All comics by DJWeeman

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by DJWeeman
8-06-03
Wait, wait, why are we attacking the cow?
Umm, cause its fun?
Wait, wait, why are we attacking the cow?
Umm, cause its fun?
Wait, wait, why are we attacking the cow?
Umm, cause its fun?

 

by DJWeeman
8-06-03
DJ, you're fired.
You're firing me from my comic?
Yeah, you suck the fat nut.
I guess I did make a few errors here and there.
You made the last one all of with me saying the same freaking words! The cow thing could do better!
Ouch. The cow thing can't even speak right. I don't want to know what his comics would look like.

 

by DJWeeman
8-06-03
As my first act as ruler of this comic, I will set the cow thing off with a bang.
That sounds a bit harsh.
Fine, fine. I'll find a reason why I should hurt it.
Well, that sounds reasonable.
Why should I blow your ugly head off?
Cause I was stopping non-talk

 

by DJWeeman
8-06-03
I like this comic buisness. You, little faggot.
What did I do?
Huttah!!
Ow, I'm burnt, or dead.
And you, what the crap are you doing back here?
I'm striking back like the hair net hornet.

 

by DJWeeman
8-07-03
Well, I can still have fun while the cow is around. Bring me some fire works you young piece of crap.
That's not very nice.
Yes, well, I think this one might do the trick.
Hey, cow thing, have you ever seem the moon up close?
I've seen the father. sun and holy clothes.

 

by DJWeeman
8-07-03
I'm like stretch armstrong, blasting off to the baloon.
I'll send you a greeting card, written in gold cupcakes.
Send my regards to Broadway Valentine.

 

by DJWeeman
8-07-03
Looks like I have placed a cow on the moon, another one of my numerous gifts to mankind.
Now for another. You, bare my child.
I'd really rather not.
You don't have much of a choice. Can you really resist my sexiness?
Well, he does have nice abs.

 

by DJWeeman
8-07-03
I must say, it's nota couple I would have guessed.
Who'd have thought some girls like demons?
Why do you like the demon anyways?
Promise not to tell?
Sure.
Horns make me horney.

 

by DJWeeman
8-08-03
You, bow to me.
I can do nothing to resist your unbelievable strength and sexiness.
Entertain me.
I really can't think of anything to do.
If you're my servant you can think of something good.
Why am I your servant anyways? I think you're writing the comic is questionable.

 

by DJWeeman
8-10-03
Whoa, when did you get back?
Two past noon in my birthday suit.
You're supposed to be dead.
I'm the salad can with the master plan.
Someone shoot this piece of crap, or get me a gun.
Davy Crockett put a fork in my socket. All the way home.

 

by DJWeeman
8-10-03
You know, I think I figured it out.
Why the cow thing can't die?
Right. It's like twinkies, cockroaches, and Richard Simmons.
All homosexual, cream filled and unwanted?
No, they all live no matter what you do to them.
The cow thing probably does have cream filling..

 

by DJWeeman
8-10-03
Cow thing, come here. I want to test a theory of mine.
Is it Lincoln's theory of fertility?
Close. It's, does the cow thing have cream filling inside it?
I'm a stuffed hostess.
That's the spirit.
Once you pop me the fun will mop me.

 

by DJWeeman
8-10-03
Well, you were almost right.
How's that?
The cow thing can't die. But it also had cream filling in it.
It's somehow understandable.
And it makes horrible steaks.
Probably better then those ones I made with the cigarette guy.

 

by DJWeeman
8-10-03
I feel like I've been sunk straight to the moon.
I know the feeling. DJ nibbled on my butt for a few hours.
I once got tusked by walrusi in my middle spleen.
That must have been depressing.
I feel like I've known you for ten beers.
You know. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

 

by DJWeeman
8-10-03
Good to know you've taken your blowing up pretty well.
It's allright super sauce. I just found the the pie of my eye.
You like that cigarette that much?
He's the one to be with my the rest of my live long graves.
I'm... very happy for both of you.
You can even be the king bearer at my wedding, P.J.

 

by DJWeeman
8-10-03
There's something I've wanted to say to you all of right now, Smokey.
What is it, my top Sirloin?
Will you take my banded carriage?
I'd love to.
This is my happiest disposal I've ever made.
I think I'm crying.

 

by DJWeeman
8-17-03
DJ, did you hear the good news?
I got my comic back?
Of course not. The cow thing and the cigarette are getting married.
*laughing hysterically* Aw man. That's the best joke you've ever told.
I was serious.. I thought it was cute..
*laughs even more*

 

by DJWeeman
8-17-03
What a cute idea. They had an outside wedding.
Yep. Looks like they tossed a couple chairs in a park.
Why couldn't every guy be as thoughtful as that cow thing?
What the crap? *dies laughing*
What? It's really sweet.
Yes, well, I'll remind myself to model after those who have never made a normal sentence in their whole lives.

 

by DJWeeman
8-17-03
I'm wearing my sunday breast.
Yes, you're looking very nice.
Ready to recycle your vows, father ghost?
You said earlier you would like to..
I'd be fluttered.
Well, good to know we're starting off so.. coherently.

 

by DJWeeman
8-17-03
I'm wearing my sunday breast.
Yes, you're looking very nice.
Ready to recycle your vows, father ghost?
You said earlier you would like to..
I'd be fluttered.
Well, good to know we're starting off so.. coherently.

 

by DJWeeman
8-17-03
Dearly beloved, we are gathered her to wed two very special people together in holy matrimony.
To love, and cherish one another, until death.
This... smoldering cigarette... and a cow thing that told me to call it Captain Falcon.

 

by DJWeeman
8-17-03
Now you may say your vows.
You've always.. made me laugh. And umm... said... stuff. Nicely.. Who am I kidding though I want your body?
We're gonna shake it tonight like McDonalds tuesdays.
You said it my ground beef.
That's got to be the worst vows someone has ever said.

 

by DJWeeman
8-19-03
Is it my turn now Fran Flintstone?
Ah, yes, you may now say your vows.
Smokey, we've seen a lot of ups down. We've been thick and thin. And I just want to say, there's no one else I want to share this cheetah star with but you.
Oh, gosh, that's so beautiful.
You always cared a lot about my safety belt, and Uranus, and knowing this gave me warm knees. High love you.
I can't stop crying.

 

by DJWeeman
8-19-03
Well, I think I can pretty safely say that was the most nonsensical thing ever said at a wedding.
You should have seen my other beddings. I've vowed it all Mr.Sandman.
Cigarette.. thing, do you take this cow.. thing.. to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, to have in good times and in bad, for the rest of your life?
I do.
Cow.. thing, do you take this cigarette..thing.. to be your lawfully wedded wife, to nurture and care for, to provide for and love the rest of your life?
I deuce

 

by DJWeeman
8-19-03
Well, congratulations. I would say kiss the bride, but I really don't want to see that.
Back in kindergarten, I was known as the kissing queen. And dancing pog king.
So, I suppose we're done. I'm just going to steal a lot of food and get out of here as soon as I can.
Thanks for your participation Master P.
Wow, that name almost works.
I used to work on the railroads with Johnny Dangerfield and Marlyn Clinton.

 

by DJWeeman
8-19-03
We'll, I've seen many an odd thing and that pretty well tops it. A cow and a cigarette married.
Yeah.
It's a shame they had to do it while that soccer game was going on. And that the only food they seemed to have was cake and egg nog.
Good thing I didn't eat.
But, at least the weddings done. I'm going to head on out, I'll talk to you later.
Why is he saying all this? I'm only a figment of his imagination.

 

by DJWeeman
8-21-03
Late that night.
Well, we're here honey muffin. You know what that means?
We're gonna give up the goat in the silver coat?
No, no. We're gonna get down and dirty.
We're going to dig to china like Johns bunyans.
Does this give you any ideas?
I forgot to check on the fishsticks in the toaster.

 

by DJWeeman
8-21-03
Now, let me grab the rope.
Are we playing cowboy engines? I choose the king checker.
Oh, its a game allright.
This reminds me of when I got three boats on The Prince of Right.
Now close your eyes, and have fun.
When I close my eyes, I'm black.

 

by DJWeeman
8-21-03
Cow thing, what the heck are you doing here?
I'm back from our harvest moon.
Oh, right, how was it?
It was making the outs and dropping the bombs.
That doesn't sound right. I think I'll be going now.
Don't forget to call short and stop. Our numbers one two three, three seventeen two twentyteen two.

 

by DJWeeman
8-23-03
You know, DJ, I've been thinking about this a while. And I made my decision.
You're going to quit smoking?
Hell no. I decided I'm going to give you back the comic.
Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you.
Baaahh, *rolls on the ground laughing* you fell for it.
I think he liked the joke more then I did.

 

by DJWeeman
8-23-03
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that was mean.
You're a demon, I guess it's understandable.
Still, I'm sorry, you can have your comic back.
Really?
Baaaaahh *laughs until he's crying* ah man, you fell for it again.
I feel used.

 

by DJWeeman
8-23-03
Hey there Father.
Ah, DJWeeman, you've come to repent of your endless list of sins and seek my council?
Well, more like I got bored of the demon joking with me so I came to see what you were doing and have some of your jesus crackers.
I see.. by the way, the demon said he was sorry and gave you the comic back.
Oh, awesome.
Ahh, you fell for it *dies laughing*

 

by DJWeeman
8-23-03
Little indian girl, you there?
Yeah, unfortunately. What seems to be the problem?
They're all making fun of me because the demon didn't give me my comic back.
He did like two weeks ago, you just didn't check the website did you?
If by website you mean homestarrunner.com, then yes.
That could be your problem. Among others.

 

by DJWeeman
8-23-03
Guess what cow thing, I got my comic back.
Good for you Captain Kirk, you saved my battlesink.
Is this your new home or something?
This is where we lay up our boots and snap our cracks.
Didn't know cows could live in these places.
I defend my home with a shoe steak and a camels horn.

 

by DJWeeman
8-24-03
I got an idea, my cow patty.
We're going to tie up biscuits and toss them on garden gulls?
Close. We should have a house party in our wonderful new home.
Sounds as exciting as Sharpee Fest '88, when the sinks were cool and the hams were lean.
I'll call up all the people, you buy us some refreshments my pudding pop.
I'm serving seal topped canned corn, cedar chips and salmon salad.

 

by DJWeeman
8-24-03
Thus calls were made:
Whats this, a call? It must be from one of my men.
Yes, of course. Your man. If gay guys count.
*on phone* Sure cigarette thing, it sounds like fun. I'll bring all my friends too.
She's really into fooling herself today.
Oh, don't worry. I'll bring all the hot guys.
Okay, she's gone too far.

 

by DJWeeman
8-24-03
A party eh? Ah, sure, I never was much of one to turn down a good time.
Hmm, or a bad time.
So, what food you going to have?
No one seems to mind that I can't eat.
Seal...I see.. you know cig... I think I might have to work that day.. I'll let you know though, allright?
My thoughts exactly. I honsetly would have had the guy blocked.

 

by DJWeeman
8-24-03
A party huh? Sounds like fun.
How did they get so desperate as to call him?
I'll see you there cig. I'll be sure to bring some hotties too.
I really don't think thats neccesary. Richard Simmons is only apealing to a frighening few.
Did you call me pumpkin?
.....What am I still doing here?

 

by DJWeeman
8-24-03
A party huh? Well, last time i passed out drunk and woke up with Ronald McDonald touching my pelvic fur, but what the hey, I'll give it a shot.
I really needed that thought. Thank you.
Maybe I'll hook up with a hottie there.
Yes, you're stunning looks bring them coming to you by the droves.
Geez, how am I going to wear my horns? And I need a shave.
Its true. Certainly can't be representing hell scruffily now can we?

 

by DJWeeman
8-24-03
And one last call was made:
Wow, so you really want me to come to your party?
That's amazing.
Oh, you're joking. I see.. Goodbye..
Even the cigarette bags on him.
Good lord. Phone, am I that uncool?
Look at who you're talking to me. And in all honesty, its the little boy thing that really blew it for you man.

 

by DJWeeman
8-26-03
Just a couple hours and this party will be on the road.
We'll be driving the grandmother shoes nursery van.
Everyone cool is coming. Did you get the refreshments?
Only a barrel of chicken fat and bob dole's classic hits.
I suppose I can go grab the food too.
Thanks sugar steak. You're a gift from heavens pearly stains.

 

by DJWeeman
8-26-03
Welcome to the party guys. Glad you could make it.
I only brought cucumbers and peanut butter as a house warming gift. It's all I could find at Captain Pickles house.
Don't worry, I make a mean peanut butter bacon salad.
Sounds wonderful.
Hey there Honk Kong, I didn't know you were shinning this dig.
..I didn't know that thing could talk.

 

by DJWeeman
8-26-03
Sabrina, glad you could make it.
Hi there cigarette thing, any hot guys here?
Well, we got a cow thing and a demon.
I really know how to find the good parties.
You got that right. You're just in time to 21 questions with the cow thing too.
Well, I do love that game.

 

by DJWeeman
8-26-03
Hey there, I decided to drop by and say hi my old friend.
Good to see you DJ. You can join 21 questions if you want, the cow thing has been hard to beat though.
Meanwhile:
Okay, um... Is it something in this room?
Only if you were jumping tramp leans with charlie horses.
Hmm, is it.. a doctor?
Sorry bean dip, but I looks like I connected the four score again, getting another trump house.

 

by DJWeeman
8-26-03
I'll have to pass, anything else ineresting going on here?
You bet. We even have karaokee going on in the other room.
*singing* Like a rhinestone cowboy.. bum bum.. something something something bout a star spangled horse.. in a rodeo..
Everyone does this song..
Well, if you have that and chips, I just couldn't say no to that.
That's the spirit. Just don't check out my bedroom, I went to grab some clothes there and I swear Captain Pickle and John were both changing at the same time.

 

by DJWeeman
8-26-03
You know DJ, I think the scariest part DJ is this is honestly one of the most lively parties I've seen.
It's true. God help me but I just find that cow thing entertaining though.
*singing* My homeliness, is still in me.. high five.. i must confess I.. drink my pee. Give me some pine.. hit my baby one more time.
Lyrics have never been so butchered. And for such a bad song.
Do you think it actually knows the lyrics?
My guess is it probably doesnt know its own name, let alone any songs. Makes the crappy songs funnier though.

 

by DJWeeman
9-01-03
Okay guys, I got it! We'll play.. ten fingers!!
I guess I'm out. When the cops saw PeeWee Herman doing this one they locked him up.
Geez, that's weird. All we do is ask questions.
Oh... right.. right. ten fingers. Sure, I'll play.
You might win too, we're playing with the cow thing too!
Yes, well, if I'm beaten by a cow in these areas I may kill myself. Most likely.

 

by DJWeeman
9-01-03
Allright, who here has ever cleaned a balloon with a wooden spoon? *puts down finger*
What the crap?
Who here has ever beaten a child with a moss ball? *puts down finger*
Freaking weirdest questions ever. *puts down finger*
Sorry Patsy Ma, that was my last finger. Looks like I'm the four square again.
I'm so used to being the first one out at this game. One more try?

 

by DJWeeman
9-01-03
Have you ever.. fished a stick from a hickory pond?
Can't say that I have.. though if I knew what that was it would help..
Have you ever pooled a table with no underplants?
This stinks..
Sorry Richard Nixon, looks liked I spilled the beans and I'm the dancing queen.
Damn cow *leaves party*

 

by DJWeeman
9-01-03
What happened to DJ my sizzling side of steak?
He couldn't stand my gaming skills, so he revoked my double slots on the prize gobblers.
Well, don't worry about it my chunky hunk. Let's go mingle with our friends.
Sounds like a swell time to kick gertrudes bucket.
You're looking so nice right now. Give me a big smooch.
We've taken more outs then a burgers kinged.

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