All comics by FactoryRejects

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by FactoryRejects
7-23-08
Don't you think it's about time that Nintendo released the DS 2?
Not really
I think it's about time you shut your dorito-hole before I kick your ass; I'm trying to play Earthbound here

 

by FactoryRejects
7-26-08
huh... There isn't some kind of Dundee behind you, is there
CHK-CHK
I see

 

by FactoryRejects
7-30-08
Mankind has failed me miserably
Apocalypse time, huh?
Nah, they're not worth the fuss. I'm just going to send down a movie starring Toby Keith and Rodney Carrington.
Ouch. Did you get Satan to make that one for you?
Are you kidding? Have you even seen any of his movies? Hellboy II was fucking amazing.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-31-08
Finally, Slayne. I knew this day would come. Don't bother trying to pick the lock on those restraints, it won't do you any good. Your number is up.
And I have a special surprise ready, concerning your fate. I have been studying your precious Earth's torture tactics. ANDOR! Take him away... and kill him. .......WITH KINDNESS!
So... do you wanna play MarioKart or something?
yeah, sure

 

by FactoryRejects
8-12-08
Yo Timmy check it out I got this boss old school games collection for PS3
awesome, let me try it
dude! chase that hoop! with the stick, use the stick!
holy shit now what
kick that can

 

by FactoryRejects
8-16-08
whooooo new metallica song yeaaaaaaa
sir please stop yelling and take this letter
hell yeah cyanide roooockkss
it's a summons; you're being sued for knowing about the new metallica song
poseur

 

by FactoryRejects
8-24-08
*ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ring*
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
Hey I noticed you weren't answering your phone so I just showed up at your house

 

by FactoryRejects
8-30-08
...so, you really think I should fire Mitchell?
oh good lord yes
why?
.......just look at him
...I see what you mean

 

by FactoryRejects
9-02-08
hey kids! Time to open today's Spazzy Bob Box! get your Box ready at home!
yesterday's Box was full of yummy chocolates! today's Box is full of...
BEES

 

by FactoryRejects
9-11-08
yes sir
Andor! Update my Ipod! I wish to enter Schroeder's party to that song that sounds like Stayin' Alive... but is not
♫♫ very superstitious ♫♫
...Master Zrogagks of Tol...
♫♫ writings on the wall ♫♫

 

by FactoryRejects
9-27-08
♫♫ ...take me where i've never been before ♫♫
i see
so we ran away, and this guy chases after us, screaming. I turned around and pitched my drink..my beer at him and the bottle smashed in his face!
♫♫ oo-ooo-ooh ♫♫
i see
we jumped into Dex's car and took off! there was a cop in the sheetz parking lot, but we turned up an alley before he could get out after us! it was awesome.
♫♫ love is a fire ♫♫
nothing that you have said has been interesting or believable

 

by FactoryRejects
10-02-08
♫♫ a weathered knight upon his feathered steeeeed ♫♫
♫♫ a homeless man and a flightless breeeeed ♫♫
♫♫ hobostrich, the pavement is your dusty trail... hobostrich, together you will prevaaaaail ♫♫

 

by FactoryRejects
10-20-08
Hey, I just brought Dolemite up here... 'figured I should give you a heads up.
Damn it, why did you bring him here?
He told me to bring him here. I thought he was going to cuff me in the mouth.
........
...he's probably going to cuff you in the mouth.
Oh, I'm sure he will.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-31-08
come on, I'm in a hurry dammit
the total was $4.91 and i gave you $5 and a penny so I get a dime back... this isn't that hard
jesus christ

 

by FactoryRejects
11-05-08
I wonder if it's thursday
...I'll bet it's a thursday

 

by FactoryRejects
12-05-08
Going a full month with no updates is inexcusable
This really isn't that difficult and we all know you have the talent-
I had better shit to do. Most of it involved video games and/or self-touching. At any rate, now you get to bitch at someone who cares
People come here for amusement and you owe it to them to be reliable in that service
I'm sorry I'll try harder

 

by FactoryRejects
1-20-09
Andor! Why is the Christmas tree still up?!
Why is the-
I didn't put it up. You put it up.
......This is why we CAN'T EVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE ANDOR
You put it up and I'm not taking it down

 

by FactoryRejects
3-20-09
Man, people are stupid.
That's really funny.
It IS really funny.
A laugh fucking riot.
We're really funny!
So goddamn funny!

 

by FactoryRejects
3-28-09
Some people are concerned that a strange planet (Nibiru) is going to cause great havoc on our planet come 2012. I'm here to put those fears to rest.
1-555-SAV-URTH ProPay Plan $9999/mo
If you ACT NOW and call the number at the top of your screen I will be able to save planet Earth for a small fee of all the money on Earth.
Enslavement Plan - $ervesyou/right
If you can't afford this then I can't afford to save your planet. The human race will be enslaved by Reptilians. Serves you right.

 

by FactoryRejects
4-08-09
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to contact the spirit world! Old Mrs. Whenton will now choose which one of her dearly departed friends we will hear from!
Old Mrs. Whenton if you would please choose a spirit to contact
Ladies and gentlemen, Old Mrs. Whenton has died

 

by FactoryRejects
4-21-09
WILLIS! I thought I told you, NO SLEEPING in the TRASH CAN! For the love of god would you try to act like a prof-
Excuse me.
Are you the new assistant manager? My name's Ste-
CHEESE IT!

 

by FactoryRejects
5-23-09
Sorry I know this must be shocking; life on other worlds and all
Really I just came in here because I detected the internet and I need to check my Myspace
...yeah, B33bl3br0x69 at gmail, with the numbers. I'll put in my password. Don't look.

 

by FactoryRejects
5-23-09
Yeah, I bought this bad boy in Maine back in '82
You couldn't get one half this size for the price I paid at the time
Maybe if you go to school you could afford one like this someday

 

by FactoryRejects
6-30-09
So the Ghostbusters videogame was a huge hit. We need to get a lock on the next big movie-game. I was thinking maybe... Mr. Nanny.
Wouldn't that be fun?
A Mr. Nan-
I heard you the first time.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-05-09
Sir, your cousin Dtrunek has arrived.
Oh, damn. Send him in.
Heeey, Zrogie!
Hello Dtrunek.
Where are the freezer pops?
They're in the freezer.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-05-09
I hate these candy bar sales and I hate candy and I hate kids
85, 90... a dollar.
Here's a buck in change-
If you don't buy the box I'm telling my mom you touched my penis

 

by FactoryRejects
7-07-09
...and these screens monitor the collider threshold parameters-
That's real neat, Zrogie. Say, when are you gonna stop by my place?
.......................
....your place smells of cat urine.
Yeah, that's the cat urine.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-12-09
Well, here you are. You're the first squirrel in Hell.
What did I do wrong?
You didn't accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-12-09
I can't make up my mind as to what kind of faith to buy into, so I'll just latch on to a bunch of spooky bullshit and lean on crap mysticism when people ask questions.
Do you think anyone'll notice?
Not at all.
Nope.

 

DECIDE WHAT JESUS SAYS TO HIMSELF CONTEST - send $10 in a 3x5 stamped envelope to Dawa c/o FactoryRejects Comicsâ„¢
many will enter, few will win
by FactoryRejects, 7-12-09

 

Nov 22 - The smiling nine-eyed creature appeared again today and followed me around - once in a while muttering "soon, John... very soon". My name is not John but this still causes me great concern
by FactoryRejects, 7-16-09

 

by FactoryRejects
7-16-09
So I found those pages; they just had a bunch of barely-legible scrawl about some guy named "JOHN".
You know I'll bet that's a codename. We're probably dealing with some kind of genetic zombie hellgate conspiracy.
Yeah. Or you know what it could be?
...It could be dinosaurs.
Now see I think that would be neat

 

by FactoryRejects
7-17-09
Hey there, Bozo.
Hello father.
I just wanted to stop by and remind you that you said you'd stop by and play Parcheesi with your mother. And clean up in here, for chrissakes. I've got to go. DON'T FORGET. Parcheesi.
Yes sir.
ANDOR! Prepare the gaming console!
...I plan to play many fighting-based games in a row
yes sir

 

by FactoryRejects
7-17-09
So for this strip you have some marijuana jokes lined up...
Aw jeez..
Is there a problem?
Don't get me wrong, Clarence, I have every bit of faith in your comedic abilities. Kids read this, though. Do I really want to be a pop culture icon that leads them to substance abuse?
I dunno, do you?
Of course I fucking do

 

by FactoryRejects
7-18-09
December 21, 2012
December 22, 2012
Get a job

 

by FactoryRejects
7-19-09
Looks like I get the cat yet again, Steven!
aahah hahah hahahahaaaaaaaaa!

 

by FactoryRejects
7-19-09
Well, it's about time that I discuss our current president, Barack Obama.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP
...what was that?
The comic was beginning to bore me, so I took control of it. I'm a villain; I can do things like this.
Everyone is looking at us.
WELL LET THEM LOOK

 

by FactoryRejects
7-19-09
I'm going to keep bringing up Battlefield Earth until no one enjoys it anymore.
um-
Yes?
No one enjoys anything that you do.
Not even me?
Not even you.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-22-09
I'm gonna drink gasoline and be strong like Optimus Prime!
I'm afraid drinking gasoline did not make you strong like "Optimal Prime". However, you do have strong brain damage.
I feel like I'm stealing Lucid TV's shtick with this one.
...I think you're still safely within the realm of general satire.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-23-09
Zilks, Robob! A mystery! And not just any mystery... a murder !
This could be our big break into the world of crime fighting!
So Robob, are your sensors detecting any fingerprints?

 

by FactoryRejects
7-23-09
So he starts talking about "solving mysteries", with the dead body right there. Seriously. I couldn't believe it; I just left.
Crazy. Did you ever hear anything from him after that?
No, and I don't think I want to.
You look just like that skull I'm gonna put on my shelf in the basement.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-23-09
You're late.
Fashionably late.
Since when do you care about fashion?
Maybe I was just giving you extra time to get ready. You know... being considerate.
So you're considerably late, then.
Yeah, pretty much.

 
by FactoryRejects, 7-24-09

 

by FactoryRejects
7-25-09
aaagugugugugugug
aaagugugugugugug
aaagugugugugugug
aaagugugugugugug

 

by FactoryRejects
7-26-09
God damnit, Mitchell! I told you about the margins!
HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE MARGINS!?
You're fired. Please clean out your desk, and feel free to talk to Susan in Human Resources if you have any strong feelings about this.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-27-09
*THIS IS THE POLICE*
*MA'AM WE KNOW YOU LOVED YOUR HUSBAND BUT IT IS TIME TO LET GO*
*YOU CAN'T KEEP A CORPSE IN YOUR HOUSE MA'AM*
Tell them to go away.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-28-09
Captain's log... we've finally managed to locate the pure Molonium we need to fix the static displacement reverters.
It is on a planet inhabited by the Molarians; an alien race who seeks to destroy anyone who isn't blue.
I believe that a wide-scatter effect module added to the particle thrusters in the phaser array would provide enough of a chronux distortion to allow us to beam the Molonium directly aboard the ship.
However... using a chronux distortion against a Class 5 race is a clear violation of the prime directive.
Captain, what if we adjusted the collider feedback pattern? It could provide us with-
Just use the fucking force.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-29-09
----------------------------
I don't really hear it anymore. It's just one long, beer-fueled string of mid-life justifications.
You know, you understand what I'm saying, right? It's all about the kids.
Yep.

 

♫♫ I like to dream - yes, yes right between the sound machine ♫♫
by FactoryRejects, 7-30-09

 

by FactoryRejects
7-31-09
Why did I cross the road?
-APPLAUSE-
To get to a woman with large breasts!
What in the hell was that about?
I sold the strip to Viacom. Fuck it.

Showing page 3.

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