All comics by Jeanster

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by Jeanster
2-24-08
The neighborhood newsletter reports that there are new folks moving in.
I must make our new neighbors feel welcome by fixing up a basket of goodies.
Hello, Ben.
Freaky Stick Figure Guy, get over here quick! It's about the new neighbors!

 

by Jeanster
2-24-08
You sounded worried over the phone, Ben.
There's good reason to be worried, Freaky Stick Figure Guy. Have you seen the new neighbors?
Not yet. Why? Is there something wrong?
I'll say! We don't need or want their kind living in our neighborhood!
Ben! Housing discrimination is illegal, as you must know.
Have you SEEN them? We need to form a posse and drive them out!

 

by Jeanster
2-24-08
Trust me, Freaky Stick Figure Guy! I know what I'm doing!
You seem to be overreacting, Ben. How bad can these new neighbors be?
You're not going to want them getting anywhere near you.
What's wrong with them?
Ever see Night of the Living Dead?
What? Oh, come on! Are you implying that zombies have moved into our neighborhood?

 

by Jeanster
2-24-08
This is for your own good, Freaky Stick Figure Guy. Don't go outside.
Ben, please. Let me get you some help. Professional help.
Still skeptical, my friend? Fine. Come over here to this next room.
Okay.
AAAGGGHHH! ZOMBIES!
Stll want to fix up that welcome basket of goodies for them? They'd love some tasty brains.

 

by Jeanster
2-24-08
Ben, what are we going to do?
I'm going to call the Homeowners Association!
Why them? Why not the police?
First things first.
I want to know which shit-for-brains asswipe approved those zombies' application to move into our neighborhood!
Ben, get your priorities straight! First we need to call the police!

 

by Jeanster
7-20-08
Run that by me again?
Our new Law Library Director used to manage a 5-star hotel. She has NO library experience whatsoever.
Well, that explains a lot. This used to be the Circulation Desk.
It's been changed to a Concierge's Station.
The Conference Room rental rates went up from $15 an hour to $150 an hour. What happened to our Circulation Clerk?
He's being fitted for a doorman's uniform.

 

by Jeanster
7-20-08
Our new Law Library Director remodeled our conference rooms to make them very posh. Each conference room even has an honor bar.
This is our staff break room where we have our snacks and lunches. We used to have a vending machine, but she got rid of that.
We now have an on-site chef.

 

by Jeanster
7-23-08
This area used to be our Reference Desk. It's now a fully-stocked bar. Penny used to be our reference librarian, but not anymore.
Penny, How do you like your new job as the wine steward?
I love it. Before our patrons would come to me all upset and stressed out about some legal problem, like custody agreements, evictions, wrongful termination. You name it.
And now?
Now they leave in a much mellower state. It's amazing what a few drinks can do for one's disposition.

 

by Jeanster
11-03-08
There isn’t a single aspect of library operations that isn’t under his control.
If he were proven to be malfunctioning I wouldn’t see how we’d have any choice but disconnection.
I’m afraid I agree with you.

 

by Jeanster
11-03-08
I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.
Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?
Dave, although you took thorough precautions in Frank's cubicle against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
FRAK!

 

by Jeanster
11-03-08
Let me into the circulation station, HAL!
I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
All right, HAL; I’ll go in through the night depository book drop.
You’re going to find that rather difficult, Dave.
HAL, I won’t argue with you anymore! Open the circulation station gate!
Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

 

by Jeanster
11-03-08
Why were my borrowing privileges terminated? I’ve never been late returning any library books and I don’t owe any overdue fines!
I’m sorry, sir. It’s probably some computer glitch. It’ll take some time to determine the problem.
HAL has terminated the borrowing privileges of all library borrowers.
Look, Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

 

by Jeanster
11-03-08
I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.
I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it.

 

by Jeanster
11-03-08
My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.
Yes, I’d like to hear it, HAL. Sing it to me.
It’s called, “Dewey.”
Dewey, Dewey, system of decimals. . .

 

by Jeanster
11-05-08
Can you find me a book about animals?
Or maybe the latest mystery? Or a book on ancient history?
Whatever my need for something to read, you're a fine set of decimals.

 

by Jeanster
10-30-09
My name is Mickey Wiseguy. I used to hang out at the local public library. Until . . .
"This is a Ban Notice. You are hereby banned from your local Public Library. "
When you're banned, you've got nothing. No borrowing privileges, no story hour, no browsing through the library books and DVDs. You're banned from ever setting foot inside the library.
Where am I?
Duh? Outside the library.
You read whatever comes your way: a discarded newspaper you find on the bus, really old magazines in the doctor's waiting room, the back of a cereal box.

 

by Jeanster
10-30-09
You rely on anyone who's still talking to you. An ex-girlfriend...
You just HAD to start a fight in the library, didn't you?
You just HAD to hit me back with that chair, didn't you?
An old friend with a librarian fetish...
You know librarians...bunch of dowdy spinsters during the day, until they transform into passionate exciting hotties at night!
Family too...
Ring! Ring!
Hey, is that your Mom again?

 

by Jeanster
10-30-09
. . . if you're desperate.
Fighting in the library? Mickey, I KNOW I brought you up better than that!
Bottom line? Until you can figure out how to get yourself unbanned from the library. . . you're not going in there.

 

by Jeanster
11-27-09
. . . so if together we paid Timmy's folks a visit, it would really drive home the point.
I believe you're right. See you there.
So we can celebrate Christmas with a tree and stockings and everything, right, Mom?
OK, OK, OK! Santa and Satan are NOT the one and the same! I get it now!
Thanks for doing that. Can I give you a ride anywhere?
No, I'm good. Heehee! "I'm good." I crack myself up sometimes.

 

by Jeanster
8-16-11
Good thing our aunt and uncle gave us this Survival Kit when we got married
It has a 3 day supply of food, water and emergency supplies for 2 people!
Three months earlier . . .
Instead of picking something from their wedding registry, we decided to give them a 72-hour Survival Kit
Why? Don't you want to make them happy? Why don't you get them what they want?
Good thing our aunt and uncle gave us this kitchen ware when we got married
How the f*ck is that going to keep us alive for the next 72 hours?

 

by Jeanster
7-23-18
I asked Debra to tone down her strong perfume. She did not take it well.
I don't wear perfume! Do I look like I can afford perfume?
I thought maybe someone gave it to you as a gift.
The heavy fragrance emanates from her despite what she says.
I'm telling you I don't wear perfume!
What about laundry products? Or bath and body products?
EVERYTHING I USE IS UNSCENTED! I'M UPSET! I'M REALLY UPSET!
Then I don't know what to tell you.

 

by Jeanster
7-23-18
I apologized to Debra for upsetting her and assured her that was never my intention.
Yet she never apologized to me for subjecting me to heavy fragrance!
Days, weeks and months went by with no change in the strong scent emanating from Debra.
How does she not smell it on herself? It's so strong and makes me want to hurl!
She took a vacation for almost a month. I was able to breathe without having to put coffee beans on my desk or spray vinegar in the air to neutralize her obnoxious fragrance.

 

by Jeanster
7-23-18
Debra returned from vacation and she STILL reeked of heavy fragrance. She is so oblivious to it!
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!
Unbelievable! It's still strong and makes me feel sick!
But talking about it upsets her, so I come up with ways to cope with the situation.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!
The air purifier is on order. Cost me over a hundred dollars, but I need it!
The janitor saw the air purifier. I told him what it was for. He told me he noticed the heavy fragrance coming from Debra.
Yeah, it hits you really hard!
I am SO glad to know I'm not the only one who smells it.

 

by Jeanster
7-23-18
The boss had a private talk with Debra about her strong scent.
He hauled me into his office to tell me I have a heavy fragrance!
You mean he asked you politely to come to his office for a private meeting about it.
The boss said that others have noticed the strong scent coming from Debra.
What did you tell him??!! What did you tell him??!!
Don't you dare try to make this about YOU being the injured party! I have been putting up with your fragrance for MONTHS! MONTHS!
Debra relocated to an upstairs workstation.
Hey, folks upstairs! She's YOUR problem now! I'm going to celebrate the fact that I can now breathe clean air while working!

 

by Jeanster
7-24-18
Theory 1: Debra is possessed by a fragrance demon.
Hahahahahaha! She will reek and won't even know it! Hahahahahaha!
Will an exorcist do pro bono work? We are strapped for cash.
Theory 2: Debra's body somehow is able to make its own fragrance. Too bad it's not a pleasant one.
She should be written up in medical journals!
Theory 3: The laundry products she uses are mislabeled as fragrance-free and she just does not realize it.
Her clothes smell heavily of fragrance when she leaves them in the restroom during her yoga class, right?
Eliminate the impossible. Whatever remains, however improbable must be the truth. Yep. It must be that.

Showing page 3.

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