All comics by Broly

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by Broly
9-24-01
I remember that trick, punk. I now have the ability to evade it!
(*Little do you know, human, that I analyzed your fight with Death!)

 

by Broly
9-24-01
And lo, the alien turned around, expecting Bi... "Willy" to surprise attack from behind.
(*Gotcha!)
(*Huh?)
Sucker!

 

by Broly
9-24-01
[DBZ-style ki blast and mach speed punch sounds]
Had enough?
Ow! Yes! Fine, I surrender.
Why did you want to defeat me and take over the Earth anyhow?
Why, it's such a controversial explanation, it'll have to wait til the next strip.

 

by Broly
9-24-01
My homeworld has become impossible to live in over the eons. We needed a new planet to live at.
I'm sorry for trying to get your home planet through treachery, but it was a last resort for the safety of my people.
I understand. I vow to help your people in any way I can.
How about sharing the Earth?
Hell no. It's crowded enough already. I know someone that can help, however...

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Hi there, God.
Yo. Congrats on your victory, by the way.
Thanks. Think you can supply the aliens with a new planet?
Can't see why not. Lemme fire up that new planet.
*boom whoosh fizzle*
Still the lackluster effects, eh God?
Meh, gets the job done.

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Your new planet's all set up.
I cannot express my gratitude to you, kind stranger.
I assure you, my people and I will strive to stay in balance with nature. Working alongside our ecosystem to protect and preserve our natural resources. Farewell!
[Fancy zing effect indicating the alien and his species' departure for the new world.]
Hahaha, stupid hippy.

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Hey, Bill.
Hey, Steve,
New planet sure does rock. Good try in that Tournament thingy. Even though you lost, you got us a new planet. That's cool.
Sure is. Say, do you know if they have snocone stands on this planet?
Nope, they don't.
GODAMMIT!

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Billy, you've done a great job. You rescued two entire civilizations in one fell swoop.
I know, I'm a stud.
You deserve to be repayed in some way. Name it, amigo.
Think you can send me back to Earth?
Are you sure? This is Heaven. Eternal bliss and all that jazz.
It's a cool place, but I have a friend waiting for me back home...

 

by Broly
9-24-01
It sure is lonely here without Billy... *sigh*
What the...
Oh, there you are. Hi, Billy.
Hi, Alfonz.

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Damn, where ya been?
Oh, just Heaven.
Heaven, you say? Nice place?
Can't complain.
How's God?
Friendly guy. Don't even bother playing video games with Him. He'll kick your ass.

 

by Broly
9-24-01
What'd you do up there besides get whooped by God at video games?
Fought in a tournament, saved our world as well as that of a distance alien race.
Pretty busy.
Yeah.
Exactly what were the details of this whole tournament thing?
I'm not recapping the last 20 odd comics for your sake!

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Having successfully saved the world in the afterlife, Billy takes a little walk.
Ah, nothing is more refreshing than saving the yadda yadda whatever the stupid Author said and taking a walk.
Hey there, Billy. Congrats on saving the world in Heaven and stuff.
What! How did you know about the Heavens Tournament?!
Let's say a little squirrel told me.

 

by Broly
9-24-01
Hello, Billy. It is I, the squirrel that told Gabe of your involvement in the battle for the fate of the universe.
You? But, how could a simple squirrel know about a tournament going on in the afterlife?!
You don't remember me?
Hmm...
*Flashback to HT 11*
I'm-a kick you upside yo' head!
Wow! I can see your hoochie coo!

 

by Broly
9-25-01
No need to fear. I won't relate the tales of the Tournament to any ordinary person. It's very precious information and cannot be taken lightly.
Didn't you tell that guy?
Gabe? He's an idiot.
Oh.
I can hear you, you know.
I know. But hearing me doesn't make you any less an idiot, now does it?

 

by Broly
9-25-01
This restaurant has terrible service!
Al, we're not in a restaurant.
We're not?
No. We're standing outside, on a street.
That doesn't excuse them from having such crapy service!
Ah, it's good to be back.

 

by Broly
9-25-01
50 million dollars?
50 million dollars.
How's he getting so much for acting in one movie?
Considering how short he is, I don't know.
Like hell I'm seeing that movie. The greedy punk.
I heard he's gay.

 

by Broly
9-25-01
I cleared 200 lines playing Tetris today.
Oh, did you now?
Sure did. Got to level 20.
Could you give me a reason to care?
Well, Tetris is fun and...
NOT GOOD ENOUGH, PILLOW BITER!

 

by Broly
9-25-01
Have you ever been to Japan?
Sure have. Hundreds of times.
What's it like?
Violent hentai comics are sold on the streets, and hotel rooms are the size of suitcases, all the technology is far advanced to any other country's...
Sounds like a great place.
And short people all over the place. Creepy as hell.

 

by Broly
9-25-01
Alright, I'm just about set to install this huge heavy shelf that just happens to be off-screen. When I hold it up, you come over and put in the screws, got it?
Nothing will deter me from my shelf-installing duties.
May I remind you, if I let go while holding up the shelf, it will likely crush me. Ok, I'm holding it up now, ready for your help.
Oh look, a distractingly shiny object.
Alfonz? My arms are beginning to hurt...
Damn, this object isn't nearly as shiny as I first assumed it would be.

 

by Broly
9-25-01
Up for a game of basketball?
I would rather be impaled by a rusty spear.
Yeesh, I take that as a no.
Did I say no? Ask me again.
Fine, up for a game of...
NO, YOU PETTY FEEB!

 

by Broly
9-26-01
...And I don't want to hear from you again, sassmouth! *hang up*
Who was that?
Ed McMahon.
Really? Why was he calling us?
He wanted to talk to you about winning the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes or some mumbo jumbo. I hung up on the old coot.

 

by Broly
9-26-01
I'm going to run in a marathon next week.
Good for you. That takes alot of preparation and physical conditioning. Might want to consider training.
Six days later.
Shouldn't you be getting around to training?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting to it.
Just watching these Richard Simmons videos tires me. He's alot meaner than I first though, too.
C'mon, get those thighs up, you chunky bitch!

 

by Broly
9-26-01
You know which President I respect?
Jimmy Carter?
How'd you know?
I read your diary.
You didn't read, uh... all of it, did you?
Oh yeah. I have enough material to blackmail you from now to Labor Day.

 

by Broly
9-26-01
If any government officials come by today, tell them I'm not here.
Why? What trouble have you gotten yourself into now?
Oh, nothing...
You punched Dick Cheney in the chest again, didn't you?
Yes.

 

by Broly
9-28-01
[bleep blip bloop]
Let's see here... "Intellectual Chatroom" ought to be good.
"Hi there."
*typing* "Hi."
So... wanna cyber?
It always comes around to that, doesn't it?

 

by Broly
9-28-01
This new webcam should be fun. I wonder how people will respond to it.
"Show your dick!"
Well... ok. Just a quick lookie, but keep it private. *zzzip*
8 seconds later
Good heavens, my manhood has been posted on nearly every website!
"USA Today News: Alfonz' Penis!"

 

by Broly
9-30-01
So, I was reading MAD Magazine...
You can read?!
Well, no. I just look at the funny pictures.
Oh. Carry on, then.
So, I was reading MAD Magazine...
You can read?!

 

by Broly
9-30-01
Getting ready to go back to school, Billy?
I sure am! Have my Will Smith backpack, my Destiny's Child lunchbox, everything. How about you, where are you going to school?
I already finished college, remember? At USC.
You're from South Carolina?
USC is the University of Sicko Cannibals.
Isn't much of a difference anyways.

 

by Broly
9-30-01
Say Alfonz, when did you lose your virginity?
A few years ago. Quite a tale.
Sounds saucy. Do tell.
Well, it was a comely lass. She took my virginity, which weighed all of 15 pounds, right out of my young body cavity. She still has it on her mantle to this today...
I don't think you comprehend the phrase "losing your virginity"...
... My virginity's glow has lessened over the years, but it still has a strong glimmer. Vibrant neon green virginity, it is.

 

by Broly
10-02-01
What car do you think I should get?
Holy hell, you can drive?
I'm not as young as I appear, you know.
Really, how old are you?
47.
That was unexpected.

 

by Broly
10-02-01
Back to cars, what do you think I should get?
A Lexus.
Lexus? Why should I get a Lexus?
If you don't, I'll kill you. Again.
Lexus it is.
Damn straight.

 

by Broly
10-04-01
C, it's C, you dolt!
If you don't choose C, I'm going to track you down, violate you, and murder you and all your loved ones!!!
Really getting into "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?", aren't you?
Not the 50/50, you bastard!

 

by Broly
10-04-01
Here we are, in the beautiful Alps, vacationing and relaxing.
Surrounded by beautiful flora and fauna. Untouched by the pollution of industry. Pure, and lush.
What a dump.
I agree.

 

by Broly
10-06-01
I just got myself an 800 number.
Go you. What is it?
1-800-talk-2-alfonz
I think that's too many digits for the number to work.
MUST YOU CONSTANTLY CRUSH MY DREAMS?!
Yes.

 

by Broly
10-06-01
So, I was watching Oprah the other day...
What? You watch Oprah?
Did I say Oprah? I meant plotting your death!
...
I prefer you watching Oprah.

 

by Broly
10-06-01
Sweet mother of pearl, a huge disgusting bug!
Man, what's your trip?
Pardon? You can talk?
Yes, but I resent the disgusting remark.
Hey, maybe you insects aren't so bad after all.
If I talk to him until he goes to sleep, I can lay eggs in his brain.

 

by Broly
10-06-01
What's it like being a bug?
It's alright. Hanging out, investigating dark areas, lulling people into a false sense of security so I can implant my egg sac into their face.
Ok... waitaminute, what was that last part?
Nothing important. Say, look over at that irregularly shaped fire hydrant!
Fire hydrant, where!?
I love it when they're easily distracted.

 

by Broly
10-06-01
As entertaining as it is to converse with a bug of your intellect, I'm going to have to squish you. What with my intense fear of bugs and all.
Can we talk about this? Why don't you sleep on it?
Suggestion denied. You die now!
Eep.
Several minutes after the squishing of Bug
Say Alfonz, you didn't see my talking, intelligent, rare, highly valuable bug around by any chance, did you?
...Perhaps.

 

by Broly
10-09-01
I've decided it's time for you both to have an adventure back here in the Alps.
Not the Alps again!
I dislike the Alps as well. But, looks like we're stuck here.
What the...
I knew learning to teleport would come in handy.

 

by Broly
10-11-01
I think I have the form in... ah, here it is. Right in my briefcase.
Hmm, yes. Your taxes appear to be in perfectly fine order. Thanks for coming in, Mr. Alfonz.
No problem, see you next year.
See you then, sir.
Tell me again, why you do your taxes at the graveyard?
My accountant is a demon. Where do you expect him to work, H&R Block? Racist bastard.

 

by Broly
10-11-01
Yes Rock, punch that guy! Punch him repeatedly in the pectoral region!
Wrestling is fake, you know.
What? No... it can't be.
Yes, it is.
May a rash of immense proportion erode your puny flesh! A rash I say!

 

by Broly
10-11-01
See, Xbox has really nice specs but it's pricey. Whereas the PS2's cost is manageable, yet is slightly below the capabilities of Xbox.
The Gamecube is a good medium between price and quality, but it has no online capabilities or DVD player. At least, not until next year.
Choices are so difficult. What form of entertainment do you suggest?
Why don't you try reading a book, you illiterate buttsock.

 

by Broly
10-14-01
I was thinking about getting a pet. Any suggestions?
How about a huge, vile bug?
Nah. I don't think I'll be getting a bug as a pet any time soon.
Why not?
The last time I did, you squashed it.
Oh yeah, forgot about that sucker.

 

by Broly
10-18-01
People aren't very cordial to each other these days.
Really?
No. And I have the solution.
Praytell, what is it?
Instead of shaking hands, people should grab each other's asses as a sign of greeting.
For some reason, I doubt that would fly with most people.

 

by Broly
10-18-01
Say, did you ever get around to finding a new pet?
As a matter of fact, I did. He's right behind you.
I am the immortal incarnation of all that is evil and perverse! I will crush the righteous and feast on their souls!
I like it.
I thought you would.

 

by Broly
10-18-01
I'm wondering what to name it. How about Theodore?
That has got to be the crappiest name ever conceived.
I like Theodore. If you do not name me Theodore, I will crush your skull and feast on your succulent brain!
After careful consideration, I agree with naming him Theodore.

 

by Broly
10-18-01
What do you feel like doing today, Theo?
I wish to beat your friend into a lifeless pulp!
I was hoping for a game of fetch.
I demand beating your associate!
I vote for fetch.
I dunno. He sounds pretty intent on beating you senseless.

 

by Broly
10-22-01
Hey, where's Theodore?
He got on my nerves. What with threatening to harm me and what have you. I decided to sell him.
I hope you chose a good place for him.
Yes. I got him a job where he could serve the public and improve his social skills.
Switch to AT&T now, or I will disembowel you and cause you endless suffering and horror!
Uh... okay.

 

by Broly
10-28-01
Halloween's just around the corner. I'm so excited!
As am I. You can tell by my never-changing face which is emoting excitement. Except for the fact you can't tell.
Yeah, whatever... what's your costume gonna be?
I was considering going as...
Wait, nevermind. You don't need a costume on account that you're a fucking hideous freak!
I take offense at that.

 

by Broly
10-29-01
Enough ragging on me, I think we should seriously consider getting costumes and trick-or-treating.
Fine, shall we go to the local costume and display shop?
Let's.
Seven hours later.
Weren't we going to get costumes?
Dare you interrupt my reading of Highlights?!

Showing page 3.

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