All comics by umfumdisi

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by umfumdisi
3-03-08
It's right over there, the red convertible Mustang monster truck.
Don't see it.
Right next to that platinum tree with gold leaves that fall off year-round.
Don't see that, either.
And there goes a unicorn jumping over a rainbow!
Still nothing...

 

by umfumdisi
3-03-08
How did you like our song, Dave?
Singing, talking chipmunks? Gotta lay off the weed...
We <3 Chipmunks! We <3 Chipmunks! We <3 Chipmunks! We <3 Chipmunks! We <3 Chipmunks!
Wow, everyone else can hear them, too.
Guess taking them "on the road" wasn't such a great idea.

 

by umfumdisi
3-03-08
You're breaking up with me?
Yes.
At Red Lobster!?!
Oops
Put down the claw crackers, babe.

 

by umfumdisi
3-03-08
All thees peoples are dead...
Arriba!

 

by umfumdisi
4-05-08
Man, it just pisses me off...the way they prance around...with their smooth skin...and their tiny little bathing suits. It's ridiculous.
Shhh! Here comes one now.
Oh, uh, hi there.
Greetings.
How the hell did you know he was coming?
Grey-dar.

 

by umfumdisi
4-05-08

 

by umfumdisi
4-05-08
Happy Jesus...
Peaceful Buddha...
Angry Bacon...

 

by umfumdisi
4-05-08
Crap, am I dead?
Yes.
Then that means ...
Afraid so. Your family owes Abe Vigoda -- one million dollars.
As usual, here's your half...

 

by umfumdisi
4-06-08
June 6th, 1944. Normandy, France.
I'm sorry, Cecille.
This beach is a great place for picnics.
Most of the time...
Did you bring sausages? I think I ate a finger.

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-08
I'm really starting to fall for you, Tommy.
I'm so into you, Tisha, I could shit my pants.
Funny story there -- I had already shit my pants.

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-08
Rock.
Rock.
Damn!
Damn!
Rock.
Rock.

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-08
Damn, she's hot -- fully drawn and everything.
I need a great opening line...
Can I open your Schlitz?

 

by umfumdisi
4-13-08
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Battery.
Battery Who?
Batteryou than me!

 

by umfumdisi
4-21-08
So, where's the turtle?
Near pants.
Damn perv -- I'm outta here!
Why giving away turtle so hard?
Beat hell outta me.

 

by umfumdisi
6-02-08
Pardon, what time do you close?
Emotionally or Physically?

 

America IS getting fatter! I've never seen so many fat people in one place.
Including Denny's?
by umfumdisi, 6-02-08

 

by umfumdisi
6-02-08

 

by umfumdisi
6-07-08
Here's the "suite" you ordered. It's 25 sq ft with a bunk bed and toilet. Meals will be delivered three times a day.
I did get kosher, right?
Tomorrow is "Personal Massage" Monday followed by "2 x4" Tuesday. Thursday features Tennis and Friday is "Quiz Day!"
You tantalizer ... you left out Waterboard Wednesday!
And did I mention the random blanket beatings?
Where have you been all my life?

 

by umfumdisi
6-07-08
EYES!
FINGERS!
NUTS!

 

by umfumdisi
6-07-08

 
by umfumdisi, 6-07-08

 

by umfumdisi
6-07-08
I'd like the # 3 combo -- to go, please.
Coming right up...

 

by umfumdisi
6-07-08
Hey, why did the tanner cross the road?
Is this another one of your horrible puns?
Yes.
Screw that, man. I don't wanna hear it.
But it's a good one -- I promise.
Not listening...

 

by umfumdisi
6-13-08
At the count of three, we switch. Okay?
Okay.
1...2...3!

 

by umfumdisi
6-14-08
Inspired by Zaster: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/Zaster/362538/
How do you make a rabbit stew?
I don't know --how?
HOW !?!

 

by umfumdisi
6-14-08
Mommy, what does this do?
Mommy, what does this do?
MOMMY, WHAT DOES THIS DO?
Good God!

 

by umfumdisi
6-14-08
MOMMY, WHAT DOES THIS DO?
MOMMY, WHAT DOES THIS DO?
MOMMY, WHAT DOES THIS DO?
I can't fucking work like this.

 

by umfumdisi
6-14-08
MOMMY-WHA-DOES-IT DOOOOOOOOOOOOO???
MOMMY-WHA-DOES-IT DOOOOOOOOOOOOO???
MOMMY-WHA-DOES-IT DOOOOOOOOOOOOO???
Mommy, will you please answer the stupid little bitch?

 

by umfumdisi
6-15-08
A recent document released by the Los Angeles Police Department shows that over 800 claims of racial profiling have been lodged against the LAPD since 2005.
That may seem like a large number, but the LAPD's Internal Affairs division reports that each and every racial profling claim has turned out to be false.
That's amazing.
Yes, it is. And here now to explain those findings is a representative of the LAPD, Officer Phillip "Red" Nexman.
Officer Nexman, how is it that all these claims of racial profiling have been deemed untrue?
Niggers be crazy.

 

by umfumdisi
6-21-08
One Turban, One Scots and One Queer!

 

by umfumdisi
6-23-08
Crap, it's Heaven.
Yes, and you thought we were just "the ultimate bullshit story."
Did I mention I repented on my death bed?
Nice try, comedian.

 

by umfumdisi
6-23-08
So little strength ... life nearly gone.
If not for these nails, I'd have fallen long ago.
You heard it yourself folks! Hoffmann Nails -- crucifixion strong!

 

by umfumdisi
7-23-08
Can you help me? I'm looking for a new blowdryer.
For your wife?
For myself. I use it on my pubic area.
It's a jungle down there...
How about a blowtorch?

 

by umfumdisi
7-25-08
Got any spare change?
Got any spare legs?

 

by umfumdisi
7-25-08
And as you can see here on this prostitute bunny, garters are up while looks are down.
Waaaaaaay down.

 

by umfumdisi
7-27-08
Honey, I don't usually complain about your cooking...
but this shit tastes like me warmed-over.

 

by umfumdisi
8-04-08
Bwah, no! Vampires hate S'mores.
Why?
The marshmallows stick to our fangs.
A lot?
Yes, fangs...a lot.
You're welcome!

 

by umfumdisi
8-11-08

 

by umfumdisi
8-11-08
Don't worry about a little nose job, honey. Look at all the work I've had done -- no problems at all...
Great!

 

by umfumdisi
8-11-08
Hello.
I'd like to enter Canada, please.
Can't. You're driving the wrong direction. You'll need to turn around and go north.
I can't turn around. My car is two-dimensional.
You should have invested in a third dimension.
Or at least a rear-end view.

 

I say, old chap, I'd like to cross over into Canada.
Nice try, guvnuh. Get outta here!
by umfumdisi, 8-11-08

 

I told that bitch I'd eat her desk.
by umfumdisi, 8-11-08

 

by umfumdisi
8-11-08
Broken table leg. Hammer and nail.
Couldn't be more simple.
Fuck.

 

by umfumdisi
8-11-08
Take the letter. Put it in the cubby.
Couldn't be more simple.
I hate this job.

 

by umfumdisi
8-11-08
Should I steal her purse or help her cross the street?
Should I cane him in the eyes or the nuts?

 

by umfumdisi
8-22-08
One potato, Two potato...
Three potato, Four!
Five potato, Six potato...
Seven potato...
Whore!

 

Don LaFontaine has died, movie trailers will never sound the same.
by umfumdisi, 9-02-08

 

by umfumdisi
9-02-08

 

by umfumdisi
9-02-08
Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Boo.
Boo Who?
Boorite who used to make comics and stuff but got mad at crabby and left in a huff.

 

by umfumdisi
9-28-08
You're not on the toilet! What's taking so long in here?
Sorry, I found this sprinkly-toy thing beside the tub while taking my bath. I haven't played with one of these in so long...
Sprinkly-toy?
Yeah, this thing. Is it yours? My Mom used to have one, too.
You idiot! That's a douchebag.

Showing page 28.

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