All comics by dcomposed

Profile

 

by dcomposed
11-11-07
Hey Eric, what's the name of that website you're always going on about.
stripcreator.
Yeah that's the one. Is it a good place to spend all your time except when you're at work or sleeping?
I wouldn't know.
Sometimes I'm riding my bike.

 

by dcomposed
11-12-07
I need a new wallet.
What are you going to do about it?
I'm going to pickpocket someone.
And hopefully he will have enough money for me to buy a wallet.

 

by dcomposed
11-15-07
My state is named after a president.
Oh yeah? Well my state is named after a queen!
What the fuck is a state?

 

by dcomposed
11-15-07
Okay I have done some research and a state is the same thing as a province. My province is named after a lake.
The lake is named after a lake.

 

by dcomposed
11-15-07
I already used the joke in the title.
It is too bad you died before you could revise your joke to say law student instead of lawyer.

 

by dcomposed
11-18-07
We are pretty good friends, wouldn't you say? How long have we known each other?
About twenty years.
So we should be able to be honest with each other, right?
I would say so.
I was the one who raped and murdered your sister.

 

by dcomposed
11-20-07
Someone is guilty of uploading Spider-Man 3 to youtube and you're the prime suspect.
It couldn't have been me, I was afk at the time.
Oh yeah? We'll see about that!
[12:47] * clown is now known as clown-afk
Damn, he's telling the truth.

 

by dcomposed
11-20-07
...she asked me "When's uncle Pete coming?"
I said just hold still and he'll be done soon.

 

by dcomposed
11-20-07
Well he says he was only riding past and you pushed him off his bike and beat him with it.
Kids say the darndest things.

 

My doctor once told me "an apple a day keeps the doctor away".
Did he want to go out of business?
by dcomposed, 11-27-07

 

by dcomposed
11-27-07
I just went on to amazon.com and bought a pair of boots.
They were 39% off.

 

by dcomposed
1-01-08
What do you want to accomplish in 2008?
I really want to touch a breast!
You are a very nice person. I bet there are plenty of women who will let you touch their breasts.
I meant I want to get over my fear of chicken.

 

by dcomposed
1-04-08
Who do you think will be the next President?
I think it will come down to who America hates least: women, blacks, or fuckheads who will further destroy their quality of life.
I'm going to vote for the fuckhead.
Me too.

 

by dcomposed
1-05-08
Hey kid, want to buy some weed?
No way! I learned in school that drugs are harmful.
Not weed man, it's good for you.
Yeah but in school they said it was a gateway drug.
A gateway to a great fucking time!!

 

by dcomposed
1-05-08
Yo Jesus, I totally sold this kid a bag of weed today.
How could you? Don't you know that's a gateway drug?
Yes I do, it was a gateway drug for me.
A gateway to the fucking bank!!

 

by dcomposed
1-05-08
So Jesus, do you want to get high with me?
My dad wouldn't like that.
He doesn't have to know.
Okay maybe he does. But what's he going to do? Nail you to a fucking cross?

 

by dcomposed
1-06-08
Hey Jesus, my favourite football commentator died on the weekend. Is there anything you can do?
No.
But he was only 32.
Then we should listen to the words of the prophet Billy Joel who said "Only the Good Die Young".
What if they are executed for murder?

 

by dcomposed
1-06-08
Hey Jesus, my favourite football commentator died on the weekend. Is there anything you can do?
No.
Come on, football season is only two months away. I need him to be ready.
My hands are tied.
If you're going to make jokes about that we're all going to think it's alright to.

 

by dcomposed
1-06-08
It's not fair, Jesus. He died in a sleepwalking accident!
Everyone wants to die in their sleep.
He walked into a pit of cactuses and bled to death days later!
No he didn't.
Well wikipedia says he did so one of you is lying.

 

by dcomposed
1-06-08
Go on Jesus, just ask your dad to bring him back.
I can't.
Why not?
I already asked to borrow the car and he won't allow both.

 

by dcomposed
1-06-08
All of my friends want Barack Obama to be the next president.
All of my friends want Hillary Clinton to be.
That's strange, I thought your friends were all black.
They are. But they say Hillary's policies really speak to them.
Which policies are they?
She got the big ol' titties!

 

-
by dcomposed
1-21-08
What do you do?
I'm a doctor.
Private? General?
I'm not in the army.

 

by dcomposed
1-21-08
This week TNA Impact beat WWE's ECW in the ratings!! We would like to thank the wonderful viewers for making this happen!!
That's right Mike, our viewers are-
No, not our viewers. We have to thank ECW's viewers for missing this week's show and allowing their number to drop below ours.
Our number actually went down 1 home as Eric slept over at Tim's house and they watched Impact together.

 

by dcomposed
4-10-08
Doing things ironically is so lame.
Oh I agree.
I only do it ironically.

 

by dcomposed
4-15-08
Did you hear that Captain Birds Eye died of illness?
What illness?
Fish fingers.

 

by dcomposed
4-21-08
If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
He told me enough. He told me you killed him.
No. I-

 

by dcomposed
4-29-08
Hey Michael, I'm gonna debut my new chokehold tonight.
Cool. What's it called?
I haven't decided yet. I was thinking something like "The Death Grip", or "The Death Sentance", or "The Death Valley Vice". What do you think will be a cool name?
Let me think for a moment.
How about "that submission maneuver"?

 

by dcomposed
4-29-08
Take that hammer and go put it inside the house.
Okay.
Don't hammer the nail into your head.
Okay.
Do you promise?
Nope.

 

by dcomposed
4-29-08
Yo dude what you doin on the weekend?
Nigga I'm gonna catch me a big fucking whale.
No shit. How you going to manage that?
Well first I'm going to

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
My fucking cunt of a sister saved over my Pokemon Red game!!! I had 140 Pokemon!!!!
Well, see ya.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
Hey kid, how do you know when a horse has been in your house?
I don't know, how?
I'm never going to catch the bastard.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
Hey little girl. Want to see my cock?
Nope.
Wait I fucked that up.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
That Jane Seymour sure has a great set of tits.
I don't know who that is.
She's an actor on tv.
Oh. Yeah I don't have a tv.
Shit dude you're missing out on the tits.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
Hey Frank, have you seen my dog?
Yeah.
Well where is he?
There's a bit left in the fridge.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
I am disapointed that Morishima isn't defending his championship, but if he's not I'm glad he's teaming with Yone because I like them together.
Yeah yeah I hear what you're saying.
I'm gonna fuck a slut that weekend, myself.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
Yo dude I got us six beers!
I'm going to use my three to get a girl drunk and have sex with her. You should do the same.
I'm going to drink mine and I'll have your girl when you're done with her.
It's your sister.
Good thing I'll be drunk.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
A poofter says what?
What?
Ha ha you're a poofter!
That's no way to talk to your father.
It's genetic, you know.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
Another day another fire.
Where'd I put my gameboy.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
Wanna have a staring contest?
Nah.
Why not?
Can't be fucked.

 

by dcomposed
5-02-08
Take off your pants please.
For a dermatologist?
A good man is so hard to find.

 

=
by dcomposed
5-02-08
I've done it! After 200 hours I've beaten the game! 100%
What are you going to do now?
I think I'm going to go for a walk in the

 

by dcomposed
5-15-08
I've done it. I've finally destroyed the world.
Should have left somewhere to celebrate.

 

\
by dcomposed
5-15-08
Do you like what you see?
It's magnificent. How'd you get it in the house?
I built the house around it.
Best fucking indoor canyon I've ever seen.

 

by dcomposed
5-16-08
Happy birthday.
Thanks, dad.
Are you ready for your fucking yet?

 

by dcomposed
5-21-08
Hey dude, what's up?
Chillin'.

 

by dcomposed
6-06-08
...conclude that none of this would have happened if Ulysses S. Grant had been born without legs.
Very well done, but I think you forgot something.
What?
I have all my sources listed

 

by dcomposed
6-12-08
It looks like your husband isn't going to make it.
No!!!
This is three weeks in a row he's been late!!

 

by dcomposed
6-18-08
hay dick lets burn down a churche!!!
not a church what about a mosque?
okay mate i'll get the kerosene you get the matches
I disapprooove.

 

by dcomposed
6-18-08
ah fuck i didn't get out in time.
fuck me it's a robot! i didn't know robots were allowed in heaven.
We are mate so get used to it.
You run on oil or... ?

 

by dcomposed
6-18-08
hay god can you do me a favor?
wat?
let me go back home for a minute.
wat for?
forgot me oil.

Showing page 29.

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