcomposed
1-16-07
The other day I was walking down the street and I saw a middle eastern looking man coming in the other direction so I hid my football up my shirt.
That was the right thing to do, but you need to remember that there are also a lot of middle eastern looking Jews and Christians.
So what should I do.
Remember that it doesn't matter what religion people are. If you see a middle eastern looking man you need to hide your valuables and run to a nice Italian man.

 

by dcomposed
1-16-07
How do I know an Italian man will protect me.
Simple, have you ever seen a dark skinned Italian?
Yes actually, Peter Senerchia, also known as Tazz, who currently works for WWE and is a former ECW world champion.
I don't want you watching that faggot shit anymore.

 

by dcomposed
1-16-07
Middle eastern looking women are not as likely to steal from you, but you still shouldn't trust them.
Is that why they sometimes wear those things over their heads, so we don't know they are middle eastern looking?
No that is so the cops don't recognise them.

 

by dcomposed
1-16-07
What if I see a really old middle eastern looking lady trying to carry something heavy and she's wearing this big thing over her head and I really want to help her.
Assume it is a man in disguise trying to mug you and run like shit.

 

by dcomposed
1-17-07
Your middle name is Hussein and your last name is very similar to Osama.
Yeah well my first name is similar to The Rock.
Damn I really like him.

 

by dcomposed
1-18-07
Hey kid is your mother home?
No she is at the shops. What's the problem?
She is wanted for lewd conduct.
She already has a boyfriend.

 

by dcomposed
2-09-07
We have reached a point in our relationship where we need to work out where we stand and where we are headed.
Is this going where I think it is?
Yes.
I think we should be niggas.

 

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by dcomposed
2-11-07
Because it is black history month I have come to teach you kids about the history of blacks in our community.
Armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder, first-degree burglary, aggravated battery, rape,
Black History Month is not until October.
Just watch out okay.

 

by dcomposed
2-11-07
Good News, Bin Laden has been caught.
Yay.
Yep, out for 42.

 

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by dcomposed
2-14-07
Finally my deadly crossbreed of fire ants and maggots is complete. Now there is only one thing left to do.
Release the faggots to the unsuspecting city.

 

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by dcomposed
2-21-07
Get out of here you damn nigger!
Damn nigger is a racist thing to say.
It was a portmanteau.
A portmanteau of what?
Damn and nigger.

 

Let's see, you fleed, resisted arrest, threw your crack pipe out the window, shot a guy, stabbed a copped, ran a red light and this is after we caught you raping a girl.
I did not run no red light!
by dcomposed, 2-22-07

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
Wow, you didn't hold back at all in that last meeting.
Since the promotion, my tolerance for people wasting my time has gone way down.
Don't you feel like an ass though?
Yes.
But that can wait until after work.

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
How do you think our meeting went?
It dispelled a great myth.
Which one?
Whoever smelt it dealt it.

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
Can you help me?
What's the problem?
I've got a nail in me head.
What do you think this is, a hardware store?

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
I really need some help.
Yes I can see that.
You're holding the hammer all wrong.

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
Can I see a doctor?
I don't know, can you?
Not really, I have kind of hammered a nail into my brain.

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
Can you please just give me some advice on what to do?
Landscaping?

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
I'd like to see a doctor about what to do with this nail in my head.
The doctor is busy.
Well can you help me?
I think so.
So what should we do with this nail in my head?
Hang a picture?

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
How'd you get that nail in your head?
That's a funny story.
Well what is the funny story?
The one you just told me.

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
I've been here almost an hour and I haven't seen a doctor yet. This is the problem with American hospitals.
We're in India.
I know, and all our doctors are in American hospitals.

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
Finally I get to see a doctor, will you help me get this nail out of my head?
Sure, turn it around and use the claw.
Wow you are a great doctor.
That will be $400.
And what's the deal with airline food?

 

by dcomposed
3-05-07
Boss, I can't work like this anymore. Ever since the accident I can't stand to be near a hammer and nails.
That accident turned you soft son, you used to be a real man, someone I was proud to call a carpenter. Now you're nothing.
Where will you go? You've got no other skills, all you've ever done is hammer nails. You're done. I never want to see your face again.
Actually I was just going to ask for a protective hat.

 

by dcomposed
3-08-07
Hey, stud--do you ever get into role playing?
No.
You should try it.
Like what?
Well since it's your first time we'll start out with something basic and play some D&D.

 

by dcomposed
3-12-07
Well, you've signed everything...the place is all yours.
Now I will get Al Gore's autograph for sure.

 

Mr. Edwards, what is your stance when it comes to homosexual relations?
On my hands and knees with my ass in the air.
by dcomposed, 3-14-07

 

by dcomposed
3-14-07
Hey, stud. Can I sniff your pits?
Yeah sure.
Wow it is just like I imagined it.

 

by dcomposed
3-14-07
Status report please.
Faggot alert level green.
Yes there will not be a faggot to be seen in my city as long as I am around.
Uh oh, I am getting reports of faggotual activity in sector three.
Yes, let's snap into it like a slim jim. But not a slim man named Jim because that would be gay.

 

by dcomposed
3-14-07
Faggots at 2 o'clock.
Man there is nothing I hate more than a faggot.
Hey queer, why don't you suck my dick! ha ha ha ha ha !!
Yeah, that's that shit.

 

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by dcomposed
3-14-07
Hey baby, I am looking for some sexual chocolate.
I don't have any sexual chocolate.
Not even any shaped like a vagina?
No.
I will settle for your actual vagina.

 

by dcomposed
4-10-07
Hey I have worked something out.
What?
Barack Obama is running for president, Barack Obama's father is from Kenya, and Kenyans are good at running. That means he's going to win.
Or lose and get a job on a coffee farm.

 

by dcomposed
6-07-07

 

by dcomposed
6-09-07
Paris Hilton has been placed on suicide watch. We now go live to the scene.
I wasn't meant to be working tonight but when I was alerted to the situation I came right in.
I wouldn't want to miss this!

 

by dcomposed
6-09-07
Paris Hilton has been placed on suicide watch and she will hopefully kill herself soon.
Damn I was just starting to enjoy Hell.

 

by dcomposed
6-09-07
Paris Hilton has been placed on suicide watch.
So has everyone who has been watching the news the past three days.

Showing page 27.

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